Grief Observed

"Sacrificing himself?" Riley watched as Finn absorbed the words before he continued.

"He turned his back on a goblin and threw himself over the box. The blade pierced him through the chest and struck the items. After that, things got strange. There was a bright light, and destruction, and Roland's body was thrown free of the box, but when the light dimmed… we haven't been able to find his body anywhere." Riley felt like an abysmal failure. 

"His body." Finn repeated flatly. 

"The wound was fatal, I'm sure of it. The placement… short of an absolute miracle, there was no chance of survival." Riley cringed. He felt he had to be as brutally honest as possible. False hope was cruel. 

Ashley moved to sit beside Finn and take her hand. He was grateful for his sweet wife. He'd stopped at home to change; showing up covered in blood to deliver such news would surely be worse than being in a fresh uniform. 

When his bride had seen his state, the interrogation began, and she insisted on coming with him, both to help him deliver the news kindly, and to help Finn receive it without crumbling. She'd even brought enough food so that Finn wouldn't have to worry about cooking for her guests tonight. 

Ashley was a treasure among women, and he adored her. 

"I think," Riley shook off the thought and continued speaking, "that maybe as the items were being destroyed, some sort of magical event moved him to another world? He's not here, at any rate. I searched for hours. I wanted to bring you definitive news, but… I'm sorry." 

He hung his head. 

"Are you all right?" Finn asked. "Were you injured?" 

"I'm fine," he looked up in surprise that she should think of him when her own life was about to become so much harder and more complicated. "Some minor bruises, nothing terrible." 

"I'm glad. Your family?" She continued. 

"Kyler was injured badly, but they think he will pull through. Shayn is well. Mayra is safe at the Shermans'. Peter is hurt but will recover." Riley's brow creased. He was reminded of years ago. When Finn found something too difficult to face, she just avoided it. 

He couldn't blame her. Roland's death was difficult for him to face, let alone for her. 

"Caspian was injured. Naomi's gone to see him." Finn supplied. "I received news of Haf's death." 

"That's awful," Riley said, though he'd already had both items of news reported to him before. 

A silence hung over them for several minutes. Ashley gripped Finn's hand as the other woman stared into the fire. 

"May I offer you anything to drink?" She said suddenly. "I'm being a terrible hostess." 

"I'll make us all some tea," Ashley offered, and to Riley's mild surprise, Finn didn't even halfheartedly protest as his wife got up and began moving around in the kitchen, reappearing a short time later with a tray. 

Finn's face was blank. Flat. Emotionless. Riley decided that this was worse than if she had started crying. It was as if she'd received such a blow that all her emotions stopped functioning entirely. 

Broken. 

Ashley handed out the tea, which Finn received woodenly with a faint word of thanks. She took a few scant sips before setting it down on the table. Riley's wife did the same, and then reclaimed Finn's hand. 

The lifeline Ashley cast out seemed to finally pierce the wall. Though she didn't cry, and maintained her fixed stare into the fire, Finn gripped Ashley's hand tightly. As if she were going to drown without it. 

The blond beauty didn't react to what had to be a very painful grip on her. She didn't fill the silence, didn't try to distract Finn or snap her out of her alarming state. She just sat next to her. 

Riley wanted to interrupt. Tell a joke, lighten the mood. The tension of grief was heavy. He didn't want to bear up under it, but neither could he leave that burden entirely on Finn. 

"I'm sure you have more duties," She blinked and looked up at him after an interminable amount of time. "You don't have to stay." 

He didn't. He'd put this off until he had no other choice. He'd been ordered to carry out this last task and then go get some rest by the General himself. 

"We'll stay." Ashley said. 

The silence stretched again. A baby cried. Finn nearly jumped out of her skin, startled by the sound. 

"Shhh, it's all right," Ashley soothed. 

"Lily." Finn whispered, looking at the window to judge the time. "I have to feed them. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. We're not guests to be entertained. We're family, here to be of help." Ashley assured her. 

Finn left the room, and Gabe and Phillip filed in. Flicking his eyes to his son, the older man turned to Riley, begging for some good news. 

Riley shook his head, and Phillip's face fell. 

Quiet crept through the house. Why did grief have to be so silent? Stifling, suffocating, endless. Riley hated it. 

"What would you men like for meals tomorrow? I don't think Finn will be up to cooking, and I would love to bring some things by to help out." Ashley cut the silence with her kind words, and Riley smiled at her appreciatively. 

Gabe's chest puffed out when Ashley referred to him as a man. 

"Stew, with fresh bread. And cookies!" He declared. "Finn's favorite is ginger cookies." 

The last sentence was said a little more softly, as the boy's eyes drifted toward the door where his sister had disappeared. 

"That's very kind of you to think of her." Ashley put her arm around Gabriel's shoulders, and turned to Phillip. "You're raising such a fine man." 

"Roland's dead, isn't he?" Gabriel blurted out suddenly. "That's why he hasn't come home. That's why Finn's upset." 

"We think so." Riley said slowly after a warning look from his wife. 

"Well, can't you check?" The boy asked in exasperation. 

"I've been trying to. All day," Riley assured him. 

"Then why did you fail?" Gabe challenged, earning censure from his father. 

"Hush, Gabriel. This isn't the time for that. It's not easy when someone you love dies, and we have to be helpful and quiet." 

Riley's brow furrowed, remembering when Finn's mother had died. Phillip suddenly looked older than his years. 

"I wouldn't know, would I?" Gabriel asked. "I can't remember Mother. All I know is what I'm told." 

Phillip sighed, and pulled his son into a hug. "I'm sorry. I love you. We must be strong for your sister, since she has been so strong for us." 

Gabriel stiffened at first, and then began to cry. The tears were the first shed since Riley's arrival, and what he'd dreaded. But now that it was happening, it felt more like relief than anything else. 

Finn came out after a while, carrying her basket of babies. Ashley eagerly took one, cooing and delighting in the little sleepy yawns. 

The young mother smiled faintly before the aura of deadened emotions settled back over her. Her breathing was slow and even.

Controlled. Consciously done. 

"Do you have–" Ashley began, when a knock sounded at the door. 

Finn shot up from her seat, apparently suddenly conscious of her duties as the lady of the house. Riley watched with an ache in his soul as his oldest friend slowly walked to her door, the world on her shoulders. 

He glanced at his wife, begging her to make it all better. Somehow. She looked back at him with mournful eyes. Roland had been their friend as well. They would need to grieve alongside Finn as well as individually. 

The door opened, and Riley turned his head in time to see Finn fly out the door and slam it shut behind her. 

"What just happened?" He asked Phillip, who had stood in alarm. 

"I'm not sure." Worry colored the older man's tone. 

Riley stood as well, moving to the door. He opened it and looked out, seeing no one.

Where had Finn gone? 

"She didn't have a coat on," Ashley fretted from behind him. "How far would she have gone?" 

"I'm not sure." Riley's brow furrowed. He grabbed a coat that must be hers from a hook next to the door after shrugging into his own. "I'll go find her. Stay here and look after the babies." 

"Be careful. She might not be herself right now," Ashley warned. "I can't imagine." 

The pain in his wife's eyes made Riley bend his head to kiss her softly before he left. "I'll bring her back." 

Riley looked down at fresh tracks through the snow. For several steps, the new tracks followed the path he and Ashley had made on the way here, before they veered off. 

Swiftly, his long legs ate up the distance. Finn's footprints were far enough apart to indicate she'd been running, full speed. What could have possessed her? 

Gripping her coat tightly, he rounded the next corner and froze midstep.