Part 34

*𝙁𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙨 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙨𝙪𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙨𝙤 𝙄'𝙢 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤𝙥𝙞𝙘*

Justen's POV

Once I arrived at my house, I immediately dreaded going inside. Finally, I took a deep breath and walked inside to see my dad waiting there for me.

"It's done," I said, feeling like I was going to start crying again.

"Very good, Justen," my dad said.

"No, it's not good," I said.

"What do you mean?" my dad asked.

"You know how you loved mom and thought that once she was gone, you couldn't live?" I asked.

My dad only nodded.

"That's how I feel right now. Not to mention I feel like shit because I rained on Josh's parade. I feel like I fucked everything up and now, not only am I going to go through hell, so will Josh," I said.

"Justen," my dad said, holding onto the belt.

"Go ahead, beat me with that stupid belt. It's not going to change how I feel," I said. At this point, my eyes were becoming glossy and I felt like I was going to cry. "Beating me isn't going to change the fact that I feel like shit. It's not going to change the fact that I totally ruined my relationship with the person I loved."

My dad sighed and put the belt down. That's when I ran to my room and, once again, broke into tears.

I hated myself for breaking Josh's heart. I hated his dad. But most importantly, I hated that nothing would ever be the same. I sat there hating everything until I decided to get my rage out. I started punching my pillow before I grabbed it and started hitting the wall with it. Then, in my rage, I thought that I should be dead for what I did.

I walked into the bathroom and found all the over-the-counter pills. With the pills in my hand, I thought about what Josh would think. Would he say I was weak? I put the pills away and instead grabbed a blade.

I let the blade glide across my skin, leaving red lines as it did so. This didn't make me weak, this means I've been strong for too long. The blade continued to glide across my skin until I saw nothing but red all over my arm. That's when I placed the blade on the sink and grabbed one of my old t-shirts. I placed the shirt on my arm and tied it on. I don't care if I get an infection from this, it would probably be more pain I can't feel. Walking back to my room, I flopped onto my bed. I grabbed my phone and decided to scroll through Instagram.

When I couldn't stand it anymore, I put my phone on my bed and stared at the ceiling. As I stared at the ceiling, my mind started to wander. How was Josh doing? Did I really hurt him? Does he hate me now? I started panicking and sat up on my bed. Forget thinking, I'm going to read a book. Grabbing The Maze Runner off of my bookshelf, I let my mind wander to an imaginary world with boys trapped in a maze.