Eighteen

"Really?!" Yibo says with a giant smile on his face. "Mr. Lee, thank you so much oh my god. Zhan's gonna be so happy!"

"Tomorrow is when they'll let him out. You need to tell him today."

Yibo nods as tons of ideas of what he's going to do flood his mind. This was the best news he ever could have revived.

Mr. Lee pulled off finding a way to have them let Zhan be out for a few hours. It might not have been a whole day, but several hours were better than nothing.

As he grabs his water bottle and jacket to follow Mr. Lee, the thought that there were only five days left until Zhan's execution date slips into his head, but he tries his best to push it away. He succeeds but not before it puts that terrible feeling of pressure on his heart.

Yibo goes over ways to tell Zhan. He hadn't even discussed it with him before so it will be a true surprise to him. He just hopes Zhan's okay with it.

He wonders if maybe going out like that will make the feeling worse. For both of them. It will only remind them how sad their relationship is. How they'll never get to be a normal couple who do normal things.

Yibo doesn't let it turn into something negative though. He refuses. Even if they might never get to be 'normal' they can at least pretend for a few hours.

"Zhan ge?" Yibo says quietly as he opens the door.

"Hey," Zhan answers, a small smile on his face as a greeting.

Yibo walks in, a similar smile on his own lips as he gets ready to tell Zhan the good news. "Guess what," Yibo says, going over to sit next to Zhan.

"Hm?"

Yibo shifts a little on the bed, getting comfortable, and crossing his legs in front of him. "So Mr. Lee knows some people, well his friend does, who like being in charge of the big stuff," he explains.

"Okay..."

"And um, I asked him what the possibility of getting you out for a day would be, and he said he'd look into it and good news, they're gonna let you out tomorrow for like several hours!" Yibo finishes, his excitement clear on his face.

"Wait really?" Zhan asks. He seems calm, almost as if he doesn't believe Yibo.

Yeah. I mean, you'll have to wear an ankle thing like at the hospital and I think they also have to put a tracker in my car or something, maybe on me too I don't know, and have security follow us.

"I can't believe you pulled that off," Zhan says, as he becomes more enthused.

"I mean, me either honestly. Like I don't even know how it happened. I figured it'd be a bigger deal but I guess not."

"You said tomorrow right?" Zhan asks.

Yibo nods. "Yep. So start thinking about what you want to do. You will cook for me," Yibo says.

It breaks his heart knowing that there's only one day for them. Less than that. Then, four days after, Zhan would be gone. It would all just be a memory. He

would just be a memory.

Yibo doesn't show his sadness though. He refuses to make this a sad thing. It's not. This is a good and happy thing that deserves to be treated as such. He can't let the way he feels project onto Zhan.

"You're too good for me, you know?" Zhan says with a smile as he reaches over and pulls Yibo closer to him. "Way too good."

"Impossible. You're too good for me. For anyone," Yibo replies, more than willingly letting Zhan hold him.

He hated how much their relationship felt like a tragic love story trope of the next popular YA novel. He wished it was different, but that's all he's been saying for the past four months.

How does one even begin to cope with such a predicament? Is there even a way to do that? Yibo is not sure they are.

"Can I tell you something?" Yibo asks quietly.

"Of course." Zhan says.

"I love you, you know that. I've never loved anyone as I love you and it's scary because I'm afraid I'll never love anyone like this ever again. I'm not sure I want to. I'm not sure I want to have this with anyone else."

Zhan is silent for a moment and the sound of their hearts beating together is almost audible. "Yeah, uh, I'm not sure what to say, Bo," he says, almost as if he feels bad because of it.

"It's okay, I just wanted to tell you. To let you know you mean the world to me. I can sometimes struggle to be super honest like this with people, I mean, I still am right now, but I need to tell you. I wouldn't be able to live without doing it." Yibo turns around and looks at Zhan. His green eyes are glossy with tears and his cheeks are a pale red. Not out of embarrassment but from being emotional.

"I'm sorry," Zhan says in a raspy voice.

"For what?" Yibo asks, seeing Zhan like this kills him. If he really thinks about it, Zhan hasn't really been super emotional about it. He hasn't cried like Yibo has or anything.

A tear falls on Zhan's cheek, followed by a few more that Yibo gently reaches up and swipes away with his thumb. "I don't even know," Zhan says in a broken voice.

"Zhan, please don't think any of this is on you. It's not, okay? You've been so good and so kind. Way more than I could ever ask for. You've been amazing, okay?"

Yibo wipes away one of his tears before continuing. "Sometimes the universe throws shit at us that doesn't make sense. That we don't deserve. We don't deserve this Zhan."

"You don't."

"You don't either. Not one bit. You deserve the world. You deserve a happy life with lots of good people around you. You deserve everything good. You're good, Zhan," Yibo says, and even though his voice is soft and raspy, his words are strong. He doesn't hesitate when he says this, he truly believes it.

"Honestly, it's all just so fucked up. So fucked up. Why us? What the fuck is all of this for?" Zhan says, he almost sounds mad but Yibo figures maybe he should be. This isn't fair.

"I don't know. You're right though, it's not okay."

Yibo used to believe in karma. That it was fair and that what went around came around but he knows he doesn't deserve this. Maybe it's karma from a past life but even then he truly can't fathom what could have been so awful of him to do to deserve this.

"I just-I don't know. It hurts so bad and I can't cope with it anymore. It's all like a jumbled mess in my head and my heart hurts and everything else hurts and I don't know what to do," Yibo says all at once.

He's had a hard time getting his words out lately and an even harder time sorting his thoughts.

"Yeah, me too. I'm not ready for it to end."

The sentence hits Yibo like a truck as he realizes that the end for Zhan is more than just this relationship. It's more than having to get over it and move on. There is no moving on for him.

He's quiet, not knowing what to say. Not knowing if there even is anything to say. So Yibo just leans into Zhan, the boy he loves more than he's ever loved someone before, and lets his eyes close while Zhan gently runs his hand through his hair.

It's nice, the quietness that is. Sure, there's the faint sound of the other inmate's conversations and the humming of the lights but it was somehow peaceful and they lay there together.

Some time passes by, neither too sure how much but the peacefulness they once had is interrupted by the sound of a yelling inmate. One much louder than the rest.

Yibo rubs his eyes and sits up, realizing he must've fallen asleep. Zhan, who seems to have been awake the whole time looks at him.

"I think someone's fighting," he says casually.

Yibo blinks a few times, trying to orient himself again. "Oh. What time is it?" Yibo asks.

"Well, I don't have a clock but I think it's been like twenty minutes or so," Zhan tells him.

"Right," Yibo says, shifting so that he's facing Zhan instead of leaning back against him. "We have a bit then. Like twenty more."

Zhan nods. "You were knocked out," he says with a smile. "It was cute."

Yibo blushes and hides his face in his hands. "Shut up, I was tired."

Zhan chuckles and pulls Yibo to him in a playful manner, kissing anywhere his lips can reach.

"Zhan! St-stop!" Yibo says in between laughter, but Zhan doesn't stop.

Zhan was gentle, so gentle and nice but somehow Yibo's strong playful laughter that sounded like a beautiful song soon turned into soft sobs.

Zhan immediately stops messing with Yibo and as soon as he does, Yibo falls into his arms, his head resting on his shoulder.

"Baby....what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Zhan asks.

Yibo continues to sob as he shakes his head, just enough for Zhan to feel it. The tears wet Zhan's shirt, as he holds Yibo as close as he possibly can.

Tears start to well in his own eyes as he feels the rising and falling of Yibo's chest. He hates how sad he is. He just wants Yibo to feel better. To not be attached to him.

Zhan can't hold them back and he lets himself cry, fully, for the first time in years. He can tell that once Yibo heard him he started to cry even harder.

Maybe the fact that both of their hearts felt like they weighed a million pounds, or that they both felt like they wanted to just disappear together right then and there. Maybe it was nothing, but it seemed as if their hurt and sadness just combined, making it a thousand times worse.

"I love you so much," Zhan says, his voice shaky and fragile. He needs to say it as much as he possibly can because he doesn't have much time to do it anymore.

Yibo doesn't respond with anything but loud sobs. He squeezes his arms around Zhan as tight as he possibly can without hurting him and Zhan knows it's his way of saying it back.

As incredibly selfish as it may be, Zhan's really glad Yibo is the last person he'll get to see before he dies.