What should I do?

Too bad, but this time her reaction passed even faster. I guess those words weren't as shocking for her to hear as before. Yeah, I had no complaints whatsoever about this fact.

"What about the one you can't refuse, then?" Bella was quick to catch on to the details.

I expected this question. And I dreaded the need to answer it, to be honest. 

"This would be a case of clan politics. With Helen being a sole direct bloodline heiress as well, it would be a much better idea for Michael Roah to marry into the Smith clan instead," I explained.

I could somewhat wrap my head around the possible reasons my dear agreed to play along with this whole arrangement.

"Blood is everything for the Three Families." I continued without pause. "If she married into the Long or Kouzuki clans and the two of us had only one kid, it would've been a headache and a half with title inheritance later on."

I had a hunch that part of it stemmed from her knowing me well enough to know that fighting my interest was a near-impossible endeavor. 

"I would most likely need to get a few more wives to, and I quote, 'repopulate two clans worth of direct bloodline'." I repeated the words of Lady in White once more.

Another part would be her own nature, making her use this as an opportunity to sleep with a few girls more. Heaven knows, she was as bad, if not worse, than me in her promiscuity.

"Three clans," I corrected myself, remembering Helen's remark.

And, on top of the two aforementioned things, this could, in theory, put a semblance of a leash on my nature. Curiously enough, I, in turn, hoped to do that to hers.

"Good thing that I have a few candidates already, don't you think so, my dear?" I joked grimly.

A third thread of thoughts got added to the two that were already going on inside my head as I finally put together those disjointed pieces of a puzzle.

Right. I wanted to see if Lyta could have been used to keeping my special woman in line. 

"It looks like you also changed a bit after this week, dear," Bella said all of a sudden.

"What made you think so?" I felt curious.

Which explained why I both felt irritated by her so much while still not driving her away from my dear.

"Just something my intuition told me," Bella clarified.

Well, her intuition wasn't wrong. I really changed my approach to this whole arrangement. Before, I was fine with simply going with the flow of things, but now I actually had an outcome I want.

"I learned a few things." Two threads combined into one, as I replied.

Lyta was a great candidate, no matter how much I thought about this.

The third thread ended there, since it was useless to think further without talking it through with Bella first.

"Really?" A raised eyebrow. "How about an example?"

"A bit of new information about my interest." I didn't bother to change this word. If someone had an ability to understand what I meant by that, it was her.

"Hm?" A hum to note her attention.

Should I just tell her the result or the whole observation? I couldn't decide.

"I met Helen. The veritable girl of my dreams. The one whom I failed to fully move over from after twenty-five years." I came to a decision.

I could see how my conversation partner winced after hearing those words. She kept her silence, giving me an opportunity to continue.

"She is everything I ever wanted, combined." And so I did.

Another wince, now mixed with a bit of hurt and even disappointment.

"And I want her so fucking badly. It's hard to even put into words how much, exactly." I ignored the urge to console Bella, and continued further. "Yet she is not enough."

A look of disbelief.

"I calculated the most probable result," I kept on talking. "I used our trial run from first life as a baseline."

"How long?" There was some morbid curiosity in her tone.

"Six years at most, if everything went perfectly fine." I responded to her inquiry. "Six more years of struggle against my nature after that."

I left the conclusion unsaid, but it shouldn't be a big problem for Bella to get there by herself. 

"I see." An empty reply.

The atmosphere in the kitchen became tense and even somewhat grim.

"Then there is another thing." I shook my head and made myself speak again. "I got into this arrangement without much thought, but this shouldn't be a surprise to you, right?"

A nod.

"Though, what I said on that night actually stands. Now even more so." I clarified. "What this week showed me is how wrong my initial assumptions were."

"What..." judging by the tone, Bella tried to ask something.

"Especially with how exactly my interest acted in this case," but I interrupted her. "I feared it would be just parallel. I expected it to be somewhat additive."

I was wrong.

"I've seen a few interactions between Olivia and Claire. Then confirmed it with Olivia and Helen. Oh, and those few short moments between Olivia and you also gave me the same result." My monologue continued as I explained things. "Instead, it renews itself."

I was almost able to see question marks written all over Bella's pretty face.

"I obviously have no idea if this will be the same in the long run, but it's enough for me to change my stance." I smiled.

"I see." Another one of those followed.

So far, so good. Only one thing left.

"But the change you most likely felt stems from another realization that I had," I said.

I plopped on the chair across from Bella, which brought our eyes closer to the same level. I took a deep breath and let out a long and tired sigh.

Heavens, how much I hated those talks!

"What is it?" The question from my special woman brought me back before I could go on a tangent.

"It's a sum of a few smaller realizations. How much I want Helen. How much I enjoy our little game with Claire. And how much I've gotten attached to Olivia already." I closed my eyes.

I paused, letting those words linger, just sitting there, waiting for Bella's reaction.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" The tone of her voice was level, almost emotionless.

Almost.

I opened my eyes, looking into another pair across the table.

"You see, as I said before, I am thrilled with this new possibility. But I am also feeling lost and, maybe, even afraid in a way. There are so many things that could go wrong. There is only one outcome I want." I told all of that to the only person in the world I knew I could trust with everything. "I am torn. And I need your advice."

My masks gave in as another crack formed, showing another glimpse of my true self.

The second thread re-emerged, bringing clarity with it. All said and done, I could almost wrap my head around the issue of 'why exactly was Bella doing all of this?'. But it wasn't enough.

"I need you, Bella." It was the truth. It was also a plea. And it was also my bet.

Screw it. All-in.