Chapter 82

“Father, I come before you on bended knees and open heart to ask you to help me get through this,” I said, kneeling beside the cherry wood bed. Like many people, my relationship with God sometimes was on a ‘do not call me, I call you’ basis but whenever the chips are down, I looked to my Creator for strength.

So I prayed for what seemed like hours, pouring out my confusion about whether I was a bad person and if the fact Jasmine cheated on me meant I should not be a lesbian. True, I had prayed to God prior to me firmly committing to Jasmine if being with a woman was truly wrong he should take the desire from me. When it stayed, I assumed it was the right thing to do. Nevertheless, my heart ached as it had never ached before. If this is what happens when the love is gone with a woman, do I really want to try again with another woman? Hell, I was with Martin for years and I don’t recall attempting to drink myself into a coma to chase away the blues.

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