Amazing Truth

Those wandering men might be locals. We dared not return to the inn, so we walked south along the main road, chasing after the circus.

Earlier, we had agreed to gather in a village called Fangjiazhuang.

After two days of intimacy, I had developed a sense of dependence on Cui'er. Perhaps I saw her as a mother, or perhaps I saw her as a sister, or maybe both.

I felt that Cui'er was the only relative I had in the world.

Fangjiazhuang was a large village that almost everyone we asked along the way knew of. It was far from the county seat, and we had been walking for a day and had not arrived yet.

When night fell, we stayed in a household. The old lady of the house was vegetarian and recited Buddha. She cleaned the upper room of her house and let us stay there. There were only three people in this household, besides the old lady, there was her son and daughter-in-law.

The old lady cooked us a pot of millet porridge, and a few steamed buns, and took out two red carrots from the pickling jar. We were just about to pick up our chopsticks when a couple walked in from outside, the old lady's son and daughter-in-law.

The old lady said the young couple were doing some small business in the county. The daughter-in-law was obviously more experienced and worldly than Cui'er. She was about the same age as Cui'er but not at all shy in front of strangers. She boldly held Cui'er's hand and said, "Why do you look so good? You look like someone from the theater stage." In fact, the people who performed on the theater stage were often painted in heavy makeup, and they may not have been as good-looking as Cui'er.

The young couple sat with us at the same table for dinner. They chatted and laughed, appearing very cheerful. The husband picked up some shredded carrots and fed them to his wife, who had a look of happiness on her face. The husband continued to offer more shredded carrots to his wife, but she playfully blocked them with her chopsticks. Even a simple dish like shredded carrots conveyed their love and happiness. After dinner, the young couple secretly held hands and went into their room, blushing. Cui'er looked at them with a wistful and envious expression.

Later that evening, we sat in the living room and chatted with the elderly lady.

The elderly lady's home used to belong to a wealthy family. Upon entering the home, there was a stone-carved flower and bamboo pattern on the plaque, followed by a spacious courtyard with two side rooms on each end. The walls of the side rooms were decorated with engraved brick and stone patterns, and behind the side rooms was the main room, consisting of three rooms. The middle room was the living room, equivalent to today's living room, and the two sides were guest rooms, equivalent to today's bedrooms. The young couple slept in the side room, while we slept in the main room.

The living room was luxurious, with four wooden doors adorned with carved motifs of good fortune and happiness. The windows were wooden with lattice designs and covered in new paper with red window decorations. In the center of the living room was an eight immortals table with a portrait of a person in the middle. In the past, there were no photographs in rural areas, so people could only have portraits. Above the eight immortals table was an antique painting of a deer lying under a blossoming plum tree.

Every item in the living room was a treasure, and if they were sold today, they would fetch a good price.

Curious, I looked at the portrait on the table and asked, "Who is this?"

The elderly lady replied with a smile, "It's my husband. He passed away two years ago."

The elderly lady then asked about our situation, and Cui'er looked at me as if afraid I would say something. I knew what we were doing was unspeakable, so I remained silent. Cui'er stuttered and blushed, unsure of how to respond.

The elderly lady looked at Cui'er and said with a smile, "It's okay if you can't say it. Everyone has their difficulties. If you need anything, just let me know. Who doesn't have difficulties?"

Cui'er nodded.

The old lady looked at me and said, "Is this your younger brother?"

Cui'er nodded quickly.

The old lady said, "Look at the child's cotton coat, it's dirty and torn. You must be having a hard time." She got up and walked into a room, and after a while, she came out with a pair of silver bracelets in her hand. She handed the bracelets to Cui'er and said, "It's almost New Year's. Sell these bracelets and buy the child a new cotton coat."

Cui'er stood up in a panic and said, "How can we do that?"

The old lady said, "Those who come here are meant to be. The Bodhisattva sent you to my house. You must accept these bracelets."

Cui'er held the silver bracelets in her hand, unsure of what to do with them.

The old lady continued, "I had some money in the house originally. A circus came to the village a few days ago, and my son and daughter-in-law were not home. I went out to watch the circus, and when I came back, all the silver coins in the house were stolen. These silver bracelets were my dowry and were wrapped in the clothes bundle, so they weren't discovered by the thief."

When Cui'er heard this, she was shocked and didn't know what to do with the bracelets. She put them on the table and didn't touch them anymore.

That night, the old lady and Cui'er seemed to have talked for a long time. I listened for a while but soon began to yawn. The old lady brought a copper basin with foot washing water and let me soak my feet. She then helped me undress and tucked me into a thick quilt. The old lady said, "Look at your cotton coat. It's so torn, and the cotton is coming out. It won't protect you from the wind. Oh, and there are lice. So many lice."

The old lady took my torn cotton clothes out and then came back with a needle and thread. She said, "My child's cotton clothes from when he was little are still here, but they're a little big. I'll adjust them, and you can wear them tomorrow. Sleep well."

The old lady left, and the quilt became warm. Suddenly, my face felt cool, and I reached up to wipe away two tears.

I lay in bed, listening to the old lady and Cui'er talking in the hall about the customs of this area. I yawned again and fell asleep.

When I woke up, it was already bright outside. Cui'er was lying in bed with her head against the wall and her body buried in the quilt. Her eyes were swollen as if she had just cried.

I crawled into Cui'er's bed and scratched her itchy spot, saying, "Haha, you cried, you cried."

Cui'er pushed my arm away and said irritably, "Stop it, be quiet."

I dared not play around anymore and asked, "What time did you go to bed last night?"

"I didn't sleep all night," Cui'er replied.

"What were you doing then? Weren't you sleepy?" I asked.

"Nothing, I just wasn't sleepy," Cui'er said.

It was really strange. Since she wasn't doing anything, why didn't she sleep all night? I couldn't figure it out.

As I was pondering over it, someone knocked on the door. It was our daughter-in-law, who asked, "Are you awake? Let's eat if you are."

Cui'er agreed and went out. I followed her and saw that the sun had risen above the treetops to the east.

After we finished our meal, we all went out. We followed the old lady up the mountain since her son and daughter-in-law had gone to the county to do business.

There was a mountain three or four miles away from the village. It wasn't very high, but it was steep. There was a temple on the top of the mountain that was very old, and there was a stone path from the foot of the mountain to the top. Temples at that time didn't charge any money, and they didn't have as many pilgrims as they do today.

The mountain top is lush with pine and cypress trees, even in winter it remains a verdant green. The temple is hidden among the grove of trees, appearing exceptionally serene and solemn. This ancient structure dedicated to Buddha is not really a temple but rather a small monastery, because the resident is a nun.

The nun holds a whisk in her hand, her countenance peaceful and her eyes calm. I cannot discern her age or what she may be thinking.

The old lady and Cui'er light incense and kneel before the Buddha. Cui'er looks very serious and moves slowly, I have never seen her with such a serious expression.

After the prayers, the old lady and Cui'er follow the nun into the inner room. I follow them in and tug on Cui'er's shirt from behind. She pushes me away, saying "You play outside, don't come in."

I play outside for a while and watch a group of sparrows squabble over insects on the steps. Eventually, one of the sparrows flies off with the prize, while the others squawk and give chase. With the sparrows gone, I am bored and move to the window of the inner room, where I place two stones under my feet to get a better look inside.

The nun sits on a cushion, the old lady on another, and Cui'er on a small stool.

I overhear Cui'er talking about her family background, something she had never mentioned to me before.

Cui'er and Qing'er are two sisters who lost their father at a very young age. Their mother, unable to support them, married a man who performed in traveling circuses. That man was Gao Shulin.

The pine and cypress trees on the mountaintop are lush and green even in winter. The temple is hidden among the trees, giving off an exceptionally tranquil and solemn atmosphere. This ancient building, which enshrines Bodhisattva, should not actually be called a temple, but rather an hermitage, because the abbot inside is a nun.

The nun holds a duster in her hand, with a peaceful expression and calm eyes. I can't tell her age or what she's thinking.

The old lady and Cui'er light incense and kneel before the Bodhisattva. Cui'er looks very serious, with slow movements. I've never seen her with such an expression before.

After the worship, the old lady and Cui'er followed the nun into the inner room. I followed them inside, grabbing Cui'er's collar from behind. She pushed me away, saying, "You're playing outside. Don't come in."

I played outside for a while, watching a group of sparrows fighting over bugs under the steps. The sparrows flew away with the bugs in their beaks, and the rest followed behind, chattering. When the sparrows left, I felt bored and went to the outside of the inner room. I picked up two stones to stand on and peered through the window to see what they were doing inside.

The nun sat on a cushion, the old lady on another cushion, and Cui'er on a small stool.

I heard Cui'er talking about her family background, something she had never told me before.

Cui'er and Qing'er were two sisters who lost their father at a very young age. Their mother had nowhere to go and married a person who performed acrobatics in a traveling circus. That person was Gao Shulin. Gao Shulin taught them acrobatics, as he was born into a family of circus performers. They learned some acrobatics when they were very young and could perform independently. The four of them slept on the same bed every night when they were little.

As they grew up, they became very beautiful. However, Gao Shulin and their mother began to argue more frequently. One day, their mother died of an unknown illness.

Afterwards, it was just the three of them in the bed. They slept together at night and didn't think anything was wrong because they had always slept that way since they were young.

One day, a man named Zhupang joined their troupe. He was a monkey trainer and also traveled around all the time. On Zhupang's suggestion, they began to perform circus acrobatics on a carriage. Because the content was rich and varied, they became famous far and wide.

Later, Yaozi, Xiangan, Puti, and Daigou all joined them. Their group became larger and larger, performing while stealing.

I heard Cui'er mention my name from outside the window and listened attentively.

The nun asked, "What were the symptoms when your mother died?"

Cui'er said, "Her face was bruised, her eyes wide open, and she looked very scary."

The nun asked, "What did you and him do while sleeping together?"

Cui'er said, "He climbed on top of me and put his thing inside my body."

The nun asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

Cui'er said, "He's my father. He said every father and daughter sleep in the same bed and do this."

The nun and the old lady exchanged a glance and sighed softly.

The room fell silent. I thought they would talk about me, but they didn't.

I felt bored and was about to leave when the nun suddenly spoke up. She said, "Everything is different from what you imagined and what he told you."

Cui'er looked at the nun.

The nun said, "Your mother brought you and your sister to his house, where he taught you acrobatics. As you grew up, he had a twisted idea of wanting to possess your bodies. Your mother refused, so he poisoned her to death. Without your mother's interference, he was able to take over you. To make you willingly submit to him, he deceived you with lies, saying that every father and daughter do this. He was afraid you would awaken, so he prevented you from contacting the outside world, especially adult men."

Cui'er looked at the old lady and then at the nun. She asked, "Is it true?"

The nun said, "It's true."

Cui'er was still skeptical. She asked, "How do you know?"

The nun looked up, her eyes shining. Her gaze seemed to penetrate the house as she said, "I used to be a Red Lantern girl, wielding a big knife with my sisters and marching into Beijing to overthrow the foreigners and protect our country. However, the Emperor betrayed us and colluded with the foreigners to exterminate the Red Lanterns. I escaped from the pile of dead bodies and hid in Hebei, changed my name and identity, and married my senior brother, hoping to live a peaceful life. But a year later, the Qing army found us hiding in the mountains, and my senior brother was killed. I became a nun after that, and it's been more than 20 years since then."

The nun continued, "I also have a father, but he has never touched my body since I was ten years old. Only my eldest martial brother, who is also my husband, is allowed to touch me. That person is not your husband, so of course he cannot touch you."

Cui'er exclaimed and covered her face with her hands, "How could this be?!"

I could only partially understand their conversation, but seeing Cui'er cry, I had an urge to go in and comfort her. However, I hesitated because she had just pushed me away earlier.

There was no more talking in the room, only the sound of Cui'er's sobs. I had hoped to hear more about "Dai Gou," but they never mentioned it. Feeling disappointed, I jumped down from the stone and started looking for something fun to do in the temple.

There was a huge gingko tree in the temple, and on the ground were some rocks. To pass the time, I picked up some rocks and threw them at the trunk of the tree. After throwing two rocks, I suddenly saw them come out from the inner room.

Cui'er's eyes were red as she grabbed my arm and we left the temple. An old lady followed behind us, waving her arms at the nun standing on the steps.