Who or What I Am Now

Caption (to assist readers):

- Everything is fine. - = speech of the character

"It's okay." = character's thoughts (during certain scenes)

*boom* = ambient or scenery sounds (similar the use of other types of font letters in comics)

This chapter is narrated from the point of view of James Heller.

An immeasurable stream of memories rush through my mind, or rather are processed and filtered, a thing that to someone like me who was never good at interacting with technology now can understand. My mind not works more like that of another human being or a brain considered normal, the experiences and memories of all those I consumed, including that of Mercer and all of his victims are all part of me now.

I can see the whole trajectory that took Mercer from possible victim to his worst genocidal version, his memories with the respective feelings:

Confusion, Hope, Anger, Disappointment, and how his hatred for the human race started bloom.

Mercer was never human, the real Mercer died before the virus saved him, Mercer was a body without the true soul or memories of the original, a new sort of being created by the virus in its failed attempt to revive its host, a new form of life that even compared to me, we would never be equal.

A monster who believed he was human, who discovered he never was, and even traveling the world never managed to feel accepted by the humanity. He had his reasons for rebelling, even if it never makes me forgive him for the what he did, now I can understand it.

- Son of a bitch, I really became another project of his. - I grumbled alone to myself, by accessing the most recent memories before our final showdown.

Mercer never meant to kill me, I was just a new variable in his plans, his first infected who resisted his mental control and became independent. I became what he wished he had been, an infected in search of answers and justice, who in the end after his victory he would discover that he never ceased to be human.

He could kill me anytime, killed both me and my daughter easily, but he wished to keep his role of the villain until the end, just to make sure I became the hero he never was or could it be.

Fuck you and your damn plan to play God Mercer, I'll never forgive you, you killed millions, among your victims was not only my wife, but even my daughter's schoolmates, your hatred didn't spare even the children. You made everything that I hate and what you should hate too, the kind of human who contributes to the destruction of his own kind, even if you never had really been human, you believed and wanted to be one of us, one of us who really wanted to make the difference without corruption, one of the damn good guys.

I decided to refocus my mind, Mercer was no longer relevant, I need to know of the virus and about everyone involved, two names caught my attention:

Bradley Ragland and Raymond McMullen, a former ally of Mercer, whom he never again got in touch, and the other is just the damn founder of Gentek, who managed to killed himself before Mercer got any answers.

I could feel Mercer's rage over that memory, I could also share such a feeling. The only bastard who knew everything and still had the guts to provoke him in the end, taking any answer along with himself with his death, for pure arrogance, another bastard who didn't give a damn about humanity, another who considered himself above the humans and didn't want to lose to Mercer, even if it meant the death of the whole city.

I dug deeper into the memories, I could leave it to Dana to look for Bradley Ragland, but I need more options, more chances to find a cure for myself or the virus.

Barnes Griffin, Bryant Ho, Bernard Morgan, Nathan McKnight, John Hafner, Colonel Rooks, Elizabeth Greene and Pariah.

Rooks is probably alive, he didn't seem like the type to die easily, and Pariah, son of Elizabeth Greene and a secret Blackwatch's project, another project involving the Blacklight virus.

Rooks should know more about this project, he'll tell me what I want to know, even if I need to use of the force, plus Blackwatch answers directly to the Government and they should try to take back control of the city before any other organization try to investigate what happened.

- I already have my new goals, now I need to evaluate what I am or I turned. - I told to myself, returning to focus no longer on memories or information about the virus, but on my own body and everything I feel and can do.

I gained many skills that I didn't have before, certain skills that I got even before consuming Mercer, but I never stopped to discover them before.

I feel physically stronger and smarter than before I was infected, the virus has completely transformed my body, my entire body is made up of viral biomass, which I can manipulate at will. I can no longer be sure that I still have my vital organs or that my entire body has become biomass, or that I have unconsciously recreated all my organs, I feel that I can simulate this in my mind, but I decided to get up off the ground and analyze with mine own eyes and body.

I opened my arms without fully stretching them, I can feel the biomass as my arms change shape, a biomass composed of different shades of red, gray and black, I change my arms to the previous forms one at a time and continue analyzing myself. I feel my whole body shake as I change the shapes of my arms, I realize that I can completely manipulate my body, I can change my height and shape, everything is biomass and all this biomass is under my control, I question my limits and or if I still have some, I feel like testing everything I think I can do, I can expand all my senses, I can hear the voices of Dana and Maya, and discover that they are only two floors below me.

I'm no longer the James Heller that arrived in this city, I'm no longer human, I feel like I can become an even worse monster than Mercer, but I feel that even with those skills and power, I will never make the same choices.

I am James Heller, father of Amaya Heller and the most powerful being on this planet. I feel like nothing can stop me and I don't need to be anyone's hero, that with all this power I should just protect the ones I love and never make anyone suffer from this damn virus again.

Fuck it if I have to face the government of my country that I served for years, this same government collaborated with this whole nightmare, these guys will have to assure me that this will never happen again, like it or not.

I go to the vault door and push it with just my right hand, using some strength to free myself. I feel like I have more control over my own body now, even if I still question my own limits.

Before the door falls, I catch it so as not to make any louder noise, I don't want to scare my daughter with a mere safe, I slowly place the door against the wall on the left side of the safe.

It's time to meet Dana and Maya again, ask Dana for help and try to convince my daughter to be more patient, our time together will have to wait a little longer.