Pains Of The Past

Kristine stepped back under the threatening gaze of Pauline who towered over her like a tyrant. "We looked for you, Pauline. We waited, hoping you'd come back home but you didn't."

"Hoping I would come back home?" Pauline stepped back from her. "You saw how he treated me. You were there, all of you yet you did nothing. You saw how he rejected me and said that he would rather not have me as a daughter. You saw how he pushed me roughly and dragged me out of the house.

"You saw him, Kristine, you saw how he designed my back with a knife as a sign of…" she paused and took a deep breath before adding, "You saw him do all those things. You all huddled by the door, silent. I was disgraced and dragged around.

"It hurt. It hurt so much but what could I do then? I was only 13! A 13 year old who made a mistake! But your father rejected me!"

Kristine took another deep breath. Memories of those times flew back but she resisted the urge. She recalled having stood by the door with misty eyes, begging their father to stop but he refused. He cut her back and then did it again.

She recalled how much she was beaten that day. Kristine's breathing spiked.

Pauline smirked. "And you waited hoping I'd come back? After he had thrown me away like trash. How could you?"

"It wasn't my fault okay?"

"I know," Pauline said with a bitter smile. "It was my fault."

"I know you're angry but can't you put the past behind and come see him before he dies?"

"Put the past behind?" Pauline scoffed. "It was because of that monster you call a father that I had to spend weeks in Royal Woodland. I was alone, afraid and helpless. I ran with only one piece of cloth that I had. I was naked and hungry.

"I was molested all those years…and you dare ask me to put the past behind me?"

"Pauline, I didn't know…"

"Of course you didn't." she snapped at her. "Because of him I lost my purpose of living. I lost my son!"

"I'm sorry…"

"No, you're not. You're here to gloat over it. You're here to make me more miserable. You're here to rub salt on my injuries.

"You know, sometimes I wished I could've taken that same knife he used to carve my back open and plunged it into his chest and end his worthless life.

"Even when I joined the army, I should have come back and shot him to death because no one would question me but I didn't. I was actually afraid."

"Pauline, pleas…"

"No, one more death is nothing to me. If he wants my presence before he dies then he will have to stay in that sick bed for eternity because I will never give him that satisfaction."

"You won't come?"

Pauline gave her a heated look. "Not in this life nor the next one and if by some reason I come there, I will wipe out the whole house!"

Kristine looked at her intently before sighing. She stepped back with a weak smile. "I know things have been hard but I hope that one day you can get over the past."

"My life ended in the past. I only exist and I owe my life to the military and to Richard."

"Even so," Kristine said. "You should know that we loved and still love you."

"Keep your love to yourself, if you've noticed I was disowned 15 years ago."

Kristine nodded thoughtfully. "I can see you've gotten used to the Jeremy last name. Pauline, your name isn't Jeremy. You aren't a Jeremy at all. Not by blood or by adoption. You have always been and will always be an Erickson."

Pauline couldn't take it anymore. She pushed Kristine out the door and slammed the door so hard that it came back at her on a rebound and she had to slam it again, this time even harder.

She put her back to the wall and covered her face with her palms. All these years she thought she was hiding. She thought she was alone, as it was meant to be.

It had to be this way. She had to find her and come to tell her…to remind her of the horrible things she had faced in the past.

She recalled clearly now that she had always been her father's favourite toy. She had always been the odd one out. She had always been the punching bag. She was always the scape goat.

She pulled out her gun and looked at it intently. The urge to just go over and wipe out the whole family was very strong. She threw the gun down and slid along the wall till she was sitting with her back towards it.

The scar on her back tingled a little. How many times had she mistakenly scrubbed it while bathing? How many times had she been beaten right on that scar? How many times had she been sent to sleep outside in the cold?

'What sort of man raises his hand against a thirteen year old?' she thought.

Suddenly she felt the urge to go and get a drink. She wanted to get drunk at a bar and then drag home another miserable man and torture him as much as she could for every pain she had gone through in the hands of others.

She wanted to get drunk and forget part of the burden that lay on her mind. She dressed up and left the house. She looked around to see if Kristine was still lurking around somewhere. She wasn't around.

She nodded to herself and got into her car and drove away at top speed. She was heading for the Storm Light Bar.

As she drove along, finger tapping against the steering wheel, her eyes became clouded with tears. She quickly pulled over by the side of the road and took the time to look at herself in the rear view mirror.

She was pale. She looked on as the lines of tears appeared and travelled down her cheeks. She covered her face and wept, her body trembling as she cried.