Lordling - Part 1

Everyone is gearing up to start killing each other, but now's not the time to fight, so I yawn loudly, then slowly clap as I smirk, and my act starts to defuse the situation. I glance at Léonne, and she seems to immediately stand down on her aggressiveness, so I decide to open the curtains to this little play of theirs.

I lazily rest my head on my knuckles as I calmly explain, "This was quite the impressive performance, but you switched phases too fast, and you lack too much information about us to be this aggressive, so no, you didn't convince us."

The three stooges seem like they have something to say, but they've yapped for long enough, so it's time to remind them what it means to be a Lord.

The table isn't very large considering the number of people sitting at it, but everyone is well within the range of my instant summoning. So I summon four dark elementals, but also a wind-Alissa to block the sound from leaking, and the girls all use [Redirect Mana] at the same time so that not a single particle of mana escapes this room.

"What the f-…" Belligax's swear is interrupted as a lump of rotten flesh is shoved down his throat. He immediately tries to cough it out, but it's firmly lodged in his pharynx, and then the taste starts to seep into his tongue.

His officer goes for the sword at his waist, but his body is skewered by hundreds of thin tendrils that begin to cut into every muscle he has. His throat is also pierced by the tendrils, so the only sound he makes is a wet wheeze as he tries to breathe while his lungs flood with blood.

The old dragonkin mage is pulled under the table, where he disappears into a dark hole, and the echo of his screams becomes fainter as they grow more desperate.

The amazoness falls to the floor and begins to thrash about as she struggles to remove the purple mask covering her face, which prevents her from breathing. But no matter how much she pulls it apart, she never manages to rip open a hole for her to breathe through.

And Armaars'r remains in his seat, frozen in fear as his companions slowly die.

Belligax retches and pukes at the heinous stench and taste, but his throat is completely blocked, so nothing comes out, and then he feels dozens of little things starting to wriggle down his throat; the officer is flayed alive, and his limbs are surgically removed one by one; Kashikoe doesn't even know what's happening to him, but his senses are overwhelmed as a chaotic nightmare rips his soul apart; and Fran convulses, not allowed to die, yet powerless to escape the perpetual suffocation.

I'm surprised by Allura's composure, who now looks grim rather than angry, even though the woman she hates is getting her comeuppance, and not even Ofilia makes a sound as they watch the horror show. The Verners seem well-versed in Lordly "persuasion" methods.

And then Roxanne takes over as having to endure the existence of four dark elementals is extremely draining for me. The sadistic succubus gets up and gingerly walks around the table, smiling mischievously at the terrified horsefolk.

"Armaars'r, Armaars'r… dear, friendly, Armaars'r… how about we drop the pretenses and have a straightforward, honest talk, hm?" She begins with a jarringly chipper tone, then stops beside his chair and smiles innocently, but her eyes look wild and unhinged.

"W-what d-do you me-mean…?" He weakly stammers.

She chuckles softly, then grabs the back of his chair and pulls it away from the table so that she can sit on the edge of the table and properly face him. "A mordere, a dragonkin, a sommerlande… and a beastfolk. None of you are native, so you have a lot to prove, but your lack of 'ties' makes you… disposable."

Then she grins sadistically as Armaars'r whimpers in fear. It didn't take much to completely cow him, so she begins phase two. She leans forward and gently pats his long, furry face. Because she's wearing a loose dress with a wide view of her cleavage, her small, pale breasts are fully exposed now, but he's so frightened that he doesn't even notice the free lewdness in front of him.

"You know what happens when you clash with a noble, right?" She slowly whispers with a fake, overly sweet tone.

"Please… I have a wife…" He begs pathetically, his eyes still locked with hers.

"Oh…? You do~…?" She continues with fake concern, but then she digs her nails into his skin and turns her grin into an angry scowl. "Then why the fuck did you think it was a good idea to harass us?!"

He whimpers again and desperately blurts out, "I-I didn't…! It wasn't my idea!"

She goes back to sweet mode and pats his face again. "Really~…? Then why don't you explain it to us?"

He hesitates, staring intensely at her eyes, and then his breathing starts to quicken as he becomes increasingly desperate.

Kashikoe's hysterical screams of horror suddenly echo loudly across the room, but they don't leave these walls thanks to wind-Alissa's vacuum barrier covering the walls, the floor, and the ceiling. And Armaars'r closes his eyes as he whispers a prayer.

Roxanne leans back and crosses her arms and legs, starting to look impatient.

And Yunia gives him a gentle push, "You're the only one who has been spared because you showed us some respect, so be assured that we won't dispose of you after this is done… as long as you cooperate."

Armaars'r opens his eyes wide, realizing he's on thin ice, and begins confessing, "I… I don't really know what they want."

Roxanne presses her heel against the edge of the frightened horse's chair, right between his legs. "There seems to be a lot of adventurers outside who have a grudge against us for what we did yesterday," she slowly points out, an impatient harshness in her tone.

He looks down at her pointed shoe, which is now dangerously close to his balls, and carefully considers his next words before continuing, "I'm just here because I know how Trox works, and I don't even know who the other two are. I'd only ever heard about them around the guild before we met today!"

She moves her shoe back a little, relieving Armaars'r's concern about his future children. "And they convinced you to play along?"

He rests his hands on his thighs, ready to defend his jewels against a possible attack. "They never said anything explicit about it. When I arrived, they were talking to the adventurers about you. I immediately realized that I shouldn't get involved in it, so I stood back until they started talking about Trox, and then the Major arrived, and they all started arguing." He glances at Belligax and regrets it as the human stabs his own ballooned belly to release the horrors within.

Roxanne pulls her heel back, sorely disappointed that she won't be allowed to crush any balls today.

"And then they promptly dropped their quarrel and united against us the moment we arrived," Léonne points out, still sending hateful glares at the Major.

And the meek horse adds, "They… they really were arguing heatedly before you arrived… so I think that part wasn't fake."

I summon a Shad and order it to inspect Belligax's and his officer's bodies for any magic tools hidden on their persons. Horseman doesn't even notice the moving shadow, too worried about not displeasing the sadist demon in front of him.

Roxanne puts on a fake smile and uses her overly sweet tone again as she reassures him, "You've been a good boy, Armaars'r, so we'll let you live. If you have any compassion for your comrades, you'll help convince them of the error of their ways."

He nods slowly, then I snap my fingers, and the wails of pain disappear along with the dark elementals. The four stooges blink in confusion for a moment, then go for their weapons, but their hands find nothing.

Roxanne returns to her seat, and I breathe out in relief while Alissa wipes the cold sweat off of my face. I'll need a lot of pampering to recover from this horrible experience.

Now that the fools understand their powerlessness, they tense up and glare at us like cornered animals, so Hana warns them, "If you don't want a repeat of that nightmare, you'll behave."

The two commoners scowl defiantly, but they make no move and stay silent while the two Imperial Officers remain perfectly still, their minds likely racing wildly now that they don't have their emergency tools anymore.

I don't have the energy to continue playing this game, so I let Yunia control my body. She has me play with the little red bead as I grin at Belligax, and his pupils dilate once he realizes that I have his emergency signal.

"Belligax, we need you to cooperate," I calmly announce. Then I deposit the bead on the table and get up.

The well-groomed Viking scowls like a beast, and it seems to take a lot of effort from him to not spit as he replies, "After what you did to us?"

"That was us being kind," I reply as I go around the table and approach him.

The two Officers instinctively lean away, frightened about what's to come, and I don't blame them.

"First, let me show you this," I begin and cut my cheek with my claw, letting a drop of blood run down my skin, but then I instant-cast [Heal] and [Clean]. "See?"

Bell-end clenches his fists, realizing what I'm about to do, but otherwise, he remains completely still.

Yunia makes me swing my arm, and a single claw sinks deep into the neck of Belligax's aide, and Ted casts [Gravity Crush] on the man to prevent him from moving and alerting anyone outside with [Sense Presence] about what's going on in here.

Blood pours out of his neck, and he once again makes wet wheezing noises as he chokes on his own blood, except this time, it's for real.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" The Major shouts and tries to stand, but Suzy casts [Gravity Crush] on him too, and he also becomes unable to move.

I calmly pull out an Identification Crystal and put it on palm of the bleeding officer's hand, who grips it tightly because of the spell forcing his muscles to contract, then I deposit the tablet in front of Bell-end.

The aide is at 90/100 HP, and it's decreasing at one point per second.

I sigh tiredly and offhandedly explain, "I can [Heal] him instantly. You just have to swear to cooperate with us."

Bell-end turns his head around, his pale face becoming red with rage, and I even see a bump at the back of his shirt, where his likely agitated tail is attempting to break free. "You really think the Gods will approve of this coercion!?"

I slowly raise a single eyebrow at him and snort amusedly. "How do you think the Punishers make heretics confess?"

"I'm not a heretic!" He shouts as his body starts to tremble in seething hatred.

And that just makes my smile even smugger. "But you might be working for one."

Then the rage cools down temporarily as disbelief settles in. "This is insanity!"

I shrug and casually reply, "Well, why don't you tell us who you're working for, then?"

He grits his teeth as he glares at me, and I tap the tablet again, calling his attention back to the dying aide, who's now at 80/100 HP.

Then I cut down on the mockery and soberly state, "You have a choice. Obedience, confession, or loss."

"The rest of my men will tear you apart if you kill him," he replies through gritted teeth, but he's sorely lacking in conviction.

"No, they won't, because you'll give in."

The bleeding officer tries to speak, but he only manages to cough warm blood onto Belligax's back.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Gandalf interjects. The incredulity in his tone is evidence that he had no idea who the fuck he was messing with.

"If you don't wish to die, you'll cooperate, too," I slowly warn him.

"People like you shouldn't be killing innocent, gods-worshiping, loyal soldiers of the Empire!" The impotent Viking shouts in exasperation.

And my anger fuses with Yunia's as I scathingly lash out, "People like you shouldn't be petty bastards who fuck around with Gods-Blessed Lords!"

Léonne piles on, "You're all pawns. Disposable pawns. And whether or not any of you manage to get out of this game with your lives depends solely on your next actions."

"You could just kill us after this is over, anyway, since you're so eager to keep threatening us," Fran glowers as she hisses, her defiance declining along with the bleeding officer's HP.

But I promptly swear, "I, Royal Crown Lord Wolf Ryder, give my word that if you cooperate, you'll live." And I feel it within my heart that the Gods have heard me.

The two Guild members are taken aback, suddenly unsure about what to do now that I've given them a way out.

And Armaa Bro comes in to sway them further, "Fran, Kashikoe, this isn't worth it. I don't know how much you were paid, but you were duped." Then he starts to become worked up with each word. "They used dark elementals, you Vol-shitters! You think they're afraid of the Gods? The Gods fucking encourage them to be like this!"

The fuck is a Vol-shitter?

"Pissers…" Fran quietly grumbles, and the wind-Alissa throws a wind-slap at her for her insolence. The amazoness is now almost completely subdued, and lets her head hang in defeat.

"Belligax, time is running out," I calmly warn him.

30/100. I'm thankful that our carpet is actually made of grass that basically absorbs anything biological because it'd otherwise be a bitch to clean it of all the blood.

The mordere Major turns his ugly mug towards me and glares defiantly as he stiffens his jaw.

Playing chicken? Unfortunately, we have nothing to lose and a lot to gain by doing this, even if the officer dies.

I cross my arms and lean against the table as I retreat into my mind. I'll just cuddle mentally with Alissa while Yunia fully controls my body, so I don't even have to try to look like I don't care because I truly don't.

20/100.

A tense silence settles in, which becomes even louder as the officer stops moaning from pain and passes out from blood loss.

"What does he even have against us?" Lina asks out loud, feeling very frustrated at Bell-end's foolish defiance.

And Léonne deliberates, "Possibly nothing. He's just playing it up to get in our way. Or rather, your husband's way. Army officers aren't known to be particularly smart when it comes to nobility." She seems to have quite a dislike for the Imperial Army.

"We have a bothersome number of enemies," Yunia begrudgingly admits.

"And the Realm is full of stupid people ready to fight a Lord for some coins," Jacques tiredly adds.

And Alissa confidently affirms, "We'll make sure it isn't worth it."

5/100.

"Belli…?" I warn him one last time.

The dumbass' glare intensifies, and he raises his lips in impotent rage like a dog threatening to bite.

But then his eyes turn to the tablet, and his defiance seems to come to a halt, then his pointy ears go flat.

4/100.

He stares at the HP entry while his whole body begins to tense up, and everyone holds their breath.

3/100.

The Major closes his eyes and grinds his teeth, but then he suddenly slams his fist against the table.

2/100.

"SAVE HIM! I'LL DO WHAT YOU WANT!" He bellows, then lowers his head in shame, his ears now droopy and almost hidden in his dirty-blonde hair.

1/100.

I lazily extend my arm and cast [Heal], stopping the bleeding, but that just extended the man's life for a minute at most.

Roxanne starts looking for a blood-replacing potion in her [Item Box] while Jarn [Equip]s a [Regeneration] magic tool, which she then applies to the passed out officer's back.

"So, which is it? Confession or obedience?" Yunia slowly, but sternly, questions.

"Obedience," the defeated man grunts resentfully.

"Still loyal, even though you almost got a man killed?" I confusedly ask as I shake my head in disappointment.

"Maybe it's deliberate," Léonne speculates, and I give her a questioning look. "He's inciting you. Pushing you to the edge so that you'll overreact."

"Seems like a common theme with imperials," I wryly remark.

"Well, you are a dragon. If you had a weakness, I'd bet it's anger," Jacques soberly replies.

"Believe what you want," Belli quietly grumbles.

"You're all so callous," Fran whispers, her head hung low in submission.

"Shut the fuck up. You're a stooge who almost died because you fucked with the wrong person," Hana immediately barks at the amazoness, making her wince in fear.

And then the foolish woman grits her teeth because for once she actually can't just dismiss it. Gandalf scowls, seeming like he wants to speak, but instead bites his tongue and mirrors her demeanor.

I lean forward and push Bell-end's chin up with a claw. "Now, swear that you'll be a good, obedient puppy."

He glares at me for a second but breathes in deeply to calm himself, then he obeys, "I, Senior Major Belligax Uxelo, swear to obey… while we're here."

And I chuckle softly. He almost fucked himself by swearing eternal obedience, though I believe the Gods would give him a pass as even I don't want that.

Then Yunia begins the final phase, "There's still a couple of minutes until your man wakes up, so let's go over the plan."

--

Just as insurance, I have Ted, Suzy, and Jarn follow Gandalf, Mean Bitch, and Bell-end, respectively, and everyone who asks will be told that it's for "communication" purposes, which is technically true as it's to stop them from communicating what we did to them. Though Armaa Bro has shown himself to be trustworthy, it's still not enough to let him be on his own, so we'll keep a light-Ciel near him, which I'm sure he considers a "reward," seeing as how his eyes widened once he took a look at those massive jugs.

But now we actually have to convince the adventurers that it's a good idea to work together, and we don't trust any of the Guild's three stooges to do this for us, so it's time for another speech.

We come out of the house and see that our men have made quite the perimeter around it, which has certainly helped hide what was going on inside.

Since the crowd has their attention on us, I'll take this opportunity and just begin the speech. I use [Telekinesis] to float up near the house and land on the flat bark roof. Then I [Equip] my armor and weapons, draw my sword, and point it at the adventurers.

"Listen here, you bastards and whoresons! I don't give a shit what you think about us after what we did yesterday. The only thing that matters is whether or not you'll be a fucking mustch."

I don't like using the elven slur "mustch," and Yunia even feels like her delicate ears have been soiled by hearing it, but this is the best way to get some hard boiled motherfuckers to listen to you, so I'll jump right into this shit.

"We're going to do that shit again and use [Monster Repellent]s to attract a horde of monsters here, during the Trox Mael. If you don't have the balls or the clit to fight with us, then get the fuck out of here and go shove the pommel of your sword up your ass!"

The adventurers start to grumble and swear back in discontent, especially those who have a grudge against us. But challenging them like this makes them angry, which lowers their IQ enough that they either don't realize or don't care about the trap that I'm setting up.

And then I infuse [Godly Language] into my voice for that extra oomph as I let the dragon roar, "For those who'll stay… WE'RE GOING TO BUTCHER THESE MONSTERS ALL DAY LONG! YOU'LL CUM IN YOUR PANTS FROM ALL THE LEVELS YOU'LL GET, AND THE STREETS WILL TURN INTO RIVERS OF MONSTER BLOOD! NOW, TELL ME, ARE YOU GOING TO BE A FUCKING MUSTCH OR NOT?!"

The adventurers howl and cheer, but the crowd still hasn't been fully swayed to our side just yet.

A muscle-brain Scottish highlander tries to heckle me, "You fucking Lordling brat! You're only this cheeky because you've got that elven armor holding your balls like a pretty little bra!"

Aight, I guess they need something more physical to put an end to their whining.

I jump off and un[Equip] my armor, then summon my tentacles and arm them all with my collection of weapons.

The crowd takes a step back in fear and disgust, so I lean into it and threateningly walk forward as I grin. "Come at me, you little bitch! I'm a True Noble, and I'll show you how I fuck your mother!" I taunt back and point my sword at the fucker.

Hana and Roxanne love to see me assert dominance over other men, and Allura also seems to be a bit interested in that, so I feel like making this a bit bloody because I know they'll like it.

--

--

Hall of Fame of Patrons

The patrons who support Rupegia shall have their names sung by the bards for they deserve the glory and honor. Their names are:

Prince PreownedFIN.

Prince Owldente.

Lord Andrew Meyers.

Lord Novgarod.

Lord Michale Erwin.

Lord Bakerdea.

Lord Maurice.

Lord Mattirro Draca.

Lord Sean Drake.

Lord Mike Bartter.

Lord Warwulfv.

Lord Khristopher Welsh.

Lord Tenebris Lupus.

Lord Paul Daval.

Lord Paul Daval.

Lord AndreyUC.

Lord Tmac.

Lord School Work.

Lord Gwendolyn Simmons-LaRose.

Lord CopeyDunt.

Lord BlindTactic.

Lord The Tallest Joshua.

Lord litalmexy.

Lord Tyler Mills.

Lord Philip.

Lord d3235.

Lord Freddie.

Lord Mike Bartter.

Lord Sean Drake.

Lord Shaun McDonough.

Lord William Clark.

Lord Sam.

Lord Ddraig Wynn.

Noble Salty Panda.

Noble Mild Fracas.

Noble Aclys.

Noble CarlBaxter.

Noble Andrew Hebreard.

Noble Tony Starrk.

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