How to Die with grace

I crawled back, after a few hours, I was barely able to limp. When I reached the clan gates, Jia came running.

When I awoke, I was in a palace of books. Some sort of strange library where books aren't on shelves, just stacked in unstable towers. I realized it was a familiar sight.

"Ha, you are truly something else…" a faded voice, Mo Yang. "You really killed them all. That was reckless, don't do that again." he scolded me like a parent to his child.

"I'm sorry." I replied quietly.

"And you lost an arm, terrible, just terrible." he sighed. "And now every single cultivator wants to join a clan that'll soon have no leader."

I looked at him, pale and waifish now. Surely, he only had days.

"You've now made this clan a legend single handedly, something I've always wanted to see…" his mouth couldn't help but curve upwards.

"So thank you for that. Now, I can dive into that river true and proud. I can face my ancestors, and tell them the tail of you, Mo Star." he was chuckling gently as he spoke.

"Well, I'm glad I could do something, at the end…" I felt weak as I spoke, I tried and moved my left arm to scratch my nose, but the phantom limb touched nothing.

And so, we sat like this, two dying men. By now, the few elders of the tribe were aware. The elders of this tribe were, needless to say, loyal to the family. This was one of the worst clans in the years prior, but they still stayed even now. It seems they were not willing to let the clan die.

Jia tended on us for the next few days. In a touching moment, Jia spoke to Mo Yang, and said something along the lines of 'I am so sorry for hurting your son, If I could go back, I would.' He then put his hand on her head and said 'you are not to blame for anything.' and that broke her down.

She cried like she did the moment I fell from the sky. I couldn't help but feel, all of this was my fault. What a bad spot to land. I should've landed on the damn Zhu clan, for fucks sake. But no, here we are.

But, both these people were broken long ago, by others. Jia then told a vulnerable story, of how her relatives showed her a sad reality. Of how a woman like her should be. Mo Yang continued to comfort her.

We read books and talked. He spoke a lot about the next life, how he would want to become a writer. How he would meet his wife again, and how they would fall in love. How his son would come back to him, in the next life as well.

He spoke of immortality, and the dream of all cultivators, and perhaps all beings. Escaping the shadow of death. Yet, he said that it might not be such a terrible thing. How death is part of the cycle that keeps the many worlds flowing.

I told him the stars were frozen, and all beings' fates had been sealed. He stayed silent at that, and then said it makes sense. I told him that one day I will unfreeze them, returning fate to the universe. He told me that he believed I could do it.

I read Back from the River over and over again. If this man could go to that place many times, then so can I. I had already been there once.

On the third fateful day, I saw. He gasped for breath, for minutes. He stared at me, and I put my arm and the side of his head, gently cradling him into death.

The funeral was held a week later. The Clan was now enormous in size, and I saw many, many eyes on me. The tale of me slaughtering 10,000 people in a day had circulated the region many times, and had likely reached beyond.

The funeral was held at the site of the crash, where the metal giant lay still, now considered a historical landmark. Two graves could be seen next to it. The people looked to me to make a speech, to end it.

"In this life, I never knew a father or mother. In my mind, I've tried so often to evoke them that I've had over a thousand parents. Sadly they faded whenever I woke up in the morning.

"Today, I can say, I've had one parent. His name was Mo Yang. A man, a mentor I was truly proud to know."

It was brief, but it was nice.

Nothing lasts forever - A Poem by Mo Yang

The reaper swung his scythe. The head of life fell.

Nothing lasts forever.

In the night, the preacher sang a hymn of heaven and hell.

First came light, then came the fire. The preacher threw himself into the pyre.

When they saw their kingdom come, the lords had fell undone.

Even the sun falls into the deepening earth, failing to inspire.

Nothing last forever,

I begin to tire.

----------------

In the middle of the night, I left.

I found an open plain, with a perfect tree. I had a rope in one hand, and a book tucked underneath the shoulder. Back from the river. It tells of how to go to the river and back. The Method was maddening. The Goal was to somehow anchor yourself through life, and simultaneously kill yourself.

A half-death is required. In the book, he sat in a fountain of rejuvenation as he drowned.

"Please, I'm begging you." Au-ha had been pleading since she figured out what I was doing.

"Au-ha, don't worry. I have an excellent anchor. I can't die, you are too valuable to lose."

"You don't have any idea that this is real! This is insane, just think."

"Au-ha, we've been there before, haven't we? For the briefest moment, as I died and became the Lord of Alloy."

She sighed, "Jeez, well, I guess if you really want to, then do it. I am always with you, over the past few months here, we have connected our mind and souls. So, let's go."

I smiled, delighted by the fact that I will no longer be alone.

"Hey, Big Star. I know you're not too happy with your host, and I'm sorry. If this doesn't work out, then good luck out there. Seriously." I spoke to the Lord in the recesses of my mind.

"You are just fine…it's me. You just scare me at times, you allow yourself to be hurt so easily, and I worry for you." The Lord spoke to me.

"Are you serious?" I could believe it.

"Not really, just don't die, it'll be a pain."

I couldn't tell what he was thinking at all, and honestly it began to scare me. But now was not the time.

I tied the rope around the tree, and around my neck, swaying from a branch like a medallion.

The first day, I felt the noose tighten.

The second day, I began gasping.

The third day, I started to tingle, losing all feeling.

The fourth day, I began to struggle.

The fifth day, the struggling began to fade.

The sixth day, I hung there limply

The seventh day, I felt the shadow of death approach

The eight day, I barely, just barely, managed to eat the soul of the Czar, and started evolving

The ninth day, my soul fell far into the river.