A unexecution

With a puff of ash the paper world vanished.

I once more stood within the void.

Before me was that muscle constructed monstrosity. Each one of its eyes spun in opposing directions on the horizontal axis and identical directions on the vertical axis and its muscle pulsed it almost engulfed the eyes every third pulse.

But one single gargantuan eye gazed right at me. It was unaffected by the pulsing muscle to the eyes.

The eye quivered with focus.

"Such strength. I believe you have joined the ranks of the gods with this test. Now before I send you of let me grant you a reward!"

~Wouldn't it be the fat man sending me off? Is this guy that guy's boss. Hmmm. I have to know who he is.~

I interjected

"Wait! Before that. Can I ask your name?"

Thousands of eyes exploded unleashing towering geysers of tears. And eye flesh

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't know that would offend you." I said

"Bahahahhaha! Such opportunity for comedy. For goofs gafs and Garfunkels!"

I crindged. Hearing those words from and Eldritch horror was beyond bizarre.

"Call me the arch homie! LORD of the homiesexuals!"

Screamed the mass of flesh

"Do you mean homosexuals?" I asked

"No. Homiesexuals! Those who are sexual for their homies!" Bellowed the flesh.

I began to laugh hysterically I'm not sure if it was the stress from the hectic few days I've had or if it was simply because it was a funny joke.

But regardless I laughed like I never had before.

And the flesh laughed with me.

In between fits of laughing the flesh spoke.

"For. bahahaha— your. Bahahahhha— deedsIwillgrantyouasingle. Bahahahahaha. Miracletouseatyourdiscretion! Bahahahhahaha!"

And with that I faded from the darkness.

🐖🐐🐖🐐🐖🐐🐖

I awoke to the taste of orange juice.

In front of me was a crowd of people. They all had rotten fruits in their arms which they threw at me looks of loathing adorning their faces.

But I'll be honest. I wasn't really paying a lick of attention to the crowd at the momment.

I was more concerned with a person a few feet away. She was right in my view sitting upon an opulent jewel studded chair.

She glared at me. I knew that twisted form.

Lillith.

I couldn't help but grin.

"Hey!" The second I spoke the crowd grew still. "Lillith. Was it because of the books!" I yelled

"Anyone who harms that which I love deserves to die."

"Well I guess that's my answer." I said with a goofy grin.

The executor above me spoke.

"Haaaaaa. Do you have any last words?" Asked the executioner.

I knew just what to say before the guillotine blade dropped.

"Yes I do. Glory to the arch homie! Lord of the homiesexuals!"

And with that awkward silence the blade fell.

Lillith gave me a sadistic smile as my death approached.

"Grant me a miracle!" I screamed.

With a flash of dark light that miracle was granted.

An instant before the guillotine was about to fall it shattered. Shrapnel shards flew in every direction that wasn't towards me.

They all missed people except for a few that hit my executioner and the guards around him.

Executioner and the guards were both dead.

The crowd who had gathered to watch me die looked at me in bafflement.

*tonk! Tonk!*

People's heads spun at the sound of lumbering footsteps.

Walking towards me was a small man he had to be at most 5ft. But despite his size he seemed to lumber towards me.

"Make way! For I am the weakest man alive."

The crowd collectively grew a pale white.

"Mommy, why is everyone so scared?" Asked a small child

"Just run you little shit! We have no time for your fucking questions!" The mother snapped back.

They couldn't help but comply.

No one remained but lillith. She stood there her form was so twisted that she didn't seem to have the power to move.

I smiled at her.

"Tough luck huh."

She opened her mouth to respond.

But she was spoken over.

"Is that really you Greg?" Asked the cloaked man. His voice was old and weathered. Like that of an old man.

"Who are you?"

The old man reached up and pulled his hood off. Revealed to me was an old and weathered face with grey hair and thousands of wrinkles. It looked like an older Craig.

"Are you Craig's grandpa?" I asked. I hadn't been comatose for that long. There's no way Craig aged that much.

"No. I'm Craig." He said.

My brows furrowed with confusion.

"Okay. Why do you look so old?" I asked him.

Craig smiled. "Quite simple I aged."

I opened my mouth to speak again. But I was rudely interrupted.

"Shut the fuck up! I don't care if you knew each other. You need to kill that man." She raised a single trembling finger and pointed towards me. "He's a traitor!"

Craig glared at her. "How about I kill you instead." He said

Her face crumpled into a glare. "Are you a traitor to!"

"Yes." She grew silent.

"Then I'm fucked!"

I smiled with glee.

"We'll lillith. I think it's time for you to enjoy a isekai."

"Wait. What does that mean?" Asked lillith with a look of mortal terror on her face.

"Craig kill her." Craig simply nodded.

I grinned sadistically as craig faced his chest towards lillith's face.

"Flexu!" With one flex a spike of muscle pirced straigh through her skull.

Her brain matter spilled out onto the ground. And viola she was dead.

Next Craig shattered the wooden brace keeping me in place.

I stood up.

"You've gotten older." I said.

"You've gotten skinnier." Craig responded.

I looked down at myself. I really had turned into a stick. How long had it been since I ate? A month? Yeah that sounds about right.

"You wanna go grab a meal?" I asked Craig.

He nodded

"Sure."

And so mere minutes after my execution brushed myself off and grabbed something to eat.

I truly was a fatass