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Rambling and Random bullshittery

This be your most daring story; A rambling if you must, Of language most foul, of unexplored ways to curse. Of bullshit in every turn, in every twist, in every twists of tongues. As told by thine ol'hands and masterminded by the crude tongue, with all my tics and antics. Do-told tale of a vegetable who limbs and stumbled on a new realm of where creation was pierced in it's boundaries. Of a connoisseur who learns of ways of an unshackled breathing body, the occasional doggie styles and the utmost high of all forms of unequaled shag-getry, wooing tarts and thots and hoes, all manners of terms modern and old to name all wenches of all- the ripened titties; "Thine taste ranges from nymphs of florescent pure to flooded lips which hangs and are forgivably bonk-able with a passing thought riled up by the hard down under, Which in short means all!" Heinously wholesome in ways of the vile tongue which grew most crude, terribly heinous with every breaths more lived- after to after and then more, much much more. A rambling- to what he sees, to what he does. This is a story of a living, in a world of pixels; of new universe where a man could swim in lava, a world where such and such is deemed mundane. An epic where a naked fledgling dove in the heat of an avian war, baby-steps towards a destiny-, etched in the root webs of two worlds with only a goal; To be the Pirate Ki- nevermind! To live most free. Rejuvenation; maketh man a new being, now what would be his tale when all he knew of living was blinking a set of dead little eyes, what would such a virgin of a human ways do in a surreal world that explodes magics and bullshits. I'll tell ye all! Just listen to the ramble. (Stay with me, I won't ever drop this.) [Warning:] 1. Not for the faint of heart. 1½. Smut will be there but it will be extremely rare. 2. The english dictionary would require a thorough update after I'm done with this epic. 3. Fuckery most heinous most foul. (By decree of a certain fool) 4. Don't tell your mums you learnt (curses) from me. 5. No other warning just enjoy, If ye dares. Cover art not mine, thank you for letting me use it and sorry but pray tell if you ordered it removed. Will use it until I could afford a more authentic cover art or until boss wants it removed.

JF_Fanai · แฟนตาซี
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32 Chs

Meet Rip

Him and I-

As the tongue curled and flapped in my rap, he paused even the gentle motion of his lungs.

I too was afflicted by the pause in the moment, we stared dead on at each other's eyes.

We were a match in levels- of where the eyes were placed in the body, how high they were away from the ground.

Eye to eye and silent, it was not intense but it was a silent moment.

Then he broke the staring contest as he said, "Awesome hair!" scanning me head to toe.

Folding an arm he let the other caress his chin, stroking it.

I handed him a compliment too, "Yours too and I see that you're very tall."

My blues did the same, beholding his tall stature from toe to head, he donned a short buzz cut on the hair, he was a fine tall little savage looking gentleman.

I could see a little hint of a smile which he tried to hide by twitching the side of his lips.

"You a tall gentleman too!" he gladdened me back with truth, there too was a smile which crept at my face but I twitched it like he did and just then we felt an electricity as my blues met his crimson red hue.

Eye to eye we were, two tall gentleman in a little waiting shed.

"What's a tall gentleman like you doing here shirtless? And I just wanna say. Boy! you're killin it!" he said rather hyped with an open smile, at a sight twas clear that he had a habit of fidgeting his body and limbs as he talked.

"Just logged-in, why's a giant such as yourself rapping strong rhymes out here in the middle of nowhere?"

"I just logged-in too….. you can call me Rip!" he held out a right hand.

They were long slender hands, long slender hands of every 5'4 much like thine.

"Lock! It's a pleasure to stand next to someone as tall." I hollered, little did I know of formalities- I did not have that common sense of knowing that Rip was offering a hand-shake.

Stead to thine this looked like some salute or a notion that minorities or a group or any of the likes would always have so without ever touching his given palm I held out my own right arm, close to where his was and gave a dumb smile instead, 'Found an awesome ally!' gleefully cheered the mind, 'Is this some sort of a hand sign?' I was innocent in that thought.

A while went again and Rip was silent, I was too dumb to know of his offered hand-shake, even worse I was with a dumb little smile.

Only later he spoke out, "Uh! Man? The fuck we're doing?"

"Uh! I dunno…" I chortled, shyly I stood upright, retreated my dumb hand quickly and flattened the dumb smile, "I dunno what I'm doing!" I confessed, with all the scratches on the back of the afro.

"We were gonna shook hands." He voiced, putting out his arm again.

"Oh! Silly me!"

We then shook hands- two tall gentlemen, too tall gentlemen shaking hands, it be a moment to put into records.

'Am I doing it right?' I asked meself, the rhythm of a handshake this be the first I've ever done it with my own strengths.

I might've shook the hands for too long when he alarmed, "Nice hand-shakes bud but… it doesn't usually lasts this long."

"Oh! Sorry!" I quickly jerked my hand to the side, "I'm so sorry.."

"You're tall but kinda weird huh?" he raised a brow as the hanging earing he had on the right dangled, the dude was blonde, every hair on him were thick and feathered on him like ripened crops, the brow he raised had a cut like the little pathways in fields of crops, thick and plenty they were.

And we were tall.

"Yea.. I guess, sorry again!" said I, chuckling to shoo away the weirdness.

"Really though that hair's sick… Why didn't I think about the afro back then with the wisp?"

What he says brought about that fuming introduction I had with the little shit but as someone praised the broccoli of thine, it brought me a little to much comfort on how I now looked.

"I'm sure you were the guy that logged-out in here.. I saw your afro and thought of meeting up but then you went poof!" he went on, he had a voice that was raspy and a little deep. A perfect tone for any type of raps.

According to my taste at least.

"Oh? Yea- I was told we'd had to log out." I answered.

"Told? You're weird but I like it," he sat down, calling me to sit my butt down too with his hands, "Yes! Told by the message right?"

When I heard him as I took a seat, it popped that the wisp did not visit Rip as it did me, 'Why?' I asked, 'Maybe the little shit likes annoying me?' thoughts could piled on but I put a stop, I find it right to keep mum about the wisp wisping for only me as it seemed, 'I don't want to be so weird now.' I told myself

Then I answered, "Yeah… rather neat we could see these messages."

"Rather neat.." he quoted, "How long have you played the game?"

"About a day and a half.."

"What? Really?" he sprang his neck back a little.

"Yeah! I took one hella ride from Reindale."

"Reindale? What the fuck? Really?" he was getting loud, not annoying but loud in being surprised.

"Yeah! This demon core blasted me away at first then a pig-man oinked me with its club like I was a golf ball then finally here I am." I kept it short.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything but imma just, I really really really just have to scan ya for a spit, ya mind?" he was extremely intrigued.

"Scan?" I asked, wasn't sure of what he meant, "I thought you could only do that to NPCs?"

"You playin me? Or you really don't know much.. I mean you called the message as someone talking and all…" he laughed a little, "Okay hold still imma just…" his eyes then were tainted with the same bluish screen color I was familiar with- like the screen we could always see.

'Maybe that's how they all are when you bring it up.' said I to the screens, I slightly almost gave him a stare for teasing but I brushed it off since the wisp did not wisped for him so he wouldn't understand, "Like I told you, It's been like only a day and a half!"

I reiterated as he scanned ahead.

"Holy fuck!" he then yowled, "You're a fucking Herald and you only had thirty two hours on this bitch!!" he said, his hands in hyper mode, slapping my shoulders one too many a time, "Dude you're a fucking legend, I mean I've been here for four days straight and we're the same fucking rank… I'm a herald too!"

He was smiling in awe during every fucking words he spat.

"Aight look! It's a given man and don't hate me for it but you're a noob but don't be feeling down yo?! You're the bestest noob there ever will be and guess what?" he asks.

"What?"

"Imma train and groom ya and together we can rain and bloom, me and ya, a hella duo yeah?" he smiled, his eyes returned to their original crimson red but it gleamed bright to whatever it may in the far future as it seemed.

'A friend?' tingled the mind, 'I didn't think about any friends, what do I do? What the fuck do I do? How do they friend?'

I was nervous and timid on making relationships not less keep a mighty one such as friendship, I was close to a magnitude scale of shivers for the body down to the toes and high to the afro.

Luckily then, I was let shown the trusty blue screen, the nifty thing we could always see by only thee to thee- and the screen read, "You have a call Mister Lock. Say Yes or answer to answer and No or decline to decline, ignore to ignore.

Let alone this intriguing call, the last bit which says ignore to ignore drew me some unimpressed take in a form of the flat lined eyes, 'It's definitely that shitty little wisp!'

In the while I was cursing and plotting up ways to kill that annoying little shit, the screen of mine-only came up and more provocative with the ringing in the ears as it showed me that I was having a call- a phone call.

"I think I have a call?" I answered Rip in lieu of answering his call to friendship.

"Pick it up then." He said.

"Answer?!" awkwardly I picked the call.

"Locket?! Hello? Locket?!" I heard a rather familiar voice but wasn't quite sure, "HONEY!????" the voiced then roared a thunderous call and with a shaky smile, I immediately knew that it was mom, 'Poor dad!'

"Do the video thing! I wanna see my boy!" she commanded my dad as I've heard, "Yes dear!" replied the ever kind lump of flesh.

"Mom? Dad? Hello?" I answered but twas abruptly replied, "Ah!" she exclaimed, "Locket talked… HURRY WALLACE!.. It's so beautiful..WALLACE!!!"

It was always intriguing to hear her voice change in chords too fucking easily, "Hold on a minute sweetie, we're doing the video thing… Hurry up, Wallace!" with the most angelic voice, still she ended the winds of my poor oldman's belly in the end, I heard commotions and many noises and grunts.

Oh my kind dad- The bestest of souls who had me in the comforts of his testicles for years from his birth up until I was born.

Tis my humor, eat it!

Rip sat silent while my mom butchered my poor dad until I heard my dad spoke in the background, "There!" he said and immediately my eyes projected the blue screen out in a hologram of sorts and in the screen I saw my parents.

Mom locked her arms around the neck of my dad and immediately letting go as the image of their son sitting upright was seen by them.

Sniffling noses and tears immediately fell from both their cheeks and Rip sat there still silent, his eyes peeking at us but he was polite enough to pretend to not mind our commotions.

"My son!" my mom broke out, palms on her face and all, "You're sitting! Wallace our son is sitting!!" she cried as she dragged poor ol dad still by the neck.

Dad said not a thing however his eyes of watery depths spoke millions.

"Oh! And Your voice, so charming.. This is so…." Mom the dramatic fanned her neck but then, "What happened to your HAIR?" she roared a lion's roar blowing dad's hair back, her hands choking his neck like he was bound for the answer.

Did I do a great job?

Or,

Did I not do a great job?

Am I worthy of a vote?

Or,

Am I worthy of gifts?

Whatever it is, I am worthy of your criticisms and here I be waiting for it.

Thanks for reading, hope you have a good day or a bountiful shaggening night.

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