Life

Earth a very lively planet full of life be it from the fauna or flora, on this planet you can find a very peculiar species the humans, very interesting and creative life forms bet that's not the point, today we will see a history about the cycle of life.

20th century on one of the planets is born someone this person is not special by any means he is the definition of normal if i have to describe him and now he will tell you his history.

I was born in a time where the world was at a relative peace two world wars have already passed and left its scar on humanity, you could say that my early years of life was very good, i have two parents that love me dearly and would do anything for me.

Our family was not the rich one so both of my parents work to give me a better life, at the morning they left me with my grandma witch is a lovely lady that absolutely loves knitting, and they would pick me up at the end of the day.

And now that the infancy years have come to an end it was time for the kindergarten well a lovely place where kids start their journey to the world of learning. We stay from morning until afternoon on our little school for little people, even after i started kindergarten we still visit grandma every weekend living in the same city really does its tricks.

At 5 years old you could say my first trauma occurred, i haven't said anything because is a moment i rather not experience again, but well... to your information i have grandpa too he is one of best people i know he taught me a lot of things and he was always there when i was visiting with my parents i only have good memories of him, but one day he fell sick a quick call to an ambulance and he was on the hospital, and after some days it was freed to visit so everyone, me my parents and grandma goes to the hospital to see him but unfortunately i wasn't permitted to see him again

i remember having a bad premonition a despair and trying and trying again and again to see my grandpa i even managed to reach his corridor by sneaking around but was caught and held at the reception and to my dismay my promotions where correct he dyed the next day i remember mom crying a lot, i was sad and angry at them for not letting me see grandpa one last time.

The years passed i gradually forgive them for the incident but never forgot. My school was relatively normal if i could say the start years are relatively easy for everyone but as the time passed i discovery that i wasn't as fast as everyone to learn things in class so my mother took upon herself to help me.

More time passed i was now 10 years old and after aa nasty bickering with my mother that i even forgot what all that was about she said that i should start studying alone, and oh boy studying alone sucks principally when you don't know sh*t. And after some years with low grades, i finally get the hang of it and my grades started slowly rising.

After being able to stabilize my grades i was i allowed access to a computer and it was love at the first sight i still remember all that time spent on sh*tty flash games on the web until finally, i found

a good one Pokemon DelugeRPG and boy that was awesomely good and it was because of this game that i would make my first ''friend''.

We hit off well same hobbies and passion for RPG so we quickly became the best of friends everything was good we even started playing a new RPG we created a shared account i would play on the afternoon and he played at night quickly our account became stupidly powerful for how much we played, the account with the better of the better equip enchanted to me max almost every pet you could have ton of inventory visual pages filled we have spent a lot of time and money on the account until its was hacked years of effort and money to sh*t.

After some time we decided to play another game so this time a MOBA dumb as i was i ask help to create my account we start playing but i always notice that the currency i accumulate in-game disappear after some time first i was thinking it was a bug so i let i pass but after some time i grew suspicious so i checked the history of the shop and discovery someone was buying all my champions

so the next morning i quickly confront my ''friend'' what's going on he laugh at me with his group

i was never a social person but he was alway with a lot of friends after being lath and humiliated i return home going fast to try playing a bit only to find i can't access my account anymore, an them it hit me our previous RPG account was never hacked it's always him it was him that f*ck*d with every fun i have, and this time i will not forgive this time i will not forget.

Well to continue telling my history you should know about my psyche I'm very tall and fat for my age kinda of a fat giant my nickname was colossus even if they said that in mocking tone and besides that I've practiced karate since i was 5 so it was kinda impossible to beat up me so they mostly stay with the verbal bullcrap.

After the gaming fiasco, i started entering a depression but i was able to hold of thanks to my training even if it was little i was able to take a hold of my emotions, after some time another thing that helped me was animes i start watching them so i quickly followed up with my life.

Because of anime i quickly found other colleagues to talk about they even introduced me to manga and novels, even after ignoring the bunch, the insults never stopped and I'm kinda thankful for that

because of it, I've acquired quite a good vocabulary, my god, they were creative.

Everything was going well so it's bound some sh*t will happen, and that was high school, my parents suddenly have the brilliant idea that enrolling me in another city high school would be the best so started my hell routine of waking up 4 a.m and let me say no one deserves to wake up at this fucking hour, it was difficult but i was able to adapt to that, just to another problem come to light remember when i said i was kind of dumb yeah now it got way more hard to accompany classes so i was spending more and more time studying.

Even against all odds i was able to finish high school and by the way everyone describes college i pretty hyped for what was to come, and oh boy i was coming for a shock. Well, the shit become series after i discovered that the college doesn't have the courses i would like to take so set for the 5th best yeah you heard me yes 5th, f*ck*ng backward country that i hate till today.

After raging about my country and it's shitty government I've settled on engineering i was one of my options i always found it interesting, math was always a subject that i liked to learn if you exclude geometry.

The first semester was good normal subjects and i was able to continue a good rhythm with studies, the second one was rather difficult but manageable, the third i wasn't able to pass 2 subjects, the forth i... reproved on everything.

Everything was unreasonably more difficult even the good relationship that i have cultivated with my parents, incessantly discussion and complaints about grades quickly made everything go to sh*t. They always said that i was smart so it should be easy they said that i was intelligent so i passed everything with no difficulties, i was dumbstruck, to say the least how it was possible? that i've had no difficulties? how was possible that they haven't seen all my efforts? I've even stopped doing exercises, never got to go single party, i have given up my social life for studying and are you saying it was not enough! and the only thing you have to say to me is:

"Back on my day things were way more difficult"

After hearing it so much i started hating it from the bottom of my heart i swear if i heard it again i will have a heart attack of rage.

After everything, every gaze of displeasure, every nasty comment, something that i have guarded well for years something that i have forgotten, something dark and unforgiven a thing so obscure and malicious that no living being should fell it, the worst of it's kind something that should've forever been buried resurfaced and this time to stay... the depression.

It hit me hard, too hard for someone so inexperienced to deal with, my world now gray, everything lost its color, everything is tasteless, no desires, no happiness, only the purest darkness. I hid it well everyone around me doesn't suspect a thing, they can't know, they shouldn't know, i can't see the disapproving gazes anymore it's my only hope I'm able to hide it for enough time to pass this bottomless hell.

But changing on behavior is easily felt for those that know you, but when people are too much focused on their own problems they forgot that everyone has them no one is a robot everyone fells.

It started with a teacher complaining to the class how their grades have fallen saying that the new generation is lazy and don't put enough time on studies, you spend to much time on social media he said. That day i cried for the first time in years, it was the first time i contemplated suicide.

Months passed but nothing of getting better, you think i should have visited a medic asked for help,

but i will never do this never they don't understand you they always say the same shit and put you o some high dosage of strong ant depressive and you just became an emotionless robot dependent on a little pill, and the other fact is that i absolutely hate losing control of myself this is the main reason i never drink.

More time passes nothing changed if only it got worse, my parents started seeing it as a signal of laziness and started to complain more and more, saying i should get a job too. I don't complain not anymore the world started to feel more boring, more tedious, more painful everything slowly starts to lose importance, appearance, health, gazes, whispers, everything means nothing anymore. Suicide is a daily thought right now.

Nothing matters anymore everything is fruitless, boring, no ambition exists within me, and finally, the day has come, the day where everything in my life doesn't matter anymore, the day i decided to end everything, the day i killed myself.