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Jayden's POV

I can't escape this hell

So many times i've tried

But i'm still caged inside

Somebody get me through this nightmare

I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?

No one will ever change this animal I have become

Help me believe it's not the real me

Somebody help me tame this animal

(This animal, this animal)

I turn over and slap at the alarm clock till it finally stops blaring Animal I've Become. I close my eyes again before I finally gather the energy to stand up and shuffle to the bathroom.

I turn the shower on to warm it up before I strip and step into the now warm water. My arms are sore from blocking my dad's kicks last night and it hurts to lift them to wash my hair but I just grit my teeth and endure it. After I get done washing I just stand there and let the warm water run down my body and sooth the aches and sores. When the water started going cold I glare at the shower head for ruining my peace and shut off the water.

I step out and dry off with a worn out towel. I wrap it around my waist and gather my clothes before heading quietly to my room. Once there I trow the towel and dirty clothes in a small basket and pull on a blue pair of boxers. I check the time and see that I still have half an hour to get ready for school.

I feel a smile lift my lips. Not from happiness, but from sick greed. I glance at my door but I know it's too early for my dad to be up. I walk to my closet and open the door. I drop to my knees and open my secret panel. I feel around and finally prick my finger on my prize. I pull it out quickly and stare at it.

I was having mixed feeling now. It's always like this. If I don't have the blade in my hand then I have an intense craving for it, but when I do have it I feel disgusted that I have to resort to harming my body more just to feel in control of this pathetic life.

'Go on and cut yourself! Your already disgusting, it might be an improvement. No one will ever love you. Your mother was probably ashamed of you and that's why she would leave you when she went to visit friends.' The voice was back again. Every time I hesitated in cutting the voice would appear and remind me of all the reasons I should.

When the voice mentioned my mother that was the end of doubt for me. Since my arms and stomach were littered with bruises I slid my boxers up to reveal my thighs. I griped the blade tighter as I brought it to my skin and began to slowly make the first cut. Going slow adds to the pain so after the first cut I quickly run it across my leg.

6 times on my right thigh and the same on my other. I am a little OCD so I make sure that I have the same amount of cuts on each leg.

I sit there and bite my lip in shame that I gave into the voice again. I squeeze my eyes shut before opening them and watching the blood run down my legs. I grab a towel that's already bloodstained and wipe the blood away before wrapping my legs. I stand and ignore my cuts as the scream in protest.

Once everything is in it's place I get dressed for school. I decide to wear black skinny jeans instead of gray today just incase my cuts bleed. I throw on a random t shirt and notice it's an emerald green color. Ha that kind of reminds me on Ethan's eyes.

Wait what?! No bad Jayden! You can't think that way! Just because he doesn't beat you up doesn't mean he likes you. He's straight and he hangs out with Daniel sometimes. It's just my luck. First I'm gay then I have to have a crush on someone that I would never have a chance with.

I glance at the time and realize that I'm not going to make it to the bus on time. I grab my phone and start the long walk to school. Halfway there I get a text. I already know who it is and what their going to say but I open the message anyway.

Hadley0.0: u missed the bus again! :( u got to stat being on time jay jay. It's boring without u :\

Jayden^.^: yeah srry I was running late

Hadley0.0: that's wat u say all the time!

Jayden^.^: u say the same thing every day 2. Next u were going 2 say that u would drag me by my beautiful hair haha

Hadley0.0: ok u know me 2 well lol and yes u have beautiful hair! XD

Jayden^.^: u just jealous! I will c u at school

I flip my phone shut and continue with my long walk. This is an everyday routine for me and Hadley. We have been friends all of our lives and would always come to my house when our moms wanted to visit. When my mom died they stopped coming over but Hadley stayed my friend. She knows about the abuse and when it gets too bad I will sometimes sneak to their house.

Her parents know I'm gay so they don't mind me spending the night and I know that her mom knows something is wrong with me because she always looks at me in concern and pity. I didn't want her to pity me though so I normally try not to have to go over there.

I am at school by now and I swallow quickly as my throat becomes dry. I always hate school because people always seem to think it funny and cool to pick on me. I walk through the halls to my locker and try to desperately ignore the taunts and names everyone yells at me. Three people threw waded up paper at me and one guy spat on me.

This is my normal routine. It's always bad like this in the morning, at lunch, and at the end of the day. I try to get everything I need for the day out of my locker in the morning and put it back after school. Switching classes is the easy part. I simply leave last and and take the long routes to class since most people take the short ones so they can talk to friends.

I arrive at my first block class which happens to be english. It's not my favorite class but I like the poetry in there. One of my favorite poets is Edgar Allen Poe. Everyone thinks he's insane but I can see the truth about life and death in his words.

Sadly we were supposed to be reading a very boring short story so I just took my school notebook out and started drawing. Halfway through class I was ready to kick myself as I noticed that I have been drawing Ethan again! Why can't I get him out of my head? I knew that if he found out is been thinking about him he would probably beat me half to death. Or he would at least watch his friends do it for him.

Everyone's right I'm disgusting and I deserve everything that happens to me. If I hadn't wanted to play in the woods that day my mom would have never died and we would have moved like she promised. She never got to tell me where we were moving to but she told me that I would love it and have plenty of friends. But then I had to drag her out there to play with me and that wolf attacked. I was too scared to even help her. When the wolf finally left I crawled to her and there was just so much blood.

I still remember how her eyes turned a beautiful blue with sadness and regret. She knew she was going to die. I could see it in her eyes. But I was too young to understand. I remember her holding my hand and telling me how much she loved me and how brave I was. But I wasn't brave. I was so scared. And then she suddenly stopped talking and the light faded from her eyes as her hand went limp in mine.

I stayed with her for hours just crying and holding her cold lifeless body close. I didn't even notice her blood all over me. That was the last time I ever saw her. During the funeral her casket was closed and then she was buried forever.

I am pulled out of my memories as the bell rings. I quickly notice the wetness on my cheeks and wipe the tears away before sniffling and packing my bag. I make it to psychology just as the bell rings.

"Ok class, today we are doing a group project!" Coach Porter says cheerfully.

There is a mix of groans and cheers as I sink in my seat further. I always do group projects by myself if I can. He goes on to explain what we are doing which is basically making a brochure about sleep and how it's good for you and why it's bad if you don't get enough. After everyone splits in groups Coach Porter hands out printer paper and stops at my desk.

"You working alone again?" he asks in a disappointed tone. I just nod my head slightly and he sighs before handing me my paper.

"I'll give you 5 bonus points on the next test since you have to put extra work in it." I just shrug as he walks back to his desk.

By the end of class I am done with mine while most people have barely even started since they were busy talking to friends. I am not looking forward to next block. Ethan is in both of my last blocks which happen to be algebra 2 and U.S. history. Also according to rumors that weren't about me today is his 18th birthday. Yay him! I haven't had a real birthday since I was 7. My mom died a week before my 8th birthday. That is also a month away.

The bells rings and everyone around me jumps up an runs out of the room. I slowly pack my bag and walk out. My math class is close so I go to the bathroom to pass time. I lock myself in a stall and decide to check my cuts. I slide my jeans down and see that only a few have been bleeding but have stopped now. I throw the old wrappings away and carefully rewrap them. I decide I've wasted enough time and rush to class.

***

Ethan's POV

Since it was my birthday and I still haven't found my mate I decided to skip 3rd block. It was almost lunch time and a stupid teacher just had to catch me in the halls.

"Why are you not in class?" he asked in a stern voice.

"Um... I was going to the restroom." I say lamely.

"Where's your planner?" he asks and I can see the suspicion in his eyes. We always have to fill out hall passes in our planner and have them signed by the teacher before we leave the classroom. Luckily me and my friends have mastered the art of forging their signatures.

"Right here." I say confidently as I pull it out and flip to the page I already have filled out. He glances at it in surprise and then his face becomes emotionless again.

"Well hurry up and get back to class!" he demands. I walk into the nearest bathroom and immediately a delicious scent fills the room.

MATE!!!!!

I could tell that whoever it was was not here anymore and I could smell the faint hint of blood. Why was there blood with my mates scent? Wait!! Why was my mates scent in the men's room?! I quickly glance at the urinals to make sure I was in the right bathroom and sure enough there they was. Defiantly a men's room.

Well damn. How the hell is this going to work?! I am supposed to be mated to a girl so that I can have heirs to the biggest pack in the U.S. I don't mind being with a guy surprisingly, but I still had to run a huge pack and now I won't have anyone to take over after me. What will my dad think? Will the pack even accept two male alphas? This was just getting too confusing.

Wait what if my mate was straight? Will he reject me?! Is he human or wolf? Why did I smell blood? I quickly jump up at the last thought and glance around. Why was I thinking about this when my mate might be bleeding?! I run to the trash can for paper towels and notice white in the the brown paper. I pull it out and sure enough it was a long bandage that was stained with a little blood.

It didn't seem like a lot of blood but my wolf was still whining and wanting out so he could find and heal our mate. I throw it back away and put more paper towels to cover it before rushing out of the bathroom just as the lunch bell rings. He might be in lunch! I rush to the cafeteria and I can't smell any of his unique scent. My heart sinks a little as my wolf whines. Wait I haven't checked out side yet!

I rush out to the courtyard/ break area and my heart leaps in joy as I smell the faint scent of our mate. I give my wolf a little control and allow him to track our mate down. I end up in an isolated area. There weren't many people around. In fact there was only one person who happened to be giving off the scent that caused my wolf to go crazy. And he was sitting under a tree in deep concentration.

Oh shit.

I know him.

There are hundreds of people in this damn school and it just had to be him.

Jayden.

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