Rebirth

Buzz. Buzz. Buzzzzzzz….

"How is it 5am already?" I grumbled as I rolled over to hit my alarm and fell out of bed. It was the 5am on the 27th of June 2021, which meant I had a general medical placement I had to attend in three hours. The cold air bit my skin as I begrudgingly I dragged myself into the bathroom. The cold dark mornings signified Winter's arrival. It took several minutes under the hot water in the shower to warm me up and make me feel a little more human. When I was finally somewhat awake and clean, I dried myself off in front of the mirror.

<Man, this lack of exercise and long days is really killing my body.> The once muscular body I had had looked like it decided to hibernate this year and was now wearing a 30kg coat.

<Are those bags under my eyes getting bigger?> I wasn't the most attractive man to walk the planet, most people would have rated me a 7 or 8, but the bags under my eyes from all these early morning starts and long days were starting to make me look like an old man. That said, my sunken and hollow face matched my internal turmoil of sadness and emptiness that followed my everywhere. It was such a difficult feeling to deal with because I felt as though I couldn't talk to anyone about it, since no one would understand. I knew that I had no reason to feel this way, I had a part time job, I was in my second last year of medical school and I had married my high school sweetheart. Yet I still couldn't shake this loneliness, this sadness, this emptiness, this despair. I always felt like there was something more to me or to my life, there was something missing, but I could never put my finger on it.

<Is this really all there is to life? Study, work, sleep, repeat?>

As a child and teenage I used to fantasise about living a life of adventure and have amazing abilities that bordered on superpowers. I used to think that I was special and that I was going to make a difference, but all that excitement and vigour had faded over the years. It was crushed out of me by adulthood. There was no room for these childish beliefs in when there was rent to pay, groceries to buy and careers to build. Still, these feelings still clung to me.

I got dressed into my usual clinical attire, brown dress shoes, a beige pair of chinos and a long sleeve dress shirt, before heading to the kitchen to make two coffees. I took one of the coffees to the bedroom and put it on the bedside table on my wife's side. Amy was still fast asleep, she looked so serene and peaceful when she slept. Her long chestnut hair flowed down her face and on to the pillows like a beautiful waterfall. It almost sparkled in the light coming from the hallway. Her skin was soft, flawless and slightly tanned as if she had been kissed by the sun. If there was one word to describe her, it was beautiful. She was far too beautiful for me, I still don't know how I convinced her to love me. She was smiling, she must have been dreaming about our conversation from last night. We had decided that come next year we would start trying for children, she was so excited, she always dreamed of being a mother. I gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead as I was about to leave.

"Don't forget dinner tonight" she mumbled through her slumber."

<><><>

I stopped by the local supermarket on my way home, I wanted to get Amy some flowers to say sorry for being so busy this year with work and medical school and not spending more time with her. I picked some beautiful light pink lilies, they were here favourite. She loved how they would open throughout the week and keep the house feeling bright and warm. I greeted Amy with the flowers as I walked through the front door.

"Thank you, I love them."

"I thought you would, I just wanted to give you something to brighten up your day just like you brighten up mine everyday" I said with a smile.

"You're silly, all I need is you anyway. How was placement today?" she cheerfully replied with a bit of a blush and awkward glance at the ground.

<She is so beautiful when she's embarrassed, how did I get so lucky?>

"It was pretty uneventful, we managed to get out a little early today because the hospital discharged so many people over the weekend. Dr Becks said there is no point for us to be there if there are no patients to see. How was your day?"

"It was good, I slept in till nine and then took the dog for a play at the park before the rain came and did a bit of cleaning when I got back. We better get ready, dinner is in an hour."

With that we got cleaned and changed, I was finished first and sat playing on my phone on the couch when she walked in. She looked amazing, she was wearing a long red dress with a wedged slit running up the side of her left leg to just below her waist. It had two small straps holding it up and it hung beautifully to her curves, accentuated her femininity.

"Wow" slipped out of my lips.

"Just wow? I got this especially for tonight." She slightly pouted.

I walked over to her and pulled her close.

"I don't think any words really do you justice, you absolutely amazing"

She beamed a loving smile at me and gave me a deep passionate kiss that I wished would last forever before leading me out the door. A romantic warm was slightly damped by the dark skies. The sun had set and the darkness from the storm clouds had been increased exponentially, there was no light to be seen anywhere, just this darkness. The rain had subsided for the time being, but it was bound to return later tonight. We left the house and drove towards our dinner reservation. Since we lived in the semi-rural area of town, we didn't have a lot of traffic to contend with, which was good tonight considering the wetness of the roads and the lack of visibility. I was driving at 70 kilometres per hour, which was twenty under the speed limit due to the terrible conditions. As we were heading around a long bend, we heard a sudden loud screeching sound.

<What the hell was that?>

Before I had time to fully process that thought, I saw the answer. It was a large fuel truck coming around the corner sideways. The truck looked about forty metres long and consisted of two large fuel trailers behind the cab. They must have lost control of the trailers on the freshly wet roads and not adjusted to the new conditions. The trailers were covering both sides of the road and there was only a small gravel shoulder on side, too small for a whole car to fit on.

"Watch out for the truck!" screamed Amy with a mixture of pure fear and panic gripping her face.

<That truck is still going too fast and it's too wet to regain control of the trailers. There's no way to avoid this crash, I can probably get half of the car on the shoulder out of the way. I'll need to hit the brakes perfectly though to slow down enough to avoid the gravel pulling us into a tree and to stop the brakes from locking up. This is a real one in a million chance, they'd be a big cost to succeed but the result would be worth it. I'm sorry Amy….>

I hit the brakes and veered towards the shoulder to my left, the car bobbled and squealed a little as the tyres bit into the gravel, but I hadn't lost control. Things were going well...until the truck driver noticed us and swerved in an attempt to regain control of the truck, however it only caused them to lose more control and trailers started swinging across the road violently.

<I guess it's a none in a million chance now. I'm out of options now, there's no way we can both survive now.>

"I-I love you Amy, I'm sorry" I stumbled out through my welling emotions and took one last look at her.

"S-Sorry?" Amy replied through a fog of confusion and panic.

Before I respond I pulled the steering wheel hard to the left and caused the car to slide sideways into the oncoming trailer. There was a massive bang followed by the sound of glass shattering, metal crumpling, airbags detonating, searing pain and then nothing, darkness, despair.

<I hope I did enough….> my thoughts slowly drifted into nothingness.

After what felt like forever one word came through the nothingness, breathe. I tried to breathe and felt a sharp pain burning through my lungs. It was followed by a strangely familiar scent, sweet yet harsh and stinging.

<I…. I know…. this smell, it's petrol. The fuel truck…. PETROL! AMY!>

The smell dragged me back from the abyss to my broken body. As I opened my eyes my vision was blurry at first but slowly focused, there was a red tinge to everything. The vessels in my eyes must have burst from the impact and I was probably bleeding from my forehead, coating my eyes in this red tinge. I looked to Amy, she was slumped back in her seat unconscious. That beautiful red dress had been torn and was now soaked with her blood, she had cuts all over her body and had probably sustained some broken bones. As I leaned over to release her seatbelt, I felt a stabbing pain throughout my chest that increased with each breath and movement.

<I must have broken my ribs. I can't stop though. I need to get her to safety.>

I pushed through the searing pain and released both of our seatbelts.

<At least I can still use arms.>

As I opened my door and tried to push myself up a horrendous pain shot through my right leg, it was visibly broken, I couldn't stop or I would run out of time. My vision continued to clear, I could see the fuel leaking from one of the trailers and some sparks flying from one of the downed powerlines nearby.

<Push…push…I need to push.>

I pushed through the pain and pulled myself out of the car, the pain faded slightly as I took my first step. The adrenaline had kicked in and was reducing the pain and I was going to take full advantage of it. I groaned with every step as I walked around the car to Amy's door, leaning on the car as I went. I opened the door and lifted her up into the princess carry position, resting her head against my shoulder. The extra weight sent paining running up my right leg, it was becoming unstable and the pain was becoming too much to bear. Before I could take a step I cam crashing down on to my right knee, the pain had overtaken my control and my leg had failed.

<Why now? Why has it failed now?>

I looked down and answered my own question, the bone had pushed through the skin. Anything I did now would only make it worse. As I kept looking at my leg thinking about what to do, I saw the petrol puddle pass past my leg.

<I don't have a choice now. If we stay here, we'll die.>

I mustered up every bit of strength inside me, every ounce of will power and determination and gritted my teeth as I pushed myself back up on to my feet whilst still holding Amy. I started to walk slowly from the car but still within the petrol puddle, every step was pure agony. I couldn't stop, I needed to save her. I took six more steps, each worse than each other, until I had reached the edge of the ever-expanding petrol pond. Before I could take the next step, I heard the powerline's crackle followed by a deafening roar and felt the warmth in the air grow exponentially. I held Amy close and kissed her one last time.

<I'm...sorry.... I've...failed you.>

I felt my whole body burning for an instant as the flames engulfed us and then the darkness embraced me.