Chapter 12 - Le Suicidé

December 31, 2022

I am the man of the hour and yet I have minutes to explain.As you've read you got my story but you're yet to understand me.I am Norman Pierce and it's approximately 7:34 pm, I am sitting in my god awful tacky and disgusting room.I'm sitting in my bed as I have my head rested against the wall.I got my phone out and had the number ready as I was hesitant.Shit if I do this it'll end in tragedy and if I don't it will end in disaster.

It's ringing as I look around my room as I hold back my tears and clear my throat.

"Hello, this is JJ&C always ready to make your day brighter; my names Boris how can I help today ?" He asked as I only breathed into the phone as Boris was confused as he asked

"Hello- hello is anyone there ?"

I quickly answered,

"Yes hello I'm looking to get counseling- we'll therapy I mean…" Boris quickly replied

"Great okay I'm going to ask you some questions first, is that okay ?"

I was annoyed as I knew what it would be as I said

"Yes, go ahead …"

You could hear clicking from what sounds like him smashing away at his keyboard as he asked- you know what; Fuck all that.

If you've been in this positioned you'd know what the questions are and know like me, you hate to hear them again.Either way let's skip all this foreplay, just know I said no to them all.The whole process took about 15 minutes as the recommended to another number and website as the final thing Boris said

"Alright and I hope I've helped, have a good day "

I hung up in a panic as it didn't feel like much help as I didn't ask my parents, this'll be the Sun Valley all over again.

I looked through the website to see if having brochures for a month free trial of therapy and my choosing of when to visit and options for virtual appointments.I found it all useless as I still had the thought of Emma and Susan in my head as I just can't let go of them.I haven't spoken to Emma since that day she said to leave her alone and Susan, I haven't heard of him in a days and those friends of his too.

I looked myself in the mirror from the position of my bed as I felt disgusted with myself.I sighed in a depressed state as I had an energy drink next to me; I haven't opened it yet.I finally did so as I got a good sip in, I looked back on social media to see Agnes looks like she's living okay and see old friends like Dexter doing fine in life.They've just forgotten about me now, left me in the dust just like Susan did.I can truly say that the scariest thing a man can be is being left alone.You let them sit with their mind and let them over think as they create the worst inventions and give the worst ideas.

I got up off the bed with the energy drink in hand as looked myself in the mirror as I had a deep stare.

"Ahh fuck it, todays the day pal …." I said to myself as I kept going,

"Todays the day you kill yourself; no bullshit and no more attempts, you do it right this time …"

I backed away as I got my clothes on, I wore black pants and a plain white t shirt with a black Peacoat.I was dead set as I always had a perfect way to end it all I've always had a backup plan for a backup plan.

You see in September I attempted to take my life as I put a belt around my neck and hangs on a doorknob, not in a kinky way.I only stopped due to feeling as if god was with me that day but it was bullshit; I just wasn't ready to die yet.Now I am and I have the most gruesome but calm way to do it and it's New Year's Eve so it's more perfect.I got the pistol that Susan gave me and I looked one last time in the mirror.

I chugged my energy drink as I threw the can at the wall with fury as I exited the room.I walked the hallways as looked up on my phone for showtimes for movies playing in the nearby theater; one for 9:30 pm, perfect.I walked downstairs to see no one was home as i know my parents and Penelope are at my aunts to celebrate New years, how do I know this ? They told me about and I decided I didn't want to go.

I headed out as I walked in such happiness as I had my headphones on as it played " Space Junk " by Wang Chung, the rain was mild for now.I looked around the neighborhood as it's still looking like shit.I walked by old alley ways and places where I savagely killed those men as I still hold no regret.I walked as I got to a red light as it's my last stop til I get to the mall that's connected to the theater.I was in a happy mood as to no one's idea that I was ending it all tonight.

The light turned green as I walked by a mother and daughter who were walking the opposite direction.

"Raining like hell ain't it ?" I asked in quick conversation as they laughed and the daughter said "yea, uh get home safe man !"

I smiled more as I said "you too !" That girl doesn't know that's the last time she'll see me.I made it to the other side of the street as I walked so fast I just couldn't wait much longer, it's now 9:12 pm as I was just minutes away from the theater entrance.I saw a man who sitting in this cold rain as he still tried to sell flowers, I felt bad as I asked "how much ?" He quickly replied

"For you I'd do twenty dollars …." I reached into my pocket as I got my wallet as I handed him nearly all my money, I only kept about forty dollars.

"Here take it …" I said as he too stunned to speak, I took the bouquet of flowers from his hands as I walked away in joy.

"Thank- thank you, god bless you !" He yelled as I waved back.I continued to walk as I saw a girl await aside me at one more light as she had an umbrella, I didn't.She noticed this and I don't know what it was but she got closer and let me under it.

"Ahh- well thank you …" I said as the light started counting down for our side to turn green.My song started to switch to "Mr.Tambourine Man " by Bob Dylan as She replied

"No problem, least I could for this little walk- you going that way ?" She asked as she pointed straight ahead.I nodded as I said

"Yea but then I take a turn left to the movie theater…"

She nodded and said

"Cool, cool uhh well I guess that's where we part ways …hehe …"

The light finally turned green as we walked together for a moment as I said

"I guess so…"

In the few minutes we had as we walked in a slow pace as I asked

"Really rains like god hates Colorado huh ?…"

She laughed as she said "yea it seems so but hey who can really hate Rain ?" I laughed as I agreed.I didn't get a good look at this girl but she looked like a Emma but I knew for sure it wasn't her; this girl was a bit shorter.Our short little walk had ended as we both noticed "well I guess this is it …" she said as I handed over the flowers as I said

"Yea and here you go and happy new years …"

She was cautious as she said

"No I can't take these-" I interrupted as I said

"Oh nonsense, you helped me so it's only fair besides, I was just gonna throw them away …"

She accepted as she asked

"Hwy what's your name ?" As I replied

"Norman " she jumped as she then asked

"You got a number I could get to see if we could have another walk like this maybe ?"

I was very saddened to hear this as she doesn't know of what's about to occur in a short while.I was hesitant to invite her along with me to this movie but I'm dead set on ending it all.Regardless,

"Sure I'll type it in your phone if you'd like …" I said as she handed it over as I began to put in Emma's number.

"There you go, you can call me tomorrow if you'd like- or whenever you feel comfortable, anyways Goodnight and happy new years !" I said as I began to walk fast with jacket over my head.She began to walk away in a lust as she smelled the flowers as she yelled back "bye Norman .." she walked away quickly as I got back to my plan.

I had the pistol on my left side as I walked with caution as I didn't want to get caught with it out.I finally arrived to the theater as I ran in, the rain poured extra hard.I got through the line as it was empty,

"Hey man what movie will it be ?" Asked the worker as I said

"Let me get the 9:30 for that one …" I said as I pointed at the poster for it that was behind me.He looked and said " alright, sounds good boss …" he rang me as he looked confused

"Oh shoot, it looks like the register ain't working- you know what just go ahead man…. " I was shocked as I asked

"What really ?" He nodded his and said

"Yea, go ahead man; it's new years and it looked like you traveled far to get here- so just go for it …"

I thanked him as I walked up to the worker that waited to scan and approve tickets, he was about to speak until the worker before yelled

"Hey, hey he's good just let him through for that movie !" He yelled as the worker looked at The poster and then yelled back

"Okay- alright …." He went on to look through see the booth it's in as he said to me,

"Alright should be in A2 on your left man …" I thanked him as I walked towards the place.

I sat down as I just got in time to see the film already starting, must be sheer luck.I saw nobody else was in here but me, it was depressing.I sat down all the way in the back as I quickly changed my attitude.I held on to the pistol on my left coat pocket as the film started play.I sat there as it was about 10 pm already, it's how this works.A movie says it'll start at 9:30 but it has 30 minutes of ads to hit you for other shitty movies that'll come out soon.

Well doesn't matter now I sat through the film as I was enjoying it and deeply connecting to it as it was a film about cinema.It was 11:54 pm now as the new year was upon us.The movie had about an hour left as I just remembered, I had no suicide note made, fuck you fucking idiot Norman.You forget one crucial part of this and now that you do it people will give their shitty opinion on why you do it.

To hell with it, I'm still doing this; I can't live like this anymore."Hurt " by Johnny Cash be an to play in my headphones as each minute passed as fireworks were already blaring, a little early but people are lay's celebrated.Time flew by so fast as I slowly pulled out the pistol and remembered how Susan showed me to take off the safety.Christ I'm sitting here thinking he'll just magically walk up out of nowhere but nothing.I hate to leave this burden on my loved ones as they don't deserve all this pressure but nevertheless I'm willing to take that consequence.I can now picture it, all those fun-times in high school and all the childhood memories all coming to end as my chapter is yet to be published.What feels awful of this is there's millions like me out there and no one gives a shit.

It's 11:59 pm as I aimed the gun underneath my head as I waited now I watched the scene as I knew it'll be the last form of entertainment I enjoy.I couldn't feel more anxious as I still reminisced on so much in the few seconds I had left.May god have mercy on me and may I show faith.My watch began to beep as it was now 12 and new year upon us all.

January 1st, 2023

I pulled that trigger and all my troubles were gone, the fireworks were just an appetizer to the full course meal of sorrow i dished.As my finger itches away to stop I kept fighting my brain as the sound is the last thing I heard a big boom and just pitch black now.I had my music still playing as my headphones lastly played "The End " by the doors.The last song I can be proud to have heard as my dying wish.

I died knowing I left many wondering and many questioning why I'd do it.There's many factors that went into account for this but the main reason was, I'm just a Gemini Man who's lives in a Cancerous world, no helped and no one cared.In the end you are forgotten but never seen as a grievance.Now as I go to what I call he'll I have to this to say,

Never feel comfort in the loneliness my friend For that comfort shall form into a cancer, an array, a beam that will strike you into feeling confidence in disappointment.

The End