Chapter 11 ~ Face Your Problems

Shaina

It felt like everything came crashing down on me in one time. I had my first kiss with Draven and it felt amazing. My mind was completely distracted and focused on the kiss, but when I opened my eyes I didn't know what else to do.

I was overwhelmed with confusion and ecstasy. He looked worried when I raced out of his room.

I have to process everything and work things out on my own. The words of my mom and the incidents give me anxiety when I think about it. Nothing of this is Draven's fault. He is so perfect and I can't have him deal with someone like me. He deserves better and I am far away from that.

Neither can I find my phone nor my keys and now I am walking alone in the middle of the night in an oversized sweater and shorts.

I knock on the door, hoping that Maira is inside. As she opens the door, she rubs her eyes and looks at me confused. ''Hey, where were you?''

''It doesn't matter, do you have a car?'' I forgot to ask Granny when she is going to bring my car. She must have forgotten as well.

''Yeah, why?''

''Can I borrow your car? I have to go home.''

''What? Why? Is your grandma okay?'' She asks concerned.

''She is fine, I want to go home.'' I answer.

I need to clear my head and home is the only place that's on my mind. Staying here means facing Draven and his questions. I need some time for myself, so I can be sure about what I want.

''Shaina, it's one in the morning.'' She reminds me.

''Please, Maira.'' I beg.

''Fine.'' She sighs and hands me the keys.

''Call me if you need anything.'' She hugs me and I rush out the hall.

The night is dark, but the stars are shining. I am sad that I have to leave, but avoiding Draven while he is around hurts more. Going home might give me some time to think and clear my head.

When I have arrived home, it's still dark and I climb out of the car. With every step I take, breathing becomes difficult for me.

I hope that Granny doesn't become angry, that I am at her doorstep at 3 am.

The door opens, revealing Granny in her green satin nightgown. ''Shaina.'' Her eyes and her lips slightly part at my appearance. I should've worn some decent clothes before coming here.

I am speechless as well, so I pull her for an embrace. It's all I need right now. Her comfort and warmth. I have missed her so much and I saw her three days ago. The scent of strawberries coming from her hair fills my senses.

Without speaking she knows what I need. Neither of us have to speak at the moment. I can't because I know that I will break down. Granny always makes me feel better. She understands me better than anyone else in this whole world and senses my pain. I bury my face in her shoulder, letting all the pain out. Granny always keeps herself strong for me, because she knows how fragile I am.

''Come in, sweetheart.'' Granny whispers and wraps her arms around my waist since she is shorter than me.

''Who is it?'' Gramps walks down the stairs in his pajamas.

''Shaina.'' Granny answers and he gives us a perplexed look, taking in my presence.

''Is everything okay, honey?'' He asks me and I give him a quick hug before walking upstairs without saying anything. I am not in the mood to talk right now.

We don't have any pictures as a family in our house, because I don't like pictures. I am not pretty enough.

**

Draven

6 years ago

"Will you come back?" I let my tears out for her. I was so scared. My mother was the only who loved me.

"I have to go, sweetie. Come here." My mom held her arms out.

I hugged her tight, because somehow I felt that she would never come back for me and I wanted her warm embrace for one last time. Her embrace gave me hope that she would come back.

"I love you." She kissed my forehead and both of my cheeks before she took her bags and left.

I watched her turning the knob and then she was gone. As soon as she left, I could feel the pain in my chest. I knew that she will never come back for me.

"From now on, I don't want to hear that slut's name, do you understand me?"

"But dad-" he grabbed by the collar, giving no room to argue with him.

"Do you understand?" He spat and I eagerly nodded in fear. He was bigger and stronger than me, there was no way I could fight him compared to my body.

In one swift movement, he threw me against the mirror. I landed on the floor with shatters of glass on my arms. That time I knew that no one is coming to save me. I have to endure my father's torture for the rest of my life.

"You are a fucking wimp." He growls when he saw my tears. He kicked me in the stomach and I couldn't feel the oxygen in my lungs. For a moment I thought I was going to die.

**

I can't call Shaina, because I found her broken phone in the pocket of her jeans that I took out before doing the laundry. I hope she is okay. I have no idea what happened and it's not like she can share it with me, because I barely shared anything about myself so I understand her point.

The next day when I walk to class, I spot Maira walking in my direction with a glower on her face.

''You are such an ass, do you know that?'' She scoffs, pushing me back. What the hell did I do?

''What are you talking about?'' I ask.

''Don't mind-fuck me. What did you do to Shaina?'' Does she know that we kissed? Did she mention something about it?

''What do you mean?''

''She left.''

''She left?'' I repeat, processing what she is telling me. ''Where to?''

''She went home. I thought something happened to her grandma, because she freaked out but she said that her grandma is okay. Since she was with you last time, I assume that you did something.''

Did she leave because of me?

Shit, I shouldn't have kissed her, but not because I didn't want to but because maybe I have pushed her too far. I don't even care about the stupid tuition. I just hope that she is fine.

''What did you say or do?'' Maira repeats her question.

''Nothing happened, I helped her when I found her in the rain.'' She doesn't need to know every detail.

"You better didn't do anything stupid.'' She warns.

''Says the one, who didn't even bother to look for her.''

My remark takes her by surprise and she storms off the other direction. I love her as my best friend, but ever since we're at college she has been distant and only cares about what the group thinks of her. That has caused the distance between us.

I am certain that I want Shaina in my life. I will try and make up for letting things go too far, but I won't let her go. My heart and mind are sure about that.

**

Shaina

It has been two days since I am here and I have barely left the house. Granny and Gramps have been asking me what happened, but I haven't talked to them yet.

Granny walks in with green tea in her hands. ''This will help you.''

''Thank you.'' It reminds me of Draven.

''Are you going to tell me what happened?'' The same question again. I decide to tell her from the moment she met Draven to the moment that we shared a kiss and now.

''The moment I saw him, I knew that there was something going on between you two. Why did you run off like that?''

''I was freaking out, Granny. I don't deserve him. He is so sweet and caring, while I am so defective and socially awkward. I get anxiety when I talk to strangers and I am sure that he doesn't want to deal with someone like that.'' I explain.

''Do you like him?'' She asks.

''I like him so much.'' I admit.

''Then it's his decision to make whether he wants you or not. For how long are you going to run away from these situations? If you both like each other, then you should go for it. Life doesn't give opportunities like this every time. When you have them, you should take them. Worrying about the past won't get you anywhere and I think that maybe you should tell him about what happened.''

I feel the knot in my stomach. ''No, I can't. It's too much and I don't want him to think different about me.''

''I can guarantee that it won't happen. He likes you for the way you are. Not everyone is perfect and you have some flaws, but you are still the most amazing girl. I am proud to have you as my granddaughter.'' She assures me with her hands, but I am not sure if they help.

''Thank you, Granny.'' I smile and she pecks my forehead.

''By the way, I have bought you a new phone and Gramps will bring the car for you.''

''Thanks.'' I say again. I save Maira's phone number and text her that I am okay. She texts me that Draven has asked about me many times and he is worried. I know that he is, but I tell her to give Draven the message that I am okay and I need to clear my head.

I even forgot about our tutoring sessions. I don't think he has studied much for the test.

I know that I like Draven more than a friend and he means so much to me. He makes me feel and carefree. I have no idea what to do with these feelings, because they terrify me and make me happy at the same time.

I have to go back, because I can't keep running away from my fears and I have missed a lot of classes.

''I am going.'' I tell Granny, taking my phone and Maira's car keys.

''Take care, call me when you need me.''

''I will.'' I say and kiss her cheek before driving back.