Chapter 8 ~ Fair is not always Fun

Shaina

''Seriously, I hate Mr. Burns. He gave me a 4.2 for math.'' Allison whines. She has been complaining about her grade for twenty minutes as we are sitting around a table.

''Don't worry, you can make it up with the next test.'' Maira assures her, but I don't think she can make it up if she continues with her daily routine. I have barely seen her study, except when she went with us to the library. Apart from that, she either parties or goes shopping.

If she wants to make up for the grade, then she has to focus on her studies. I get that it's nice to take a break from studying, but what she is doing is ridiculous.

''Why don't we go to the Franklin Square to cheer you up?'' Oliver suggests, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

''Yeah that sounds like a good idea.'' Bryson agrees.

''What is it?'' I can't help asking.

''It's an amusement park.'' Lilly answers. I have been to an amusement park before and I don't want to go again. It brings back bad memories and it's too crowded.

''I was planning to check out the place.'' Oliver comments.

''I am in.'' Maira sticks her out in agreement.

''Okay.'' Allison agrees.

''Draven and Shaina, are you guys going?'' Oliver asks, looking between us.

''Yeah, sounds good.'' I say. I have been studying all week and it would be a good way to distract myself.

''Count me in.'' Draven nods and everyone is happy.

Before we walk to class, we decide to meet up outside near Oliver's car at seven.

**

I am finally done with my classes and right now I am in my room, staring at the ceiling before we go to the Franklin Square. I had actually planned on taking a nap, but I can't seem to fall asleep. I am not excited about going there, because I have always been afraid of being in a crowd, but I have to man up and try to move on.

''You need to move on, Shaina. Staying in the past won't get you anywhere.'' Grandma said when she suggested to go to the fair with her. I remember that I clutched my favorite teddy bear to my chest and eagerly shook my head.

I couldn't go, what if I would get lost again? Would she come looking for me or leave me there in the crowd? All those thoughts were wandering through my mind and they are right now.

What if nobody will come looking for me? What if I have to walk back to the dorms in the dark?

Sometimes I hate myself for being so defective and I can't be like the normal people, who enjoy going out with their friends instead of being terrified like a rabbit.

When will this fear go away? How long will it take for me to finally get out of my little bubble I am trapped it?

''You are sleeping?'' Maira asks when she is trying to pick out an outfit for tonight.

''No, I am just thinking.''

''About what?''

''Nothing important.'' I shrug it off.

My grandparents are the only ones, who know about my insecurities and anxiety. I can't trust anyone with that and I also don't want to appear weak.

''If it wasn't nothing, you wouldn't seem so lost in your thoughts.''

''Overthinking things about college.'' I lie.

''Tell me about it, college is a pain in the ass,'' She agrees. ''What do you think?''

She is holding a grey tank top and black denim shorts. ''It's nice.'' I tell her, sitting up.

''What are you going to wear?'' She asks, when she puts her clothes on the bed.

''I don't know.'' I couldn't care less about my clothes right now.

''Let me help you.'' She scans my side of the wardrobe.

''Here, is this good?'' She asks for my approval. She shows me a denim jacket, white top and black jeans. I don't remember putting the denim jacket in the box.

''It's amazing.'' I pretend to care about the outfit she has picked for me. Then someone knocks on the door.

''I will get it.'' Maira says and opens the door. It's Allison and Lilly, who look completely ready for this evening.

''Aren't you guys ready?'' Allison frowns confused.

''We still have two hours.'' Maira reminds them and lets them in.

''So? You still need to get your makeup done.'' Lilly responds offended.

''We are just going to an amusement park, not a party.'' I don't know I got the guts to be sarcastic, but they don't seem offended.

''Well still, let's get ready.'' Allison says and takes Maira's makeup kit. I roll my eyes, standing to wear the clothes on the hanger. Meanwhile, the girls are helping Maira with her hair and makeup.

''Come on, Shaina. Your turn.'' Lilly says and she is about to put some concealer on my face.

''Thank you, but I want to do my own makeup.'' I decline, moving my head back. She has too much foundation on her face and her eyes are too smoky.

''Are you sure?'' She raises her eyebrows.

''Yes.''

''Okay then.'' While the girls are talking about tonight, I quickly do my makeup, drawing a thin line with my eyeliner and put mascara and lipstick.

''Woah, you really don't need much makeup.'' Lilly compliments and I smile at her, not knowing how to respond. I always get a little shy when I get compliments.

We are going with Oliver and Bryson's car to the amusement park. I am still not comfortable driving with Bryson in a vehicle, so I join Oliver, Allison and Draven. Allison is sitting in the front, while I am sitting with Draven in the back.

Draven is wearing a casual grey T-shirt with a jacket over it and a pair of jeans, and he looks incredible. His black hair is a shining in the light and his eyes are focused on the window. He seems spaced out.

I tear my eyes away from him and look at my fingers on my lap. I feel the knot in my stomach. I deeply sigh in disappointment and fear, because I am nervous.

Nervous to be with people, who I call my friends when I have just known them for a few weeks. Nervous to go to an amusement park, where there will be a huge crowd and a defected person like me will vanish and will be forgotten.

''Are you okay?'' I am startled when I feel Draven's breath on my neck and ear. It sends tingles everywhere in my body and I snap my head up. His voice is gentle, compared to when he talked in the afternoon and his eyes are soft.

A thing I noticed is that he seems comfortable around me and more himself.

''Yeah, why wouldn't I be?''

''You look a little pale and your body is shaking a little.''

I didn't even notice that. My nervousness is taking control and I don't know how to get rid of the anxiety.

''I am fine.'' I respond and break eye contact with him. He doesn't say anything after that, but he doesn't look convinced.

''I can't wait to see it.'' I hear the excitement in Allison's voice. Oliver turns up the radio to fill the silence with music.

Due to the traffic jam, we arrive in twenty minutes instead of ten. As my feet connect with the ground of the Franklin Square, I can already feel the anxiety building in my stomach.

''Let's go.'' Lilly says, dragging with her without protesting because I can't.

I am already here and don't want to seem like a loser. Why does everyone's opinion matter to me so much? I feel like the typical follower of the Queen B in a teenage movie.

''Guys, let's go to the escape room.'' Bryson says.

I have no idea what an escape room, but it doesn't sound exciting to me. Escaping is the word I have been avoiding for years. I may have been escaped from the people who have hurt me, but not from my fears.

''Yeah, let's go.'' Allison agrees.

''I am not going, I will stay here.'' I tell them.

''Come on, it won't be fun standing here by yourself.'' Lilly remarks.

''Yeah, come on.'' Maira presses and grabs my wrist.

I ask Maira what an escape room is. She explains that it's a room based on the theme you choose, and two teams have to solve puzzles and mysteries. The team who manages to escape the room, solving the mysteries and puzzles has won.

The group chooses for the haunted house and we all step inside. I am in Lilly, Maira and Oliver's team, while Allison, Draven and Bryson have formed a team. Both teams walk in different rooms of the haunted house.

The room is dark and the floor creaks with every step we take on the coffee brown planks. In the corner of the room, there is a bookshelf with books that are dusted. The fake spiders and skulls of different animals make the room creepier.

''The first mission is to open the second door to get out.'' Maira reads on the card.

''They are definitely not going to open the door for us, so we have to find the key.'' Lilly says.

''Let's split up.'' Oliver suggests. I look for it on the desk, the drawer, the books and the couch, but the key is nowhere.

''Found it.'' Lilly announces with the key in her hand. She quickly opens the second door, but I know that the next mission won't be easy.

The second room's light is green. The room is dustier and I can hear the scary noises from the usual horror movies. Why did Bryson have to choose this?

I notice the card on the wall and read out loud. ''Search for two countries with the most residents and point them with the black pen.''

''Here is the world globe.'' Maira says and we walk to the drawer.

''The country with the most residents.'' Oliver repeats, thinking out loud.

''China and India.'' Lilly answers.

I place the dots on India and China on the world globe. The heavy door rumbles open and we walk through the tunnel that has fire lanterns on each side. It looks like the hall of a castle that from the historical movies. There are corridor meanders to the left and curves to another left where another door opens. This time it's completely dark and I can't see anything. I can hear the creaking closed door and the panic in my throat returns, making me barely breathe.

I turn the flashlight on of my phone. ''Are you guys here?'' I ask, looking around.

''Here.'' Maira, Lily and Oliver appear in front of me.

''I have found a book.'' Oliver says and Lilly points the flashlight to the book. Oliver reads a poem out loud. It says that the key to the last door, is somewhere we will never expect it to be.

''Where could the last key be?'' Maira says frustrated with a hand in her hair.

''Somewhere we never expect it to be.''

''Look around, maybe we will find something.'' Lilly says and they all disappear in the dark. I pretend to look in the boxes, but the panic is building more and more. I point the light to the ceiling where I glance at a bat on the porcelain white ceiling and I immediately point the light on the floorboard.

''Here it is.'' Maira says and opens the door, but I don't care anymore. I want to get out right now.

As soon as we step outside, I run away from them. I just need to get away from them, because the darkness was too much for me. My vision becomes blurry and I am panting. Tears are streaming down my cheeks and I tug at my hair. I should have never come here in the first place. This was such a bad idea.

10 years ago

''Where are you going, Mommy?'' I asked confused, while my mom was looking around with her dark puffy eyes.

''I will be right back, okay? Go to the Ferris Wheel alone.'' She commanded.

''But where are you going?'' I asked again, because I wanted her to go with me.

''You little bitch, can you just go alone and then for me? If you follow me, I will make you stay in the closet. Do you want that?''

I didn't want to stay in the closet, because it was either dark or there was a lighting bulb and I was also very lonely. I didn't want to be alone.

''No, Mommy.'' I eagerly shake my head, squishing my bear to my chest.

''Good girl.'' She patted my cheek and pushing me inside..

I was a little scared first, but then it was fun. After I climbed out, I waited and waited for my mother to show up, but she didn't. It started to rain, but I still kept waiting for her at the same spot with my teddy bear.

Eventually, I gave up and walked home in the rain. I knew the way, because the fair was fifteen minutes away from my house. Why did mommy have to leave me here? Why didn't she come looking for me?

My friends must be thinking that I am a coward, a loser even. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to get my breathing under control. I want to throw up to get the pit out of my stomach, but it's stuck.