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The Defective Detective

(Updates are slow because of certain things) (Volume 1) Taking place in 2018, Mr. William Habitat has the ultimate deduction skills. Deducing the obvious when other people are not able to notice the obvious because they are that dumb. His companion Jane Surname is as sassy as she is brilliant. Together they solve cases and annoy each other like playful children. Join them as you cringe through their adventures with inappropriate jokes and a little bit of gore. (Volume 2) Year 2022. William Habitat and Jane Surname Habitat married each other but continued to consider themselves as best friends. They only married each other to take care and nurture and die together because, the thought of being a sweet couple makes them cringe. They moved to Norway with their pet dog Emily, named after William's sister. Everything was all good until William met a strange man who claims to be Sherlock Holmes, but we all know it is not him. Now they must figure out who this man really is (or was) while facing a man he claims to be Professor James Moriarty. Join them once again in this volume that's probably not as good as the first (Because... "Sequels") but still enjoyable (I think)

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34 Chs

Chapter III - The Unsniffable Scent

I had no shift the next day so my wife, dog, and I went straight to Sherlock's hotel room at noon. We sat exactly where we did before and my wife held our dog Emily. Sherlock sat on the same place with his fingertips together and his elbows on the side arms of his chair.

"You two arrived exactly as I predicted" he broke the silence "And if my prediction continues to be correct. The UV lamp should arrive right about now"

Four knocks were there on the door. Sherlock stood up and opened it to see a man holding a box and a clipboard.

"UV Lamp" announced the man. He had tanned skin, wore a cap, and slightly baggy grey clothes with blue stripes, and black shoes.

"Money's on him" Sherlock pointed at me as he signed his name. I stood up to pay the man and as I sat back down overheard them arguing about Sherlock's real name until he closed the door to open the box with a kitchen knife.

"I had to make up a name because, once again, I was mistakened for a fictional character"

"And what name did you make up?" asked I

"John Smith"

"That's a common name"

"That's why it's believable. Of course, anybody with an uncommon name should be lucky because rare things are considered treasure" he pulled the UV lamp out of the box and placed it on top of a shelf.

"Now all we need is to figure out where to plug it"

"A socket is the best option" suggested Jane.

"I sense sarcasm in your comment"

"I feel a cable under my foot. I think it may be an extension socket"

"You don't need to go that far"

"Actually, that wasn't sarcasm this time" said I "She really is stepping on an extension socket" I grabbed the said object from under her foot.

"I forgot that existed" said Sherlock, grabbing and plugging it to a wall socket close enough for the UV lamp's plug.

"You didn't need the extension socket!" I gasped

"Well, it certainly needed to be useful. Now turn off the only light and close the curtains" he plugged in the UV lamp as I did what he told me to. The room became dark but with a slight illumination from the behind the thin curtains caused by the sun. I placed the small strip of paper under it and Sherlock turned it on.

"There's nothing, it's empty" I exclaimed

"Flip it"

"Oh right"

Written on the note, revealed by the UV lamp, was "Doyle"

"Now, who or what could this Doyle be?" asked Sherlock.

"You don't know the author of your own books?" asked I.

"How many times must I say that they are the reminiscenes of my kidnapped companion?"

"Arthur Conan Doyle" interrupted Jane

"John Watson!"

"I meant the name written on the damn paper!"

"Ah" gasped Sherlock "We have a name, but we don't have a location"

he started sniffing the entire strip of paper from the smallest details, even the ink.

"Strange, I do not recognize the smell"

"Tell me he did not just sniff like a dog" said Jane

"I'm Sherlock Holmes, I sniff things" answered Sherlock "But strangely, this one is unsniffable"

"I'm actually glad I can't see what's happening right now"

"I think it's better that way" said I "Let me sniff it" I grabbed the strip of paper to sniff the smallest details as Sherlock did.

"My husband too?"

"I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, but I can confirm this smell is rather unfamiliar"

"We have a dog, dammit! And she's named after your sister!"

I said nothing as I placed the paper under our dog's nose, there it waddled adorably. Jane placed her down, holding the leash and her cane.

"I think I should hold the leash, she might run, and you're blind" said I.

"No, it's okay" exclaimed she. Sherlock opened the door and held it.

"All right then, Emily, follow the smell"

Our dog started to jog upon hearing my companion, not too fast for my blind wife to catch up which was a relief.

"She is well trained" complimented Sherlock as he followed me following Jane holding the leash holding Emily.

"No, you cannot experiment on our dog"

"I see you can also read through people"

"No, i've seen what you did to Watson's dog in the two Sherlock Holmes movies"

"Buy me a DVD"

"That's a different portrayal of Sherlock Holmes. Still quite fantastic, though" said Jane as she let the dog pull her. She led us through a countless flight of staircases from Sherlock's room of 221 to the 1st floor of the hotel to the outside. We followed and followed until Emily sat down, on the sidewalk, with her tongue out, panting. We waited for almost 10 minutes.

"She's not moving" I pointed out.

"Patience, my dear William" said Sherlock.

"I think you should let her sniff it again" suggested Jane. I did as she suggested and let Emily sniff the paper once more. Then, she layed on the floor, her head between her paws.

"I think she's hungry" said Sherlock "Does your dog like ginger nuts?"

"Are there ginger nuts in Norway?" asked Jane "Wait, you are not gonna feed our dog with nuts!"

"That idea is nuts" teased Sherlock.

"If I could see you right now i'd punch you in the face"

"She might even do worse" I added

"Yeah, I might amputate your fucking leg"

"She's not kidding"

Emily got back on her feet and continued her run. We followed around corners of streets, through alleys, and eventually ended up at the back of my Library's building. I pushed separately the bush Emily sniffed and found a stone hidden behind. It was in the shape of a tombstone but was not a tombstone.

"That's a good girl, Emily!" I cheered "Wish I had brought a treat with me. This stone feels odd, like it's fake"

I rubbed it, feeling the flat surface across my palm. Then I pushed it to one side opening a secret flight of stairs leading underground. I grabbed my wife's arm. When we got down it was very dark and the deeper we went the more the sunlight faded. I turned on my phone was the battery died.

"Your wife must lead the way for she is blind" said Sherlock.

"What?" asked my wife.

"We're in a very dark passage and you can feel the way, not to mention you're the one holding the dog on a leash"

"Makes sense, I guess"

I let Jane walk up front, holding her shoulders. I felt as we turned to different directions until I saw a small light illuminating from the ajarred door. My wife felt the wooden surface and pushed to open leading us in an already lit room. There was a small chest with not keyhole.

"If there's no keyhole, then it can never be locked" said Sherlock, opening it and pulling out a thick crumpled pile of newspaper. He ripped it apart piece by piece, layer by layer, until underneath it all revealed a Flash Drive. Sherlock examined it and on one side printed and outstretched was the letter M.

"Moriarty" exclaimed Sherlock, throwing it to me.

"There is a hidden word" I said "I notice the light in this very room reflected the shadows of small dots which can only be, possibly, Braille, A system of raised dots that can be read with fingers by people who are blind. Jane!"

I traded her cane with the flash drive and watched her rub the surface.

"You're not gonna like it" she claimed.

"What is it? I'm a big man"

She inhaled and exhaled carefully "The first letter of the hidden word is a C, and I think you can deduce the rest"

A wave of anxiety washed over me

"Cupcake?" I gasped. Jane nodded.