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SHINOBI: The RPG

A min-maxing Self-Insert ruins himself at character creation because S.P.E.C.I.A.L. Story Written by Fulcon.

Leylin_Farlier · อะนิเมะ&มังงะ
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93 Chs

The storm before the calm?

+19,200 EXP.

The past couple of months have more or less proven that I should never assume that people are dumb simply because they don't understand all the same concepts that I do.

After my latest S-Rank disaster, we were given a week's furlough. At the end of that, the Hokage came to me and asked if I would be interested in D-ranks that had me invent Jutsu for general village use. Naturally I accepted and wound up creating a long, long line of jutsu for general use. Something to pad out Konoha's Shinobi library and give wider training tools to everyone.

The Hokage rightly figured out that since inventing jutsu and completing missions got me closer and closer to my beloved level ups (or 'power spikes'), I might as well use this incredible talent I have to benefit both the village and Konoha.

So, I've been figuring out Jutsu's and how to make 'alternate-element equivalents' for those with opposing elements. Alongside the normal D-ranks, I was getting stronger really, really fast. Well, at least compared to normal, where it kind of just putters along.

Basically…

Bum-bum-bum-Bum!

Level up!

Level 15.

92 Total skill points, spread between a truly spacious set of skills. 24 points into Genjutsu, bringing it up to 60 just in time for One-Handed-Jutsu next level. 33 points into Sneak, bringing it up to a palpable 50 in preparation for Ninja at level 20. Fuinjutsu got 19 points sunk into it, bringing it up to 72 because why not? Melee Weapons, another preparation for the Ninja perk, was brought up 13 points, bringing it up to 51. Finally, there's speech, which I raised by 3 points, bringing it up to 36.

For feats, I picked Toughness, which reduced all damage I took by another 10%, making 40% overall when you included my gear. Then I picked Tattooed Armory, which increased the effects of seals buffing equipment by 15%.

You know, at first I was confused by that perks name, I thought it would have to do with tattooing myself to give myself weapons, but it has to do with giving my gear tattoos in the form of seals to make them more effective, so it balanced out.

What was I going to do with all the money that was being showered over me?

Well, I had thought to answer that question by going shopping. I stopped by a normal civilian store for trinkets and odds and ends just to browse, when I caught sight of something that stopped me dead in my tracks.

+1 Charisma.

150 Ryo.

It was an amulet. A wood carved spiral, hanging from a string. Trivial to buy. Tempting in all its promises. Social competence, the ability to see and navigate the various social problems that encompass me from day to day.

I pulled the trinket closer with my fingers, feeling the string pass over my fingers, looking at the wood, obviously high quality, gleam in the light. The notice of the charisma bonus floating in my eyes.

But there was a reason I didn't buy it and I knew it, plain as day.

The simple question: Can I say no?

My excuse for keeping out of a relationship with a twelve-year-old girl hinged on me not being able to function in a relationship. But that problem could be reasonably well handled by purchasing this freaking amulet right here.

At which point, what's stopping me from entering into this relationship with a twelve-year-old? For all intents and purposes, I was twelve. I mean, no I wasn't, I was over thirty-five, but no one actually knew that.

I was also approaching puberty. So was she. That meant things. Physical changes as my body grew into something that wanted a mate and so would Hisako's in this hypothetical relationship. I was lonely in my previous life, an issue that's compounded itself heavily since I came here. There was a pretty good chance that I was mentally unstable and that wouldn't go away with a bonus.

Could I resist the opportunity to get intimate with a minor, in my circumstances? Someone who was twenty-five years my mental junior?

Probably not.

But I've shut the door on the relationship, so what's stopping me, really?

Well first, the fact that this was Konoha, home to Haruno Sakura, Yamanaka Ino and the rest of Sasuke's fangirls. Girls who threw themselves at him, hoping and trying to become his girlfriend at all costs. The low charisma might not have stopped Hisako's crush on me developing for some reason, but given how few females interact with me by choice, I'd say it's working like a charm for the rest of them.

I mean, it sounds like heaven, getting women coming up to me and flirting with me and knowing what to say to…properly reciprocate. To initiate, even. I wonder how many times a girls flirted with me but I was completely oblivious to it? I don't have a clue.

But that's why I can't get a charisma bonus.

I'm physically twelve, so if I go after a woman my intellectual age, they'd look like a hebephiliac. If I go after a girl my age, I'd be a hebephiliac; it doesn't feel like my physical age matters in that sense, really. Plus, the things that I'd inevitably want to do in that relationship…I doubt I could wait like that…no. Unacceptable odds.

I'll have to wait for the perk.

I let the trinket fall back on its hook and left the store.

The clouds above us were dissipating. This was good, it had been raining for the past several days non-stop. No flooding, thank goodness. Enough shinobi knew water-jutsu to prevent that problem. But you could still smell the rain in the air. Personally, I loved the smell. Always brought to mind a lake with a gazebo lit by moonlight for some reason.

But I digress.

I was definitely feeling some ramen, though. Not because I was hungry, I was just craving a bowl of ramen. Which meant that it was time to pay a visit to Ichiraku Ramen, and I was there in almost no time at all.

Ah, cool! Their special included chicken! Which meant I was grabbing that as fast as I could.

Well, assuming anyone here was at the stand. Eh, they were probably in the back. I could wait.

I parked on one of the stools and took out my little black book. Since I personally didn't like Genjutsu, my choice of late level perk 'Genjutsu Enthusiast' struck me as sort of weird. I'm not satisfied with it. No point in making a person believing they were being burned alive by having a sun thrown in their face when I could just throw a sun in their face.

So what could I do that would actually be high level? Aquaboy would be fun, I guess. Kind of pointless since I can probably be assured that a water-breathing jutsu would be in my future. Ghoulish? It was always my head cannon that Ghoulish merely paved the way for full on Ghoul-hood later on in life, unless you continued to pump new life into your cells. My method of choice was always Solar Powered.

…but seriously, what's Ghoulish even doing here as a thing? Radiation was never a thing in Naruto, as I recall. Is this just so we can have something more explicitly from Fallout? Like besides the Genjutsu from the house? Yeah, no thank you.

'Sides, in spite of my prudish nature, I do want to have a family someday and Ghouls are sterile.

Anyway. Nuclear Anomaly is right out – I work for Konoha; I might end up killing my teammates by almost dying. Even if it was solo, depending on the circumstances, I might accidentally kill a bunch of innocent civilians. Even ignoring the moral no-no's of such a thing, it's bad for business by killing a bunch of potential clients.

I'll have to come back to it. There's something I've been meaning to do but I've been putting off.

I flipped over to the back, in the notes section of my notebook. Written there were a few notes and paragraphs in English, detailing a couple of important details – specifically what little I could recall about Danzo and Kabuto; important stuff. At least stuff I considered relevant to me. There was also a brief note about Gaara of the Desert, who I remembered as prime target for Naruto's therapy-no-jutsu. The note said 'in case of Chunin exams – plan for him'. I had an idea for an ever-expanding seal network that would expunge Shukaku's chakra from the sand around us, stopping Gaara from using it.

But other than that, there wasn't much to write down. Canon was dead. Utterly and absolutely. Most of any of my future knowledge was completely useless, and this was coming from a person who never watched Shippuden. Perhaps I should have, but how was I supposed to know an anime that stopped being interesting would prove pivotal to my survival?

Then there was the other stuff. The 'not Naruto' stuff. I'd been putting off writing that stuff down. But thinking too hard about my other life just made me depressed. All the things I'd never see again – well, except for Fallout. That was basically my life right now.

But that just made it worse, in a way. I could never really sink into the idea that my previous life never…happened. Every skill notification, pass or fail, was a nice, solid reminder that I used to be something else before a Shinobi for Konohagakure.

Sometimes I wish I could just forget. It'd be a lot easier if I could forget.

So I closed my notebook with a sigh, failing once again to write anything down.

"Oh, Daisuke!" I looked up and saw Ayame, having come out of the back with a large pot of ramen grasped in both hands. "I'm sorry, how long have you been sitting there?"

"It's alright," I shrugged. "Just been here a few minutes."

"Well then," Ayame slid the pot into place with a grunt. "Can I take your order?"

"Can I get the special?" I asked with a smile.

You know, I've always wondered if my smile looked more like H.P Lovecraft's 'attempt' at a smile. Might be good to investigate, actually.

"Sure," Ayame replied with a decidedly genuine smile. "That'll be 55 ryo."

I handed over exact change and she simply dished me up a bowl out of the pot she just carried to the front.

The wafts of chicken greeted my nose and made my mouth water. I wasted no time at all separating my chopsticks and digging right in.

"So," Ayame said, stirring the pots. "How are things?"

"Okay I guess," I shrugged.

"Anything wrong?" Ayame asked with a sympathetic smile.

I placed my hand on my notebook and started tapping it. "Just…some painful memories is all."

"Anything you want to talk about?" Ayame asked, stopping her work to look at me.

"Not right now," I shrugged.

"Alright," Ayame shrugged, and went back to work.

As far as I know, my notebooks never been stolen. Or whatever cosmic power that bound the book to my stats also prevented it from being stolen for whatever reason. Or maybe it was and it just comes back to me whenever I reach for it, which was decidedly often.

I hadn't been hauled off to T&I, so it's not like writing in a foreign language is going to get me in trouble. I just…it hurts to remember. Even if I want to keep all the important bits. Like my religion, various works of original fiction and an accurately detailed summary of Superman: The Movie. But…

"So, I met one of your teammates," Ayame said, catching my attention. "Nakamura Nichiren, right?"

"Yeah, he's one of my teammates," I nodded. "You met him?"

"He's come in for ramen a couple of times," Ayame replied. "Great conversationalist."

"Oh. Cool," I said. Alright, so he's come in for ramen a couple of times. That's cool. My world's getting interconnected. Actually, that's not cool. I like keeping things nice and separated. Compartmentalized. Like not letting your food touch while you're eating. It bothers me when stuff like this happens! Uh…am I supposed to say something here? "What do you talk about?"

She shrugged. "Mostly just helping him deal with some anxiety he has."

"How much of that is my fault?" I asked flatly.

"What do you mean?" She asked with a smile.

"I know he's scared of me," I replied. "Even if he seems to be getting better about hiding it, I freak him out."

"Oh. Well, it is learning how to socialize with you," She admitted, turning a burner down. "He really wants to be a better friend to you, so I've been trying to help him."

I blinked. I…guess I could get behind that. "Thanks?"

Ayame blinked and frowned. "Something wrong?"

"I'm just confused why…you help people," I replied. Then my eyes went wide. "Not that that's a bad thing! I just…yeah. Sorry."

"It's okay," Ayame shrugged. "As for why I help people, well…when you look at the average shinobi, what do you see?"

"I see a screwed up bundle of nerves, quirks, eccentricities and insanity wrapped up in a weapon of mass destruction," I replied with a raised eyebrow. "Myself included."

"Weapon of mass destruction," Ayame repeated with a musing smile. "I like that term. Anyway, yeah. So if left alone, what usually happens to them?"

"They break," I said, tilting my head as I thought about the issue.

"Exactly," Ayame nodded, stirring a pot of noodles. "I started to see this happen after the Hokage started coming to the stand to chat with Naruto. Shinobi would come in, they'd talk and I'd listen. I'd learned to see the warning signs. Some of the time, it got resolved with a happy ending. Other times…it ended in tragedy. Most of the time, though? Nothing happens until they die in the line of fire…not that that'll happen to you, Daisuke."

I shrugged. "I could see that. Our line of work makes opening up…difficult. But our loyalty keeps us from snapping completely."

"That's remarkably perceptive of you," Ayame blinked.

"I'm not completely socially blind. Just mostly," I replied. My crappy charisma is scaling, after all. Besides, I was mostly talking about myself. I don't know what I would've done without Naruto in my early years.

"Huh. Good to know," Ayame nodded. "But yeah. If I can help someone work through their issues without going insane…I consider that my duty to the village."

"So that includes helping my teammate associate with his socially challenged teammate?" I asked with a frown.

"Yup!" Ayame smiled.

"Ayame!" Teuchi's voice came from the back. "I've got more noodles prepared!"

"Coming!" She called back. Then she turned to me. "I'll be right back!"

I shrugged. "I'll be here."

She went into the back and quickly came back with an armful of noodles, sliding them into an empty pot and beginning to add ingredients and spices with calculated precision. "So…how can I help you, Daisuke?"

"You can't," I said flatly.

Ayame shrugged with a frown. "Suit yourself. Do you want another bowl?"

"Maybe in a minute," I said with a frown of my own.

I went back to tapping on my notebook with a frown.

Teuchi came out from the back with a final armful of noodles, sliding them into a large pot. "You've been served, Daisuke?"

"I have, thank you, Teuchi-san," I nodded with a smile, raising the bowl I ate out of. "Trying to decide if I want another bowl."

"Ah, well," He smiled wide. "Can I recommend our special today?"

"I had it, actually," I nodded. "It was delicious. Thank you."

"Good to hear," Teuchi nodded. "Be sure to holler if want anything."

"I will," I replied.

He and Ayame started talking on the far side of the bar away from me. I didn't pay attention to what they said, I was lost in thought.

Ayame was trying to be Konoha's therapist. She…if her advice for Naruto was any consideration, was good at what she did. She helped people and was good at it. She listened to people. That meant she knew things about the shinobi in the village.

If you wanted to destroy a shinobi, you kidnap his therapist.

So, that meant that I was going to need to…ensure that Ayame was safe, happy and healthy at all times. Or else we lose someone who was rapidly turning out to be quite important to the social infrastructure of the village. Shouldn't be too hard, just need to make sure she's protected when the canon Chunin exams roll around.

But I was getting curious.

Ayame wasn't a therapist in the canon series. At least not that I could see. How did this come about?

How do I ask? She's talking with her father and I'd rather not have him as an eavesdropper. Hmmm…

I waited for a half an hour. Eventually, Teuchi went into the back, I'm assuming to get more ingredients. "Hey, Ayame?"

She came back. "Yes, Daisuke? You want another bowl?"

"I…you know what, yes. The special again, please," I replied, handing her 55 ryo. "But I also wanted to know…"

"Hmmm?" She tilted her head toward me as she refilled my bowl.

"What made you decide to…help people like you do?" I asked.

"Oh," Ayame said. "Well, I think it was because of Naruto."

That made sense. Naruto made a lot of things happen. But I want details. "How so?"

"Well, he's been coming to the stand for years," Ayame said. "One day, he came in and was really upset because a friend of his ended up in the hospital. I listened to him, calmed him down and told him things will be okay. He left looking a little better."

She shrugged. "I felt pretty good about what I did and…started doing it more often."

Oh. Well, alright then…wait.

That was me!

But…right, I guess I'm the source of a majority of the butterflies. Still, though! That's…wow. I didn't think I was creating that many butterflies. Except for the monster house. And I guess the Organ Trail. And Hisako and Nichiren being Kakashi's first students.

…I'm more influential than I thought.

I finished my bowl. "Thank you, it was delicious."

"No problem," Ayame smiled again. "Are you taking off?"

"Yeah, I got some stuff to do," I replied with a frown. "…keep doing what you're doing. You're helping."

"I will," She replied with a smile. "And if you ever need to talk…I'll be here."

"Thanks," I said before bolting out with a Shunshin.

That was…encouraging. At least a sign of things getting better. Naruto was master of therapy-no-jutsu by force, Ayame was more methodical about it. This can only be a good thing. Right?

Right!

Nichiren's seeing Ayame is a good thing. Probably why he's been more…amiable in recent weeks. Kind of nice, and Hisako's…well, she's been surprisingly civil as well. I kind of expected her to be kind of cold, but surprisingly, no. Part of me wonders what happened when Kakashi-sensei spoke with her, another part of me just plain doesn't care as long as we're still friends.

I was waiting for my team at the gates of the academy.

It was time for another D-rank and…I actually was getting a little sick of them.

On one hand, they were a safe and relatively constant supply of EXP thus assuring me a steady source of power. On the other hand, they were boring. Like extraordinarily. I mean, sure the Organ Trail and Upon a Midnight Darkly almost killed me, but I slept both of those off and they were actually pretty fun.

But it's been months. Months! Since we had anything really adrenaline-pumping. Anything really dangerous.

But, now that I'm complaining about it, things are probably going to kick into high gear because I've both gained a load of levels, it's been months, and fate has a reaction to being complained about in the manner I have, even if it's only in my own head.

Crap.

Now I'm going to be on the lookout.

Perception Check Success: 8/2.

Nothing out of the ordinary here.

You know what I've always found odd?

That we haven't cracked flying yet.

I mean, we have chakra and hand-seals. Chakra rips apart the laws of physics on a regular basis, flying should be kind of a simple nut to crack. I wonder if I can walk on air like I can walk on water? I mean, air's a substance with mass just like everything else. Probably just take greater control and maybe more chakra. But I've got the control…maybe something to check on when I've got some free time?

Certainly not in plain view of the village. Flying under your own power wasn't seen in the elemental countries. At least not in the Leaf.

If not an 'Air-walk' jutsu, perhaps a regular jutsu. Wind jutsu, contrary to my opinions on how it should act, primarily shoved objects away from the user without actually affecting the user at all. At high volumes, wind chakra actually acted like a storm of razor blades – it wasn't physically consistent, it was a quirk of wind chakra. It was also annoying.

Lightning chakra, if I could harness it correctly in a way I don't know how to do yet, might offer a solution. Or at very least an incredible power-up.

You know, it's kind of funny. The only chakra that actually out and out involves moving things was Earth-chakra, which was what you used when you wanted to throw rocks and stones at things until they died.

…wait.

I wonder if you could apply that same power to people? You know, I might be able too. At least, I don't know of any reason why I wouldn't be able to. Sweet! I'll put that on the project docket. You know, for later.

When I'm done with the mission and stuff.

Oh, and need some other Jutsu too. Like, I want to be able to make a storm-cloud like a moveable area of affect attack. Might need water-chakra for that as well, now that I think about it, but it should be doable. And also a-what's that smell?

The barest hints of something…rotten had wormed their way into my nostrils. Like the most disease ridden beast had finally had the good graces to die but didn't have enough strength to do it in an area that didn't have people living nearby.

It smelled absolutely disgusting and I would hate to have to go see what it was. Just…no.

Quest Added: What's in the water?

Go investigate that foul stench.

I HATE YOU GAME!

I…JUST…fine. Fine.

The things I do for a little bit of EXP.

I entered the gate and went into the academy, following the scent with great reluctance. It stayed on the ground floor, which meant that I didn't have to go far. It lead me to an open classroom and…yikes.

The classroom's floor had been completely opened, descending into a mess of pipes that had been wrenched open, all over a larger pipe that had similarly opened. I marveled at how I failed to hear this action, but remembered that each classroom was actually somewhat sound-proofed to prevent the sounds of exploding clones and messed up Henges from disrupting lessons in other classes. That and…you know, Jutsu.

Inside were academy students, none of whom I recognized, cowering under their desks or in the corners of the room with wide, frightened eyes. And pinned to the wall with a large spear, made of what appeared to be a discarded pipe and stones was…Iruka.

Oh no.

Don't tell me…

I sped over to him, kneeling to assess his condition.

Medicine Check Failure: 32/50.

It was beyond me. His chest had been savaged open by claws. He was sweating profusely and blood was leaking out of his stomach and the gashes that decorated his torso. I can almost guarantee that some kind of infection was going to set in but I didn't know if it had started yet. I thought about removing the spear, but that might make him bleed to death.

"Iruka," I said. "It's me, Daisuke. Naruto's friend? What happened?"

Charisma Check Failure: 4/4.

Thank you, scaling.

Even so, he barely even registered my presence. "…Naruto? Naruto's gone…they're all gone."

No…

"Couldn't protect them," He was mumbling sounded crazed and desperate, like he was experiencing a nightmare that he just couldn't wake from. "…couldn't…sorry…"

Welp.

Naruto appears to have been kidnapped on this latest quest of mine. Him and who knows who else. Since I didn't recognize any of the other students in the room, the list of kidnapped probably included the entire rookie Nine.

Which meant that I needed to act as fast as possible.

Perception Check Success: 8/5.

Apparently a lot of different people noticed the stench. The room was getting rushed, they'd be able to help Iruka a lot better than I could. That freed me up to start the search for Naruto and his friends.

Quest Updated: What's in the water?

Completed: Investigate that Foul Stench.

Save Naruto.

(Optional): Save the Rookie Nine.

This wasn't quite how I intended introductions to go. I'd have preferred something simple. Like be introduced as Naruto's friend, or even as a proctor for the Chunin exams. But hey, rescuing them from certain death and dismemberment worked too.

I pulled my goggles over my eyes, thankful once again that I had bought them and jumped into the larger pipe. Inside was just a small trickle of water, running down straight ahead and down a steep incline.

Perception Check Success: 8/7.

A small, thin stain of blood on the wall, most likely from a cut open hand or arm, pointed the way down the pipe the way I was facing.

I remembered the first time I ever met Naruto. After I had already set my Charisma to 1, he asked if he could play with me. I had no friends at the time, so…it meant everything in the world to me at the time. Still does.

He's my brother in all but blood.

I'm coming, buddy.

With that silent declaration, I dove down the pipe. Something, or a lot of somethings, were going to die.

The Previous was a Fanbased Work of Fiction, written by Fulcon. Naruto is owned by Shueisha, Viz Entertainment and Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the Official Release.

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