Chapter23

My hands shook against the steering wheel. I was minutes away from driving into my old pack – but after having a mental panic, I pulled over on the side of the road.

A soft sob escaped my mouth, as I sealed my hand over my mouth. I hadn't thought it through.

My phone was ringing; as it had been for the majority of the drive.

I knew it was Lincoln, and he knew he was angry.

I had left him, and drove to Gresall pack, but then; what did I plan to do? Kill my mother, I couldn't. Of course I couldn't.

No matter what she had done, she was still my mother.

She grew me, gave birth to me, mothered me. However, she had taken all those experiences away from me with my unborn child.

So I wasn't really sure what to do, so I just sat there for a few moments; crying.

I wasn't sure quiet what I was crying about; my miscarriage, my mother's betrayal, Lincoln's cold behavior, or my complete hopelessness.

I wasn't sure, although it could have been all of them, or none of them.

I was so lost, and completely broken. But I wanted to kill her – I wanted to kill my mother.

That had been the plan, I had even made sure to place Layton's gun in my bag, as my strength would not allow me to kill her.

But I didn't know whether to go through with it or not. My phone rung again, for the fortieth time, and I decided it was time to finally answer it. Lincoln spoke before I had a chance "Julian? You have exactly five seconds to–"

"How could she do it?" I cut him off. I was crying hard, my nose running, and my entire body shaking.

"How could she do that to me? To my defenseless, unborn, pup? How could she?"

"Who, Julian? Where are you? Please, tell me before you get yourself killed".

Lincoln was trying to calm me down, but he sounded so cold and detached that it just got me more upset.

"Julian, I am your husband and your Alpha, and I demand you to tell me where you are".

I froze, my tears stopping at his words. I didn't want to answer him, but I didn't have a choice.

Lincoln had used his powerful, Alpha, voice that had my entire body seizing up in fear.

I had heard him use it before – but never on me.

I was a submissive person, so I couldn't disrespect his order. He told me he'd never pull rank like that on me – yet another promise he had broken.

Just like when he said he would never stop caring for me. It was all lies – well, in my angry state that was what I believed. But, I had no choice but to answer.

I'm at the Gresall Pack. My mother is the one who attacked me that night.

I know, because she wore these red heels that my father got her for her birthday – I used to wear them when I played dress up.

She told me they were here favourite running shoes, and I used to laugh because it's stupid to run in heels.

But she said it was because she could run lightly, and no one could hear her coming".

The words spilled out my mouth; a long, joined, sentence of verbal vomiting.

I was speaking without pause, because I didn't want to tell him, but I didn't have a choice. As soon as I finished, I gasped loudly before hanging up.

I was furious that Lincoln had used his command on me, but more that I had told him.

He would kill my mother, and a part of me told me that I should let him get on with it.

However, the larger part – the sensible part – told me that I couldn't let her die, because she was still my mother and I was not a monster. I would make her pay, but I wouldn't kill her.

Restarting the car, I took the final part of the drive over the border.

A tall male wolf stood in front of the car; demanding to know what I wanted.

I told him I wanted to see my mother. He reminded me that I was mated to the Bad Alpha, to which I replied; 'the males choose their mates, the females have no choice in the matter'.

The man let me in, no doubt he could see my red eyes and running makeup and he felt sorry for me.

I was the Bad Alpha's mate, and for the first time I knew why everyone always gave me sympathy for it.

Lincoln was cold, demanding, dominating and a murderer. It didn't mean that I didn't love him, but at that time I didn't really want to.

I pulled up outside my old house, and I could see the light flickering inside the lounge.

I knew that I had about four hours until Lincoln got there – and I wasn't budgeting the fact he would break every speed limit to do so.

So I took a deep breath, and got out the car. I held my head up, before storming over to the door and banging hard on the door.

There was a slight movement inside before my sister, Jazmine, opened the door.

"Julian, holy shit" she breathed out, as I pushed past her.

Being back in my house, thinking of my mother, quickly brought my anger and hate back.

My mother sat on the couch, watching TV as if she didn't have a care in the world – that angered me further.

"How could you?" I screamed, hands shaking as I looked down at her with tear filled eyes.

"I was carrying your grandchild, and you killed it". I could see Jazmine looking confused, but my mother kept a passive face, as she got to her feet.

She tucked her blonde hair behind her ear, "Julian, you have to understand. You were carrying a monster, Alpha Roberts told me as much.

He explained that if I wanted to get you back to who you were before him, then I had to help you get out of the volatile relationship".

Lincoln is my mate, and Thomas wants to hurts Lincoln and I.

How could you listen to him?" I asked hysterically. Lincoln had told me that Thomas – Alpha Roberts – was manipulative, that he was always warping weak wolves to do his bidding.

I knew that was what happened to my mother.

"But it worked didn't it, Julian? You're back here, with no ties to that monster".

"Of course I have ties to that 'monster', because he is my husband and I love him.

No matter what you think of him, I will always love him. You can never change that" I shouted, tears finally falling. Lincoln had done a lot wrong, but I still loved him more than anything.

"You have a chance now" my mother continued, grabbing my wrists and she desperately pleaded with me.

"You can run, Alpha Roberts said he'd give you asylum. We'd both go, start a new life and you can get a new mate".

"Alpha Roberts will kill me the second he has a chance" I replied, pushing her hands away from me.

"Lincoln loves me, I am his weakness. Thomas knows that, and so he will kill me to hurt Lincoln.

You're asking me to hand myself over to the man who wants to kill me – that's suicide. You've already lost your grandchild, surely you don't want to lose your daughter too".

My mother shook her head rapidly, "Alpha Roberts isn't like that.

He understands that you're stuck in the Endoro pack, that the Bad Alpha hasn't got any emotions, nor does he really love you, he–"

"Lincoln does love me" I screamed, cutting her off.

"How many times has he actually said those words?" she asked me – the question that made me freeze up.

Lincoln had never said those words to me, because he told me he couldn't.

But that didn't mean that he didn't feel that way; I was sure he loved me, but her questioning put doubt into my mind.

"Lincoln knows what you did, how you murdered his child"

I said, changing the subject. "You have about four hours until he gets here.

I'm not going to stop you if you leave, but I'm also not going to stop Lincoln killing you if he gets here and you're not gone".

"I'm not going to kill you, but I am going to make sure you wished you were dead.

If you ever try and contact any of the family, I will tell Lincoln to find you. If you ever try and take any money from the family bank account, I will tell Lincoln to find you.

If I ever hear anything about you, from anyone, Lincoln will find you and he won't hesitate to kill you.

I'm going to make you alone, and miserable, and make you realise everything you did to my pup. You're going to pay".

My mother, the woman who raised me, looked at me for a long moment – wetness swimming in her bright eyes.

"He's changed you into a monster. You're not the Julian I raised, the sweet girl who'd do anything for anyone".

No" I shook my head, "I'm Julian Addison, wife to the Bad Alpha, who loves her husband no matter what. So leave now, and never come back".

My mother took my advice, and packed a bag. As she did so, I decided to stay put.

Lincoln was coming, and I'd confronted my mother like I'd wanted, so it was time for me to go home.

I knew which side I was on – and that was whatever side Lincoln was on.

I entered my old bedroom, thinking to myself how much I had changed since the last morning I was in there – the day that Lincoln had taken me as a mate.

I was a younger, quieter, child-like in so many ways back then. However, Lincoln had changed me, being a leader had changed me.

I took a seat on my perfectly made bed, and ran my hands over the covers.

I smiled sadly to myself, as I picked up the bear that sat on my pillow.

Donald, I had missed him so much. I used to not be able to sleep without him, but I had grown to not be able to sleep without Lincoln.

I hugged Donald to my chest, as I lay down on top of my old bed.

When I was eight years old, my mother had taken Jazmine out for a spa weekend.

My father and I had stayed at home – watching a car show and eating sugary popcorn. My father was my idol, my best friend.

He was quiet like me, but when he did speak it was always with passion.

As my father put me to bed, reading me a book so I could fall asleep, a gunshot rang in the distance.

I screamed, and my father looked shocked. However, neither of us had time to process the sound as seconds later our front door was broken down.

Three men, in black clothing and masks, stormed into the house with guns in their hands.

Grabbing me, my father ran down the corridor to his bedroom and locked the door behind us. He barricaded us in with his furniture.

I was young, so I didn't remember much of what happened.

But I remembered my father taking me into his closet, hiding me under a coat of his and telling me to hold Donald tight – because he would protect me. Then, he left to lead the murderous men away.

When I grew up, I was able to make connections and realised that the men were humans and thought we were 'freaks' after finding out about what we were.

My father died, shot multiple times, as he drew the men away from me.

I grew up always wanting Donald to protect me, and making sure the doors were locked to keep intruders out.

Yet, I had gotten so comfortable with allowing Layton to look after me that my compulsions were minimum – I still checked the locks, but only once before I went to bed.

I stayed in my old room, watching the daylight outside turn to night. I heard Lincoln and Alpha Jones, before I saw them.

They were shouting, and growling, and making a lot of noise as they walked through the territory until they reached my house.

"Julian, where are you?" Lincoln screamed; I had never heard him sound so angry.

Never. I had heard Lincoln sound angry before, I'd watched him beat people up to the point of death, I'd even heard him murder my best friend, yet then, I was truly scared of him.

I sat up in the bed, preparing to go find him, as the door to my room was thrown open and Lincoln stormed in.

He was in half-shift – face distorted and fur sprouting on the back of his neck, claws growing from his fingernails.

"Don't hurt me" I whimpered, as he stormed over to me.

But he didn't. Instead, he grabbed me and pulled me close. I crashed into his broad chest, eyes shut tight in the worry he would be angry with me.

But instead of him shouting at me like I'd expected, he simply held me tight and buried his face in my neck.

His breathing was rapid and jagged, like he was almost in tears, and it was blowing over my neck and making my hairs stands on end.

"Don't ever scare me like that again" he breathed into my ear, "I've never felt so scared in my life.

I've already lost so much, just thinking of losing you–" his voice cracked.

"Lincoln I–". He spoke over me.

"Come home, please, come home. Whatever you want I'll do it.

If you want to be equals, and both be Alpha's and run the Pack, I'll do that.

You can work if you want. We don't have to have kids, I can hand the title over to someone else when I get old.

Fuck being Alpha, we'll run away if you want. I don't give a shit, just as long as you're there.

We can do whatever you want, just please, please, don't leave me.

Not like everyone else. You were supposed to be the one person who stayed with me through everything".

"Lincoln please, understand that–"

He placed his finger over my lips, "don't say it. Please, I lo–. I lov–. Shit, fucking, shit. Julian, I lo–".

I kissed his quickly, "you don't need to say it. Take a deep breath, I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere".

I pulled back, and looked into his glassy brown eyes.

Our eyes connected for a moment as I rested my forehead against his, and took his face in my hands. "I'm here, Lincoln, I'm here".

He swallowed deeply, and I nodded slightly. "Yes, you're here. Please, don't leave me again. I was so scared something had happened".

"I'm here, Lincoln, I'm here" I repeated.

"Yes, you're here" he said once more.