Another Party, Then?

I sat in the large study next to the library, pouring over textbooks filled with royal accomplishments and procedures. Everything my dear brother was supposed to be studying. He met this lovely redhead and asked me to cover for his classes. Typical.

I was dressed in some of James's old outfits: tights, trousers, and a simple, yet elegant cloak. I wasn't very flat chested, but I used old wraps to cover everything up. I tucked my hair into James's old cap. Despite the year age difference, I looked just like my older brother.

I worry for the kingdom's future with James. He can barely keep up with his studies.

"Your highness?" a deep male voice called from behind. Ah. The tutor was here.

"Hello there, Wallsby." I dropped my voice down an octave to make it realistic.

"Princess Theodosia?" I've been caught. I turned around, cap covering my face, and gave a slight nod. There stood an elderly man with a thin frame and wispy white hair. His round spectacles rested on his pointy nose. A slight smile flickered on his face. "You almost fooled me there, your highness."

"What was it this time?" I frowned. "I could have sworn my hair looked like his. And I remembered my wraps."

"Your voice, your highness. It was too deep. And your jawline is a dead giveaway." He paused. "Another party, then?" I nodded. Wallsby sighed, and I gestured him to sit down. "I might as well teach you, 'Prince Theo', so your older brother doesn't drive this to the ground."

I much enjoyed Wallsby's company. He didn't care that I was a girl, only 16. He treated me with respect and listened to me. I sometimes wished that HE was my father instead. But, alas, I'm stuck with James and Father.

We sat there many hours in the study as he explained to me the heritage and legacy of the Auttensberg family. I knew most of this topic already since Father LOVES to brag, but there were some people he missed.

But all of them were men. Men carried the great legacy.

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I sat in my room, relieved at how quickly the maids got me back in my nightgown. It was an off-white silk gown, and gave me room to breathe. So much better than having a corset crushing my core.

I wasn't too happy because James failed to mention that he had fencing and sparring classes as well. How he handled my missing classes, I didn't even want to know.

I'd been covering his classes for so long that I knew more about the kingdom and my studies than him. Between the two of us, I was the much more skilled fighter. He only knew how to charm a woman.

Of course, Father doesn't know this since he believes women should be sweet, poised, and gentle. I wish I could make him proud, but I can't stay silent. Is there something wrong with me?

It was dark out and James still hadn't returned. I had a wonderful time explain to Father why James missed dinner. 'He's sick,' I'd told him.

I could barely keep my eyes open. They kept drooping and I'd find myself in a dream. Over Andover again. For too long. There's no need to panic. Perhaps he had TOO much fun with the redhead.

TAP. TAP. A small pebble flew at my window. He was finally back. And a complete wreck. His short blonde hair was a bird's nest and his trousers weren't even fully buckled. He'd lost his cape, too. Like I said, TOO much fun.

Reluctantly, I opened my window to the balcony and stretched out my chain of tied dresses. He accepted, and I yanked him up. It wasn't insanely high, but it's probably best not to jump from the balcony.

As soon as he hopped in my room, he strolled across like nothing happened, giving no regard to his muddy boots in MY room.

"Hello?" I called when he'd almost reached the door. "You're welcome." He stopped, and looked me dead in the eyes.

"For what? Honestly, I don't need to thank YOU." He looked down at me, complete disgust.

"I just saved your royal behind. Not even a thank you?"

"You're a girl. It's expected of you. Maybe if you just shut up, a prince would notice you." Then he strolled out, nose up in the air.

I stood there, dumbfounded, staring at the trail of mud footprints. 'You're just a girl.' What was wrong with me? What was wrong with women? I can't shut up. I won't. What if I don't want a prince to notice me?

His words stung and echoed in my head.

'You're just a girl.'

'Just a girl.'

'A girl.'

All that just to be told to be told off. I wondered if my baby brother would ever feel this. Doubt it. Bentley was a boy. And I was just a girl.

I hated it. Why couldn't I be a boy? People would appreciate me. Love me. Pay any attention to my existence. I wish I was a boy. Girls are awful.

Girl are the worst.

I am the worst.