Chapter 1

Taking off my shoes, I stood up and locked the door, Twist, Click! The door locked as I then took a step onto my wooden floorboards, walking towards my kitchen. Digging into the fridge I hummed lightly, forgetting about the scolding I was going to have, pulling out some fat-free yogurt. Ah man...dad probably took all the regular ones...I'll have to eat moms then... I closed the door to turn around and see my mother, towering over me.

"Ah...Hi...mom."

"You didn't forget about our talk huh?"

"What ta-" it then came back to me from the back of my mind.

"Oh...that talk..."

"Yeah...the one about attacking two students Kanao."

My mother crossed her arms underneath her chest, her serious stance was her shoulder leaning one way as her hips leaned the other way, a comfortable position for an angry mother.

While I had no alibi for this, my father walked in from coming downstairs, eating the last regular yogurt. I looked over at him trying to signal him about the conversation. However, my dad just gave me a peace sign and headed into the living room, just across from the kitchen.

Seeing that response must mean that she's direct on giving me this lecture, sighing I decided to endure what my mother wanted to scold me on. My mother just wanted what was best for me, like any other parent, she didn't hold back on scolding me this time.

"Kanao, you know you shouldn't be getting into these fights! They're a bad look upon you and how people will view you. You're getting too old to be making these mistakes!"

"I get that it was to defend your friend but sometimes there are times where you have to stay back, not only to possibly save yourself from being suspended or expelled but also to save yourself from having these kinds of things recorded on your resume!"

"..."

"Are you even listening Kanao?!?"

"Yes..." I muttered.

"Kanao, you need to take more responsibility for your outbursts, what if these outbursts suddenly hurt someone close to you?!?"

"They have..." I muttered again, underneath my breath.

"What was that??"

"I said They have!" raising my voice up a bit.

"Don't raise your voice at me young lady!" My mom snapped back.

"WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE I DON'T EVER WANT TO TELL YOU ANYTHING!" I shouted, raising my voice more.

"Kanao Kamiya!! I did not raise my little girl to raise their voice to me!!" She sounded almost disappointed.

"TRY HARDER THEN!" I shouted again, storming off.

"Kanao! Kanao!!"

My mother shouted my name repeatedly, I ignored it however as I stormed off into my room. SLAM! Click!! I threw myself onto my bed, hitting my pillows as I picked up one and hugged it tightly, screaming into it. After a couple of minutes of screaming into my pillow I eventually calmed down.

Click! Creeeak...

I opened my door slightly, peeking through as I opened the door completely, silently stepping towards the stairs, taking light steps down. Upon walking down silently, I overheard a conversation between my mom and dad.

"What am I going to do with her Kenji?"

"It's a learning curve for her Ai, give it some time."

"No, you-" she sighs.

"Kenji, I need you to give her some discipline too, I can't be the only one who gives her scoldings..."

"Ai, I don't want to be tough on our little girl. I promised you that I'd leave that kind of stuff in the past."

"I know...But at least just...try...try at least to give her some advice on discipline..."

"Alright alright...I'll try the next time she gets in trouble..."

"I hope you're keeping your word this time hun..."

"I promise alright, when's the last time I hadn't kept my promise?" Kenji chuckles.

"I'm just...worried for our little girl..." Ai hugs onto his arm, cuddling up to his arm.

"I know...I know you are Ai..." Kenji responded, moving his arm out of her grasp and wrapping his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

I just sat there on the steps, hidden as I just reflected on my outburst right in front of my mother. Not only was she trying to get some advice through my thick skull, but she was genuinely worried about me. Instead of taking that advice I pushed her away, thinking that she was just scolding me for punching another girl.

I'm...I'm really that bad huh...

I hugged my knees, taking deep breaths to stop myself from crying, why...why am I like this? Is learning from my mistakes really that hard...? Is keeping myself in check really that hard too...? I just...want to punch a wall...something that won't cry.

***

"Kanao? Kanao!"

"Huh?"

"You're spacing out a lot more than usual today."

"I- just have a lot on my mind Emi."

Emi looked concerned, scooping a small portion of her ice cream and eating it. I just stared at my small recyclable bowl of ice cream, vanilla flavored with some sprinkles.

I just had a reality check from the night before, I couldn't keep a constant stream of thoughts running, what if my mom was right? What if my mom was just trying mold me into a good person? What if my mom was just worried all this time...?

"Kanao?"

"..."

"Kanao!"

"Huh? O-Oh...sorry."

I handed my bowl of vanilla sprinkled ice cream over to Emi, looking down as Emi looked at me, sighing as she pushes my ice cream back to me. I looked up confused, usually Emi would want my vanilla sprinkles every time we went out to Dairy Vendor.

"Kanao, did you have a rough time at home?"

"I..." I didn't know how to respond.

"Kanao, you need to just learn to live with it once in a while, I've known you for so long and yet you still do the same habits you've done since primary school...Keeping grudges and blaming yourself."

Do I still do those...?

I was unsure myself, the unsettling realization that all this time I thought I was just doing the right thing felt like a fever dream now. I looked down at my slowly melting vanilla ice cream as I watch a sprinkle sink into the vanilla ice cream.

It's like the sprinkles...

It then hit me, All the things I've been doing for almost my entire life were just a façade, a coping mechanism, a habit to make me feel like I was doing the right thing. Emi's right...I've been keeping these dumb habits since I was young... Keeping grudges were hindering my ability to grow as well as my self-doubt, solving stuff with violence wasn't always the better option.

I scooped up a tiny portion of my vanilla ice cream, scooping out the sprinkle that sunk in. If I keep letting my habits swallow me whole, I'll end up like the sprinkle... I had to change my habits, even if it's not the right thing to do I have to break away from self-doubting and holding grudges.

I set my spoon and bowl of ice cream onto the table, leaning over the table and hugging Emi, Emi leaned in so that I wouldn't fall onto the table.

"Where did this come from all of a sudden Kanao?"

"I...I just needed a hug...and to thank you."

"Huh? That's..." Emi was astonished for a second.

"Never mind." Emi smiled, hugging back.