The First And Last

Afiyat smiles as she looks out the window of her hospital room, knowing full well that there isn't much more time for her to live in this world given how much more sympathetically the doctors are treating her.

She is aware that she must leave soon, but for some reason, her body and spirit were screaming in excruciating pain. What can she do? It's unlikely that she can anticipate a miracle at this point, and furthermore, she had been feeling the impulse to put an end to her life for a long time. If only her grandmother, who constantly keeps praying for a miracle to rescue her, didn't exist. She would have already accepted the grim reaper's impending doom as her inevitable fate. But it's not as if it really matters anymore; after all, her grandmother was the one who left this world first.

She vaguely recalled how the elderly woman used to speak to her in a calm voice and assure her that there is always light despite the cruelties of this world. Maybe not everyone understands it, but even a small glimpse of that happiness was acceptable. Regardless of whether you believe there is no hope, she ought to constantly have fate. Perhaps that explains why she is currently holding on to life. Of course, there were other influences, but her grandmother's constant desire for her to take in the world from an entirely new point of view was undoubtedly one of the main reasons.

Every night, Afiyat relishes experiencing this one dream. She envisions what it might feel like to stroll barefoot in sandy ground while listening to the sound of the waves on a beach. She can still hear her grandmother informing her about how soothing the sound of the ocean waves is. In addition, whenever the sunset falls there, it is the most breathtaking thing that can be imagined. And on how the chilly breeze of the wind tingles her skin.

Afiyat also wants to go through that because she wants to feel how her grandmother did whenever she visits the ocean. But she simply can't because of her physical state, which is the most irritating feeling in the world for her. After all, she was still a child when terrible incidents began to happen to her. She wasn't meant to be this way on purpose; she had no desire for such a body. She tried everything to get better herself, however nothing has changed. 

She even screamed and begged God to spare her or at least show her some sympathy, but despite her repeated requests for help, they had not yet been answered, as if she had been told to simply give up. Even though she was aware that she was facing imminent demise, she continued to pray and hold out hope for a miracle to occur.

However, there was a deafening silence in response to her calls.

She then devised an idea that was absurd. That practically has the potential to shorten or even end her life. But what can she do when she wants to leave this chilly, cold white room? All she could make out in her immediate surroundings was a ventilator and a few other uninteresting objects. Furthermore, she has nothing to lose this time. Hence, maybe for once in her life, she should follow her heart's true wishes instead of withering away while dying away in this place.

While she thinks it would be a good idea if she could somehow escape from this place, she is aware that it won't be simple considering the level of security this place is and what she would do if she succeeded in trying to leave this place. She remembers a few nurses talking about an amusement park near the beach, although she really wants to see the view of the ocean, she also wants to see the amusement park. She is even more motivated to go there because the locations appear lovely on television.

Afiyat can envision how amazing it would be to ride on one of such rides; in her eyes, entering a place like that must be exciting. Not to mention that she might, if only through that small gesture, reclaim some of her lost childhood. Even though it is quite dangerous for her, she deserves that minimum this moment in time.

In contrast to repeatedly lying on a hospital bed, staring up at the white ceiling, hoping to get healed, being free and seeing a destination you've always wanted to go to is far better. Even if she can gradually feel the fatigue in her body, it she had already thought that she no longer had the chance to get better.

She just had one more chance left, so she had to make the most of it. She needed to do something to replace the empty space in her heart, to quell her feelings of grief and envy toward the people who were laughing and walking happily. Even if it turns out to be her last time, she feels that once is more than enough. 

......

Afiyat was panting and wearing rubber shoes and jeans. She could feel her body feeling as if she's being pricked by a thousand needles and her heart pounding because of her rapid heartbeat. Her brow begins to sweat, and of course it's not from the heat. She can see snow pouring from the sky and it's the month of December, and it truly is cold.

As Afiyat finally pulled her shoes laces together, she grinned and exhaled a sigh of relief, telling herself that she could now proceed with her current plans. And now comes the challenging part: how is she going to get out of here? She shook her head and stood up as she could feel her muscles and joints working. She practiced walking for a few months as part of her fitness regimen, but she frequently questions why she had to do it given that she won't be leaving the hospital any time soon. However, she is quite grateful that she underwent it because it has allowed her to continue walking correctly because if she doesn't do that morning walk, she would be like an old lady and be caught by the hospital staff immediately.

She then placed some of her stuff in his bed, including pillows, to give the impression that she was still there and sound asleep. She hopes that no one will notice it immediately and call for security.

Afiyat now took a deep breath as she exited her hospital room. She opened the door, and, to her luck, no one was there. She then stepped outside and left the room. She heads in the direction of the elevator and upon entering she pushes the first-floor button.

Afiyat noticed herself sweating as the elevator moved slowly. She knows she needs to calm down since panicking is terrible for her, but she made a promise to herself today that she will never ever give in because she needs to see the beach and the amusement park for the first and final time.

......

Surprisingly, Afiyat managed to leave the hospital unnoticed despite her suspicious behavior. If the doctors or nurse ever learned that one of their patients went missing, she would sincerely apologize to them in her mind. She was reasonably aware that they would face severe criticism, but she also needed to be selfish.

She still feels awful, though, because her father was the hospital's chairman. Although she came from a wealthy family, she never once felt like she belonged there. Since her parents have never paid her a visit, she occasionally questions whether they even know her. Despite the letters those people send, she never bothers to read them because she wants to talk to them face to face. Even if others told her they didn't have time, she truly wanted them to show up. Because if they truly cared about their only daughter, who is becoming increasingly ill, they would make arrangements to visit her.

She probably felt like an outcast because of this, as a result she was grateful that her grandmother had always been by her side. However, given the current circumstances, she won't be meeting the elderly woman grave at all. Yet again, Afiyat wanted to meet her sooner where she finally left this world. But even if she did, she would've felt bad because the elderly woman had passed away because of her. She might still be standing next to her grandmother if she weren't so self-centered and foolish back then.

The elderly woman adored Afiyat, and Afiyat felt the same way about her. The beloved grandmother, who had always been by her side, but she was regretful because was the reason why the elderly woman suddenly suffered a heart attack because of what she had done in the past after that the old lady never appear in front of her again. Though she does know why the elderly woman is unable to visit her any longer where she only blames herself for it. Despite all that her grandmother assures her that she had done nothing wrong. While Afiyat had despises receiving letters, she always looks forward to her grandmothers, therefore she was quite thrilled to receive letters from the elderly woman. 

Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. She assumed that perhaps her grandma had grown to despise her as well. But news provided the answers to her questions. Her last moment of joy came when she received her grandmother's final letter. They had to sedate her for a week because she sobbed and screamed as her heart threatened to explode and endanger her life. And enough time for her to gradually come to terms with the fact that her grandmother won't be able to see her any longer. Perhaps she does because she continues to think that she was standing next to the woman she was gone, and the worst part is she never had the chance to give her a final goodbye.

The prospect of seeing her soon made her grin. Even though she wished she could at least pay a visit to her grave, she knew her grandmother could sympathize with her current predicament.

She needs to see the ocean as soon as possible since she realized that the time, she has left in her life is dwindling with each step she takes outside the hospital. She knew she was going to perish, but it won't stop her from accomplishing her objective. Even if she is ridiculed for her stupidity in pursuing such a dream, she doesn't care anymore. She merely wanted to act in a way that felt appropriate for her. 

....

Even in extremely frigid temperatures, Afiyat can feel cold sweat running down her forehead. Since it is far too cold outside for her body, the weather is quite bad, and she is aware that she may pass out at any moment. She won't give up, though. The atmosphere around Afiyat began to feel stuffy and oppressive.

She is certainly getting closer to her breaking point, but she can't stop now because there is no going back. She took a deep breath and began her journey once more, but fear continued to fill her stomach as she took wobbly steps. Perhaps she regrets doing this. She made a head-shaking gesture.

"I can't let bad thoughts win," she murmurs.

As Afiyat turns the corner to finally reach the bus stop, she unintentionally bumps into someone, causing him to fall to the ground and drop his belongings. Afiyat groans in pain as she also slumps to the ground; the impact was extremely painful for her weak body.

......

Despite the pain she is experiencing, Afiyat gets up right away and quickly bows in apology, expressing she doesn't want to anger anyone as she still has plenty of things to do.

"Ehhh Afiyat?" A familiar voice spoke.

Slowly turning her head to face the boy, Afiyat's blue eyes met the boy's green eyes. She exhaled in relief because she knew this individual well, but she immediately held her breath. She was certain that she wasn't safe because the man standing in front of her was familiar with her medical condition for an extensive period of time.

 "Asher?" Afiyat asks innocently.

The girl, however, was yelling internally as she tried to come up with ways to stop the crisis from happening as she stared at her childhood best friend and helped him up. She also assisted the man in gathering his fallen belongings, which included a bouquet of familiar flowers and some textbooks that appeared to be about medicine.

The bouquet of daisies and sunflowers caught Afiyat's attention. She has always liked such flowers since they appear so alive and drab yet bright at the same time. In addition, they are also very attractive.

In her opinion, daisies are a wonderfully delicate flower, and they represent innocence and purity. Asher felt that this description fit of to Afiyat, who is weak and gentle and pure despite her difficulties, was suitable. Although she might not be just as brilliant as the aforementioned flower.

Asher, on the other hand, gave a slight head shake and then peered intently at his childhood pal. Since when did she leave the hospital? Given how fragile she is, he would never have thought to run into her on the street.

"Why are you outside or how come you are outside?" Asher asks eyeing the blue eyes of Afiyat though the blonde locks of Afiyat's hair however covers her eyes as she took in a deep breath and sigh. 

"I actually got discharged and I don't want to stay at my bedroom all day, so I decide to walk around" Afiyat said then give a closed eye smile to Asher.

Asher of course is not buying those since this place they are currently in is nowhere near Afiyat's house, but he did believe on the first part as one glance at the girl he could tell that she is healthy. Unlike the pale as white sheet girl he always saw at the hospital who somehow manage to look like a ghost as if there is no blood flowing in her veins.

Her eye bags were gone too and the way he looks at the situation what he seems to see is just Afiyat sweating because of probably how far she had walk away from the hospital which was suspicious as it's cold. I mean shouldn't she be resting first. Though he does understand that maybe Afiyat is really excited and can't keep still.

Asher sighs and just shook his head and show Afiyat a small smile the complexion in Afiyat face was fine but somehow there was this dread feeling that makes his stomach churn. He felt that something is not right but right now his friend no his crush is now standing in front of him all well and alive not looking like a walking corpse. He needs to focus on her.

He was happy of course he smiled at the girl as the blonde-haired girl also return a smile at him. He somehow sense something around her blue eyes it was as if it's slowly being consumed by darkness. But Asher was forced on out of on that talk as Afiyat start talking at the boy like a kinder garden asking bunch of questions.

So, she decided to shrug all the negativity as he focuses on answering the question of the girl. However.

'He should've trusted his guts after all as they were really screaming something. He felt stupid for believing Afiyat was alright.'

...

"So, you wanted to go to the amusement park near the beach?" Asher asks Afiyat the blonde girl just nodded her head her hair locks move around at the slight motion.

The two are currently in a park well cause Afiyat doesn't want to get her childhood friend suspicious even if she's having a hard time breathing right now. She can't show it she was just glad that her pale completion is being hidden away by some make up. Thanks to the nurses who always make her look like a coloring book because they always thought that she looks so white. Thanks to them she picks up a skill or two.

And she is glad that Asher really think that she is really fine she was glad that the guy was not suspicious of her that much.

"Yeah, I heard the nurses talk about how good that place is and how beautiful the view of the night near the sea I would love to see the sunset but it's already midnight that's honestly so disappointing" Afiyat shrugs as she sighs while looking at the night sky which is full of stars.

"But it's really cold are you sure you want to go there you just got out I mean?" Asher asks.

"Yeah, I'm sure... I'm really sure so please Asher help me get there!" Afiyat pleaded with puppy eyes.

The emerald eye boy of course couldn't resist those beautiful blue eyes as he just agreed. After all he can't really say no to those pleading eyes of hers his way too weak in her charms.

"Alright but no funny business, okay?" Asher ask looking at Afiyat.

"Promise!!" Afiyat smiles brightly at Asher who also smile back at her with equal or maybe more happiness.

….…..

Afiyat was waiting for Asher to finish putting his textbook at his dorm. Though Afiyat knew that Asher was completely convince that he was fine she still feels as if he was a threat to her. She just sighs she was lucky that she was able to convince Asher to just go back to his dorm instead of going back to the hospital to leave the bouquet of flowers just in his house.

After a few moments Asher opened the door of his dorm then he strode towards to Afiyat or more likely to his motorbike which is three steps behind her. He stops in front of it as Afiyat stare at the back of Asher. She saw him took a deep breath and lets out a puff of sigh while looking up at the sky. Asher then proceed to tur his head slightly towards Afiyat's way.

"Let's go?" he spoke while giving her a close eye.

"Yeah!!" Afiyat said as she run towards Asher.

The guy then made her wear a helmet as he then helps her lift from the ground and put her at the backside of the motorbike as he also went to sit. He starts the engine as he holds onto Afiyat hands and make her hug his waist.

"Hold to me tightly we don't want you flying right?" Asher said with a hint of joke.

"Alright boss" Afiyat giggles as she hugs onto Asher.

….….

Afiyat couldn't believe what she is seeing right now. She felt her eyes sparkling while looking at the amusement park right now. She can see the big rides and small shops or booths that sells and offers various games with prizes. She couldn't help but to gawk at the scenery. She thought that the actual thing was much better to the ones that is shown in the Tv's.

The amusement park was full of colorful of lights that make it looks like morning. She took a deep breath to contain her excitement she can see the drop tower which is popular in tv's as well as the roller coaster. She really wants to ride those however her train of thoughts was interrupted.

"Afiyat you can't ride those you just got discharge not to mention that is really bad for your heart" Asher spoke who's currently beside her.

Afiyat almost forgot him for a hot second right there.

"Sorry I guess I get excited I knew that those rides are bad for people who have heart disease so I definitely won't try riding those after all I don't want to see myself dying immediately if ride those" though Afiyat was disappointed that she can't ride those scary rides she wouldn't risk going there after all she needs to spend her time wisely, she doesn't really want to die on the first ride.

"OH, let's go to the carousel!" Afiyat smile seeing the colorful ride which had horses in it with different colors.

"Alright and slow down" Asher just said as he follows the blonde girl who looks really supper excited at everything.

Afiyat then turns around and smile at him while waving telling him to hurry up. Asher felt a pinch in his heart as he walks towards her while she smiles at greeting him.

….….

"Wah the carousel was really fun" Afiyat spoke her voice shaky out of happiness.

She stares at the different rides and her fingers pointing on stuff that she finds wonderful. She loves how noisy it was though yes it do hurt her head however she like the noise. Because the surrounding was lively unlike the silent hospital, she grew up in.

She was so happy to the point that she wishes that time would stop just this moment to let herself drown in more of this dreamlike adventure for her. Slowly however she stops herself from feeling high in so much happiness after she felt a sharp pain in her chest. She knew she went overboard in her excitement, yet she didn't really care she thinks that it was worth it.

Slowly she then saw a rather cute bunny plush. It was two dolls connected in the hands one has orange yet almost golden color fur with eyes stitch with blue buttons and the other partner have a black fur with bright green button eyes. Afiyat found that lovely she then tugs Asher arms as she points out the stuff animal.

"Hey, let's win that one" Afiyat smiles at the boy her eyes sparkling.

Asher look at the stall it was a shooting type stall. He knew better than anyone that those types of stores are definitely rigged but seeing the happiness in Afiyat eyes that he rarely sees he gives in and went to the stall.

"Alright but after this we are going home it's almost morning" Asher spoke in a calm voice as he pulls out his wallet and took a few bucks as he proceeds to pay the owner of the stall.

"Nah before that let's see the ocean first, I heard that it's pretty" Afiyat murmurs but it was enough to be heard by Asher.

"It's so cold Afiyat are you really sure you want to go there" Asher asks.

Afiyat just nods her head her eyes were looking at him with so much emotion. Those eyes really make his heart tingle. Slowly he turns his head to the toy gun, and he took a deep breath.

"Please just this time" Afiyat spoke calmly at him.

Though Asher didn't reply for a few seconds he slowly just nods his head. Afiyat couldn't see what the expression on Asher's face was now. Somehow her heart feels light now because she thinks Asher finally took notice on what she was hiding. She was glad that the guy didn't ask more question because she really don't know how to reply to him at all.

The snow starts falling as Asher shoots the target in the small stall. Afiyat slowly can feel that her world was slowly getting blurry. She felt tired after her adrenaline left after she got off from the carousel. Now she can feel the pain in her whole body as if she was being poke by a thousand needles. As she was calming herself down from screaming in pain, she fails to notice the stuff toy in front of her face. She also fails to notice Asher voice calling her.

Well, that was until the said boy hold her shoulder.

"Your pale" Asher spoke in a low voice.

"Yeah, I guess I was really tired" Afiyat spoke however she felt herself out of breath now.

She then proceeds to smile upon seeing the stuff toy in Asher's hand she reaches out for it and hugs it like it means the world for her. She then gave him a closed eye smile as she spoke.

"Can we go to the ocean?"

"Alright" Asher just reply silently as he held Afiyat hands.

"Thank you" she mumbles.

….…

The sky was dark and Afiyat could now feel the chillness of the air around her. The sky was still dark, and the stars was nowhere to be found probably because of the clouds now. Afiyat hugged Asher back as they rode towards the direction of the sea. Afiyat can see it already from a distance and she can't wait to look at it closer.

….…..

Afiyat stares at the sparkling water that was illuminated by the moonlight. It wasn't a lie when her grandmother spoke on how beautiful it was. She can smell the wetness of the sand and the saltiness of the water that lingers in the air. Despite it being cold and snowing there was no sign of the ocean being frozen. Though she does figure that if she ever steps in the ocean, it was definitely super cold.

Asher then took off her helmet as he holds her hands tightly as he ushers them to get closer. Afiyat of course happily obliged as she took a shaky step like a newborn child. She almost fell down, but Asher grab her arms tightly he seems to take notice on Afiyat wobbly legs as he then proceeds to carry her bridal style.

Though Afiyat want to protest out of embarrassment she just let him be after all she had no energy left in her body anymore. Asher then proceed to sit her in the sandy shore that is now lightly covered by snow. Afiyat touches the sand though the texture is rough she doesn't mind. She was hoping however to feel the sand where it had a different feeling such as it being dry, and it flows out of her hands easily if she tries to hold it.

"Wahhh it's really pretty I can't believe such thing exist" Afiyat mumbles.

"You're like a child" Asher just replied to her whom he sounded like he was lightening up the mood.

"Well don't blame this is my first time here" Afiyat just giggles.

"So, are you satisfied?" Asher asks in a soft voice.

Was she satisfied? Yes, she was, she is content on what she has for today. Though she felt sad that she couldn't see the sunset she was still happy to see still the view of the ocean which her grandmother speaks so highly about. And not to mention she was happy at the company of her only friend. She was glad that she met him along the way of her little adventure. Because Afiyat knows that even if she did say that she can see the ocean alone. She really wants someone's company because she really doesn't want to leave this world alone and without someone wishing he goodbye.

"Yeah, it's such a shame though because I didn't get to see the sunset" she spoke in an almost hush voice.

"Then we can see it tomorrow or the day after" Asher spoke.

Afiyat giggles slowly she can feel her eyes get blurry. As the tiredness that she felt in her body grew stronger. Her eyes want to shut off so badly, but she still wants to paint the scenery in front of her in her mind.

"Silly I don't think that would happen anymore" Afiyat let out an almost whisper like reply.

"I'm really thankful for everything Asher, out of everyone your one of the few people who decided to stay despite my rough attitude towards other people" Afiyat told him.

"Your someone who'll definitely achieve higher grounds in the future so always take good care of yourself" Afiyat continues.

"Yeah, but don't speak like you're leaving me now you have to see me Graduate and become the best doctor in my field, right?" Asher spoke.

Afiyat can feel how tense Asher was and she would really love to see him graduate. She was pretty sure that she can though however it was just her spirit wishing him congratulatory.

"I'm not going to leave you because I'll stay here so don't be sad okay" Afiyat spoke as she lifts out her shaky hands slowly pointing at Asher's chest.

"Silly you know the heart is in the center" Asher spoke as he holds Afiyat hands and pointing it to the center of his chest.

Afiyat almost laugh she knew that, but her eyes are blurry now. She also can feel her throat really dry it seems like she has no energy to speak anymore.

"Hey Afiyat, I know that you really like to see the sunset, but I think you'll also like to see how the sun rises" Asher spoke quietly.,

Afiyat looks at the horizon despite her blurry eyesight she could make out a bright red color far away and a circle like fireball appearing. Then slowly the colors turn to orange with a hue of purple now. Despite how Afiyat can't make out of it. She can tell that it was beautiful.

"Ah who would've thought somehow the sunrise feels much more soothing to see than the sunset" she meekly said however she was almost out of breath.

Slowly Afiyat can't hear anything anymore and small black dots starts appearing in her vision. Her chest really feels heavy now and her body feels heavy. She could feel the air slowly running out as if her whole body was rejecting it. She was beyond tired.

"I'll sleep now then Asher goodnight" Afiyat spoke.

She doesn't even know if Asher heard her, but she felt something warm in her forehead and a wet feeling in her cheeks. She could barely make out what was Asher was saying as her eyes slowly closes. And her world become darker, and she slowly felt herself light and empty.

….…

Asher's sobs as he held the girl who made his world there was no sign of breathing anymore. She was slowly becoming cold he hugged her as he held her hair tears streaking down his face. He couldn't even confess to her she couldn't even hear how much the people around her loves her more than anything in the world.

"Sleep tight Afiyat let's meet again someday" Asher spoke.

The sun was now high up in the sky.

'6;39 am Afiyat passed away.'