Sword Dao

This mess was all my new brother's fault! No! This mess was also Gonk's father's fault too! I don't claim Monk as my father anymore! It's no longer my problem if Gonk's father gets beaten by his wife. He deserves to be beaten for not giving me, his new son, a handsome face as well!

A thunderous laughter rippled in the elaborate High Palace. I was laughing along, but I was crying inside. Or was that Number Two crying?

"Damn you, Number One! There's no going back now. We can't live a peaceful life anymore! Just because you wanted Gonk's jewels! I'm doomed. I don't claim your death wishes!"

"Geez, Number Two. There, there. It'll be alright. And change the way you're saying that! It's misleading! Even Gonk misunderstood! I don't want Gonk's jewels. I wanted the jewels on his palanquin."

My consoling worked. Number Two finally grew a spine and stopped crying.

"You shitty twister of words! You said real men cry!"

I may have said that, but that didn't apply to the macho men who rejected the ideology. Sect Master Gray was probably one of those macho men too. I needed to use my superb acting skills and turn this into another winning performance.

"So young blood of Monk. Do you agree with your father's way of the Dao? Do you practice the Dao of Monogamy as well?"

Alright. Here I go. Get into character. Son of Heaven. I am a Son of Heaven. I am an almighty Son of Heaven. No. I am more! I am a god!

"Ha! Dao of Monogamy?! I claim no such thing! My father abandoned me, and I don't claim him or his ways either! I no longer have a father."

Well, that lie was the truth. I really was abandoned by my real father. Funny how that worked.

Sect Master Gray seemed to be pleased with me.

"Hahaha! Good! Good! Good! That Monk. I can't wait to see his reaction to all of this! Disowned by his abandoned son! He's going to explode! That will be fun to watch!"

I gulped. Was Monk going to blow up a mountain with me on it? Shit. The situation wasn't going the way I imagined. It seemed to worsen.

"Where are you from, young one?"

"Oh, I live here in Hond City."

"Here? In this city? Really? Where? I have never seen you before."

Number Two's voice came on in my head. "You old fart! Of course, you've never seen us! You've probably haven't even seen the slums of Hond City!"

No matter what Number Two said, I was not going to say what he just said.

"Abandoned by my so-called father, I could only live in the slums. I struggled to live even now. However, the Heavens did not let me down, and they reunited me and my long lost brother. However, our reunion was short-lived. He sacrificed himself to save me from the two fox women.

"Hmmmm…"

Sect Master Gray looked intently at me, as if trying to see through me. Reflexively, I covered my lower area. The feeling felt too similar to Sister Ivy's. Seeing his father checking me out, and my following actions, Xanadu let out a farting laugh.

"Brat! Why are you covering yourself! I am not looking at you indecently! You're just as dumb as your father! Even if you don't look alike, you definitely must be his son seeing how you inherited his stupidity!"

This old fogey! He called be stupid! I'll show him! But before I could even retort, Sect Master Gray continued his reprimanding.

"And you! Xanadu! Am I, your father, so funny?! You will go with… what was your name again son of Monk?"

"Hunter, Sect Master."

"Hunger?"

"It's Hunter, father."

"Don't correct me, Xanadu! You have crossed the line! Am I now your son for you to tell me what is correct?! I shall teach you a lesson! Listen well! You will go with Hunter, and save Gonk from those abdominal Sentient Beasts!"

"Father! You want me to personally help save Gonk?! Why?! Don't you know he's my rival!? Why should I help him!?"

"Foolish son! Why are you interrupting me? You have much to learn! Am I not giving the perfect opportunity to show off and save that bastard Monk's son? Wouldn't he owe you his life?! Why can you not see the great opportunity I have given you! We can finally take down that pair of father-son duo down a notch! Their attractive faces mean nothing!"

It would seem like the two sect masters' relationship is rather complicated. Understandable. It's because the damn Heavens are impartial! They sided with those two! I will help my fellow ugly comrades!

"Sect Master Gray! I will guide Xanadu! We need to teach my disowned father and Gonk a lesson. Everything simply falls into their laps just because they're handsome! However! Not this time! This time, they will understand the plight of those unfairly treated by the Heavens!"

"Ha! You understand us well!! Your father and brother need to experience our woes!"

I smelled an opportunity!

"Yes, Sect Master Gray! I want to do as much as possible to help you, but I am nothing but a powerless mortal. Would you bestow upon me a treasure to help your son get those two hateful bastards in your debts?"

"Hahaha! My treasures never left your eyes, young Hunter! You amuse me with your audacity and antics. Fine! I shall give you a protective treasure to help increase your chances to complete my mission. Here!"

A bright glow orb of light floated from behind Sect Master Gray and slowly flew towards me.

"I can't believe that old guy is giving you a treasure, Number One!"

"Now you see my awesomeness, Number Two!"

The bright ball of light hovered before me, and Sect Master Gray spoke.

"Receive my gift, young Hunter!"

I was ecstatic! I got a cultivator's treasure from this whole farce! Worth it! Excited, I placed my open hands below the light. The light faded and the treasure dropped into my hands.

"Treasures? This thing is? How?" Number Two's confused question echoed my exact same question going through my mind.

"WTF?! What is that?!"

But I dared not voice my opinion. Sect Master Gray seemed to notice my long dumbfound pause as I stared at the pair of shimmering pink fox ears on a white hair clip.

"Hahahaha! This is a useful and special treasure Hunter! I heard from Gonk's fans that you told them he was kidnapped by some fox women. Unfortunately, I no longer have the fox tails that go with them, but this will definitely help you blend and infiltrate the dens of the Sentient Fox Beasts! You may wait outside the High Palace as I have a quick conversation with Xanadu regarding Gonk."

I wanted to exchange it for something else. A sword or even better would be some gold or platinum coins. What the heck was I supposed to do with cat ears?

"Correction, Number One. They are fox ears."

"I don't want either! I should swipe something else. That fogey needs to compensate me for guiding Xanadu!" I shouted back at Number Two.

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!"

"I'm not going to borrow anything ok?! Shush!"

The old fogey really wanted me gone. What the heck did he need to say that he didn't want me to be around for? Damn old man! I'm never giving this back! Once I get out of this mess, this will be the first thing I sell!

Seeing Sect Master becoming inpatient I went out of the High Palace. The heavy iron doors closed shut with a bang. Wanting to know what that old man was trying to do. I placed my ear on the metal door and tried to eavesdrop what they were saying.

"Something something. Something something something. That's what they're saying, Number One."

"Idiot, Number Two. I heard Soul Crystal. It was, something something. Something 'Soul Crystals' something. Do we even share the same ear? How could you have missed that?"

Number Two wanted to respond, but a tap was felt on my shoulder.

"What are you doing there, Hunter?"

I didn't know where Xanadu came from, but somehow he had crept up behind me. Why was such a large man so quiet?

"Huh?! Xanadu! You scared me! Jeez! Give me a heads up! Don't you know we non-cultivators can die from a sudden heart attack!"

"That is true. You should learn the ways of the Sword Dao. It would help you stop being a chicken. I will teach you a short verse. You can think about it as we travel."

I was silently fuming. This bastard called me a chicken!

"He's not wrong, Number One."

"You want to go at it right now, Number Two?! You are asking for a fight! We'll see who's really the chicken!"

Number Two was lucky Xanadu stepped in, or else Number Two's would have been exposed as the chicken he was!

"Listen closely! I pity you so I shall impart our first verse of the Sword Sutra to help you become a man!"

I was already a fine young man! I didn't need this oaf to show me! What I needed were treasures and money!

"Hunter, I have not yet mastered the Sword Dao, but let my understanding enlighten you. Hopefully you can grasp even a little. Don't be a chicken. A chicken does not have balls. As a man, you must grow some balls."

"Number One, beat up this bastard! He called us ball-less!"

Che. Oh, now Number Two was mad? He should have been angry long ago! That stupid Xanadu! He shouldn't be talking about balls! We're both the same size! He was just big on the outside!

"Now then Hunter! Take this sword! Be fitting of your manly name!"

I was given a dull gray sword. Why was it so boring looking? Xanadu took out a shimmering silver sword. Was this guy trying to say something? Was he trying to imply I was less of a man than him?!

"The sword is hard and strong! Yet it can pierce the Heavens! Grip the base and feel the weight from the length to the tip! Every sword is unique! This is a special sword that will grow with your understanding of the Sword Dao! Everyone of our new recruits has one and uses them as the foundation to reconstruct their next sword. Now then, the first verse of the Sword Sutra."

Maybe I was wrong about his guy. And why did it feel weird by the way he told me to hold the sword? Anyway. The sword was ugly, but he gave me a cool weapon that could grow. Xanadu cleared his throat feore he began speaking.

"What is the sword? It is a taker of life. The sword is ruthless. Cold and hard, it only knows how to draw blood. However, the sword is not only cold. Looking only on the outside is only seeing half of the sword. To understand more, you must look within. The sword is also hot and throbbing. It can grow and become more. Behind the cold exterior it has a burning desire to pierce! It is not only ruthless but also a passionate killer! Let your blood lust take over and be consumed by the sword!"

I don't know why, but the sutra was not fitting with the righteous affiliation that the Sword Blossom Sect was known for. Blood lust and being consumed by a killer sword? Sounded more like the demonic factions…

"Now try to see if you understood, Hunter! Become a man!"

"…" I wanted to slap some common sense into the fool, but I didn't want to die yet. I closed my eyes and held the sword in front of me.

I tried recalling the sutra. Cold and hard, hot and throbbing. Doesn't part of that sound familiar? Let me imagine something else. Oh, yes. Oh, yes baby!

"Stop thinking about that, perverted Number One! How could any of th…"

Xanadu cut Number Two off.

"By the Heavens! You must be a hidden talent! Your sword! Look at your sword! Hunter!"

Opening my eyes, I was greeted by a not so dull sword. It was pulsing in a white light! I think the sword got bigger. I may have just found some enlightenment.