Chapter 6

Over the following three or four weeks, getting to know Conner has been exciting and fun. I learned that Conner's parents weren't really into his schooling but seemed to focus on his football. Conner has two sisters named Baylee and Abigail. Conner said that all he and his sisters had to do is point out to his parents; they wanted something, and they had it. He said he would rather spend time with his parents, but they are always doing some work away from home.

He said that since his oldest sister was off to college, his parents started to be around more. He wasn't sure if it was because they wanted to or his parents realizing that their kids would be grown in the next few years.

I had told Conner more about my relationship with my parents and brother. I still have not told him I got raped, but I am trusting him more. He hasn't tried to pressure me into anything. He is a tremendous help with William. He plays with Will. He always helps Emma and me with the kids if we need it. Conner can calm William down when the need arises.

Williams' face lights up when he sees Conner, and it makes me happy to see the relationship between the two blossoms, as it has over the last few weeks. The more comfortable I get with Conner, the better I am about being myself with him. I enjoy the time we spend together, although I am still a little leery about being alone with Conner.

Getting up in the morning and going to school after having a long night with Will is hard, but I love being a mother. So, it is all worth it. Allison is still bullying me; she pushes me into lockers, calls me names, and whatnot. I seem to be handling her better. It taught me that I have a lot of patients. I know that I will end up losing it here soon. That girl just gets under my skin increasingly more every day.

As for the classes Ryan had set up for me, it is going well. My strength has improved. I have gained significantly more confidence since the first class. I know that I can protect myself and my son. I have found that I love boxing. So, now I am in a boxing class that is also going well. Boxing helps me reduce the stress that I am feeling. Putting on the gloves and pretending that the bag was Cain, Joan, Beau, and Travis's faces made me feel better. Taking my frustrations out on the bead-filled bag helps me deal with the hate I feel. One benefit of doing my classes is that I am in perfect shape now. My body has toned so much so you couldn't tell that I had recently given birth.

I was lying in bed after feeding William wondering what will happen when I finally tell Conner about the rape. Will he still want to be my friend? Will Conner think of me differently? Will he pity me?

I plan to tell him within the next couple of days. I figure if his opinion changes after hearing about the rape and my miscarriage of Will's twin. He isn't worth my time. I will even tell him the things that my father has done to me. There are things that I have not told Sarah or Emma that I have just recently remembered. My dad used to come into my room, touch me between my legs, and Beau would touch me in ways that a big brother should never to his baby sister or a sister, period.

I have trouble understanding why suddenly, all these memories are coming back to me. Is it because I am more comfortable and feel safe with the people I am around? Or is it that I am just dreaming these things up? I just don't know. I am still so broken even after a year of being away. I still struggle with feeling like I am worthless. What do I do? Do I need to seek out a therapist or what? I decide that I need to talk to Sarah in the morning and see if she will set me up with a therapist. Happy with my plan, I doze off into a dreamless sleep. I think maybe, just maybe, my life is starting to fall in place.

Waking up with a start, I realized that I hadn't been woken up by William once during the night. I jump up out of bed and run into William's bedroom. I find Ryan sleeping in the rocking chair with William in his arms. Taking a breath to calm my heart. "Dad, dad, did I sleep through William crying?" I asked.

He slowly opens his eyes and looks down at the sleeping baby in his arms, then looks at me and says, "No, when I woke up a few hours ago, I stepped in here to check on him. And he was lying in his crib looking around. I changed his diapers and sat down here talking to him. I must have fallen asleep after he did. What time is it?"

I smiled at him, saying, "I am not sure when I woke up, I realized that William hadn't woken me up in the night, and it scared me. So, I came running in here."

Dad looked down at William, "He is growing so fast, isn't he," I say.

Dad smiles and says, "Yeah, he is. He is a very delightful and content baby. You are doing an outstanding job with him; you are a perfect mother. I am proud of you. Now, I will lay him down. And figure out what time it is," He stands up and places Will in his crib.

"Dad, I need to talk to you and mom, I have been having things pop in my head from when I was young, and I want to tell you two," I state.

He looks at me and nods, "All right, let's grab the baby monitor, and we will go find your mom."

We end up finding mom in the kitchen. "Mom, can I talk to you and dad for a few minutes?" she looks at dad and then back at me and nods. "You both know that I had it bad in Idaho. Over the last few weeks, I have had these flashbacks of being around eight or nine years old and being touched by Beau and Cain in my private areas. I don't know if it's flashback or dream stuff, whether it's true or just something, my mind's made up, but I need to see a therapist or someone to help me deal with it."

Sarah looks at me with tears in her eyes, "Beau is how much older than you, honey," she asked me.

"He is about three years older than me," I have a thought run through my mind, "Oh my goodness, I wonder if Beau was acting out because it was happening to him. Cain and Joan are sick people. I am so glad I have kept my kid from them. I almost feel sorry for him." I whimper.

"I am not sure, Ray, but it is likely," Ryan says.

"Mom, can you make me an appointment with someone who specializes in sexual assault, please. I want to work some of this stuff out. Oh, yeah, before I forget to mention this, I plan to sit Conner down and talk to him about the rape," I say.

They smile at me and say, "so you trust Conner now,"

"Yes, I do. Conner loves William. The more I see Conner interact with William, the more attracted I am to him. I think I will play with William for a few, feed him, lay him down for a nap, and then call Conner." I say enthusiastically.

***

A few hours later, I message Conner and ask him if he could please come over so we could talk.

He said, "Sure, be there in twenty minutes,"

Conner knocks on the door and shows himself in. "Hey, Ray, what do you need to talk to me about?" he asks.

"Remember, when I told you that, I would tell you why I am here and divorced from my parents," I ask. He nods. "Well, I will tell you why, have a seat," I say. He takes a seat on the couch. "My life in Idaho was terrible. It was where I was beaten, cursed at, and called some of the same things Allison calls me every day, but by my family. My father would punch, slap, and kick me. My mother and brother never hit me, but they would belittle me and make me feel worthless. They treated me like a slave. Then one day, my brother had his best friend Travis spend the night. I was just dozing off when I heard my bedroom door open, thinking it was my father wanting something. I didn't bother to turn to the door.

"A few seconds later, I felt my bed dip down, and someone grabbed me and flipped me over onto my back. It was Travis. He raped me in my bed. I screamed, fought, and called for someone to help, but no one ever came. That was the night that William and his twin, which I miscarried, were conceived. When I found out I was pregnant, I told my mom that Travis had raped me and left me pregnant. She kicked me out of the house. That is how I ended up here.

"Over the last few months, I have remembered things that I must have blocked out. I have memories of my dad and brother molesting me. With all this said, I am very aloof when it comes to guys, and I believe it necessary and understandable. I want you to know that I am relaxing around you, but it will take me some time to be completely comfortable." I say. I finally look up to face him.

"Rayna, babe, you have been through hell. Now, I understand the reason you react to guys the way you. I want you to know that not all of us men do things like that. I am here to help you whenever and however you need me to. I want you to know that I think you are amazing, beautiful, and sexy. I am attracted to you like a moth drawn to the light. I want to be your boyfriend. I want to help you raise William. I already love the little guy like he is my own. Do you think you could go on a date with me?" Conner asked me.

Looking into his eyes, I see nothing but love and respect. My heart beats wildly, "How about we have a date night here? That way, I am comfortable, and then next weekend, we can go on a date out of the house." I suggest.

"If that is what you want, then it is fine by me." he agrees.

"Thanksgiving is in a couple of weeks. If things continue to go well, will you have Thanksgiving dinner here with me?" I asked.

"Yes, I will. Could you and Will come to my house Sunday? I would love to introduce you and him to my parents. On Thanksgiving, you and William can share it with my family and me after we finish here," he says enthusiastically.

I was nervous about meeting his parents. "Conner, will your parents approve of you dating a girl that has a child? I asked.

"I am not sure," he says, then adds, "I don't see why not,"

"I don���t always feel comfortable meeting new people. I have an idea. Why don't I see if mom will invite your parents over for dinner? Then we can explain my situation to them; that way, they are not shocked when I show up at your place with a child," I say to him.

"That is a great idea. Let's find Sarah and see if it is okay with her," he replies, jumping up.

I laugh at his excitement. "Watch this; I can get mom to come to me," I say. "Mom, can you come here, please," I yell.

She walks out of the kitchen, "What do you need, dear," she asked me.

"Conner invited William and me over to his house, but he isn't sure how his parents will react to him dating someone with a child. You know how I am when I am not sure how anyone will treat me. So, I am wondering if you could invite his parents over for dinner? That way, I can explain my situation to them. I am worried they won't like me, or they won't think I am good enough for their son." I say.

"Sure, let me go call his mom right now. I'll see if they are available to come to dinner tonight," she says as she heads off to the kitchen.

Conner and I watch her leave the room. Once she is gone, he smirks and says, "So, we are dating? I like the sound of that."

"Well, weren't we just discussing going on dates and spending time together. I have enjoyed getting to know you as a friend, and I know that the potential is there for whatever this is between us to grow. I like the fact that you're not forcing anything into me, and we are moving at a pace that I am comfortable with." I say just as William started crying. "I gotta go feed William. I will be back as soon as I can," I say, jogging out of the room.

I walked into William's room, picked him up out of his crib, and changed his diaper. I put him in a cute little outfit and then sat down and fed him. After he ate, I brought him downstairs with me. Conner was sitting in a chair playing a game on his phone. As soon as he saw William and me, he smiled and took William out of my arms, "Hey, there, buddy, I have missed you. Have you been good for your mommy?" Conners says to William. William does his baby jabber to Conner with a smile on his face.

I must say that seeing Conner interact with William is something that I get a lot of pleasure out of seeing. I am shocked that a guy interested in dating me loves to talk and play with my son. I never thought that a guy friend would want to spend as much time with William as he does with me. I can see myself falling in love with this side of Conner. He loves my baby just as much as I do.

While watching Conner and William play, Sarah came in, "Okay, I got a hold of Conners' parents; they will be here in three hours for dinner," she informs us.

"Sarah, did you tell my parents why you wanted them to have dinner here with Ryan and you?" Conner asked.

"I told them that Ryan and I had a person we wanted them to meet. That the person was like a daughter to us." Sarah replied.

"Mom, I want them to like me. Should I tell them about my life before I came here? Will that make them think I am too damaged to date their son? If they accept me, will they also accept William?" I rambled.

"Rayna, babe, just calm down. We will figure it out once they get here. I am sure they will love you and William."

The next three hours went by relatively fast. Once Mr. and Mrs. Fisher arrived, Sarah led them to the living room where Conner and I were sitting, playing with William.

"Kathy, Eric, this is our adopted daughter Rayna and her son William. Rayna comes from a rather abusive family, was assaulted sexually by her brother's best friend, and became pregnant. She has been a blessing to Ryan and me." Sarah says

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Fisher, nice to meet you," I say as I shake their hands.

"Rayna, it is a pleasure to meet you. I take it that you and Conner are dating." Mr. Fisher says.

"We are just starting to date. I am just now getting comfortable being in the same room with Corner by myself. We are taking things slow." I say.

Mr. Fisher smiles at me. "It's about time Conner has to work for a girl's attention. It seems that he has taken a liking to William, or Will has taken a liking to Conner; either way, it is great." Mr. Fisher says.

We sat around, getting to know each other, then we went to the kitchen to eat dinner. Dinner went well. After dinner, we went back to the living room, where Mrs. Fisher started asking questions about my childhood. I answered her questions. I even gave her a rundown of how things went down right before I came here. I informed not only the Fisher's but mom that I am taking boxing classes. Now, I can protect Willam and myself. It has helped me lose the baby weight, and it has helped me build my confidence levels. I also let the Fishers know that Travis's rights as a father got taken away from him. Conners' parents soon left, but first, they invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. To say I was shocked was an understatement. They liked me!

"Rayna, I believe you and William have won over my parents. I have not seen my mom play with a baby like that since my cousins were that small. My dad could not get enough of Willy's giggles, so when are we going to do our date night?" Conner asked.

"How about we have that date night here tomorrow night? I will fix us dinner. Then we can watch a movie." I say.to him blushing a little bit. "Sounds good, baby girl. How about I come at about 6:30?" He says with a smile on his face. I smile and say, "It's a date. I can't wait to spend the evening with you and get to know you more."

We talk for a little longer about how his parents interacted with Willam. He reassured me that he loves William, like his son. Conner is willing to wait for me to be ready to date and be available for a relationship. Conner stands up, saying, "I better head home and get to bed. The sooner I get to sleep, the faster I get to see you in the morning." he says with a grin.

"I will walk you to the door," I say, standing up. Meeting him in the middle of the room, we head to the door together.

Once we get to the door, he stops and turns to me. "Hey baby girl, can I pick you up for school in the morning, then you can take my car home, then you and William can pick me up after school. That way, I get to see you and William before our date." Conner says with a confident grin on his face.

"I would love that, Conner," I say, sending him a gigantic smile.

He smiles back, "Can I give you a hug, baby girl?" I step closer to him,

"Yes, you can," I say as he steps toward me. I wrap my arms around his neck while he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into a long, gentle hug. Safe. I felt safe in these arms. Wrapped in the arms of a guy who is around my age, I feel safe. Pulling away, I say, "Goodnight, Conner,"

He smiles. "Night, baby girl, see you in the morning," he says as he heads out the door.