Chapter 93: Regret:

Ze Yu's POV:

What did I hope for? Why did I even tell Hui Qing? I suppose it was probably out of selfishness. When I heard she had memory loss I really did wish for her to forget about Ze Lin. I know that sounded really awful but at least I could have a chance. Yet the heavens never reside with me.

Ze Lin and HUi QIng only met because she saved him from a band of kidnappers. If that was me would Hui Qing have liked me back? I never understood why she liked him and not me. And till I die I suppose I still won't. 

Since young my younger brother has always been loved more than me. He was more studious and well-behaved. Also, he has had heart problems since he was born. Everyone loved him better than me including the women I loved. Why? Why can't anyone just give me a bit of love? I wouldn't have minded. Even if it was just a little. 

I suppose that's why I agreed to act as Ze Lin three years ago. No one was allowed to tell her that Ze Lin died. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed acting as her boyfriend even when she thought I was Ze Lin. I suppose I was quite selfish here. Hui Qing wasn't supposed to find out. I fell deeper and deeper in love with her as time passed. So deep that I didn't know how to tell her nor did I want to. I didn't know how to tell her that the man she loved had passed away. So I didn't But she still found out. 

Hahah. I was such a fool. She still managed to recognise I wasn't him at first glance. Everything was fine when I was 'abroad' however, everything changed as soon as I met her at the airport. When we Facetimed she didn't find anything wrong yet she knew at once that I wasn't him. I suppose this is a sign of true love.

Haha. I later asked her how she knew and she replied saying that Ze Lin always wore the bracelet our late mother yet I never did. Woah she really paid a lot of attention to Ze Lin. Am I meant to be happy or not? Haha. After that she blocked me and we didn't talk anymore. That was until she got kidnapped. 

Every time I closed my eyes I could still vividly see her slipping out of my clasp and falling off the cliff. Yet she looked so happy, relieved even. She even said that she was happy to be able to see Ze Lin.

 What the heck? Why? Why does she still miss someone who is already dead? Why can't she see me? Why doesn't she love me? Why? Why? 

I have so many questions yet she never answered me. Not that I asked. I wonder if I will get the answer I want if I asked her. Perhaps not. Perhaps I will just be more upset. 

Why is life so cruel to me? I really regret not knowing her first. If I could go back in time I would definitely make sure she falls for me first.

But now, everything is too late. She has another man who she supposedly loves. And again I am everyone's last choice. For once in my life I wish I was someone's first choice. But, I suppose even this is too hard. 

No! I mustn't think of things like this. Hui Qing has lost her memories, I could use this chance to allow her to fall for me. After all, I look exactly like my twin brother. Yes! That is what I need to do. And I will do exactly that.