Long Time Ago

"Why didn't you tell me?"

His voice was the barest whisper even when no one nearby could hear him. The patient next to his bed was in the bathroom. And the bed on the other side of the room was vacant.

"Because…"

Era blinked her eyes to hide the sudden heaviness in her chest. She didn't want to burden her father with unnecessary things because the doctor told her that he should not be stressed out.

"Era, it's important. If you have had that feeling since we found you, you should have told us!"

She gritted her teeth and inwardly yelled at herself, seeing how her father heaved his bony chest.

"You don't have to worry about it. When you and Ma found me years ago, I knew that I could trust you. That's why, I choose not to say anything because I know on your side I am safe. And if our hunch is correct that I'm from a rich family," she rolled her eyes when she said the word rich family before continuing, "they can find me. They have the capacity to find me."

"Not if they thought you're dead!"

"I don't know, Pa. I feel like I need to lie low for a while and—

"Stop it, Era! Don't try to think about my situation or my feelings. I'm greedy. I was greedy to have a child. To be a father. That's why I agreed to your Ma's persuasion when she said we should keep you, but the guilt of all these years never left my chest…especially now that I'm here, tied to this bed."

"You became an amazing father to me Bz to Jake, your biological son and you are not tied—"

"No, please. I'm not going to let my own greediness take your happiness. If you have the time, please go to the authorities—

"You want me dead? I really meant it, Pa. I'm scared for my life. I don't know why we are talking about it now. Your doctor made sure to tell me that you must avoid stress at all cost. And now, look at you," she said full of regret.

A deafening silence enclosed them.

Era regretted venturing into the topic of her past. She could no longer take it back since she had already shared what she had been keeping a secret from the people who took her in.

She was seven. Cold and hungry in a strange place. She had no idea of who she was. But she knew that she was in danger and kept on walking until her small tired body collapsed near a gasoline station.

She woke up wrapped around a thin blanket inside a van. She was ready to scream her lungs out but Pa's gentle voice made her stop and look around her surroundings.

She was on the lap of a small chubby woman. Her face looked gentle and caring. Just like her nanny.

Remembering her nanny but could only have a blurry image of her at the back of her mind scared her and made her shiver.

The woman who was carrying her in her arms took it that she was cold and pulled the blanket tighter around her and hugged her closer to her ample bosom.

Era felt safe, however, when they asked for her name, she screamed in pain because she could not remember.

"Era, we know what we did was wrong. You're an adult now. You should go look for your parents. I know someone—"

"No! Please, Pa. Yes, I'm an adult now but I still don't have my full memory. There are flashes but I'm not sure if those memories are real or not. So, please…let me stay with you a bit longer."

She reached for his hand and brought it to her cheek.

"Please, Pa. Let's forget about me. Let's focus on you. You must get better and come home soon. We want you home."

"If you don't want to look for your parents, how about seeing a doctor. There is a doctor for you, right? Someone that can help you remember your memories?"

"Yes," she replied, nodding. She could not tell him that seeing the kind of doctor she needed required a lot of money. Something they don't have at the moment.

"Yes, I'll go and have a check up soon. But you have to promise me first that you're going to get better."

He exhaled a deep breath. She could see in his eyes that he was not ready to let go of the subject but nod.

The other patient that he was sharing the room with came out of the bathroom.

The presence of another person in the room made them stop debating and change the topic of their conversation.

"Can you tell your Ma to visit me this Sunday? I haven't seen her for a while. I miss her."

A soft smile curved from her lips.

"You two love each other dearly."

"She is my life and you and your brother. I wish God will grant more breath to be with you all but then, maybe God is punishing me for my greed."

"Stop it, Pa! I'll be truly angry. If you're trying to convince me to see a doctor, I will. But please, don't say those kinds of words. You're going to get well and spend more time with us. And the greed that you're saying isn't greed. It's your pure heart. You love me and took me in even though you have no idea of what kind of person I'll turn out to be.

You love me like your own blood. Maybe more."

"All children are blessings from God," he whispered, yawning.

Era stood up from the plastic chair she was sitting on and bent down to kiss his forehead.

"You are a blessing from above. You're my savior and protector. Thank you," she whispered back with her voice cracking with the emotion in her chest.

The doctor had told her that she could take her father home and spend his remaining days in the comfort of their home.

But she's a coward. She can't say those words to Ma and Jake.

How could she tell them that an impending loss was right in the corner?