Chapter 1

- There are my parents! – I ran towards the wrecked car and a group of policemen who were standing around black bags. Two guys, hearing than seeing me running, stopped me a few meters from the scene of the accident.

- You can't go there.

- It's my parents' car. I got word that they had an accident. I need to know if it's them. – My voice was trembling, my heart was pounding so hard that my chest tightened. Adrenaline and fear hummed in my ears.

- I understand, but it's impossible now. You have to wait for the technicians to remove all traces. The bodies must be transported to the dissecting room, and only there will you be able to make a diagnosis. – One of the policemen was trying to keep me from jumping straight into a pile of crushed metal and plastic. His words only reached my consciousness halfway. The sight of two bodies lying in the middle of the asphalt road was terrifying, but the possibility that it might be my parents almost knocked me off my feet.

- We found something! ��� One of the firefighters shouted from behind and pulled a brown mass with four legs out of a black BMW. At the sight of this, I inhaled for a moment, my eyes went black and by the time I met the ground I was already unconscious.

~ * ~

I woke up in the hospital. Alone. The room in which I was lying was intended for one person. The cold, white-gray walls and the stench of disinfectants and death made me feel sick. I got up to a sitting position and looked out the window. Evening was approaching and it was raining. Heavy, dark clouds hung over the city. For a moment I wondered what I was doing here, but as my memories returned, I felt a strong pressure on my chest. As if someone was trying to rip my heart out alive. With one hand I gripped the hospital gown they put me in, and with the other I squeezed the sheets until my knuckles were the color of a piece of paper. Tears streamed down my cheeks, but no sob disturbed the deathly silence in the room.

Even so, I was screaming deep inside. I cried out for help and vengeance. Why them? Why couldn't it be another car? Sorrow and despair tore me slowly from the inside. I had the impression that it was about to explode, and the remains of my body would tint the pale walls, and I would join my family. Unfortunately, nothing like that happened, because someone opened the door.

- It's good that you woke up. – It was a doctor. Guy, around 40, dark-haired. With glasses and a white coat.

- Where am I?

- At Hopes Hospital. They brought you from an accident on I-49. Luckily alive. – I ignored his weak attempts to comfort me. No one, who has seen with his own eyes how his family was transported in black bags will not be able to react to the doctors' foul sense of humor.

- Where are my parents? I want to see them.

- Take it easy. They're in the morgue. They brought them right after you. We waited with the autopsy for confirmation of identity.

- Please take me there. – I started to take off all the cables and unfastened the drip. Now even my fear of needles could not move me. The apparatus behind me began to squeal, declaring that suddenly all the patient's vital parameters were gone.

- Please wait a moment, your parents aren't going anywhere. – The doctor understood the meaning of his speech as soon as it left his mouth. I rebuked him with the murderer's gaze and furiously saw how ashamed he was.

- Excuse me. This was not what I meant. – I got up from the bed, all tense and headed for the door. Before leaving, I drawled through my teeth:

- Put the excuses in your ass. – And left the room blind, almost running down the hall. I was only guessing that the morgue would be there, but my guess was confirmed by the sign on the notice board. "MORGUE LEVEL -1" was featured among several others.

With each step, my anger and determination gave way to uncertainty and suffering. I felt that I was starting to shake. When I was standing at the door, I didn't know if I wanted to go in there.

- Good morning. How can I help you? – I heard a woman's voice behind my back. I turned to see a short blonde girl. She was probably thirty years old. Dressed in a green outfit and a white smock over it.

- My parents ... I mean, they brought two bodies from the accident for examination today and ... – I couldn't finish the sentence, because I felt my throat getting tighter and slowly choking with my own words. The woman's expression immediately softened. She came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

- I understand. Follow me. – The blonde put her arm around me and we went through the glass door together. We reached the end of the corridor and entered the room on the left. In the center of the room were tables with two bodies covered with white sheets.

- You're ready? – I wanted to say no, but I couldn't. I nodded and took a deep breath.

- I want to get it over with. – I whispered.

- Okey. – The woman came to the first table and slowly discovered the first body. Immediately I started to howl, my hands covering my mouth tightly.

The blonde hesitated for a moment, but went to the other table. Another wave of tears broke me completely. I fell to my knees, crying. My body trembled with new waves of suffering. It felt as if someone had ripped my heart out of my chest. The woman quickly covered their faces with white cloth and crouched down in front of me.

- Can you go out alone? Should I call the doctors? – I shaked my head vigorously that I didn't want any help. Loud sobs still tugged at me, but with each subsequent, greedy breath I felt calmer. I knew the sight of their cold, pale faces would haunt me for the rest of my life.

- C-Can I say goodbye to them ... f-for the last time? – I moaned.

- Of course. – The pathologist helped me get up and it's good that she was holding me, because my legs were like cotton wool. I went first to my mom, then to my dad, and gave each one a last kiss on the forehead. Their bodies were ice cold. The last time I fell apart, and this time I didn't stop my voice. I screamed and begged someone to return them to me. I wanted them with me again.

Alive. Warm.

I didn't even notice when I was led out of the morgue and moved back to my room. I was sitting on the bed again with a new drip in my hand. The same doctor was standing at the door, staring at my file.

- I understand that this is a difficult moment for you. You are going through a post-traumatic shock, so I would like to leave you for observation until tomorrow to avoid further misfortunes.

- No.

- Excuse me?

- I'm not staying here. I want to discharge.

- I don't think that's a good idea. I asked for a consultation with a psychologist ...

- I have the right to discharge at my own request and I will use it. Nothing is wrong with me physically. I don't have to sit here. – I unhooked myself from the drip again. This time it hurt a little more than before, and a few drops of blood dripped from the stab wound. I took my things from the chair next to the bed and headed for the bathroom.

- I'm going to change my clothes. When I come back, I want the papers ready.

- Mrs...

- Lizzy is enough. – I closed the door behind me and went to change.

~*~

Half an hour later, I was discharged from the hospital and was on my way home. Again, the thought of returning to an empty apartment forced fresh tears. I stopped them by my will. I was on the bus. People don't need to see me cry. Although I suspect I looked terrible anyway, because every now and then someone was looking at me strangely.

I got off at the last stop and headed home. I didn't really want to go back there. Not now. Not ever.

But I had to.

It hurt like hell, but I had no choice. I made my way to the block, typed the code on the intercom and went up to the fourth floor. The fucking stairs. I pulled my keys out of my purse, but my hand stopped halfway to the lock. New, wet lines ran down my cheeks. Gritting my teeth, I opened the door. I slammed them behind me and listened. I didn't hear anything to indicate that anyone was home. No doggy face came to greet me. The television was not on in the living room, and neither was anyone in the kitchen. The silence made my ears squeal. I covered them with my hands and leaning against the door, I slumped slowly to the floor. I sat there until my phone rang. "GRADMA" flashed on the screen. Fuck. My hand was shaking, but somehow I clicked the green receiver.

- Lizzy ... – Her voice trembled just as much. She was crying too, and I fell apart more. I couldn't get anything out of myself.

- Sweetheart. Are you home yet? I heard you were in the hospital.

- Y-Yes. I just got in. – I sobbed.

- I'm on my way to see you. Everything will be fine. We'll sort it out somehow.

- Oh ... k-key. – I hung up and dropped the phone on the floor. I didn't care if it would crash. Immersed in memories, regret and tears, I waited for someone to take me away.