Chapter 48: Jerry X Cassidy

By the time Jerry had arrived at the Botanical Garden, the childlike glee with which he had enjoyed the destruction of the Rainbow Shirts had almost entirely worn off. He was in full panic mode. At first Jerry had just dismissed what Homer had said about Cassidy, interpreted it as an attempt to get under his skin. But the more Jerry thought about it, the more the underlying logic seemed undeniable. Cassidy had always been a strange woman, ever since the first day they had met. Cassidy Jones, the eighteen year old college student whose resigned outlook on the world had seemed grotesquely cynical even to Jerry at the time. And this was from Jerry's perspective, the perspective of a young man who had already decided that he wanted to be a terrorist when he grew up.

Upon charging into the Botanical Garden Jerry was horrified to discover that his worst suspicions had been confirmed. Even though this was the dead calm of early morning, all the lights were on. Cassidy was lying on a chair, conspicuously arranged in the middle of the Botanical Garden, with a creepy, deranged smile on her face. The normally silent speaker system was blaring Scherazade, Op. 35. Her favorite song. A Russian song. A song Cassidy dared not play, in an era where the Russians were still blamed for the downfall of the United States.

"Cassidy!" shouted Jerry, running up to her. "What's going on? What's happening?"

"Ah, my old friend Jerry Shankar," said Cassidy with a sleepy smile. "So good of you to join us, in the final moments. I'm seeing everyone you know. All the people we killed...you'd think they'd be more angry, but no. Even in death they have no idea...no idea what we did..."

Hallucinations. Jerry tried to wrack his memory. Which plant available in the Botanical Gardens could cause hallucinations as it slowly killed a person? It had to be something common. Cassidy would never kill a plant unless she was positive it could be easily replaced.

"Actually Cassidy," said Jerry, trying to do his best impression of himself from their younger years, "we have a job to do. I need something that causes hallucinations for a cocktail. Remember that guy in our women's studies class? The one who runs the dogfighting ring? The one who beats his girlfriend? I can get him to take a new drug. It has to be something common, untraceable. Something he might have found on his own."

"Ah, well," said Cassidy, struggling to get up. "Jimson weed should do the trick. I keep some in the containment unit. Ah...how strange this is...are we really back there again, before the Great Blackout..? And yet I'm here, at the Botanical Garden...I'm sorry, Jerry, but this is why I try to avoid taking hallucinogenic substances...it distorts my understanding of time...makes me forget that which has already happened and that which will come to pass...I can only use it for special occasions but...why? What was special about today? I can't seem to-"

Jerry was only just barely paying attention as he dashed out of the room to try and find Cassidy's laboratory. It was only the faintest memory on his part, but Jerry knew that they had used jimson weed to poison people before. The cure, which was only to be used in case of an emergency, was physostigmine. Fortunately Cassidy's laboratory was meticulously labeled. It was only with belated chagrin that Jerry came to appreciate how everything in Cassidy's laboratory was a poison of some sort. By sheer dumb luck physostigmine was also a poison. But in this particular case it would stabilize Cassidy's condition long enough for the ambulance to arrive. Jerry used the office phone and explained the situation to the emergency operator as accurately and succinctly as he could. By the time Jerry got back, Cassidy had roused a little.

"Oh Jerry!" said Cassidy. "I just remembered...that's why I took drugs today. Today is the day I'm supposed to die."

"Like hell," said Jerry bitterly, forcibly tying Cassidy's arm and preparing her for an intravenous injection. Even in her best state Cassidy would not have been able to offer much physical resistance. Nevertheless, she was bewildered by Jerry's actions.

"No, Jerry, why?" she asked, not even noticing the pinprick of the needle. "Didn't I ever tell you about my dream? It has to be today."

"No you didn't," said Jerry. "Tell me about your dream."

"My brother was sick," said Cassidy. "Leukemia. And I had a dream that he died...it was a long, sad dream. Endless, endless crying. But I didn't feel anything. Sociopathic then as I am now, I suspect...or perhaps it had been such a long time, waiting for his inevitable fate, that I had long since detached myself..."

Jerry observed Cassidy closing her eyes. He panicked and started shaking her. The emergency operator had been very specific on this point. No matter what, Jerry couldn't let Cassidy go to sleep.

"It's important Cassidy!" he screamed. "I need to know what else happened in the dream!"

"Ah yes," said Cassidy, wistfully, opening her eyes again. "Well I can't quite make it all out you know. But the ending...so distinct, and unforgettable. I saw my brother's tombstone. It's funny you know. He didn't even have a tombstone. We cremated him. But though his death was weeks away, I saw in my dream the exact day he would die."

"That's all fine and dandy," said Jerry, deliberately putting on his most absurd inflection, trying everything he could to maintain Cassidy's interest. "But what does that have to do with you? Why do you need to die today?"

"Hm," said Cassidy. "Literally or metaphorically?"

"Let's start with literally," said Jerry.

"You don't need me anymore Jerry," said Cassidy with a smile. "You've won. The Rainbow Shirts have been completely destroyed or will be soon. Now there's nothing to stop you...your dream Jerry! Remember your dream? A world powered by endless hatred...where we all know who the real enemy is...the Second Constitutional Convention is coming Jerry, and with it, a brave new world...you'll be the God of that world...you'll live on for all eternity...and if you have that...why do you need me...?"

"Because you're my friend Cassidy!" screamed Jerry, right in her face, panicking again at the sight of her closing her eyes. "You were my first real friend in the whole world! You've been with me from the very beginning! I'm not abandoning you! I'm not giving up! I don't want a world without you!"

"Dear me..." said Cassidy, grinning as she wagged her finger up and down. "How romantic of you! Did you know what that...repugnant woman...the Goddess of Light asked me? She thought I was fucking you. Can you imagine such a thing? Ha...ha ha..."

Jerry too laughed in spite of himself, in spite of the sheer terror of the situation. He had never heard Cassidy say the word fuck before. It sounded absolutely ridiculous. Like he was hearing such a thing from his mother. Except that Jerry could only guess what that would sound like. He couldn't even remember his mother.

"Cassidy," said Jerry, his eyes suddenly feeling a little wetter than he would have liked. "Do you think my mom would be proud of me? My dad? I mean, you don't know much more about them than I do but..."

"Jerry," said Cassidy, suddenly serious, holding Jerry's hand, and looking straight into his eyes. "Your parents were like animals. I don't mean that as an insult. I mean that in the sense that they had no comprehension of the world they lived in. They had no idea what was causing their misery, or how to fix it. But I believe, quite firmly, that they did love you, and that they wanted the best for you. Everything you have done in this world, all our collaborations to set the powerful against each other, to burn it all to the ground...you could have manipulated your parents into doing the same. They would not have understood what they were doing. But if they had, they would have been with you every step of the way.

Jerry couldn't help himself. He started crying. This was his great moment of triumph. The end of the old world. But what did any of that matter if he couldn't bring Cassidy into the new one?

"Jerry," said Cassidy, surprised in spite of herself. "What's wrong? We had a good run. And besides, I'm sure you'll meet the others again soon. You miss them don't you?"

"Of course I do," said Jerry, wiping the tears from his eyes. "But I haven't been with them for so long. I'll barely even recognize them. I barely recognized Joel."

"We will always be with you Jerry," said Cassidy, smiling. "Just like you will always be with us. I'm glad I met you, Jerry. You gave our lives meaning."

"I gave your life destruction," said Jerry, bitterly. "I didn't know it was going to end like this. If I had..."

"You might have deviated from the plan," said Cassidy, nodding, matter-of-factly. "That's why I didn't want to tell you, Jerry. Don't you see? This was how it always had to be, just like in my dream..."

In the distance Jerry and Cassidy both heard sirens. Jerry realized a sudden alertness on Cassidy's part. From her previous languor, Cassidy was suddenly alert, and horrified.

"No," she whispered. "No! What have you done, Jerry? Oh no, no, you're real aren't you? You're not an illusion? A hallucination? Are you trying to save me? No...no! No!"

Cassidy started furiously thrashing about. Jerry grabbed on to her and tried to hold her down.

"I'm saving you," Jerry said. "No matter what! You are my friend, and I am not going to abandon you!"

"You damned fool!" screamed Cassidy. "Don't you get it? We won! You won! I had to die to guarantee the future! To keep myself from interfering!"

"I am not killing you just to get what I want!" screamed Jerry in turn. "How could I ever do such a thing! Those people...the ones we've been fighting! The ones we've been killing! That's how they keep their power! They're murderers! Killing good people! I am not like them! I'm not!"

"You really don't..." said Cassidy, bitterly laughing, giving up her token resistance. "You really don't get it do you? Whose plan do you think this is Jerry? We were all important. Every one of us was necessary to bring about the new world. But it was my plan. I was the only one who could see far enough ahead. I gave you the information you needed to start the killings. To make the most of the Great Blackout. To give us all a means to work together in the first place."

"Cassidy," said Jerry, staring in dumb shock. "What are you-"

"Did you really think you were the evil one Jerry?" said Cassidy, meanly. "Hatred has its uses. Aimed well, it protects us from danger that can't be foreseen by logic. But truth? I led countless people to their deaths, for no other reason than that I understood their lives held no meaning. Your purity saved you Jerry. Just liked it saved the others. If not I might well have-

Jerry closed his eyes, lunged forward, and gave Cassidy a giant hug. She started struggling in frustration.

"You can't shut me up!" said Cassidy. "Choosing-"

"Yeah I know," said Jerry. "Choosing not to believe the truth doesn't make it any less real."

"Ah..." said Cassidy, faintly observing the entrance of paramedics into the Botanical Garden. "You did it...you excited me enough...kept me alive long enough...you still have no idea what you've done...and neither do I..."

The paramedics packed Cassidy up and took her away without a word, without even bothering to ask Jerry what was going on. They already knew everything they needed to know. Jerry didn't. And as he watched Cassidy leave, he remained steadfast in his determination that no matter what happened next, he would not regret having saved his best friend.