Christmas Day

MERRY CHRISTMAS

This is the day that Christ was born, an important day in many people's calendar. But I did not have as much zeal as I was a boy. Bored to death because I was lonely, I did something unheard of. I decided to ring my aunt and invite myself for Christmas. She was happy to hear my voice on the other end of the line.

I did a little shopping, I was pushing the cart around the supermarket with so much uncertainty but its contents masked my doubt, I never failed to pick my favorite orange juice. Sweets for kids. I was now on the way to my Aunt's who was so eager to meet me.

Yes I was on a road to misery, other people were on the road to festivities because it was Christmas season. Red and white dorned the place , it was beautiful.

I was lonely.

One thing my absentee father told me was "Never let your woman know you are insecure." I was too bored to enjoy Christmas, kids were running after chickens and goats and wanted to strangle them, they were food. Loud merry noises filled the calm air all around, I had decided to come to my aunt's place for Christmas. Hugs came and numerous cousins filled around me, staring, greeting and admiring the broken boy who hid his feelings, me, but they didn't know that I was cautious, sue me.

My aunt was a bit traditional, way too comfortable with me to judge why I just showed up after so many years. Good thing is, I was present for this day. After a few acquaintances, I was just strolling around the farm to see what has changed, there was now a perimeter wall around the homestead with lights hung up, new buildings and flowers. Lights were hung on trees too, they went on and off so rapidly it might have made me dizzy, I don't like those lights, but it wasn't my call, I would have have removed them at first thought, every green plant was green, well watered grass, somewhere at the front lawn, it was manicured and stylishly beautiful.

Here my mind was free.

"You drove alone?" except for this small cousin of mine with numerous words in her mouth was asking. I simply nodded. She was about eight or nine years old, too wordy, I might have thought she wasn't OK, probably sick in the head, but damn, that was her personality. "I saw a picture of a pretty girl in your phone's wallpaper" this girl was nagging me. Why was she talking to me about things that her head could not quite understand for?

She had those eyes, those glossy eyes that locked into yours like she's about to drill into you so deep, they had that look, she wasn't giving up soon. She was beautiful with locks of black hair and those deep blue eyes, I was looking too much into them, I was drowning in them.

Too bad.

"At least you can say something about her" who was feeding this kid such knowledge? She had wits, that I confess. What she said made sense, another day without Muffin. My head was spinning, a civil war within me, I don't know if I could take it any longer, but this kid doesn't know that, I can't blurt anything, is not like she will even understand or drag me all the way to muffin to get her back.

Freshly roasted meat and it's scent wafted into the air poking my nostrils and followed the scent. Food is all over in dishes and merry noises in the air to accompany it. I felt the atmosphere change around me, this cousin had started something I couldn't escape from, face the damn truth that I was alone and I needed company from one girl, muffin.

Everything went on as usual, my world hasn't stopped yet. I won't let the loss grip me any longer,or was I too lonely to notice I was?

**

CHARLOTTE'S POV

I had made him cry, I stormed out of his house a few weeks ago, , my heart was still pumping hard behind my ribcage, tears in my eyes, hurt in my heart and his photo in my gallery, in my phone and in my hand. I had run out of his life too quick. I should have given him a chance to explain what the actual fuck his ex was doing in his house. But this seemed like some sort of sick back and forth game I wasn't ready to play.

If I'm being honest, he's the only guy making my tummy flutter when I think of him. Right now I want to touch him, and feel him close to me.

I'm not like most girls who dream to a change a guy that is a player, I didn't own the game. My sister has been with me all this while when he blows my phone every other minute and it was getting harder avoiding him especially when he texted me numerous times and just hitting a wall every time he does. I don't reply, I know it isn't hard to text back.

I had played and replayed scenarios in my head I didn't hear clearly what was being said. I caught fragments of it.

"He's probably given up" This statement caught me off guard, was I a fool? But I needed a reason for him to come back and explain before I let go, I owe him at least. Not texting, face to face.

Need to hear from his lips, he never lied to me, I won't doubt first.

He didn't talk much about himself, sometimes he's difficult to talk to, but always says the right thing to me. I get confused and drown more when he hypnotizes me with those eyes, hazel. I have no expectations. But a part of me was tired of this back and forth.

For Christ's sake, it was Christmas day. I wasn't going to take this anymore, the pressure inside me was building. I went to the bathroom, took a long shower, to wash away the crust that had covered my whole self in doubt, look my best and headed out, it was a holiday. I wasn't going to lock myself in today. I applied my make up, patted myself on the back, it looked professional and slid my dress down my head. Put on my black heels and swung around the full body mirror, plastered a smile and ran to the sitting area.

"Look who came back to life" it felt like I had just been swept up from a grave, but I felt relieved. I put myself down to build myself up. I had been patient enough. One of us had to make the first move. I glanced at my phone, glided my thumb over this one picture of his. This mysterious man who takes my breath away.

"Is not like I was going to die" I fired back.

I recalled his strong arms around me, his lips dangerously close to mine, his skin familiar on mine, I was almost knocked off reality, the pain was still trying to win but I wasn't going to let it. Sweet pain.

Merry Xmas, I set a text and Locked my phone.

I wonder what he's doing. I know I should not give in so easily but then again I can't normalize staying away from him. He is bad for my health but I have to try at least. Nothing comes easy.

Red scarf draped over my shoulders, a bit of make up to boost my failing confidence, I want to make this the best possible Christmas ever, for my sister, and simply him.