Treasure hunting with the treasure hunter

"Are we ready!?"

"Yes!"

"ARE WE READY?!"

"YES!"

"ARE WE-"

"Shut up; I already went along with it" said Keith with a tired expression. "Why did I even agree to this?"

"You wanted to escape" replied Stelle with a pointed look. "Escape just retribution from a woman who can't get away from the crazy doctor, whom you royally pissed off and are using this chance in which she is hurt to run away from, avoiding just punishment."

"You make it sound way worse than it is" argued Keith, following Stelle into a small spaceship.

"And how is it?" asked Stelle with a smirk. "Come on, convince me."

"Why do I need to convince you?" asked a disgruntled Keith, but he complied. "I got a bit lost in the middle of my training, where, by the way, my teacher seemed to have lost his few remaining marbles and tried to bisect me. When the pink-eyed woman appeared, she used her bullshit power to make me move but suffered some backlash for some unknown reason. The last thing I heard from her was 'I'm going to make you pay for this', just before she fainted. Do you really expect me to stay there when she wakes up?"

'Wait a minute,' thought Keith with a frown. 'Couldn't she have stopped the murderous man instead?'

"And don't you think it will be way worse if she wakes up and you are not there?" asked Stelle with a sceptical look.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" asked Keith with a dark look. "It will be worse, obviously."

"It looks like I'm the stupid one" said a deadpanning Stelle. "Please share some light of knowledge with this person submerged in a sea of ignorance. If things are going to be worse for you, why are you escaping?"

"Because even if Kafka's retaliation evolves from a week of doing her chores into a month of accompanying her to go shopping" explained Keith magnanimously, complying with the begging of a clearly less brilliant person. "It will be future me who will suffer it. I will do everything in my power to escape immediate punishment."

"Your future self is going to curse you" commented Stelle, shaking her head.

"Why would he?" asked a confused Keith, receiving a blank look from his grey-haired companion. "He is going to do the same, and if he doesn't make it, it will have been his fault."

"It's too early for this" sighed Stelle, who, despite having been with Keith for a few months, still found herself shocked by the weird twists inside his head.

"Why are you complaining so much?" asked Keith, looking through the window, only to see the vastness of space he liked so much. There was something in the black emptiness that called him. "You are my accomplice after all."

"Stop there" said Stelle, raising a hand. "I get what you are trying to do, and it won't work."

"Tsk" Keith clicked his tongue as he was trying to inadvertently rope Stelle into his escape.

The more culprits there were, the more people you had to share your punishment with, and the lighter it would be.

It was a law of life; no matter the universe or the era, it would never change.

"And I hope you know I will side with Kafka when the time comes" added Stelle, making Keith frown at her. "Still, you recovered ridiculously quickly. I swear I could see your innards."

"Advantages of this fantastically crafted body" nodded Keith with a big smile, but a haunted look took over his expression pretty quickly. "But Ruan Mei had to inject me with a green liquid to 'stimulate the life factor from within me', and I don't want to think about what that means. But what I know is that based on the expression on her face, the next time I suffer the same kind of wound, I won't be leaving her basement."

"Well, you know how she gets around you" muttered Stelle, whose crazed look on Ruan Mei's normally expressionless face gave nightmares. "Never mind, we are going on an adventure now."

"Why did I even agree to this?" wondered aloud the purple-haired man with a tired sigh.

"You wanted to escape, and I was the only one willing to aid you" replied Stelle. "Even if it was to have a fun day only to shamelessly betray you later for even more fun."

"How evil" muttered Keith, sighing deeply. "I get now why you 2 are so close."

"We both enjoy seeing you suffer" Stelle nodded knowingly, receiving another frown from Keith. "But I don't see you that worried about it."

"I already told you, it's future me's problem" Keith shrugged, receiving a wry look from his companion.

"Look, we are here."

Keith looked away from the golden-eyed girl, only to see a planet under them.

'Please, let this experience be something I can recover from,' prayed Keith.

Because there had been one condition Stelle had put forward to aid him in his escape.

Today, they would do what Stelle wanted, without complaints and questions.

And there was only one thing Stelle would leave the Stellaron Hunters' HQ to do.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ohhhh, how beautiful you are! How big, how majestic, how utterly... charmi-"

"If you don't shut up, I'm leaving" said a dark-faced Keith. "Are you really aware that you are complimenting a dump?"

"Did I lie?" asked Stelle with a raised eyebrow.

Keith opened his mouth to speak but closed it before speaking.

"Hmm?" insisted Stelle, taking a step closer to the confused man.

"I..." Keith tried to verbalise his thoughts, which was proving to be a challenging task. "I'm afraid I don't have the criteria to judge if a dump is beautiful, big, or majestic."

"Then trust the one who does" demanded Stelle with a stern look. "And as I said it, this dump is beautiful, big, and majestic."

"Whatever you say" said a completely drained Keith.

"No no, I can't feel your conviction" said Stelle, moving a finger from side to side in front of Keith's face. "Repeat with me."

"No, please."

"This dump is beautiful, big, and majestic."

"I'm not-"

"This dump is beautiful, big, and majestic."

"As I said, I'm no-"

"This dump is beautiful, big, and majestic."

"..."

"This dump is beautiful, big, and majestic."

"..."

"If you don't repeat with me." Stelle's expression turned dark and delivered the ultimate threat. "I will make sure future Keith turns into present Keith. I will send our location to Kafka, who will come here disregarding any injury she might have, only to inflict one a thousand times worse in your body."

"And how are you going to keep me here?" asked Keith with a cocky smirk. "I'm quite strong now; I don't think you can beat me. At least without that horrendous bat of yours. I swear you could be the new Galactic Batter."

"You mean this?" asked Stelle, with a metal bat in her hands, casually waving it.

"..." Keith's face expressed the horror such a view caused within him, as he didn't think even Blade would be willing to face Stelle with a bat. "You didn't bring it with you; where the hell did you get it from?!"

"Ask, and you will be given" said Stelle with a pious look in her face. "I asked this beautiful, big, and majestic dump for a way to protect its honour and was given a tool made by gods. You unfaithful sheep, prey of modern-day beliefs, convert. Convert to the all-powerful Lordly Trashcan, and your sins will be forgiven, but remember, never forgotten."

"...who are you?" asked Keith, too shocked to do anything else but look at 'Saint Stelle'.

"I said." Stelle's eyes had a fanatical look that made Keith relieved he had gone to the bathroom a while earlier. "Convert."

"Do you think I can sincerely convert while you threaten me?" asked Keith with a cautious look, looking at Stelle, who started to casually wave around her 'God-given bat.'

"Do you think I care about your sincerity?" asked Stelle, who took a step closer to Keith. "Convert first; sincerity can come later."

"Do I need to pray to a trash can?" asked Keith, wondering what kind of place the world had turned into.

"This dump is beautiful, big, and majestic."

"..."

FWOOSH

A wave of Stelle's bat created a gust of wind that made a mountain of trash fall down, the whole through it hinting at her inordinate mastery of the bat.

"This dump is beautiful, big, and majestic" muttered Keith, regretting the fact that he didn't have a sword with him.

"Hmm, I approve of your prayer" nodded a satisfied Stelle, who turned around. "And now that you are a faithful one, you are ready to rejoice in the pleasure being one grants you."

"Why do I feel like dying then?" grumbled Keith, who could only thank Kafka wasn't here to witness how he disgraced himself in fear of Stelle's bat.

"Look" said Stelle, whose persona seemed to have reverted into the happy girl she usually was. "Look how many treasures are around!"

Her golden eyes shone with pure delight, and Keith had to admit it was a good sight.

If only... the things Stelle was looking at weren't dirty and stinky trashcans.

"Now, Keith, I will explain to you how you need to enjoy this" said a stern Stelle, but with impatience in her gestures, she wasn't able to hide.

"Please do so, because I'm too lost" begged Keith, as passing the day looking through trashcans seemed a quick way to a hospital after pricking yourself with something that was originally intended to draw blood.

"Each trashcan holds a treasure inside" explained Stelle, pointing at all the 'treasures' around. "But you don't know which one. What you need to think about is not if there is a treasure inside or not, but what treasure it is."

"...and where is the enjoyable part of this?" asked Keith, who still couldn't see the greatness of 'Lordly Trashcan's teachings'.

"The moment in which you take the lid off and your eyes try to focus on the treasure inside" explained Stelle patiently. "The moment of doubt and uncertainty in which your mind is going overdrive trying to understand the treasure, wondering which one of the items inside is the true one and which ones are the 'side 'treasures'."

"..." Keith looked at Stelle, who was jumping a bit in the place she stood on, clearly unable to stop herself from rushing to start the 'treasure hunt.' "I got it."

"You do?" asked an exuberant Stelle, excitedly grabbing Keith's arm.

"Of course" nodded a solemn Keith. 'You are nuts'.

That, of course, was left unsaid.

After all, Stelle still had a bat near, and one Keith would make sure to throw away when the grey-haired girl wasn't looking.

"Please, Your Saintly Trashness, guide me in the joys of Trashcanning" asked a solemn Keith with a slight bow.

"..." Stelle fell silent, and Keith wondered if calling her 'Trashness' had been too much of a stretch.

But looking at the golden-eyed girl's expression made him feel how a part of himself died.

"That's the most beautiful thing someone has ever told me" muttered the blushing girl, with her hands on her cheeks and squirming in her place. "E-Ehem, very well, apprentice tra-"

"Keith, please" asked the expressionless man. "I fear my faith is still not deep enough to receive a nobiliary title."

"Hmm, you have a point" nodded Stelle, who reverted to her less abnormal personality. "Let me guide you through your initiation. Come here, candidate Keith."

'This is a sect' realised Keith, who feared being asked to distribute some pamphlets about Lordly Trashcan and praise its greatness in a public plaza.

"Look at how I do it" said Stelle, standing next to what Keith could only describe as a normal trashcan. "We look at the lid, we remove it, and then we find the treasure."

"Please, give me an example" asked Keith, not wanting to be on the receiving end of a rat's bite.

And Stelle did just that.

She removed the lid and looked inside the trashcan with movements Keith couldn't help but describe as elegant, with a familiarity of having done it hundreds if not thousands of times.

"Look!" shouted Stelle, taking a damaged music disc from the trashcan. "A treasure!"

"Are you sure?" asked Keith after a brief moment of silence. "Don't you think it might be broken? It was in the trashcan after all."

"I swear, sometimes you are too stupid" said Stelle with a disgusted look. "People can travel through space and colonise other planets; they are being able to bed the world to their will with nought but a thought, and we have a grumpy immortal man in our base. Do you really, REALLY, think this music disc can't be repaired?"

"I admit my folly." Keith was a gentleman who knew how to admit defeat when he lost.

"And think about what it might contain!" said Stelle, recovering her excited expression. "It might be a recording of a secret plot, a treasure's location, or even the secret of Aeons!"

"Or a song someone didn't like enough" commented Keith with a pointed look at the broken CD.

"And yet, until we repair it, we won't ever know" affirmed Stelle, her golden eyes shining with excitement.

"Once again, I'm humbled by your knowledge" said Keith with a deep bow.

Even if the chances were infinitesimally low, they were still there.

After all, they weren't any slower than the possibility of having an immortal man as a teacher.

"Hmm, you are learning" Stelle hummed, sending an approbatory glance towards the bowing man. "Your turn."

"Are you sure?" asked Keith with a solemn look. "Are you sure you want to share one of your treasures with me?"

He didn't want to touch a dirty trashcan that might be sticky to the touch.

And as there was no water near, he would need to walk around with a sticky hand all day, carrying unknown hazardous threats and possibly puke-inducing odours.

"You have a point" muttered Stelle, and Keith's hopes sly-rocketed. "But if it's for a friend, I will do it."

"..." and now Keith knew the path forward.

But before he could say anything that might make their friendship momentarily end, he saw Stelle's eyes sparkling with expectations and hopes, looking straight at him.

And the worse part was that Stelle was too caustic to be able to use the puppy-stare, which meant that the excitement she was showing was real.

So, with a sigh of resignation, Keith put his hand over the lid of a nearby trashcan.

'Thanks, Lordly Trashcan, for not making this foolish one grab a sticky lid' even if he had been forced to it. Keith was for today a faithful believer in Lordly Trashcan, and he would follow his creed to the end.

"OHHHH!" shouted Stelle, looking at what Keith held in his hand. "A sealed box! The best kind of treasure!"

"Okay, I admit it, this one is good" admitted Keith, who saw the appeal in a sealed box lost in the middle of a dump. "It might contain an old expert who could turn the seas and move the mountains, who will teach me all his knowledge in exchange for forging a new body for him while taking revenge against his unruly disciple who betrayed him, and I will have tonnes of adventures in which I will escape death countless times while using the old guy's cheats to turn into a Son of Heaven."

"Or an ancient pendant that will take you into a realm full of treasures you will be able to consume to gain the Indestructible Nine Heavens Body" added Stelel with an energetic nod.

"Or stone which contains a sealed apocalyptic creature who died long ago, and its strength will slowly seep into my body, granting me the strength of a tiger and the might of a dragon" said Keith, looking at the sealed box, which was turning more beautiful in his eyes by the second.

"My turn!" shouted Stelle, hyped up after the appearance of a sealed box, and lifted another lid.

"What is that?" asked Keith, looking at the item in Stelle's hand. "I lack faith, Saintly Trashness, because my foolish eyes can only see a half-burnt diary from a person called Peperoncino."

"Don't worry, that's what I'm here for" said Stelle with a soft smile. "What you see here is a remnant of another time in which the world followed other rules, in which Aeons weren't a part of the daily lives of the common people, as it's described in this manuscript."

"I see" nodded Keith, who didn't see it. "My box is better."

"Obviously" said Stelle, rolling her eyes. "There is nothing better than a sealed box."

"My turn" Keith moved to the next trashcan, clearly more hyped up than the previous time. "Ooohhhh!"

And like this, a purple-haired man who didn't want to come here and a grey-haired woman who wanted to experience her hobby with someone else for the first time spent a whole day in the middle of a dump.

But the smiles they both left with showed how much fun they had.

Even when they knew all they were carrying in their hands... was just trash.

Except the box, of course.