Grief

"The wound became infected as we traveled. I stopped several times in the next few days to try and give her rest and care for her, but I ran out of my meager supply of herbs and medicines I had gathered. She worsened yesterday, and when we came upon the main road I abandoned all caution and just tried to get her to Klain for better treatment. I was hoping we were much closer... but, as you know now, I failed." Roland clinched his fists as his voice broke on the emotion.

Both Mayra and Riley had returned to the cart as Roland told the tale. Mayra wept silent tears as he finished, and Riley could think of nothing to say. He stared at the floor of the cart, ashamed of the harsh thoughts he'd had about the man before.

Finn put one of her hands over Roland's. "Thank you."

"Thank you?? I failed!" Roland refused to accept gratitude for it.

"Thank you for telling us even though it was hard. On behalf of Abby's family, thank you for caring for her in her final days, and not letting her die alone. Thank you for taking the time to bury her with such care and carving her name so that she is remembered. Thank you for being here and taking care of me."

Tears flowed freely from Roland's eyes. He stared at Finn, needing every word she said. His breath shuddered as he suppressed a sob.

Riley was on edge and becoming absolutely desperate to break up what was becoming a tender moment. "Tell me more about these killers," He blurted, "The dying man said an army was attacking Klain? Were these men soldiers in that army?"

Roland blinked in confusion and wiped his face. "What? I assumed he was saying he wanted Klain's army to come fight the men who had killed his family. You think it was the other way around, that these men are preparing to attack Klain?"

Riley grasped the distraction, not because he necessarily entirely believed it, but because he wanted Roland's attention off of Finn. "I mean, he said 'warn city', right? Did Abby say anything about it? You were with her several days. Surely she gave you more clues."

Roland concentrated and sorted through his memory. "It's hard to say. She spoke many times, but I assumed a lot was in delirium and didn't pay close attention to the exact words. She talked a lot about soldiers and wolves. She seemed to have nightmares when she slept." It had been a difficult few days watching the child suffer so.

Finn pondered this a moment. "You mentioned passing a pack of aggressive wolves before reaching the cottage, and the soldiers at the cottage mentioned 'letting them out', right? Could those have been the same wolves that attacked the village children in broad daylight?"

"Of COURSE they were." Broke in Riley, determined to be on Finn's side, but slightly ahead of her train of thought. Leadership was important. "Given the fact that Roland caught up to us within days, the day after you were attacked by wolves, it's too much of a coincidence. Maybe they were even following him."

He grimaced. Trying to shift any blame onto Roland would probably reflect badly on himself rather than the other man. "But, probably not... it's just natural for animals to head North to the mountains as the weather gets warmer."

"But the wolves weren't acting naturally," said Mayra. "The soldiers must have done something to them." She had by far the most experience with wild animals of the present company. Riley's and Finn's experiences were both primarily with domesticated creatures. It was Mayra who had ventured often into the woods, and had the most compassion for its inhabitants despite hunting them for sustenance.

All three others looked at her, and she continued, "Occasionally I've encountered predators in the woods while hunting. Even by myself, they haven't attacked me, they stand their ground or run. They're shy because humans are unfamiliar to them. They'd rather retreat and eat deer or other herbivores. Even when they get truly desperate, they rarely try to steal farm animals. Crowds alarm them. I think wolves see groups of humans as being like a larger, smarter pack that they don't want to mess with. The wolves that day, they had almost none of that natural fear. Even though they eventually left, they should never have shown up in the first place."

The group contemplated this in silence. Finn and Riley both knew basically what Mayra had said, but in the light of Roland's information it became more worrisome.

"I thought I should report them as bandits in the woods when I returned to Klain, but... now I'm not sure. I suppose I'll tell them all I know and let those in authority decide." Roland was dumbfounded at the possibility that he'd misinterpreted everything from the beginning.

But he had only personally seen a group of maybe half a dozen men in identical clothes. With identical weapons. That didn't quite make an 'army', right? Unless he'd only seen a few of a much larger force.

"Will you travel the rest of the way with us? It's even more dangerous than we thought." Mayra's question was met with silent stares from all sides.

Finn was shocked by the forward suggestion. Roland hadn't considered being invited to spend more time with them. Riley was shocked and appalled at his sister's betrayal.

"I mean, it makes sense. It's safer in a group, Finn could use the medical care for sure, and none of us have ever been to Klain. Surely it's better to have a guide who's lived his whole life there and can introduce us to a great doctor when we all arrive." Mayra was baffled that she was the only one who'd thought this far ahead.

Riley was enraged that he couldn't dispute a single point his bratty little sister had made. He groped about for any sort of reason to separate.

"If an army's going to invade, shouldn't you get there to warn the city as soon as possible?" It was the only thing he could call to mind at all.

"I'm not sure one's going to come, but even if they are, an apprentice's ramblings are unlikely to be taken seriously by anyone. It sounds a bit stretched. Klain's had peace for over 200 years, and the city is practically one giant fortress. It would be ridiculous to attack it." Roland was thinking out loud now. "If I sprinted ahead on Buck, I'd at best arrive one day earlier... and as I've already lost one patient on this journey, if it's ok with all of you, I'd rather stay and look after this one."

He smiled at Finn, who was a bright spot in his dark thoughts. Even though she was ill, more time with her promised to soothe his aching heart. She returned his smile, pleased that he seemed to want to be around her.

Riley interrupted, "Well, we don't have to decide now. The sun is setting soon and we wouldn't get anywhere better to make camp anyway. Roland, let's see if we can get together enough dry wood for a campfire." Maybe if he could just keep Roland away from Finn, it would work out.

"Happy to help." The two men climbed from the cart, Riley grabbing his wood-chopping knife, and walked into the forest.

"You don't think Riley will hurt him, do you?" Mayra teased.

Finn looked horrified. "How could you say such a thing? Your brother is a lot of things, but..."

"Come on, it was a joke, Finn. I had to break the tension. That was quite, um, a lot that you've got to think through." Mayra took the opportunity of the men's absence to probe at Finn's feelings. She was truly curious to see if her hypothesis about Finn's emotional state was accurate.

"So much," agreed Finn, "I barely know where to begin with all of it, with the soldiers and the wolves and..."

"Let's start with Roland." Mayra whispered conspiratorially.

"No. Absolutely not."

Mayra pouted. "Ok, then let's start with Riley."

"What??"

"FINE, have it your way, just know that my teasing will be ten times worse if I have to figure it out myself than if you just tell me." Mayra gave a Cheshire-cat grin.

"First of all, that's blackmail, second of all, there's nothing to tell!" Finn was growing frustrated with Mayra's tactics. Couldn't she let things alone?

"Nothing is never nothing in a case like this," Mayra stated confidently. "Love is in the air."

"Will you be quiet?!" Finn was somehow yelling and whispering at the same time. "They could be back any minute and hear you spouting that nonsense! Stop it right now! Besides, how would you know a single thing about it?"

"I read." Mayra shrugged. There was much to be learned from books, but she was eager to learn about love from observation. Finn was providing a fascinating lesson on the subject.

Finn pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers as her eyes closed. "If I give you one, brief moment of vulnerability and honesty, will you shut up about it all, and especially stop the teasing and the plotting and the looks?"

"I can promise to try." Mayra's earnestness drew a heavy sigh from Finn.

"Ok, here it goes." Finn breathed deeply. "I have no idea what's going on. Riley irritates me to death, but at the same time I don't hate being with him. He's comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. Safe to be around, but not relaxing. Roland terrifies me because my heart feels like it will beat out of my chest. I feel so many things when I'm with him but I still know so little about him. How can I trust those feelings? Surely logic is better. Love is such an important thing. It shouldn't be given without great thought."

"Is love a choice?" Mayra asked, truly curious.

"I think so," Finn said. "At least, I hope so."