An Unexpected, Unwanted Present

I was tired and ached all over, but I could not sleep thanks to the coke. I threw off the covers and went into my bathroom and filled the bathtub with water as hot as I could stand, adding some lavender oil for good measure.

I sank slowly into the steaming tub, the waters stinging as they hit my sore lady parts. Rick had enjoyed me a little too thoroughly but I had no complaint. I rested my head on the edge of the old cast iron tub, submerged myself into the steaming water, feeling better the longer I soaked.

When the water began to cool, I pulled the plug and let the tub drain. I dried myself off and rubbed lavender lotion all over my aching body, well, now not so aching body. I wrapped myself in my fluffy terrycloth robe and went to the kitchen to get a glass of ice water.

Sitting on the counter was an inverted bowl I had not left there. I picked it up and underneath was a not-so-small quantity of white powder on a saucer. I tucked it away in the back of the cupboard. I am sure this was meant to be nice, but after last night I had enough cocaine to last me for a while.

I was glad I had the day off, I knew I was going to crash at any minute, there was no way I would have been able to stay awake at work. I'd fallen asleep once, much to my embarrassment, and had to explain to my supervisor I hadn't been able to sleep the night before.

I lay down and slept for a couple of hours, then went out for breakfast. I wasn't hungry but wanted to put food in my system. The food and coffee kept me awake for a while but by nine o'clock I could barely keep my eyes open. Just as I was about to hit the pillow the phone rang.

"Let it be Gina," I prayed, "Please don't let it be Rick," and picked up the phone.

"Gotta minute?" I recognized his voice, "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah, just really tired, you wore me out, you know."

I heard him chuckle, "Well, I'm a little sore myself. Did you find my present?"

Oh yeah, I found it, I would have preferred more flowers, or maybe even jewelry.

How to answer this, "Mmm, well, yes. You sorta surprised me with that. Coke is something I don't do very often. It kind of scares me, you know. I smoke marijuana, but if coke comes my way, which it hasn't in a long time, I might give in to temptation. When it comes to alcohol I'm pretty much a lightweight, too."

"Well, just put it away and we can have it the next time I come over. Are you going to be up for a while?"

No, I'm not, not even for you, but did you say "the next time"? That I like the sound of.

"I'm going to bed and sleep until it's time to get up and get ready for work. "

He laughed when I said this, and I laughed with him.

"Well, sweet dreams, have at least one of me. I dreamt about you last night, it's a good thing I don't talk in my sleep. And, oh, I called."

"Yes, you did. Good night," I said and hung up the phone.

The next day...

I like to come into work about half an hour early to sit and sip on a mocha and talk to Gina or whoever is handy. I am one of those people who ease into their day as opposed to rushing into it.

"G" was at the corner table where we usually sat. She looked up from the newspaper she was reading and asked, "Well, how did it go?"

I slumped into a chair and sighed. "I have never met anyone so wonderful, who makes me feel so special but who scares me to death. This may sound strange, but it's what he left for me that I didn't discover until morning."

Gina covered one nostril and sniffed softly. "Is that what you're talking about?"

"Yeah, I'm sure he did it to be nice, but it makes me feel kind of nervous. I try to stay away from it, unless I think I deserve a treat and someone puts some under my nose." I leaned forward so that I could make sure no one heard what I was saying. "You saw how much he did the other night, what if he..."

"Has a drug or alcohol problem or both?" she finished for me, "Well, he's a musician and there's a lot of substance abuse in the business. It's not like you didn't know about that."

"Yes, you're right about that, if I didn't know that before I would have found out at the party. I just didn't expect to have it so close to me. I mean, all you and I do is drink a little and smoke a little pot, that's our way of partying. Now I'm around someone who's into it heavy and I don't know what to think. I'm sure leaving me the coke was his way of being nice and I'm making too big a deal of it like I'm some virgin who's never touched it before."

"G" took my hand and asked, "How do you feel about him? I mean really, how do you feel about him, the drugs, the girlfriend, the whole thing? Is it worth it?"

"I've never been so smitten with anyone in my life. I'm in this deep enough that I don't feel like I want to pull out of it. I was so stupid not to remember that I'm dealing with someone who doesn't give this stuff a second thought."

"You just be careful," she said to me, "Don't let him pull you into the lifestyle, that will not do you any good. Don't drink or do drugs just because he's doing it, don't let him pressure you into it. Remember what happened to Renee?"

Renee was a friend of ours from school. She fell head over heels for someone with a heroin habit and began using because he was. She wound up with a bad habit that cost her everything, including her daughter. The last I heard she was finally getting her life back together and the boyfriend was out of her life for good. She lost years with her daughter because of heroin.

No, I did not want to end up like Renee.

Having a good life means too much to me. I may have fallen in love with the wrong man, but I don't have to go down the same road that he is. Maybe I can talk some sense into him, or at least hope he has enough respect for me to not want that to happen to me.

I'm crazy for him, crazy to the moon and back. All the warning signals are telling me to stay away but how can I? As Shakespeare said, "Love thinks not with the eyes but with the mind and therefore is winged cupid painted blind."

Gina let go of my hand and patted it. "Look, I think he likes you but we don't really know what he wants from you. This whole thing might be over as soon as it started—right? But, if he does stick around, be careful. Don't be afraid to talk to me if you get scared, remember I'm ways here for you. I'm happy for you, but I just want you to be careful. It's not just drugs you're dealing with here, there's another woman in the picture. You're going to have to tread carefully."

I was rested, I was in a good mood, but it was hard to keep my mind on my job. I kept dialing wrong numbers, connecting people to the police department when they wanted the fire department. All I could think about was his hands with their long fingers that touched me everywhere. The beautiful feminine mouth kissed me so thoroughly that it left me breathless. His dark eyes, his dark mop of hair, and the way he kept urging me on and on when I thought I could not take anymore.

"Damn it, girl," I told myself, "You've fallen in love and now you don't know what to do about it. You're a fool but you really can't help it. Men like him don't come along that often."

I knew a "Renee", as a matter of fact she married someone I used to date before he got into heroin. I think that it's sad that women get sucked into that. She lost her little girl, but I really hope she got her back.