Chapter 306: Camping.

[Edward POV]

"Come on, sit on Santa's lap and tell me what you want for Christmas," Enid beckoned, slapping her thigh twice to get my attention. We were all still in the living room, even though it was nearly midnight.

I chuckled as I sipped my soda. "Santa's eyes look dangerous. I might get felt up, so I won't."

Enid gasped in mock offense, and laughter erupted around the room. "You're a naughty boy then. No gifts for you this Christmas!" She laughed, however her eyes were still dangerous.

"Oh come on. I'm nice… at times," I joked, eliciting more chuckles from my friends.

Jacob picked up several camping bags from the floor and gave me a knowing nod, urging me to head outside. The boys had permission from Mrs. Alexandria to stay over—honestly, she didn't really care.

We decided to camp out on the lawn, right by the pool. Jacob brought his camping gear, claiming he was going to camp with me tonight at the ruins of my house. Finneas did the same. Both of them were finally becoming rebellious teenagers, lying to their parents without a second thought.

"I want to see this." Enid said as she followed the boys outside. Elsa grabbed Jenna's hand and said, "Let's go see the boys set up their tents too."

"No, we shouldn't go outside this late at night, especially with boys. The devil is everywhere and he will try to tempt us." Jenna said with a blank stare. Elsa narrowed her eyes at Jenna, "Girl, who are you!?"

Jenna just shrugged in response. Alex joined Enid as we headed outside, and Elsa pulled her best friend along too. Jacob began setting up the tent, laying down the poles, when I suddenly placed my tools back on the ground.

Jacob and Finneas looked up at me, confusion written on their faces.

"Can you give me a minute?" I checked the time and excused myself, walking to a quieter corner.

"What are you doing?" Finneas asked, his tone slightly raised. Jacob added, "If you don't know how to build a tent, that's fine. You don't have to be embarrassed about it."

"Who doesn't know how to build a tent? Edward? That's refreshing," Alex chimed in, walking beside her boyfriend.

Enid shouted, "Ed! Don't be shy! I'll love you no matter what!"

"Shh!" I shushed them while dialing a number. "Oh, it's a phone call," Jenna exclaimed simply. "You guys jumped to conclusions fast," she added, turning to Jacob, Finneas, Alex, and Enid, who all looked a bit embarrassed.

"Who's he calling?" Elsa asked. Alex suddenly remembered something and scowled, "Ugh. I know who he's calling."

The call picked up after a moment, and the voice on the other end sounded urgent.

"Hello? Edward?" Haley asked, anticipation clear in her voice.

"Were you out jogging? Why are you out of breath?" I teased.

"I just got out of the shower," Haley replied, taking a deep breath to calm herself.

My eyes widened slightly as I smirked. "So you're in your birthday suit for your birthday?"

"I am wearing a towel," she replied cluelessly. "I'm not wearing a suit."

"That's not… Nevermind. I'm just calling to wish you a Happy Birthday."

"Aww. That's so sweet. You're the first one to do that," she said, a bit bashful.

I was skeptical. "Really? I thought your parents—especially your dad—would want to be the first."

Haley agreed. "I thought so too. So I changed his wristwatch to 20 minutes earlier, and all the clocks in the house. He wished me 20 minutes ago with my mom. I felt bad for him. He almost nodded off a few times."

"That's—genius. Although it's an evil genius kind," I said, impressed.

Haley giggled. "Hmm, It's so you can really be the first– No, I mean, so you're the first."

"Excuse me?" I asked, my lips curled upward, "So you knew I'd call?"

Haley was silent for a moment before replying, "I have an inkling about it." Her tone was excited, even though she tried to play it cool.

We didn't talk for a while, just laughed with each other. "So I'm the first, huh? I'm really glad to be the first one to call."

"You can be my other first too," Haley suddenly said in a seductive tone. "Oops, my towel dropped. So I am wearing my 'birthday suit' right now."

"This turned out to be rated R fast," I said, taking a deep breath. "I guess I can only see you when there's daylight tomorrow."

Haley instantly became excited again. "Wait, you said you're working till late."

"Those guys decided to shoot all of my scenes today, so filming is wrapped up for me. I'll stop by the lab for a bit before I go to your house."

"Oh, the insane girl," Haley remembered what I told her before. "She's going to be fine now?"

"I think so, as long as there's nothing going wrong with the cure." I said before changing the subject. "Now that we can spend some time together, I'll take you out tomorrow for a birthday lunch, how about that?"

Haley agreed excitedly. "Yes! Although we can still go to McDonald's. I don't really care which restaurant it is."

I smiled and said, "No-no, Mac and Donald only opened their place at night, so I'll reschedule it with them."

"Mac and Donald?" Haley was confused. "Wait, it's not a fast food restaurant where you planned to bring me to?"

"No, these are two chefs that I invested in. Their restaurant became pretty famous recently. It's called Le Ciel." It meant 'The Sky' in French. 

Haley was startled. "You mean the new restaurant up in the hill? That's a four-star restaurant. Grandpa has been trying to get a reservation for weeks!"

The restaurant was a French cuisine dining experience with a backdrop of the Pacific Ocean. It was a romantic spot where people went to enjoy special moments. I was explaining it simply, but it was a place that had become quite famous in the area.

"If you really want to go there, I can speak with them," I said with a slight smile. "You can bring your grandpa too if he wants."

Haley thought for a moment before replying, "If it opens during lunch, then all of my family can go there for my celebration. My night will be free, and I can spend it exclusively with you."

"Wait—" I was stunned at first before I thought about it. "Alright then. I'll try to speak with them."

"Great. Don't worry, my grandpa will be paying for it," Haley teased. "You're homeless now. I can't take money from the homeless."

I played along and said, "You want to know something?"

"What?" She was interested.

"I'm camping out tonight, sleeping in a small tent with a bunch of guys."

"Oh, you poor thing," she cackled at my misery. "I got a room all by myself tonight." Then she invited, her tone turning seductive, "Want to come over?"

"Is this what's going to happen for the entirety of your birthday? You keep trying to get in my pants?" I teased lightly. 

For the last few days, she had joked about losing her virginity when she finally turned 16, repeatedly hinting it at me as we chatted. It was hard to tell where the joke ended and the truth began, leaving me feeling helpless in the situation.

"Guess what I'm doing right now," she said suddenly. "I'm locking the door. Alex is gone. I have no clothes on and am laying down on the bed."

"No. Don't—stop, I mean, don't do it. Stop." I stammered, pulling at my collar as I needed air. "I couldn't take three attacks all at once."

Haley hummed seductively. "Come on~ I'm just a hot girl laying down alone in my room. I want to spend some last moments here…, making some memories. I never had a… personal time here because Alex is always around. I had to always use the bathroom for it."

"My friends are waving at me right now. You're being crazy." I said, waving back to Enid and Jacob, who were trying to get my attention, wanting me to help set up the tent.

"Hmm…" Haley moaned playfully. "Guess where my hand is right now."

"I'm in a dilemma here. I want to end the call, but my finger won't move." I confessed, slightly torn. Haley giggled, "My fingers are moving pretty fast right now. Stay with me; I want to hear your voice when I—"

"Haley! I was at the wrong time before! My watch was fast by 20 minutes!" Suddenly, Phil banged on the door. I felt a wave of relief, mixed with a hint of disappointment.

"Your dad's here," I said in a calm tone.

"Damn it! How did he know?!" Haley sounded frustrated.

"Maybe someone texted him? Who knows?" I replied, trying to defuse the situation, knowing I didn't have it in me to end the call myself. If that wasn't clear, I meant I texted him, telling him that I saw his watch was 20 minutes fast when I met him in the morning.

"Honey! Open the door." Claire also called her. "Ugh!" She groaned slightly before shouting, "I'm on a call with Ed!"

"Then let us in! We can all wish you a happy birthday together!" Phil shouted happily.

"I think I have to open the door." Haley told me with a pitiful tone. I chuckled a bit and said, "Look on the bright side. At the very least, you locked the door."

Haley laughed a bit and said, "Or I'll be like Jenny from 'Not Another Teen Movie'."

I burst into laughter and glanced at my friends. Both Jacob and Enid wore dissatisfied expressions as the tent was almost built. "I better go now, or else they're going to kick me out of the tent too. Then I'll truly be sleeping outside."

We ended the call as Haley needed to put her clothes on, and I had to help my friends.

"Why is the tent askew?" I asked as I approached them.

"The main question is why you're pitching a tent," Elsa shot back.

Startled, I glanced down at my crotch, but Elsa continued, looking at Jacob. "Why don't you check into a hotel somewhere? Or just use a room inside the house? Jenna's room is upstairs. You can use the guest room downstairs."

"No. I don't like that," Jenna interjected.

Elsa scoffed. "What do you mean? You're acting like you've never had boys sleeping over before. Grow up. These guys will just sleep. You did worse things with those boys."

"I MADE SOME MISTAKES! SO WHAT?! I regretted it!" Jenna shot back, and soon, she and Elsa were bickering.

"Oh, so regret makes you better now? You worn-out slut," Elsa mocked, clearly fed up with Jenna's "changes" and preachy way of life.

Jenna gasped in offense, ready to retaliate. "You bitc—" But she stopped herself, calming down as she murmured, "Remember Jenna. A good Christian always turns the other cheek."

"And let the boys clap that too," Elsa retorted crassly.

"Damn," Jacob said, grabbing Elsa from behind and lifting her off the ground. "She needs a time out."

"Yeah, that was way overboard, Elsa!" Enid scolded as she comforted the teary Jenna.

"I worry about our sleepovers," Alex whispered.

Finneas hit the anchor on the tent for finishing touches and raised his hand in celebration. "I did it!" The tent stood intact for almost two seconds before a breeze knocked it down to the ground.

"Yeah, I have the same worries," I whispered back.

Jenna and Elsa went to separate rooms at first, vowing not to sleep in the same bed. Enid and Alex had to pick which room they wanted to stay in, and it turned into another high tension situation for the girls. 

The boys and I rebuilt the tent, and this time, with my help, it was set up correctly. After anchoring it, we laid down some pillows and decided to sleep directly on the floor, without any air mattresses or covers.

The ground felt harsh and cold, prompting Finneas to groan and complain, "It feels lumpy."

"Do you want to grab some mattresses from inside the house and risk running into the girls?" I asked.

"I'd rather sleep on the lumpy ground," Finneas replied, punching the lump beneath him.

"We don't even have blankets," Jacob chimed in. "If it gets too cold at night, we're going to have to spoon with each other."

I quickly sat up and turned to Finneas. "Change positions with me. I don't want to be in the middle and risk getting spooned by Jacob."

"No!" Finneas protested, but I grabbed him and forced him to roll over. He fought back, clawing and rolling to reclaim his spot, which made Jacob annoyed.

"I'm going to sleep in the middle then!" Jacob declared, standing up. "Then you both will have that chance."

"NO!!" Finneas and I protested. A scuffle broke out inside the tent, shaking it around. As we wrestled, I spotted the lounge chairs near the pool and felt relieved.

"Wait, there are beds on those chairs," I said, just as Jacob grabbed my shirt from underneath me. All three of us ended up in a strange position that I knew would excite Enid—luckily, she wasn't around.

"We can use the towels as blankets, too," Jacob said, noticing what I was looking at.

"Thank god we're not going to spoon," Finneas sighed in relief. Jacob turned to him and replied vaguely, "Who knows what will happen later."

"ED! SAVE ME!" Finneas shouted desperately.

"I'M GOING TO SAVE MYSELF FIRST!!" I shot back. We had some fun and decided to hang out by the pool, since none of us were sleepy yet.

"What do you think the girls are doing up there?" Finneas asked, staring at the lit windows.

"I don't think they're having pillow fights, that's for sure," I replied.

"Maybe they're fighting for real. With their fists," Jacob guessed, raising his hand in mock defense.

Finneas chuckled. "You think they're holding a fight club in there?"

"Which begs the question: who do you think would win in a fight among the four of them?" I asked.

Both of them pondered for a moment before Jacob answered, "Of course it's Elsa. She's the wildest among them, and it helps that she's black—"

"Don't ever say that in front of her—unless she brings it up first," I advised, stopping Jacob. He looked confused but shrugged it off.

"No, I don't think so. Alex knows judo. She's a brown belt," Finneas argued.

I scoffed. "Of course you guys are going to pick your girlfriends."

Both of them looked dissatisfied, and Jacob asked, "Who do you think will win then?"

"I have no idea, but I think Enid is creative. While the others use their fists, Enid would pick up a rock," I guessed.

"No she—she—maybe she would?" Jacob started to come around to my idea.

Finneas nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Alex is a stickler for the rules. Enid would have already taken out her opponent by the time Alex picked up a rule book."

"So we all agree Jenna will be the first one to lose?" Jacob asked. Finneas snickered, "The 'now' Jenna would lose on purpose. If it was her previous self, she'd hire a few guys to fight on her behalf."

I laughed, adding, "No, there wouldn't even be a fight. Jenna would have them kidnapped and buried in a ditch somewhere."

Jacob joined in, laughing. "So I guess we should be grateful that she's changed, right?"

"A little. But she can be a bit preachy," Finneas grimaced. I turned to him and asked, "What did she preach to you about?"

"Nothing bad. I was just holding hands with Alex."

"Uuuu!" Both Jacob and I teased Finneas, who blushed a bit. I mumbled, "Both of you are degenerates."

"We're just holding hands?" Finneas widened his eyes in disbelief as he looked at me.

"That's what I'm saying." I smirked and accused him, "Lewd."

"What in the world?" Finneas was confused, and we all laughed a bit before Jacob asked, "Ed, what happened that day?"

"What day? My life is full of shocking stuff, so you'll have to be specific," I replied.

Finneas thought for a moment. "Now that you mention it, your life does seem filled with shocking events. Carrying a bloodied detective to the hospital. Punching a guy and going to court. A missile hit your house."

"I think your studio could make several movies based on your life alone," Jacob added. "I'd watch that for sure." Finneas nodded in agreement.

"You know, before the missile hit, I did surgery on an NSA agent's legs after he was shot by a shotgun. Terrorists surrounded my house, but I tricked them into going elsewhere, beat up the guard they left behind, and planned to evacuate. That's when the missile hit." I bragged a bit.

"Surgery?" Finneas was shocked.

"Fight?" Jacob was astounded.

"You fought off the terrorists?"

"You did illegal surgery on a federal agent?"

Realizing I might have shattered their worldview, I mumbled, "Did I make a mistake telling you guys that? You can keep it a secret for me, right? Or else I'm going to have to eliminate you."

Jacob raised his hand immediately. "I can keep a secret. But… Finneas is a little weak." He glared at Finneas.

Feeling alarmed, Finneas asked, "What did I do?"

Jacob looked at me secretly and said, "We might need to… you know, 'Kerk." He made a throat-slitting gesture and pointed at Finneas secretly, even though Finneas caught him.

"You're killing me? At least let me say goodbye to my family first." Finneas accepted his fate. 

"And risk information leakage? We can't risk that happening." Jacob said.

"Yeah, you're going to be sentenced to death by spooning with Jacob tonight." I interjected.

"How will that make him die?" Jacob asked in confusion.

I smirked and said, "Socially."

Finneas was baffled by the things planned out for him and tried to save himself, "What if I just hit myself with a pan really hard and lose my memory."

"That can work." I nodded before all of us snickered. As we talked, Jacob suddenly smacked his lips and said, "I'm thirsty."

"You need to go inside to grab a drink." Finneas said with a slight depression, also smacking his lips.

"Or, you guys can drink the pool water." I suggested jokingly. "I'm sure only a small percentage of them are urine." I added.

Both of them grimaced slightly at that thought. "Gross." Jacob commented. "Immature." Finneas also commented.

"You say it now, but who knows what kind of adults you'd be." I said before standing up. "I'm tired. We should go to sleep."

"You go first." Finneas said. 

I grimaced and said, "And risk being the first one to fall asleep? I'm not falling for that."

Before they could react, Enid rushed to the lawn, wearing a unicorn pajama. We all turned toward her, and I asked, slightly confused, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Elsa and Jenna are having a huge fight. So I'm hiding out here," Enid said, sitting down near us.

Finneas ignored her and turned to me first. "What do you mean you're not falling for that? We're not immature enough to draw a penis on your forehead while you sleep."

"Yeah, we're only going to draw the balls," Jacob snickered. Then, noticing Enid staring at him, he flinched and said, "Foot…balls."

"Nice save," Enid replied, looking at him with disgust. "Cause, you know… he plays football with us." Jacob tried to defend himself.

"Enid!" Alex called out from afar as she too needed a break from Elsa. "Oh, you guys aren't asleep yet? What trouble is bothering you?" she asked with a slight sarcastic tone.

"A lot. We don't have any covers. No blankets. We can't even grab a drink," Finneas said with a smirk, already used to Alex's attitude.

"We also can't go to the toilet, no matter how badly we need to," Jacob added.

"Yeah, Jacob has to relieve himself by the bushes like a puppy," I teased. Jacob looked at me in disbelief, his mouth breaking into a smile.

"Ew, Jacob," Enid and Alex groaned in unison.

"I didn't!" Jacob protested, startled, and turned to defend himself.

Enid then asked Alex, "What should we do about them?" referring to Jenna and Elsa.

"I don't know. They won't talk to each other," Alex replied.

"Ed! What should we do?" Enid asked me.

Alex interjected before I could reply, "You're asking the boys? They won't know how to handle the delicate situation."

"I mean," I cut in, "that may be right. Girls are more emotionally mature." I started with a compliment.

Alex nodded in agreement. "See," she said, turning to Enid, wanting her to see her point.

"I mean, we boys play rough with each other. How can we possibly know what's going on inside the girls' minds? Sure, I can say something like, 'Elsa felt rejected by Jenna's change. They did everything together before, and now that Jenna is denying her past, Elsa feels rejected too. So she lashed out, wanting Jenna to be her past self, to be her best friend again.'"

Alex was left speechless, and Enid paid close attention to what I was saying.

"And Jenna, too. She wanted to change her ways. But as Elsa kept bringing it up, Jenna felt she couldn't escape her past. None of us were supportive of it, and it makes things worse. She tried over and over to show she had changed, which maybe is because she's conflicted and deeply ashamed of herself. She's feeling lost. She doesn't know what to do to make things right."

As I said that, I paused momentarily, feeling a connection to the topic.

"Ed?" Enid called out, pulling me back.

"Oh, sorry. So if they actually talk to each other about this, maybe, just maybe, they can become good friends again. They don't even need a solution. They just need to understand each other. Or what do I know? I'm just a boy. I don't know what girls are like." I played it off coyly, which made Alex roll her eyes.

"I get it, I get it. Stop looking so smug." Alex pointed at me with dissatisfaction. "One day, I swear I'm going to psychoanalyze you next."

"Just take care of your boyfriend," I said, which irked Alex. "His brain is fried by all of this." I added, glancing over at Finneas, who wore a blank expression. Alex couldn't help but smile and called him out, "Finneas. Droll!"

"OH, sorry!" Finneas quickly wiped the saliva from his mouth. Jacob bragged to Finneas, "Man, you cannot even comprehend what girls are like."

"Jacob, repeat what Ed just said," Enid challenged him.

Jacob was startled and replied, "Elsa and Jenna need to get into a ring and hash it out."

"Oh, that's kinda correct," I exclaimed. Enid gave him a suspicious stare before standing up to leave with Alex. Before she left, she said, "Ed! If you're correct, we're taking the credit."

"But if you're wrong, you'll get the blame!" Alex teased. As both girls left, I turned to Jacob and asked, "Your mind is still thinking about the girls' fight club, isn't it?"

"I take a shot. And I scored," Jacob bragged. "I honestly didn't hear anything you were saying. I blanked out after, 'Elsa felt rejected.'"

"Yeah. Me too!" Finneas agreed excitedly with Jacob. After a moment, I turned to the door again and sighed, "I thought those two would actually bring us a drink or something, but they didn't even look back after they were gone… Heartless bitc–"

…

Morning came, and I stretched as I crawled out of the tent, feeling sore all over from sleeping on the thin mat. Finneas and Jacob were still sound asleep, their faces adorned with doodles. Finneas sported a Hitler mustache, while Jacob had glasses drawn on him. Of course, reproductive organs were a necessity in their artwork.

I sat alone by the pool, waiting for everyone else to wake up. Mrs. Karlson was not the type to rise early, and the girls had a late night, so they were still sleeping.

"This is awkward," I mumbled, realizing it might take a while before anyone else stirred. I quickly got over it and headed to the kitchen to make some food for myself. By 10 AM, with no sign of life, I went to wake the boys.

"Hey, I have to head out now. I made some breakfast for you guys and left it in the oven," I told Jacob and Finneas, who were still groggy and wiping their eyes.

"So early?" Finneas looked at me, confused. "It's only 10," he added.

"He's a busy man," Jacob chimed in for me. "We need to get up, too. Our parents are picking us up at the bus stop at 11."

"Right. We still need to pretend we were camping elsewhere," Finneas muttered sleepily.

"I'm sorry for this. I can drive you if I don't have any prior commitments," I said with an apologetic expression. "I just have a bad feeling something will go wrong at the lab, so I need to be there in person."

Finneas and Jacob waved their hands dismissively. "It's fine. It was never supposed to be a sleepover for you," Finneas said.

"Tell the girls I'm sorry, alright?" I said before I left the house. I didn't even see Mrs. Karlson from start to finish—she was in her room using the face masks I had given her.

I drove to Dr. Fowler's lab in Pasadena, where I finally met up with Abed again. To my surprise, my security team was already waiting for me.

It wasn't just Abed there; Annie, Pierce, Jeff, and Troy were also present. Shirley didn't come, as she had her kids to take care of.

Abed made a finger gun gesture at me and said, "We're on a road trip episode… even though all of us took different planes."

"Everyone except Abed and Annie has to stay behind. The patient can only bring two people with her inside," I told everyone, much to their disappointment.

Jeff grinned and said, "Lucky. I was thinking about ways to avoid this. I'm finally in California. It's time to hit the beach and see how many rich girls I can pick up in an afternoon."

Annie gasped and turned to Jeff, "You said you wanted to be here for Britta. That's why Pierce bought all of us tickets!"

"I'm only here for the fun of it," Jeff replied with a smirk. Troy added, "I only want to ride a plane. I've never ridden one before."

Pierce said, "I come to California all the time. But Abed, can you let me enter the lab with Britta? I'm worried about her and want to be there… you know, in case anything happens."

"Oh, that's—" Abed hesitated. Pierce saw it and instantly turned to Annie, "Or maybe you can stay behind. Let's be honest, you're only here because you want to see the boy again. You already met him now."

"Pierce!" Annie was embarrassed and hid her eyes from me. "Don't say that in front of him," she whispered.

"Wait, before you guys decide who's going to enter, you're forgetting the most crucial thing here," I interrupted.

"Huh? What did we forget?" Troy asked, confused.

"Um, the patient?" I pointed out. "She's not here."

Everyone looked around instantly. Jeff chuckled derisively, "What a bad joke. Of course she's here—"

"She's not here," Annie muttered in shock. "SHE'S NOT HERE!" she shouted, entering full-on panic mode.

"Oh my god! We lost Britta!" Troy exclaimed in horror.

"Worse, if she's already lost her mind, she'll be… gone forever…" Pierce said ominously.

"Who's responsible for keeping an eye on her?!" Jeff asked, concern etched on his face.

I rubbed my sore forehead and said, "Damn it. I knew something bad was going to happen. I thought it would be during the thing, not at the beginning. Robin, see if you can locate her."