Chapter 97: This Venerable One…

"Mo Ran… Mo Ran."

Someone was calling him.

Mo Ran opened his eyes, bleary and dazed, to the sight of an

unfocused silhouette in white. He vaguely felt that this person looked like

Chu Wanning, but at the same time, he didn't quite dare believe it. He felt that

person's hands laid over his chest, channeling an unbroken stream of spiritual

energy into the still-bleeding wreckage.

So warm… Who? He blinked arduously, trying to get a better look at

that blurry figure.

"Mo Ran…"

"Sh-shizun?" he murmured, fighting down the blood welling in his

throat. He felt something warm and wet fall on his cheek. Slowly, his vision

cleared enough to see a pair of phoenix eyes like the apricot blossoms of

Jiangnan, softly beautiful with a hint of melancholy, set in a face that was

pale as death and streaked with blood. Mo Ran stared foggily at him, at a

loss—he had never before seen such an expression on Chu Wanning's face.

His shizun had always been cold, impassive. But the person before

him now was crying.

Mo Ran reached a hand up, wanting to touch, wanting to check if this

was real or just the hallucination of a dying man. But, with the tips of his

fingers mere inches from that person's face, he paused.

Sometimes, hating someone was a kind of habit. If, all of a sudden, he

didn't hate Chu Wanning anymore, he wouldn't know what to do with

himself. He didn't dare touch. He was afraid it might be real—but also afraid

it might not be.

Behind Chu Wanning, Mo Ran spied mountains of corpses and oceans

of blood. Mo Ran wasn't sure if this was the battleground at Butterfly Town,

or if he had already gone to hell. He was eminently aware that he had

committed countless atrocities, had sinned irredeemably, that he belonged in

the Infinite Hells, never again to enter the cycle of reincarnation. But Chu

Wanning was a good person. Why would he be here with him, to suffer an

eternity in hell?

"Just a little longer," Chu Wanning's voice was distant and hazy, as if

coming to him from the depths of an ocean. "You have to stay awake, or

else…"

Mo Ran watched blood seep from the corner of Chu Wanning's mouth.

The golden light grew more and more brilliant until the person before him

was suddenly enveloped in the blinding glow and shrank, taking on the small

form of a child. "Or else you are no disciple of the Yuheng Elder—no

disciple of mine."

"Xia-shidi?!"

Chu Wanning had transformed into Xia Sini before his eyes. Mo Ran

was so shocked that his wound blazed with pain. He passed out again before

he could process a single thought.

"Mo Ran." A voice so soft it was almost a sigh. He didn't know if it

was a hallucination from his past life or a lingering murmur by his ear. "I'm

sorry, it was this master's fault…"

This line again! This line again!

Chu Wanning, I don't want you to apologize, I want you to—

To what? He faltered, not knowing what it was that he wanted. If he

didn't want an apology, then what did he want?

Mo Ran's eyes flew open. His breath came in harsh pants, and his

clothes were soaked with sweat. He looked up to see a clean, tidy room,

sparsely decorated.

He was back at his room in Sisheng Peak. He was still alive…

He glanced around in disbelief, then raised a slightly chilly hand to

feel for the wound on his chest. It was wrapped in several layers of

bandages. Blood had seeped through the gauze and dyed it red, and it ached

when touched, but underneath, his heart still beat rhythmically, powerfully,

beating with the promise of the rest of his life.

He lived. He lived! His blood coursed wildly, vigorously through his

youthful body. The tips of his fingers trembled with it; it thrummed through

his very soul.

He heard the soft swish of a curtain being lifted. Mo Ran looked up

from where he sat on the bed and came face-to-face with the beauty that had

just entered. It must have been cold outside; his long black hair cascaded

loosely over a white, fur-lined mantle, and when he lifted those soft, bright

eyes, a faint redness dyed their corners, more lovely than any makeup.

Shi Mei started a little; he hadn't expected Mo Ran to be awake. "ARan? Y-you…"

"Shi Mei! Shi Mei!" Mo Ran called his name over and over, eyes as

bright and glittering as obsidian. He jumped up from the bed, ignoring the

protests of his wound, and grinned toothily as he flung himself at Shi

Mingjing. He hugged him tightly and repeated ecstatically, "I'm so glad!

You're alive! I'm alive! It's over, it's all over!"

The Heavenly Rift had been the greatest calamity of his past life.

Fiends and demons had descended from above, stolen Shi Mei, and thrown

Mo Ran into the abyss of sin. This was the one thing that had haunted him

after rebirth. He had been afraid it would happen all over again, that he

would be left all alone once more, on the lonely path toward that empty

Wushan Palace, treading on the bones of those he had once loved and cared

for.

But the heavens were not unkind to him. Everything had changed when

he'd stepped forward with the will to die in Shi Mei's place. He wouldn't be

alone again, abandoned and rebuked by all; wouldn't be cast out in the dead

of night, henceforth a lonely wanderer. Starting today, the curse was broken.

He had truly escaped the nightmare of his past life, truly been reborn.

Mo Ran clung to Shi Mei for a long time. When he let go, his eyes

were bright like fireworks, glittering like the starry night.

Shi Mei stood dazed and unmoving while Mo Ran wrapped his arms

around his shoulders and smiled down at him. They stayed that way for

several minutes before Shi Mei slowly came back to his senses and leaned in

to press his forehead to the underside of Mo Ran's jaw. "A-Ran."

"Mhm?"

Shi Mei lifted his face. He wore a faint smile, but his eyes were a

little wet. "I'm so glad you're okay."

Mo Ran smiled and stroked his hair, then gathered Shi Mei's hands in

his own. "Of course I'm okay, silly," he reassured him. "Why wouldn't I be?

I…"

Before he could say more, the curtain was lifted again as another

figure strode in.

"Xue Meng?"

No response. This guy was always so petty; he was probably still

upset to have been outdone at the battle at Butterfly Town. Xue Meng wore a

sullen expression, and his lips were pressed into a thin line. When he saw

Mo Ran up and about, he paused for a beat before turning to Shi Mei. "When

did he wake up?"

Shi Mei hesitated before answering. A hint of worry crept into his

voice as he said, "Just now."

Another pause. "I see." Xue Meng still refused to look at Mo Ran.

Look at this little brat, Mo Ran thought to himself, sulking like this

just 'cause he didn't get to be the hero. He's acting like someone stole his

candy or something. But Mo Ran was in quite a buoyant mood, so for once,

he was willing to overlook it. He smiled and said, "Looks like I was out for

a while there, huh? Who brought me back?"

"Who else?" Xue Meng flung his sleeve and tucked his hand behind

his back. "It was Shizun, of course."

"Ah." Mo Ran was taken aback at this revelation. Fragments of blurry

memory from his half-conscious state passed before his eyes. Now that he

was awake, he was so overwhelmed with shock and elation that he was even

less sure what of the things he'd seen back then were real or imagined.

"Shizun…" he mumbled. "Xia-shidi…"

At this, Xue Meng twitched almost imperceptibly. "So," he asked

stiffly, "you saw?"

"Saw what?"

"That Xia-shidi is Shizun."

Mo Ran had still been only guessing. Upon being suddenly told

outright like this, his entire face went white. "What?!"

Xue Meng's head snapped around to stare at him. He wore a strange

expression, as though it were taking all he had to keep some emotion in

check. "What do you mean what? I thought you already knew."

"How would I know that!" Mo Ran yelped. "I just… I was drifting in

and out, and it was all blurry. I thought I might have seen the two of them

overlapping. I…"

He thought back to the time he'd spent with Xia Sini at the Peach

Blossom Springs, and the two of them asleep in the same bed. He thought

back to when he'd lost control at Rainbell Isle, and the golden hair clasp that

had tumbled out as he tore at Chu Wanning's robes.

And the handkerchief, embroidered with a haitang blossom.

Clothing that grew and shrank with its wearer.

The little jar of chicken soup, clutched tightly in Xia Sini's arms.

The way he had looked up at Mo Ran and called him shixiong, and

how Mo Ran had patted him on the head and grinned, saying, We'll be

brothers from here on out. Shixiong will dote on you.

One after another, those memories rose before his eyes and scattered

like smoke. Now it was Chu Wanning, his face impassive, expression far too

cold; now it was Xia Sini, his lips pressed together, refusing to speak. He

had once told Xia Sini that Chu Wanning was no good, that he disliked him.

He had also once patiently brushed Xia Sini's long hair. His hair had been so

soft, flowing between his fingers like ink.

Now that he thought about it, they really were so much alike.

Mo Ran felt like his head was about to explode. He paced in a tight

circle, back and forth, as he muttered, "Shizun is Xia-shidi… Shizun is Xiashidi… Shizun is…" He came to an abrupt stop, almost crazed. "You've got

to be kidding me! How could Shizun possibly be Xia-shidi?!"

"A-Ran…"

Mo Ran didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "S-sure they're pretty

similar in a lot of ways, but…but they're not the same. Xia-shidi is such a

good person; how could—"

"The hell do you mean by that?" Xue Meng cut him off, pinning him

with a sharp glare. "Xia-shidi is 'such a good person'? So, what, someone

who's a good person couldn't possibly be Shizun?"

"Of course I'm not saying Shizun isn't a good person," Mo Ran

countered. "It's just that Xia-shidi has always been so sincere with me. I

basically viewed him as my own little brother! How am I supposed to just

accept it when you suddenly tell me he's actually Shizun."

"Xia-shidi is sincere, huh?" Xue Meng snarled. "Then Shizun is

insincere?"

Hearing the temper rising in Xue Meng's voice, Shi Mei hurried to tug

on his sleeve. "Young master, remember what Uncle said! A-Ran just woke

up. He…"

But Xue Meng shook him off, his brown eyes still fixed on Mo Ran's

face. So infuriated was he that the vein at his neck throbbed like a hissing

viper, about to sink venomous fangs into its prey, ready to devour it. "Mo

Weiyu, you'd better explain it to me here and now: Why can't Shizun be Xia

Sini? In what does he lack sincerity, huh? Tell me clearly, what part of him

do you consider fake?!"

The interrogative onslaught rankled Mo Ran only a little; it wasn't like

he hadn't seen Xue Meng pissed off before. In the last lifetime, Xue Meng

had been more or less like this during every single one of their encounters

after he became Emperor Taxian-jun. Still, it was irksome. Mo Ran frowned

and snapped, "What's it to you? That's between me and him."

"Between you and him?" Xue Meng repeated. "Have you ever even

thought about him?"

Mo Ran was so mad he laughed. "The hell's your problem, Xue

Ziming? Seriously, when did you finally lose it? C'mon, Shi Mei, let's go to

Loyalty Hall. Maybe Uncle and Shizun know what's set him off." He brushed

past Xue Meng, pulling Shi Mei along.

Xue Meng stood rooted in place for some time, as if trying his

damnedest to stop himself. But just as Mo Ran was about to step out the door,

his restraint cracked, and he whipped around, roaring, "Mo Weiyu, have you

ever once spared a thought for this shizun of yours?!"

Mo Ran said nothing. He became even more agitated; his steps halted,

and his originally cheerful and relaxed brows drew low in a scowl.

Shi Mei squeezed his hand. "Don't mind him," he whispered uneasily,

"he's been a bit irritable lately. Come on, let's go."

Mo Ran paused. "Mn."

But his hand had only brushed the curtain, hadn't even lifted it yet,

when Xue Meng's voice rang out again, stifled, inflamed and distraught, like

it had leapt from a raging fire. "Mo Weiyu, you fucker, you piece of shit."

The curtain dropped back into place with a swish. Mo Ran closed his

eyes, then opened them again.

"A-Ran…" Shi Mei tried to pull him back, but Mo Ran gently pushed

him aside.

Mo Ran turned his head to look at Xue Meng, then faced him squarely.

The two of them were around the same age, but Mo Ran was already taller

by a span, and he could appear quite cold and menacing when he wanted to.

His mouth curved in a smile, but his black eyes were deep, without the

slightest hint of mirth. "So I'm a piece of shit now, am I. Xue Ziming, I've

never treated our shizun with anything but respect. Nor did I stand idly by at

the battle of the Heavenly Rift. The barrier to the Infinite Hells couldn't be

mended by his strength alone, so I stepped up to help. Let me ask you—as his

disciple, have I done anything wrong?"

Xue Meng remained silent.

"My strength falls far short of his, so I couldn't hold out till the end

when we were mending the barrier. I fell from the coiled dragon pillar, but

he didn't spare me so much as a glance. He couldn't care less whether I lived

or died. Let me ask you again, in my shoes, would you not feel bitter and

disappointed?"

"Mo Ran…"

Mo Ran finally gave voice to the grievance that had eaten away at him

for two lifetimes. His handsome features twisted into something dark as he

spoke of this sore spot. He forced out each syllable, enunciating every word.

"As I see it, I've done my duty, and owe him nothing. What right do you have

to stand here before me and call me a piece of shit? Xue Meng, you think I've

never cared for him? You're wrong, I have.

"But he's made of stone," Mo Ran continued in a low voice, every

word like a knife to his heart, each one drawing blood. "Xue Meng, listen to

me, I don't care how powerful a cultivator he is in the eyes of the world,

what a prestigious zongshi, that he's Yuheng of the Night Sky, Beidou

Immortal—none of that matters. What matters is this: at the battle of the

Heavenly Rift, I nearly died. Yet when I begged for him to look back, to

spare me a glance, he wouldn't even give me that."

It was such a chilling, enraging thing. But as he spoke of it, he was

strangely calm; only his eyes were a little red. "And Xue Meng, I can

guarantee you, no matter who had fallen from the pillar back then—even if it

wasn't me, even if it was you or Shi Mei—he wouldn't have saved you

either." Because I saw it with my own eyes. Chu Wanning had turned and left

his own disciple's body to cool in the snowstorm that blotted out the sky.

"After all, nothing is more important than his good name as the Beidou

Immortal," Mo Ran sneered coldly. Perhaps it was due to the room's dim

light that he looked a little forlorn. "You'll live if you're lucky. Die if you're

not."

His last word was still hanging in the air when there came a blur

before his eyes alongside a rush of wind. The room was narrow, and Shi Mei

was behind him. Even if he sensed it coming, Mo Ran couldn't dodge lest Shi

Mei come to harm. He stood his ground and took the blow.

Xue Meng lunged at him like a cheetah, gripped him by the collar, and

a loud crack rang out as he struck Mo Ran across the face, holding nothing

back. At being slapped out of the blue, Mo Ran's temper flared as well. He

twisted his wrist to seize the raging youth and snarled through gritted teeth,

"Xue Ziming! The fuck do you think you're doing?!"

Xue Meng didn't answer, bellowing, "Mo Weiyu, you bastard!"

He had no interest in talking anymore, but rampaged like he really had

lost his mind. He brawled brutally with Mo Ran right there in that desolate

little room, the two instantly at each other's throats like a pair of trapped

beasts. They fought like they wanted to rip each other to ribbons, like they

wanted to tear one another apart and swallow each other blood, bone, and

all. A single lamp flickered in the room, and it cast their maddened

silhouettes against the stone wall, like a shadow play of bloodthirsty beasts,

or a picture of frenzied demons.

Suddenly, Mo Ran heard Xue Meng choke back a sob. It was so quiet

that he suspected he'd misheard. But just as he thought so, several fat

teardrops splashed onto the back of his hand.

Xue Meng suddenly released Mo Ran and shoved him away. Then he

curled up on the ground, wrapped his arms around his knees, and started

bawling miserably where he sat.

Mo Ran's cheek was yet red and swollen, but he was utterly stumped

by this turn of events. It wasn't like he'd actually attempted any deadly

moves. Surely he hadn't hurt him that bad—besides, his cousin had thrown

the first punch. So why'd he…

He was still puzzling it over when Xue Meng raised his voice,

screaming hoarsely between broken sobs. "How could you say he didn't save

you? How could you say he didn't save you?!" Tears rolled down his cheeks,

insuppressible.

Off to the side, Shi Mei sighed and looked down in silence. It seemed

that Xue Meng couldn't keep things quiet, after all.

Between sobs, Xue Meng choked out, "He'd be so sad if he heard you

say that from the underworld."

These words were too sudden—Mo Ran couldn't process them at first.

In a daze, he asked, "What?"

Xue Meng wept on and on. His venomous fangs had indeed pierced

Mo Ran's neck, but he had also pricked himself. He cried so miserably, so

brokenly, wiping desperately at his face, at his eyes, his gaze flickering

between ferocity and sorrow. Xue Meng refused to get up from where he

crouched on the floor. There he stayed, his face buried in the crook of his

arm, for a long, long time.

Mo Ran felt a slow numbness creep up from the soles of his feet until

his entire body was frozen. He felt his lips move. Heard his voice ask, "Xue

Meng, what did you just say?"

Xue Meng sobbed for what seemed like ages—or perhaps it was

actually seconds, and only felt like an eternity to Mo Ran as he waited for

that thunderbolt of an answer.

"Shizun…" Xue Meng finally choked out. "He's gone."

For a moment, Mo Ran said nothing. His whole body felt cold;

distantly, he heard those words, yet couldn't seem to comprehend them.

Gone? What do you mean gone? Gone where?

Who's gone?… Who's gone?!

Who's gone?!

Xue Meng lifted his head slowly. There was hatred in his eyes, and

mockery, and the deepest pain and loathing. "Do you know why he didn't

look back?"

Mo Ran stared mutely.

"Father said that sealing the Heavenly Rift took everything in him. Did

you think you were the only one struck by the fiendish energy of the ghost

realm? The Discernment Barrier is twinned! Whatever damage you took, he

suffered the same! It's just that he endured it in silence and said nothing to

anyone."

Mo Ran felt a droning between his ears. Then when he didn't save Shi

Mei in the previous lifetime, was that also because… He didn't dare finish

the thought. The tips of his fingers shook. "No way. But he was so poised…"

"When has he ever been anything but poised before others?" Fresh

tears welled up and overflowed Xue Meng's eyes as he spoke. "By the time

he came down, his spiritual energy had been exhausted. Why do you think he

put a protective barrier around you and left without looking back?"

Xue Meng's words dripped with tears of blood. "Shizun knew he

couldn't hang on for much longer. But his cultivation was high, so the moment

he showed any sign of weakness, all the fiends would be drawn to him. Mo

Ran, Mo Ran…did you really think he left because he abandoned you?"

Mo Ran was speechless, struck dumb.

"He left to protect you! Mo Weiyu! So you wouldn't get caught up in

that! The fiends went berserk when the gateway to the Infinite Hells closed,

the battle dragged on till nightfall, so many were killed or injured—who had

time for you?! Even my father didn't know you were gone until he was

already back at Sisheng Peak with the injured Xuanji Elder."

Xue Meng paused for a second, his breathing harsh, before forcing the

rest of the words through the tightness in his throat. "Mo Weiyu, he was the

one who brought you back. He was the one who took a pill that let him regain

his original form so he could pull you from the bloody wreckage, from the

mountain of corpses. He was the one covered in wounds, but he still passed

you the last remnant of his spiritual power."

"No way…"

"He brought you home. You were unconscious, and his spiritual energy

was completely drained. He was no different from an ordinary person at that

time; he couldn't use a single technique, not even a simple communication

spell. He could only carry you on his back and climb up the stairs to Sisheng

Peak, step by step."

"No…"

"Over three thousand steps. He…without any spiritual power…"

Mo Ran closed his eyes. He could almost see, there under the pale

moonlight, Chu Wanning carrying a barely breathing Mo Ran, climbing

haltingly up those endless stairs, white robes stained a bloody crimson. That

person who had ever been so distant and unreachable, so pristine and

untarnished. Beidou Immortal, Yuheng of the Night Sky. Mo Ran's throat was tight. His voice shook. "No way… How

did he…"

"I wondered the same." Xue Meng stared into the distance with redrimmed eyes, looking lost. "When I spotted him, I thought that, surely, I had

gone mad. Surely I was seeing things. Because I was also thinking," the rest

came out in a sigh, "how did he even…"

"No way…" Mo Ran choked on a low sob and clutched at his head.

He murmured helplessly, "No way…"

"The stairs are still stained with a trail of blood; that's the road he

took to bring you home." Xue Meng's hatred made him ruthless. "Go look for

yourself, Mo Ran. Go look."

"No way!"

The shock and helplessness were more than he could bear; Mo Ran

flew into a rage. Without warning, he grabbed Xue Meng, hauled him up off

the ground, and slammed him into the wall. His features twisted into

something bestial. "No way! No fucking way! How could he have saved me?

He's always disliked me, always looked down on me!"

Xue Meng said nothing for a moment. Then his mouth bent in a

miserable grin. "Mo Weiyu, it's not that he looked down on you." In the

guttering candlelight, Xue Meng raised his eyes, lashes damp with tears, and

leveled him with a gaze suffused with hatred. "It's that Ilook down on you."

Mo Ran could only stare at him.

"I look down on you, Xuanji Elder looks down on you, Tanlang Elder

looks down on you… Who the fuck do you think you are?" Xue Meng

chewed up the words and spit them in Mo Ran's face. "You son of a bitch."

"You—!"

Xue Meng burst out laughing, tilting his head back to look at the dim

ceiling. "Mo Ran, in all of Sisheng Peak, he was the one who thought most

highly of you. And this is how you've repaid him." He laughed and laughed,

then he squeezed his eyes shut and tears began to fall again. This time, he

wept quietly. "Mo Ran, your Xia-shidi, my shizun, he's dead."

Mo Ran had been bitten by the most venomous snake in the world. He

let go of Xue Meng, as if burned, and stumbled backward. For the first time,

he understood those words. His entire body began to tremble.

"Ge." Xue Meng suddenly called out to him.

Mo Ran continued backing away, until his back collided with the icecold wall; there was no escape.

"Ge." Xue Meng had finally stopped crying, but his voice was flat,

like he was dead. "We don't have a shizun anymore.