SMF Chapter 9 - Facing the reality

Free could feel this extreme pain running through his body. He was trying to reach out to something, but it kept moving away from him. The more he tried the more it start to hurt, feeling like his lungs were burning. The strong pain was pushing his chest. He couldn't breathe.

All the sudden there was a cold touch on his head. Someone was calling. But not him. Someone else. That was not his name anymore. Still he trys to focus on that voice. And is finally able to open his eyes, drag himself out of that suffocating dream.

Don was sitting next to Free, keeping his hand on young mans forehead, other hand holding kids right arm against the bed. "Aki? Can you hear me?" Don repeats his question with a strong volume in his voice.

Free was now awake, staring back to Don. Tears were falling down on his eyes while he was breathing heavily. When the young man really understood where he was, he closes his eyes and shakenly breathes deeply in and out, trying to calm the pulse he could feel inside his head. The pain was strong. Everywhere hurt.

"You had a nightmare," Don then quietly clears. "I'm sorry I had to wake you up but it looked bad." He loses the hold from Frees right arm, letting him raise it feebly up to wipe his eye. "Are you in pain?"

Younger kept his silence. Breathing hardly, crying. Don sighs and gets up. "Your body temperature is high. I'm sorry, I should not have keep the medication ammount as mininum as possible. I was worried you.. No, doesn't matter. Just wait..," he rushs out of the room. And comes soon back. "I can't tell do you even hear me right now, but I'm afraid that if your heat won't go down I really have to take you to the hospital. Or give you a cold shower. Please, be prepared."

Free tried to keep up with what Don was saying. But he was too tired to pay attention of anything around him. He felt the burning. It only reminded him about the flames around his house. How he tried to reach.. But lost it..

Finally he fall asleep.

And when he woke up again hours later, he realizes the pain was suddenly gone, he could actually think clearly. An icepack on his naked chest gave him this cold, breezy feeling all the way to his lungs, helping him breathe more easier. It wasn't so hot anymore. Not so dizzy. Moving his eyes, he could see Don was laying next to him, eyes closed, his cold feeling fingers around Frees wrist.

When Free has to move a little to get more comfortable position, Don was immediately awake, raising his look toward Free. Letting out a deep breathe, man sits up and leans closer, moving his hand on Frees forehead. A few seconds later Free could hear the sigh of reveal. "Finally, we got your fever down.."

Young man just tiredly stares Don, still not saying anything. Don moves his eyes on the wall to check the time, then looks out from the window. It was still a late morning. Even the sky was still dark. After loosing his hold on Frees hand, man gets up. "I'll be right back." He leaves the room.

When he comes back, Free has got up to sit, leaning his back to the pillows and the wall behind him, eyeing the ceiling, breathing heavily, but calmly. "Here..," Don sits back down next to Free, opens a water bottle and hands it to him. Young man gives a weak smile and takes the bottle, keeping his eyes locked on Don.

Now that he was totally awake, being able to keep his hold of reality, Free couldn't help but think that this situation where they were in was really unreal. Him being here now, this cop dealing his wounds when he himself couldn't. Even that they were practically strangers, this man was willingly helping him this much..

Last evening, just before falling asleep, Free had seriously tried to figure out what in the end made him come here, instead of staying in the scene, after getting out of that burning building. He know his brothers must be worried sick.

The reason probably was.. he had nowhere else to go? Staying there he would have let himself get caught by the cops and social workers. Or was it because of what happened to Tim? He didn't want to face it. Admit Kain he failed. So he just chose to run? Selfishly left the others behind? Without thinking he end up here. Why the hell he was even here?

This cop wasn't a threat. So Free could trust him? Just this simple though made him come here? Thinking more of it.. Free realizes he really had lost the hate toward this cop right from the beginning. He wasn't really angry just to those cops who didn't help him out back then. He was angry to everyone around him. He didn't really hate this one. But his past Don was reminding him from. Coming here was stupid but still so damn easy. Because of this random, weird behaving man who was now sitting in front of him.

Without drinking, Free was just staring at Don, while older was calmly looking back, analyzing his current mood.

After a long silence between them, Free finally sighs and smirks. "What is this really?" he says with a rough voice. "You really are a stalker.."

Don shows a smile back. "You can call me what ever you like. But let me remind you, you are the one who broke in. Aren't you the one stalking me now?"

Free laughs a little. "Yeah, since you seem to be so into me you better take good care of me," he states smiling, laughing some more. Then his head drops slowly down. He raises his left hand to lean against his forehead. His smile was suddenly gone. "Really, whatta hell am I doing.."

Don takes the untouched water bottle from Frees hand. Without saying a word he was intently eyeing the younger. Waiting. Kids mood has changed quickly. He might break down any moment now. Reality was about to hit. "Did they find him?" Free asks then, breathing slowly in and out, trying to keep his mind calm.

"Him?"

"Tim.. Did they find his body?"

Don knew how they had found the body. Badly burned of course. But missing an arm.. After witnessing how Free tried to pull his own hand away, crying he couldn't let go, Don could easily imaginate what kid had went through inside the burning house while trying to save his brother. But this was something Free has to face to be able to let go. Move on. "They did," was his short answer.

Tim really was gone? The images Free could now remember felt so unreal he first couldn't even believe 'em. He tries to keep his emotions in control, but instead he was feeling sick all of a sudden. "He was mad at me.. That day.. I told him to go to his room. I.. I know it's not.. It wasn't my fault, right? He.. I think I had him for a second.. The floor went.. If I..," his voice breaks. Tears start falling down. Holding his head, he squeezes his broken fingers against his skin.

This was the hit, realization. Don puts the bottle away from his hand and leans closer toward the younger man, pulling him under his arms. Touch can lower stress levels. Being hugged helps even more. Seeing this kid acting like this affect his own mind strongly. So this was the fastest solution Don could think.

This was the first time ever he has been doing something like this, so really, he has no clue what to do, what to expect. But since he was, by his own experiences, very aware of how human mind work, this was the first thing he could think of from the spot. If something, he was an expert of calming varying mind.

"Remember I told you you should talk about what happened. So talk. Let it out. I will listen," Don says calmly. Taking the hold here. Distracting. Leading. "But remember, you are not responsible of what those kids did. You went back there for him. Did your best under those circumstances. Did the right thing. Sometimes even that is just not enough. Don't 'if' it. That way you can never accept what happened."

Free sniffs and sighs deeply out, crying. He takes a strong hold on Dons shirt with his right hand and hides his face against Dons chest.

"You understand?"

Without a word, Free nods his head as a yes.

Don sighs and takes his hand on young mans head. "Then when you are calmer again, tell me what happened. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere.."

- - - -

When Free finally calmed down, he really let it all out. Taking his time to remember, he admit being under the drugs to help him tolerate all the pain. He recall how just before falling a sleep he heard someone yelling. How then the house was already on fire. How he drag Leon out the house with Kain. How he went back for Tim. How the floor collapsed. How he realized the only thing left was Tims arm on his hold. How he went totally shut and just moved out, calling for Tim. He didn't even realize his fingers were broken. After dropping down two whole floors he was still walking. Adrenaline had kept the pain away a while.

Only things he had on him were his phone and the key to Dons apartment. While walking forward, in some point he realized there was a huge shard sticking out of his arm. He didn't know how to react to that scene he had just witnessed. So he just wanted to walk away.

Suddenly he was already near Dons apartment. He went in. Feeling extremely tired, he fell down to the bathroom floor, pulled the shard out, searched the nearest towel and push it on the wound. The pain became stronger. He must have pass out a little after.

Now, Free was laying under Dons arm, eyes slightly open, looking somewhere far away. Dons fingers were moving slowly against his hair. These small brushs felt like removing Frees every worries away. Has Free ever felt a human contact lasting this long, feeling this good, he was really not so sure. A freaking cop or what ever, right now the cool body he was leaning on felt the most comfortable place to stay than anything else.

Slowly, Free let his eyes close. Losing the rest of his resist, finally dropping that strong act he always wear on himself. Talking really has helped. He could process what happened in his house now more calmly. Like, just like that, his feelings went from highs back to normal.

Being so used to deal everything alone, this felt very odd but a nice. Like Don was taking part of him, stopping the mind going over and then returning it with a calm touch. What was left was a strong emptiness, with a warm area to lie. This cops methods were amazing.

What was this? Against all what Free has ever learnt, this man..

..felt very disruptive.

- - - -

Dons voice was what woke Free up from his deep sleep. Young man opens his eyes and moves to his side, searching the man under his eyes. Don was actually talking to the phone on the living area, wasn't speaking that loudly, but clearly keeping his voice down as much as possible. Still Free could hear him from the bedroom.

The moment Free woke up he was hoping everything would have been just a bad dream. But Dons voice clear that all out. No reason to deny what have happened. This was reality.

Younger sighs out and moves his hand to hold his head. He felt pretty normal. The fever was gone or at least got down. But he couldn't really feel the pain from his back or his arm, so he knew the painkillers he had taken earlier were still effecting.

"Yeah, I did talk to them," Don says and the same moment turns his eyes on Free who has shown up on the bedroom doorway. When kid was forcing himself up again like this while he should have just stay still and rest made Don feel a little bit frustrated with him. But also knowing there was no way kid would even listen his advices when he was wearing that unmoved look, it was better to let him do what he want. Kid looked tired. Staring back at Don with a dull look. "I already send you that report," man walks to meet Free, raising his hand to touch his forehead. Gently trying the body temperature. "No. There was something urgent. My whole focus is on this." Don moves the phone lean on his own shoulder, freeing his other hand aswell to take a hold of kids left hand, checking the wound. Young man didn't down his cold staring. Nor oppose. Just calmly let the man do as he wish.

Free felt he could think straighter than in days. Like he had just really woken up from the deepest dream of all. Indeed, he really lost his house. Ran from his brothers. Was in this apartment again. With this cop. Who knows how it ended like this.

"What could possible be so important that a workholic like you took this many day offs in a row?" man on the phone tsihs unbelieving.

"I broke something," Don answers, looking straight to Frees blue eyes while losing his hold, straightening his back. "Need time to fix it. I will see you later." He takes his phone and ends the call, puts the phone in his pocket. "How are you feeling?" he finally asks.

"Not sure how I'm supposed to feel," Free just says. His mind felt empty. The level of him feeling pretty much anything right now was close to zero. "You were talking about me just now?"

Don smiles back. "Turn," he says. He didn't feel the need to explain himself. The kid knew he was talking about him. "I will remove the bonds now. Then you can take a shower. You want breakfast after?"

"I don't remember you breaking me," Free tsihs, staring Don annoyed. Finally showing out again his arrogant personality. "I don't even get it why you are helping me here in the first place. Since you are not even into me I have nothing to offer you back. Why are you doing this, really?" Young man was now smiling, giving this unsure look. He felt lost. Like this whole situation around him wasn't even real. Starting to think Don must think him as a bother by now. What ever nonsense reason for coming here Free even had, this cop shouldn't just go with it, but kick him out instead. "Are you stupid? This feels like I'm just here to use you, taken advantage of. I know I came here myself, but.. Why didn't you just..," he trys to make clear of his mind. But he had suddenly so much to say and at the same time he didn't want to say anything, so his mind start just tilting. "This is too much. Ridiculous. I don't need your pity."

Don sighs, keeping his smile. This cocky kid was indeed very lost. If Don let him go now he might end up breaking himself. Emotionally he was very vulnerable right now. Calm his mind and give him time to heal. That was what Don plan to do with this case in front of him. "I told you you can stay here as long as you want for now. And as long as you are here I will do as I like. Help you as much as I want. Believe me, I am that stubborn," he clears, without a doubt in his voice. "So, please, take advantage of me. My reasons are selfish too. I don't need anything in return."

Free didn't know what to say back. Those words didn't make sense. Don didn't make any sense.

"If you don't like this, you know where the door is," Don calmly continues. "You are not here by force."

"...," still Free didn't know what to say. Only he could do was feeling frustrated, turning his eyes away. He should just walk out that door. End this what ever this was right now and leave.

While eyeing how confused young man looked just now, Don moves his hand to pet his hair gently. "While you are planning what to do, you can take that shower."

That made Free move his look back on Don. But man continues before kid had a change to talk. "Then have a breakfast, you have barely eat anything. Let me know if there is something what bothers you. Don't stay alone with your thoughts," after saying this while smiling, Don walks behind Free and starts carefully untie the wet bonds.

Sure. Free will take that shower. Eat. Take advantage of Dons stupidity and let him take care of him.

After some time later he might have a clearer vision of this situation.