Have to let go

Benson's POV

I went back inside the apartment and changed my clothes. For a strange reason, my outing with Jesse relieved me, and it felt like I have done this number of times with her.

Normally, whenever I come back from visiting Charity's grave I always feel down and lonely, but today was different.it felt like something I couldn't explain.

“You are back “. I saw Mrs Sonia standing by the door of my bedroom.

“Yes”. I replied. I knew she wanted to say something whenever she stares at me like that.

“Do you have anything to say to me “. I asked, 

She chuckled softly and walked into my room.

“I saw you and Jesse outside”.she spoke with a big grin on her face.

I hissed and ran my fingers in my hair

“She is a nice girl you know “. She spoke up, 

“Please Mrs Sonia, it's not what you are thinking”. I spoke in annoyance. I couldn't wait for us to leave this town so that she could stop disturbing me.

“And what do you think I'm thinking”. She asked, 

I hissed and sat on the bed.

“How do I explain this to you, I'm not ready for any relationship now “. I spoke firmly.

“And why is that “. She asked, 

I roughly ran my fingers in my hair and stared at Charity's picture on the table

“Because of her “. I said those words while staring at a picture of charity smiling.

Mrs Sonia hissed and placed her hand on my shoulder.

“Benson she is gone, and we all have to let her go”

“You can let her go, but I won't, I can't even if I want to “. I spoke in anger. I couldn't see myself giving my heart to someone else.

“Benson “. Mrs Sonia called out softly

“Remember Charity's words, she wanted you to move on with your life after she was gone “.

“I don't fucking care about that “. I angrily stood up from the bed and aimlessly walked around the room.

“We lost her two years ago, you have to accept that .your daughter needs a mother figure in her life, and you have to provide her with one”.she spoke firmly

“I can be both a mom and a dad to her “. I spoke in annoyance.

“You can't, Benson, you just can't”. She stood up and stared at me.

“I know you've been trying for the past two years but what happens when she starts turning into a lady, there are things she won't be able to say to you, you should know that “. I stared at Mrs Sonia and realized she was right. I couldn't be a mother and father to Lilly, but that doesn't mean I will just bring in a woman into our life.

“I will think about it”. I knew that was the only thing I could say that will let her leave me alone.

“I hope you do “. She taps my shoulder and left my room. I hissed in relief and sat down on my desk. I opened my computer, and started working on some files.

A call on my phone stopped me from working, I checked the caller and saw that it was from aunt.

“Hello aunt “. 

“Benson, when are you leaving that country”. Aunt spoke in anger. I wondered why aunt hate California so much. I remembered how she was restless when I told her I was coming to Charity's town to celebrate the Christmas. She did all she could and said all she could say to make we change my mind in coming here.

“I still have a month to stay here, aunt, and you should come visit sometime”.

“There is nothing there to see “. She sounded angry. I hissed and ran my fingers in my hair. I wondered why aunt hates this country.

“How are you, aunt”. I asked, 

“Am fine, just missing you guys “.

“We will be back in a month”.

“You better be”. I chuckled at her words before we talked for a while and I ended the call.

“Papa”. Lilly's walked into the room and kissed my cheek.

“How was school, my princess”. I carried her in my laps while she plays with my hair.

“Dance practice was fine, but miss Jesse was there"

 “Oh I see”.

“Papa”. She calls out

“Yes princess”

“Can we please go and see miss Jesse “.she asked, 

I raised a bow and stared at her 

“Why “. I asked, 

“I just miss her today and wished I could see her “.she pleaded.

“But you can see her tomorrow at practice”. I tried conceiving her .she shakes her head and stared at me with those two puppy eyes, I can't refuse

“Please papa”.she begged.

I hissed and stared at her, 

“Fine”. I can't refuse her when she begs with those eyes. She giggled and stood up from my laps.

“Let's go”. She took hold of my hand and dragged me out of the room.