Like A Marriage Vow

After spending a quarter of a day at university, I headed to a private company to do a part-time job in the afternoon.

At university, I got a scholarship that was quite sufficient for my needs, such as renting a room, tuition fees, and other necessities. However, regarding my current part-time job, apart from adding to my savings, I also made it a work experience. That would help me to land a better job in the future.

After 9:00 p.m., I headed back. However, while I was outside, I saw a man named Lee Donghwa standing under the pillar of the name of the private company where I worked. I took a deep breath, then continued my steps, ignoring his familiar smile.

Without turning my head, I could tell that he was following me right now.

"Chunghee! Your name is Park Chunghee, right? About what I said earlier, I mean it!"

Hearing those words, I stopped walking. In my heart, those words made me happy, but on the other hand, it became terrifying.

"Y-you're gay, right?"

Finishing his words, I tightly clenched my fists. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. So, because of feeling annoyed, I ran away without a word.

I ran as fast as I could, toward my rented room without caring about him. Even though I didn't mean to do it, my feet moved by themselves when I heard him ask such a thing.

Arriving at my place, I immediately entered the room and locked the door, then laid down on my bed without changing my clothes first.

My thoughts were filled with someone that I just met today, and it made me feel crazy over what he said about his feelings.

In my heart, I keep praying not to fall in love again, hoping that God would give me the strength once again so that I could endure and not move forward; forgetting that someone had confessed his feelings to me, just like when God gave me the strength to forget Kim Daehyun who became my first love. I kept doing it until I fell asleep from fear.

Lee Donghwa was someone who always wanted to get along with me, and that's why I kept moving away from him. Perhaps, he would think that I was someone who didn't want to make friends with anyone.

I was happy when someone confessed his feelings to me. It meant that there are still people who wanted to share their affections with me.

However, a priest's advice six years ago became the most frightening specter in my life. It came to my mind when someone confessed their feelings to me, and it even continued for weeks.

Four months before graduation, Lee Donghwa disappeared suddenly. It had been almost a week since the last time he followed me, and from then on, I began to feel the same feelings when I lost the precious person in my life.

I thought about him all the time, and it made me realize that I had fallen in love with him. If I could turn the time, then I wouldn't ignore him.

Regret? I was in that feeling right now.

One day, right a week after realizing my feelings, we met once again, accidentally like fate. I was so happy and even happier when I found out that his feelings were still the same as previously. So, starting that day, I ignored the taboo thing in myself and started opening my heart to him.

At that time, I could only apologize to God for What I did where I was unable to stop myself from stepping across the forbidden line.

On our graduation day; a day when we would no longer be someone who whined for knowledge but as a knowledgeable person who was ready to take part in competitions in the world of work and became real adults.

Lee Donghwa and I had been in a relationship for four months, it wasn't that long, but I was grateful that we had been doing well all this time. That was the most important thing in a relationship, be it now or then.

We decided to celebrate our graduation in his rented room. At first, I thought that we would have a toast to celebrate our graduation, but that was beyond the expectations of an innocent kid like me.

He wanted something more intimate from me, as a proof of love he said. I could have refused him, but I had gone too far and let him do what he wanted, then gave myself up that day.

My heart was beating faster and so was his. I could feel his chest pounding when we were in this 'passionate' situation. It made my mood even more volatile.

"Chunghee ... I love you ... don't ever ... leave me ...."

He hugged my body tightly while continuing to whisper the same words with his eyes closed.

That was the first time I had given myself completely. I frowned and endured the pain as I loved him so much. It made me enjoy it and felt more pleasure from the intimacy of us.

having done so, Lee Donghwa asked in a soft voice, "Chunghee, are you okay?"

Embracing my body, leaning against his arm, I lifted my face and saw his calm face, "You're rude ...."

He smiled, then kissed my forehead, "I'm sorry. I was so happy, so I couldn't help myself ...."

I scrunched up my eyes, but he eased them by kissing my head. Because of that soft touch, I lowered my face, not wanting to show him my blushing face.

I asked in a low tone, "Do you love me?"

I could feel his hand pressing my arm firmly. He then spoke solemnly, "Chunghee, I do love you. I will never betray you. I promise."

Those words made happiness flourish in my heart. Hearing that he would never betray me was like a marriage vow as lifeless as we are.

I smiled, "Donghwa, a priest once told me ..."

I started to tell him about the things that made me afraid. I told him that this love was a mistake, God didn't want it.

But, his response was the most shocking, "I'm not afraid. If God punishes you, then God will punish me too. If God makes you happy, so do I. This is fate. Our fate. God gives us the same feelings. If our love is a mistake, you are not alone. I also bear the same mistake as you. And, ... do you still want to be with me even though you know that this is a mistake?"

It was the most beautiful response that brought tears to my eyes.

From then on, I decided not to run away. I would never betray him and he would never betray me as we were in the same sense.

Sadness and happiness, if one of us felt it then one of us felt it too.

This was the destiny of this relationship.