A Standard Mizukage Evening (R-18)

I looked down upon a bowl full of broth and noodles, topped with pork belly, seaweed, an egg, bamboo, and a fish cake. With one hand I used chopsticks to capture noodles, with the other a spoon for broth, and then one after the other into my mouth for the true ramen experience.

"Hmmm…" I nodded, enjoying the salty flavor, "Is this good ramen?" 

"Why are you asking me?" my dining partner for the evening shot back with her typical heat. 

The pair of us sat in stools at a humble hole in the wall ramen shop, not the famed Ichiraku Ramen, just a location in Kirigakure. The cook looked absolutely horrified by my question, not in some kind of gag where the passionate cook screams at the high ranking customer for his audacity, but genuine am I about to die, is it okay to breathe, terror. 

"I've only ever had instant ramen." I explained. 

The risen dead Pakura huffed in exacerbation and tried her bowl. My latest attempt at tempting the Hero of Sunagakure to change sides looks like its off to a solid start. I have a feeling tonight shall be the night that Pakura either declares her 'undying' (hehe) love for me, or my persistence finally wears down her pesky resistance and she accepts me as her kage at which point I will mind control her into declaring her 'undying' (hehe) love for me. Either way I'm walking away the winner and since this is totally not a false binary, its winning time.

"It's okay." she shrugged, "Everything is there, it's just not anything special." 

"Hmm." I contemplated, then smirked, "Then it's a good thing my tastes and preferences are so low brow." 

The noodle chief looked fit to have a heart attack, and considering the salt content of his fare, I wouldn't be shocked. 

"I'm so glad you take me to cheap ramen joints, and the beach, and rooftops, I really feel your dedication to romancing me with all our dates being cheap or free." Pakura snarked and ate more of her bowl. 

"I'd hit you up with mind control if I could, but that whole, Suna Shinobi thing…" I sighed, "Besides, every time I want to take you out I sacrifice someone. Isn't that dark romance stuff supposed to get you people wet?" 

"You know us Suna kunoichi… have to preserve moisture. We can't just get wet for every guy that kills for us." Pakure rolled with it, "So what's new with you?" 

"Got married yesterday." I informed her, "Is that doing anything for you, knowing some other woman's got a claim on me? Does homewrecking turn you on?" 

"I feel sorry for her already." she ignored my questions. 

So rude. 

"You should." I fake frowned, "My mind games ended up being too much and had to crack out the old murder mind control one two unbeatable combo." 

"What a shock." Pakura deadpanned, "I guess that means that it's still true that the only woman that's ever loved you is the little boy you systematically abused through his childhood and adolescence." 

Shots fired! I took a moment to prepare my response. 

"Your words cut deep." I roughened up my voice and tilted my head back while water ran down from my eyes, "Deeper than any blade."

Pakura furrowed her brow and stared at me in disbelief, "You crying?" 

"Nah." I turned toward her and revealed one of my hands holding up a half sign, "Cry on Command Jutsu." 

"You're such an ass." Pakura shook her head.

"You're wrong, by the way." I turned back to my food, "Me and Haku. Our love is pure." 

"Pure like my relationship with the Hidden Sand." Pakura countered. 

Hehe. One sided and lethally toxic. Nice burn from the mistress of Scorch Release.

"When are you going to give up and just let me be at peace in death?" Pakura sighed after she finished her bowl. 

"I'm immortal and immune to the fog of ages… so… never." I shrugged, "Plus, I get a kick out of interacting with you." 

"Fuck off." she growled and I simply released the Impure World Reincarnation Jutsu on her. 

Ah, the false binary fallacy strikes again. Such is life. 

The shell of Pakura broke apart and fell away from the corpse she inhabited, and after a quick genjustu to erase the memories of the staff and a command to a nearby shinobi to clean up the mess I returned to my evening business. In an agonizing burst of speed, I left the village and arrived seaside, jumping down the basalt cliffs and arriving at a cave. Into the darkness I went diving deep into the earth and under the sea. At the end of the stone descent I came upon a structure made of pink coral, the massive undersea prison built by Yagura's Coral Release. 

"So you've come." the petite woman greeted me as she oversaw the receiving teams, the counterparts to Gengetsu's snatcher teams. 

"The ink has barely dried on my marriage certificate and already we've got hundreds of prisoners to process." I grinned, happy with the surprisingly fast progress.

"Tsch. Who do you think we are?" Yagura spat, far less demure with Hirohito not around. 

"Gengestu does good work." I muttered as we entered deeper into the facility filled with floor after floor of cells and training grounds.

"She doesn't have to look hard for targets." Yagura stated, "This much is to be expected." 

Lady Second practically sprinted out of the office today, barely explaining anything to Mei on her way out. With her assembled teams, she ran into the wild chaos of the Land of Water to begin kidnapping all undesirables and bringing them back to this re-education facility.

"My coral is much harder than what is found in nature, capable of subduing even the strongest of ninja. Care to try, Lord Fifth?" Yagura smirked with her hands in a sign. 

I ignored Yagura's bait and instead gave the pink material a solid punch. The area around us shook, but the coral barely cracked under my fist. I'd consider a more serious punch, but this is an underwater facility adding new doors might prove disastrous. 

"Good stuff." I complimented as I shook out the pain in my fist, "Between you and Mei we have effective options for expanding our usable land mass if we ever need too. You to raise the seafloor and her to pile on rich volcanic material." I looked into a nearby cell where a man ran himself up against the bars forming the door, "And with this lot we have the perfect labor force for any task. You hear that you pile of filth. You and all your friends are going to spend the rest of your lives as obedient little slave soldiers."

"I'm just a gambler! Let me out! I'm not like the others!" he shrieked and tried to slam open the door again. 

"A gambler?" I faked shock, "This slave army really is taking the worst of the worst off the streets."

Before the man could respond, I produced five clones with a half seal.

"It's time to turn this warehouse of scum and villainy into a factory of productive members of society! Allons-y!" I called out and the five began rewriting these caged losers with genjustu. 

Turning back to Yagura I smiled, "You've done great work here, Yagura. I really appreciate you." 

"I'm not sleeping with you." she stated coldly as she turned her head. 

"Your loss, bitch." I shrugged and started walking out of this hell hole calling over my shoulder, "I'll get back to you after you spend some time producing building materials all day every day. We'll make a mint off that coral!" 

Thank God for clones and my growing tolerance for their feedback, because if I had to come down to this hole for hours of work every day, I'd demand a pay increase. As temporary beings with only a tenuous relationship with existence, clone Zabuza's endure the drudgery that would break my spirit. I'd even modified the justu to provide less memory transfer. All the benefits of a fully autonomous Shadow Clone, no burning my neurons with worthless information. 

Returning home, I found Haku tending the oven and stove keeping my dinner hot while Mei laid out on a mat with cushions in the living room, clutching a bottle of sake.

"Rough first day at the office?" I asked as I removed my sandals. 

"Fuck you!" Mei called from across the penthouse.

"I think Haku's got that covered." I called back and heard her growling as I swept into the dining room and sat with my legs under our kotatsu.

Heated goodness rolled over my aching lower body. Training with Sonic is never easy, a man needs incredible talent just to survive the hellish training he went through. The results though, sublime. Between Sonic's speed and Hiruzen's economy of motion and chakra control, I'll never have to worry about getting speed blitzed by some alien chucklefuck and bitchslapped like all the Boruto kage. I am he who speed blitzes… hopefully. 

"Diner as well, Lady Momochi." Haku announced and began plating a feast before me filled with rich medicinal ingredients. 

We doping now, homies. 

I'd spent a lot of Points after Capturing Mei, the first 30 on HUD and Toggle. The former turns me into a magical cyborg, capable of operating my Company Device with my mind and a heads up display overlaid on my vision. The latter lets me toggle all Company perks for my Retinue using the HUD, meaning I can now Capture men and not be forced into the terrible choice of trans them, or let another man enjoy my beni's. 30 Points well spent. I went on to Capture Ao, Chojuro, and even Gozu and Meizu in celebration of them not needing to lose their manhoods. I'm sure they'd be grateful if I let them keep the memories. Every time they lay with a woman, that's my gift to them. I am a benevolent god like that. 

My bounty of Points didn't last long, the Point sink of Defenses calling out to me, dropping a fat 60 Points to pick up the Fatality and Possession options to further gear up for Otsutsuki shenanigans. It hurt my heart but not nearly as much as what came next.

I looked at Haku, at the perfect face of my beloved apprentice, servant, and concubine. Despite the raw amount of evidence to the contrary, I felt like I'd violated her, infected her with loserness. I Template Stacked her I and II with Sakura Haruno.

Just thinking about it made me feel a great disturbance in the Chakra, as if hundreds of weebs suddenly called out in hate and anguish. I wanted to stack Tsunade Senju, but upon review of the facts I was forced to admit that throughout Shippuden Sakura surpassed the woman in every field. Tsunade famously countered Chiyo's poisons, Sakura countered a poison that left Chiyo stumped, Tsunade healed the people of Konoha with the help of her slugs, Sakura healed the Shinobi Alliance with the help of the slugs, by the end the pink haired girl even punched harder than her busty mentor. It wasn't anything Tsunade did wrong, it was just Kishimoto forcing the themes of the story even if they didn't make sense because of his usual botching of female characters. Sakura got that next generation better than the last powerup hand job, and I chose to cash in on that. 

Despite all this, I still felt a twisting regret for what I'd done. I'd given into facts and logic, when we all know it's heart or nothing! What kind of man have I become? As if sensing my dismay, the beautiful Haku took my hand, sending me her support and affection through a squeeze. What room has a man's heart for waste like doubt and regret? None. A man stands up! Not this man as my legs feel like two long lumps of raw pain. 

Finding my balls once again, I put down the likely mistakes of the past and got back to the work of the present, to the grind! With chopsticks in hand I assaulted the spread on the table, packing my body with the nutrients and medicines it craves to rise again for another day of training harder and stronger. After this difficult battle with food, Haku bathed me, massaged me, and then rode me like tonight is our last night together. 

Satisfied with her load of nut, Haku rolled off me, revealing the furious form of Mei Terumi previously hidden behind the fabulous pair of bouncing breasts I couldn't take my eyes off of. Truly, man is most vulnerable during coitus. 

"So this is the married life, huh?" Mei scoffed as she stalked around the futon to loom over me on the opposite side of Haku. 

I'm not in danger, the woman not having it in her to harm me or my interests, literally. Doesn't mean the woman can't nag me to death, I at least had the decency to leave her that during her deprogramming from her former lovey dovey state needed to produce the Love Confession. Sometimes being such a kind and generous person bites you in the ass, but for the good of the world and all those in it, I will persist. 

"Mhm." I nodded in cold response. 

"I go to work each day, my dream job." she declared, "I walk through the village full of people who respect and admire me. I come home to a beautiful house kept by the woman my husband really loves. I get to see them do all the things I dreamed I'd one day do with my husband. And I can't even do anything about it." she growled the last darkly. 

"Spot on analysis." I said evenly. 

"What am I supposed to do…" she clenched her fist in front of her chest, "With all this pain and humiliation?" 

"You don't need to do anything. You're already pregnant." thank you the 2 Point Fertility Calibration set to hundi, always, "Ninja couples of our status often only have a single child, so even if we just ignore each other from now on, the optics of our union are maintained." 

"So I'm to spend my life alone?" Mei grimaced. 

"You were heading that route anyways." I shrugged.

"What?" she shrieked.

Damn woman, my ears don't need to feel like my legs. 

"You were moving from married to the rebellion, to married to the village." I informed her, "A life spent alone at the top. At least now, you'll have a kid to love you." 

"AHHHHHH!" Mei screamed and lunged at me. 

My confidence in the powers of the Company was built on blind faith! This setting is so full of plot holes that became retcons that the integrity of the world line looks like swiss cheese! Of course the people here would plot armor their way through my powers! What a fool I was! 

The feeling of my cock impaling a hot wet pussy ended my anti-Company tirade. The Company is a porn company, after all.

"I hate you!" Mei yelled as she tried to crush my hips against the floor. 

"Oh yeah!" I growled and spanked Mei's boyish cheeks, "Take all that hate, and carry it in your hips and ass!" 

In the HUD I set Mei to a slow progress Body Tune Up, and linked the progress specifically to riding me, she'd finally build her ass from furious cowgirl sessions, the way God intended! And I mean furious, Mei slammed her pelvis into mine with bad intentions, and we're lucky the kage palace is built as a fortress against Biju attacks (longshot hope of it surviving one), otherwise the room shaking like this might be cause for alarm. 

Suddenly Mei stopped bucking and squirted hard on my stomach and chest, and once she stopped quivering she rolled off of me and stole the covers, a worse crime that leaving me half finished. What disregard! 

"Hate you later, Mei." I smirked and leaned back to find Haku's pain filled face. 

Knowing what I must do, I rolled her under me and pinned her thighs up before driving into her. I push peter sweeter more completer than any peter pusher ever pushed, but in the midst of my work something terrible occurred, my right leg betrayed me. Vicious cramping from my both hammy and calf threatened to unmake this apology dicking, but I compensated adjusting the power to my left side to make it happen through adversity. I straightened my rioting leg out and maintained rhythm; but lo, treachery! Now my left leg, my last leg, seized up in agony. Did this stop me? Nay! I straightened that leg out too and with just the power of my arms and core maintained the mating press to completion! 

Like a majestic paraplegic I flipped my body off Haku, and turned to tell her to find us more sheets, but alas and alack, she slept with a satisfied look upon her face. I sighed, then with just my arms and core initiated a handstand, taking the opportunity for what it was, a chance to train like Might Guy. I maneuvered to the nearest linen closet and with one hand carried new sheets while hopping to my bed on the other. 

Thank God I'm a ninja, or tonight would have been awfully cold. 

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