Giving Up On Myself

I smiled weakly when I remembered all the beautiful memories. In the past, everything seemed to been planned very well and made the two people of the past believe their own words with great confidence. However, those beautiful things slowly became a thing that wounded me and proved that all of that was just an illusion which made me bear an extreme pain right now.

Two people who used to love each other had said that they would continue to love each other. However, day after day had passed since a long time ago and revealed things that couldn't have been imagined. One of the two became a traitor who changed everything.

I didn't know if everything would end in the good way we started or would it end in the worst way?

But now, I didn't care how this relationship ended. I guessed the taste would stay the same — painful.

I swallowed the food in my throat as if swallowing thorns which were causing pain all over my body. However, there was nothing I could do but endured everything and let the thorn injure my insides without the slightest complaint.

However, it seemed that Daehyun had been watching me for a long time. Even though he was chattering about many things, he seemed to have a keen instinct for discovering anything that was hidden.

I didn't realize it before he spoke to me in a low voice and sounded a little annoyed, "Chunghee, you're daydreaming. You said you weren't angry with me anymore. Is this how you forgive other people? I don't even feel like I've been forgiven by you." Kim Daehyun put the chopsticks on the food bowl, then continued, "If you keep acting like that, you will only leave a vengeful impression on me."

Hearing this, I also tried to convince him by saying, "No. I'm not angry with you. I'm not that kind of person. Do you think I'm a teenager who likes to sulk? Huh, seriously." With a pause, I continued, "Don't think too far like that. I'm not that kind of person."

Finishing my words, I was about to show a bright smile but ended up forcing a failed smile on my face. However, I tried to look fine as if everything did look fine.

How could I not, Daehyun's words were really beyond my expectations. I didn't think he would think that I was a sulky person. On the contrary, I didn't even feel anything anymore and was probably numb by this time as I kept trying to endure all the pain in my heart and kept my complaints to myself all this time. After all, saying everything in front of Donghwa directly would only return those complaints to me by throwing them quite hard on my face.

It's useless. Remaining silent was the only way to escape of the feud between the two of us.

Meanwhile, Kim Daehyun didn't give any response after hearing that expression and just continued to eat his food very quietly. However, behind that quietness, in his eyes described his unhappy mood. I could see it vaguely and chose not to respond to anything.

After finishing the bowl of soup, I reached out and poured a glass of water and then drank it. Then, stood up immediately while talking, "I have to go back. This is my first day as your assistant. There are a lot of things to take care of the company. I also saw a lot of schedule notes from your former assistant and it should be resolved today."

"Then let me drive you. Do you want to go back to your apartment or head straight to the company? I'll drive you." Kim Daehyun exclaimed and immediately stood up without finishing his food first.

But, maybe I was too stubborn, so I couldn't take that kind of offer by saying, "Sorry, that's not necessary. I can take a taxi."

Kim Daehyun remained adamant, "No. I lied to you for coming here. Now, as an apology, let me drive you." pausing for a moment, he walked towards me then took my hand. "This is as compensation. Let's go."

As soon as Kim Daehyun finished his words, he pulled me toward the door. Meanwhile, I, who realized that saying refusal was just a waste, could only be brave when Daehyun spoke his words.

Once we were downstairs, Kim Daehyun opened his car door and asked me to go in, and I did so obediently. Then, Kim Daehyun caught up with me and sat in the driver's seat, beside me. Before he started the car engine, Kim Daehyun asked without turning his head at me, "Um, do you want to go straight to the company?"

"Yes," I answered briefly.

Hearing that answer, Kim Daehyun immediately started the car engine and instantly stepped on the pedal.

The car drove slowly. Kim Daehyun drove very carefully and remained quiet beside me. Meanwhile, I tried to fill our silence by trying to divert my thoughts to the places we passed while on the way but failed. Everything was in vain. It's just past thoughts which made me want to jump out and died, even until we got to the company.

Kim Daehyun looked worried when he saw me never showing joy on my face. He kept asking and apologizing about his lie this morning without hesitation and looked so earnest. It also made me feel truly guilty for making him had to blame himself, and also felt disappointed with someone at the same time.

I continued to think about Donghwa. If he wanted to open up and admitted that he was wrong. I would never hesitate to forgive him and gave him a chance even with this pain.

However, Donghwa never wanted to do it, even though he knew that I needed the confession.

Now, I didn't want to wish for such stupid things anymore. I would never even care if he admitted his mistakes even now.

It wasn't that I didn't care about our relationship, it's just that everything was too sick and it made me no longer able to find an antidote for the severe injuries I was feeling, so I thought to be silent and let him did what he wanted, until one day I died in agony and he didn't have to cry.

My physique had been damaged and my heart was broken. If he wanted to be with someone else, then I could bless their relationship and showed a beautiful smile as a blessing to them.

I just needed to survive until he completely threw me out one day.