C38: Evangeline

"Here's the hot cup of milk," Victor said as he placed the mug next to my hand on the table. What happened earlier was still disturbing, but seeing him beside me gives me a sense of security. There's the assurance that I'm going to be safe as long as he's here. It is, after all, his promise.

To do anything he can to protect me.

Sometimes it makes me wonder why he cares this much as if I'm his responsibility. Doesn't he have a life too? Did I ever be a burden to him since I'm fond of spending time with people?

Not that I know of.

I always see the need to ask, and yet, I keep on forgetting it. Now that I don't, perhaps I should.

"I want you to be honest with me," I said as I stir the milk with a spoon. I looked up to him, and he wears his usual blank facial expression. "Was I ever a burden to you? Because –"

"No," he retorted, completely cutting me off. "You aren't, and you'll never be. So don't overthink my efforts. I'm the one who insisted to keep you safe, and assured you that you can call me anytime and I'll come as soon as I can."

"I see. It's just that, I think I've been included in your time for more than I should. Or invading your time. You see, we're together at work. You see me every day except Sundays. We go on dates every Wednesday. Then I invite you for dinners several times a week." He let out a short laugh, causing the tension from earlier to fade little by little.

"Are you getting tired of my face?" he asked while a teasing smile forming from the corners of his lips, and I rolled my eyes as a response.

"Stop changing the topic. Do you really think I'll call you if I've grown tired? This is the most unfiltered thought that I can give so you better listen! I enjoy your company too much, okay? When I'm with you, I feel safe," I began, and I looked down to avoid his gaze. "When I first met you, I already knew that you're not just someone who'll pass by my life, but someone that will matter to me. Someone who will stay by my side always. And I appreciate your honesty and efforts. Look, I … I don't know exactly what I feel about you, but what I'm certain is, I haven't completely moved on from my past relationship. So perhaps I would consider it as 'like,' and nothing more as of now." I feel my face getting hot, probably red too. I can't help but wonder if it's proper to say those but saying it was totally relieving.

He kept silent, and I couldn't help but raise my head to see his reaction. His look is neutral and lacking any sense of emotion – I couldn't figure out what he's thinking behind the blank facial expression. I couldn't sense how he's taking all of the things that I just said. Was it too shocking?

Annoying? Overwhelming? I basically told him that I like him, and yet, he doesn't have any slight reaction about it. Is there something wrong with what I've said?

"What's with that reaction?" his expression fell, his eyebrows creased. With those, I can now tell that he wasn't happy to hear those. The thing I don't understand is why.

"It's … I don't think I deserve those, Eve. Maybe I'm saying all these because I have lots of regrets in my life, most especially because I feel like I'm a bad person, growing up in that kind of environment. If I'll be really honest, meeting you and sir Elliot is my life's greatest blessing. Especially you. You treated me like family and made me feel important. You showed me how to live, and not simply exist. You may not notice it, but that's how it is for me. Earlier you said that I've been an honest person to you. But do you really think that I'm not hiding anything? How can you be so confident?"

I bit my lip as I hear his words. What is he implying?

"Is there something that I should know?" I gulped as I asked, my heart started pounding in my chest.

"I don't want to scare you, especially because you already had enough today. But I see the need, so I suppose this is something that you should know," he began, which made me feel more uneasy, and the longer it takes him to speak, the more nervous I get. "Just today, I received the information about the person that they wanted to be gone. Remember when I said that I volunteered to do the job to protect that person? That I sold a lie so that I can have things under control?"

"Y-Yes, I … I remember."

"The truth is, they're after you, just as I thought. The orders were from your uncle, under the name of his right-hand man to cover up his name. Since they know that I'm the one who'll do the job, no one else will take care of that. I don't know about the trespassers earlier, but just like what I promised, I'll do everything in my power to protect you. The only thing I can think of is for you to go back to the US because you'll be safer there. You're not safe here anymore, and I'm afraid that it's all because of your uncle," he explained, and he looked at me directly, his eyes more serious than I've ever seen. "Your uncle is completely insane. Why does he want you gone? You didn't do anything that can harm him."

I broke eye contact and looked at the mug, half-full of milk. "I no longer want to know. I don't think my stomach can take it," I sipped the entire milk left in my mug and put it down on the table. "I … I want to sleep now. I think I heard enough today, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he added, and I turned back to leave my seat and headed to the room he offered for me to stay in for the night.

I don't even want to think about it. How can uncle be this ruthless? With the knowledge that he wants me gone, I wouldn't be surprised if it's not his first time doing this, but it also applies to other innocent people who are on his way. He's nothing but a ruthless tyrant who's full of himself and himself alone.

If there's anyone who should go, it's not me, but him.

Victor mentioned that he'll expose the people who raised him. If he'll do that, uncle would probably be the next. What evidence can we show to the court then? The documents of the request? I don't know about legal matters, but we shouldn't just sit here and do nothing. If we're not going to make an action, all of us will end up dead. The principle now is to act before we get caught.

Our lives are already in danger. If they'll find out that Victor sold a lie to protect me, he'll be a part of the list who should be assassinated. I cannot let that happen. If there's anything good now, it's the fact that I don't feel afraid, but I feel strong and safe with him beside me.

I knelt beside the bed and folded my hands together, leaning my face on it. Tears began falling from my eyes.

"Dear God, first of all, I want to thank you for sparing my life tonight. The fact that I made it this far even if I had death threats ever since I was little means that my life still has a purpose. Help me know what it is. Protect me at all times, as well as the ones who are important in my life. Thank you for putting Victor as a part of my life – bring him back the favor that he has given to me during all those distressing moments that I had. Let him see the light, even if he grew in a place of darkness. I believe that as long as there's life, there's hope. It's not too late for him. I have the feeling that he's not telling me everything, but I put my trust in you, Lord. I trust Your will to be done. After all, you have everything under control, and all we should do is to submit. Help and protect us. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

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The rays of the sun emanated a gentle light and warmth from the glass window, and I squeezed my eyes shut as I rub them and pulled myself together to sit, my yawn synchronizing as I stretch. The sun's light was brilliant but not blinding, warm but not sweltering. Perhaps it's around 6 in the morning?

I took the comb from my bag and combed my hair, from its roots down to the tips, and kept it back to its place. When I stepped out of the room, Victor's back was the first thing that I saw, sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper with a coffee next to him, all dressed up for work.

He looked back as he heard the door closed, and flashed a warm, bright smile.

"You're awake. Good morning. Did you rest well?"

"I believe so. Thanks for letting me borrow that room. Whose room is it? Were you living with someone before?"

"When I had this house made, I thought I should have one extra room for guests. My house can accommodate two more people since there are two beds in that room. It's not like I'm expecting guests, but I had the thought that it might be useful later on. Would you believe if I'll say that you're the first person who slept there?"

"How long have you been living in this place?"

"Five years," he answered, as he took another sip of his coffee. "You know my family's background. For many years, I became strict with myself by limiting the people I'll let in my life. I did those so that nobody can figure out what kind of family I'm in. The truth is, my view is, anything in this world can be an evidence. Anything can be used against me, against us. I have lots of acquaintances of course, but none of them has an idea about me. Doing that protected us from getting in trouble. Of course, it is sad to have no one in your life," he paused as if to articulate his thoughts.

Each word that came out of his mouth made my heart feel empty as I imagine what kind of life he lived all these years. Seeing the sadness and pain from his eyes and soft voice felt like

daggers pierced in my heart. I somehow felt his pain, and I can't help but imagine myself living his life, putting myself in his shoes. I held myself back from crying and I heaved a breath, letting it out slowly to release the tension that filled my heart.

"… but you're the one who changed that, Evangeline. You have no idea how much everything means to me. You taught me how to live. How to loosen up. How to be happy. I don't even know where to start. It's one of the main reasons why I want to protect you in whatever way I can. You mean too much to me, and you deserve the best things in life. I believe I'm not the first person that you inspired like this. It's your thing. Encouraging people is, I believe, something natural from you. I suppose that's the Evangeline trivia for today?"

"I didn't see my efforts as something that significant. It's … natural, yes. Maybe because I want to see people as happy as I am because I'm living life to the fullest. I want others to be like that, too. Don't just exist, but live. Live according to your purpose once you find out what that is."

He avoided my eyes and looked away, in deep thoughts once again. "Now you know part of my life story, why do you think was I that cautious?" he asked, and he looked at my eyes once again. I see my reflection in his eyes, and for some unknown reason, I felt like my stomach turned.

"What are you talking about?" my chest started tightening, giving me the feeling that something bad is going to happen next.

"I told you that the people who raised me and pretended to be my parents are drug pushers and they hire assassins. For once, didn't you ever had the thought of why I accepted the job? I sold a lie, haven't I? Why do you think will they approve? Why did they trust me to do it?"

I can't find the right words, but his questions left me wondering. Is it possible that …

No. No. I can't be right about this.

"Let me make myself clear. Do you think they'll trust me if they know that I'm not capable of doing that job?"

"You were saying …?"

"You don't want to admit it, don't you? Your thoughts are correct. They trusted me that I can do it because they know that I'm capable. They know that it's not something new to me."

I gulped. Therefore, Victor … is a murder himself?

I let out a nervous laugh. "You're not supposed to be creating lame jokes like that. We should just eat breakfast," he pulled my wrist the moment I turned around and slightly pulled me back to face him.

"Are you afraid?" he asked, looking at me directly as if he's trying to read me down to my soul. "I won't be surprised if you are. You have every right to be scared, or be angry because I wasn't as honest as I should be."

"N-No," I replied as my hands started to get cold. "I believe that even if you did a lot of mistakes, you have the will to change that fact. Lancelot and Victor are different people deep down, am I right? Lancelot was the one who murdered people and lived a life full of darkness and sadness. On the contrary, Victor is a new name – a name where you started your life's new beginning, isn't it? I may not know you for long, but I know that people change. Now I understand why you kept on saying that you don't deserve a lot of things. Because after everything that you did, all you think that you deserve is punishment for what you've done."

He let go of my wrist, sadness clouded his features. He may not be admitting it, but I know that I said the right thing.

"Lance, you're not your past. You're not Lancelot the servant anymore, but Victor, because you've managed to leave that old life of yours. You may feel miserable and undeserving, but even if you can't forgive yourself, God can. He forgives His people as long as they're humble enough to admit each –"

"Will He really? There's no other place I deserve to be but hell, Evangeline."

"Listen, everyone deserves a second chance. I'm going to help you change if you'll let me help." I assured.

His facial expression hardened, his eyebrows knitted. The current silence as he thinks felt like it was one of the longest moments of my life, and at some point, it felt like time stopped between us.

"I'm listening." He decided, and hearing those two words filled my heart with relief.