Chapter 19

I STOOD LOOKING at the empty space where Lee's car had just vacated. The growl of its engine and the screech of rubber on tarmac rang in my ears.

I crumpled to the ground, only now there was nobody to catch me.

Noah walked up slowly, cautiously, behind me. I heard his footsteps, and his shadow fell in front of me, but I didn't look at him. I couldn't bear to.

He stopped just behind me. My limbs stiff and reluctant, I pushed myself to my feet and dusted myself off.

Lee had left me. He was my best friend, my twin, my other half. And he'd left me.

He hated me. I'd ruined everything.

If only I'd told him sooner; if only we hadn't been stupid enough to kiss in school, or—

Or I'd just never been with Noah in the first place.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. What if Lee never talked to me again? What if I'd lost him, not just for a little while until he came around, but forever?

Noah laid a hand softly on my shoulder. 'Elle,' he started quietly, but I shrugged his hand off and turned away. If it weren't for Noah and that stupid kissing booth, none of this would ever have happened.

'Elle,' he said again as I began to walk away.

'Just leave me alone,' I told him. My voice sounded defeated, but didn't even begin to reflect how bad I felt inside. Noah didn't try to follow me. I headed back to school, alone.

I couldn't concentrate on any of my classes for the rest of the day. Lee didn't show up; when people asked me, I said he'd gone home sick. I avoided Noah, and tried to act as though nothing was wrong.

I got Dixon to give me a ride home, after ignoring Noah's texts and voicemails.

'You sure everything's okay, Elle? You look like you're going to throw up,' Cam said.

Dixon slammed on the brakes. 'If you're going to upchuck, please do so outside the car.'

I shook my head, attempting to laugh it off. 'I'm not going to throw up, don't worry. I just . . . I think I must've caught whatever Lee's got.'

'Big surprise there,' Cam laughed. 'You two can't even get sick alone, huh?'

'Guess not,' I mumbled.

When I got home, Dad's car was on the drive already. I'd forgotten that Brad's soccer practise had been cancelled today – the one day I could've done with being at home alone, I thought with a sigh as I opened the front door.

'Elle? That you?' Dad called from the kitchen.

'Yeah, hi.' I wandered in to see him, and smiled. 'Busy?'

He nodded. 'The whole team's trying to get a deal closed by Wednesday, so it's pretty stressful. I have a conference call later, at five thirty. It should take about an hour or so. Will you fix Brad's dinner? There's lasagna in the freezer.'

'Sure,' I told him. 'No problem.'

I made us both coffee and took mine into the lounge, leaving my dad to get on with work. Brad was splayed over the floor, surrounded by papers and his math book. But there was the faint, tinny sound of the Super Mario Bros. theme, and he jumped when I entered the room.

'Hand it over,' I instructed.

'Hand what over? My math homework? Here, help yourself. We're working on angles.'

I laughed sarcastically. 'Funny. Hand over the console.'

My brother glared stubbornly at me. I could see the red plastic of his Nintendo DS console in the crook of his arm.

'Well,' I said airily, 'I guess I'll just have to do some extra vegetables with your dinner. Broccoli, I'm thinking.'

His eyes narrowed. 'You wouldn't dare.'

'Try me.'

'Ugh, fine! God, Elle, you're so annoying!' He slid the console across the floor to me, going back to his math homework – which I noticed he hadn't even started yet. I settled down on the couch with the poetry book we were currently working on in English Lit, drinking my coffee and trying very hard not to worry about Lee and Noah.

Trying to analyze Larkin didn't help stop my mind wandering, though. What would happen when Noah got home? Would he and Lee have a fight?

I didn't want to talk to Noah. All I needed was Lee, and he wouldn't even pick up the phone if I called him. So I had no way of knowing what was going on with the Flynn brothers. I badly wanted to go over to their house, but the rain outside was torrential; there was no way Dad would let me walk over there in this weather, and if Lee wouldn't let me in to talk to him, I'd have to tell my dad everything.

It wasn't that I thought he wouldn't understand, exactly . . . I just didn't even know where to start. It wasn't like I could just swan into the kitchen and announce that, 'Hey, did you know I've been sneaking around with Noah Flynn, and now Lee knows and he hates me? Oh, and would you like another coffee while I'm here?'

Yeah, right.

That'd go down a treat.

It wasn't until about eight o'clock that evening when the phone rang that I knew anything.

'Hello?' Dad answered. 'Oh, hi, June, how are you?'

I could tell that she was almost hysterical, but I couldn't quite hear what she was saying. Dad looked at Brad and me before taking the conversation out into the hall, where we couldn't hear.

'What's that all about?' Brad asked.

'How should I know?' I snapped back at him.

'How should I know?' he mimicked, and I tossed a cushion at his head in reply, trying to hear what Dad was saying. I felt sick to my stomach. What was going on?

Dad finally came back into the room, staring down at the phone in his hand.

'Noah's gone.'

My heart skipped a beat. 'What do you mean, Noah's gone? Gone where?'

'He and Lee had a big argument, and June said he packed a bag and left. Didn't tell them where he was going, or how long he planned on being gone. He won't answer his cell phone, so Matthew's out trying to find him now.' Dad shook his head hopelessly.

'Well . . . I mean . . . He – he can't have gone too far, right?' I stammered.

'I don't know. He left about twenty minutes ago.'

My stomach dropped away, like it would on a rollercoaster. I gulped. 'Did – did June say what – what they were arguing about?'

My dad looked me in the eye before saying, 'Brad, why don't you go take a shower and get ready for bed?'

'What? That's not fair, it's not even nine o'clock yet!'

'Brad.'

'Fine,' my brother grumbled, and stomped upstairs. His bedroom door slammed behind him. My dad sighed before sitting down in the armchair, and I took that to mean I ought to sit down too.

'Apparently,' my dad said, clasping his hands, 'they had a fight about you. Anything you'd like to tell me, Elle?'

I gulped, feeling sick all over again. 'What did June say?'

'Don't avoid the question, young lady.'

I looked at my knees. 'I – I've kind of . . . kind of been seeing Noah.'

'What do you mean, "kind of been seeing" him?'

'Well, we – at the kissing booth we did for the carnival, he kissed me, and then – we, um, we've been . . . I guess you could call it dating in secret.'

'You've been dating him.'

'Not exactly, though. It's complicated.'

'Better start talking, then.'

Was there any way to word this situation without disappointing my dad? I knew well enough that he didn't exactly approve of Noah – how he got in fights, that he had a motorbike . . . It had never been a problem – until now. Because there was no way he'd be happy with me dating Noah.

'We've been seeing each other in secret because I didn't want Lee to find out. Noah and I argue all the time, and I didn't think it would really work out between us but I wanted it to – which is why we carried on, and then Lee did find out, and now everything's ruined and my life is over.' I sucked in a breath when I was done.

My dad looked . . . well, I guess shell-shocked is the only word to describe the look on his face. Like he couldn't believe the words that had just come out of my mouth. Like he didn't want to believe it. I dropped my eyes to the floor again.

'How long has this been going on, exactly, Rochelle?'

'About two months. Since the carnival.'

Dad removed his glasses, pushing them onto his forehead and rubbing at his eyes like he did when he was really stressed out. 'And all that time, you didn't tell Lee?'

'I thought I was protecting him,' I explained.

Dad shook his head. 'Funny way of doing things. But – Noah? Of all the boys out there? He's not exactly . . . the most stable, when it comes to relationships.'

'I know, I know, it's not some sort of match made in heaven, or anything, but—'

'Are you in love with him, or something?'

'What? N-no!' I exclaimed. 'No, of course not!'

All my dad did was sigh again. I carried on, trying to repair at least a bit of the damage. 'He makes me happy, Dad.'

He looked at me again, brow furrowed. 'You sure about that, Elle?'

I nodded. 'Yeah.' My voice was hushed, and for some reason I found it hard to restrain a smile. Shaking my head in an attempt to clear it, I stood up. 'So what happened with Lee and Noah? What did June say?'

'They were eating dinner,' my dad told me, 'and all of a sudden Lee flipped out. Started shouting at Noah, and then they were fighting, and then Noah went upstairs, packed a bag, and stormed out.'

The phone rang again, and we both looked at it, lit up, on the coffee table. Dad answered, and I sat on tenterhooks listening to his half of the conversation. 'Hey. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I just spoke to her about it now. What? No, no, I didn't have any idea . . .' He sighed again, then listened for a while.

Then he handed the phone to me. 'She wants to talk to you.'

My hand trembled as I took the phone. 'Hello?'

'Oh, Elle, hi. Look, do you have any idea at all where Noah might've gone? He won't answer his calls, and Matthew can't find him, and . . . we don't know where else to look for him.'

'I – I'm sorry, I really have no idea.' She began to sigh, so I added, 'He's impulsive, you know that. He's probably just gone for a drive to blow off some steam. He'll come back home, don't worry.'

'Well,' she replied, her voice slightly wry, 'I guess you know him better than any of us, don't you, Elle?'

'I – I don't mean . . .' But I couldn't formulate a proper reply; I was lost for words.

'It's okay. I kind of suspected there was a girl in his life lately. He's been acting different. I just never expected you to be that girl.'

Again, I didn't have any reply except for, 'Um . . .'

'Look, just . . . if you hear from him, can you please, please, just let me know that he's okay?'

'Of course.' Then, before she could say thank you and goodbye, I blurted out, 'Is Lee there? Can I talk to him?'

'I . . .' She halted. 'I don't think that's the best idea right now, Elle. I'm sorry.'

'He doesn't want to see me, does he?'

'No,' she said, somewhat reluctantly. 'Would you mind putting your dad back on the line, please?'

'Sure. Bye.'

'Bye, Elle.'

I handed the phone back to my dad. The conversation didn't last much longer; all I got from my dad's end of the call was 'Mm-hmm, I know, yeah . . . No, I understand . . . Yeah, of course.'

We didn't talk much more the rest of the evening. I thought that maybe I should call Noah, in case he answered, just so I could give his mom some peace of mind. But I couldn't even pick up my cell phone to do that.

I knew Dad was disappointed in me. It might've been better if he'd shouted, or shown that he was angry or upset or something – anything – but the muted discomfort that clung to the air around us.

It was twenty-three minutes past nine when I couldn't stand it any longer. 'I'm going to bed,' I announced, standing.

Dad didn't respond until I was almost out of the lounge. 'I can understand that you wouldn't tell me about it – but Lee? Elle, you've gotta talk to him. He'll come around. You've been friends far too long to let this come between you.'

All I could do was nod. 'I hope you're right, Dad. I really, really hope you're right.'