Tantrum

I just have to make it a little longer and I can get out of this damn class. This used to be my favorite class because Tobie and Abigail are in here. Now it only serves to torture me. I don't know what I would have done if the teacher didn't let me switch seats. Thankfully, there were a couple of empty desks upfront. Even one right by the door so I can be the first to get the hell out of here. The last thing I want is to be stuck near one of them when we leave. I'm even strongly considering leaving right now. Since the teacher is taking his daily end of school shit, no one would stop me. If only my Ma wouldn't brutally murder me if I did.

The door opens without a sound and a girl walks in.

Who is she? I've seen her before but I'm positive she wasn't in this class. Whatever, I need to figure out a way to survive until school's over. After it ends I don't know what I'm going to do. I can avoid Tobie easily, but he is my only friend. Without him, I don't really have anyone… especially now. One thing is for sure, I can't face him again after what I did. I overreacted; I can at least realize that but that doesn't make me any less angry. Would he even want to talk to me again? If I were him I wouldn't.

The door shuts. CLICK.

Huh, did she just lock the door? Whyyy? Now when the teacher comes back I'm going to have to get the door for him. That's why he left it cracked, HELLO MEGAN! That said, I'm not going to make her unlock it. Dammit, stop getting distracted I need to come up with something. I close my eyes to concentrate. As I'm thinking I hear a bunch of noises. The whole classroom is getting so loud with the sound of chairs sliding across the floor and people yelling. Does nobody see I am trying to think?

BANG.

"What the fuck." Pain shoots through my ears followed by a constant ringing. I stand up holding my ears trying to stop the pain. Attempting to dampen the pain I turn my head, which doesn't do shit. Unable to hear anything but ringing I open my eyes to see what the hell is going on. Why is everybody in the corner? They look terrified. I follow their gazes and look at the front of the classroom. Dust and chunks fall from the ceiling. Which is where the small handgun she is holding is aimed at.

"WO-WO-WO, calm down! Don't shoot!" I step back getting closer to the other student huddled in the corner with my hands out in front of me. What the fuck is happening. I speed up my perception by about 20% so I can keep time slowed for a prolonged period.

She lowers the gun, aiming at my chest. "I don't want to shoot you. I'm only here for Abigail so get out of my way and you won't get hurt."

"Abigail? Why?" I don't understand! Does she think I'm just going to take her word on it? This bitch is obviously crazy. Should I try and take the gun away from her? What if it goes off while I'm trying to grab it? At this close of a range, I wouldn't be able to dodge it even if I can see it. I don't even know if I can see a real bullet. Trying to be a hero isn't worth getting shot over, but I might get shot if I do nothing.

"I'm just here to take the life of the person who took my little brothers."

"WHAT!?" I look back at the group huddled in the corner. Tobie is kneeling in the front trying to comfort a girl who is screaming and shaking. I find Abigail in the back of the group, her eyes wide with shock and her face drained of blood. She doesn't look confused, if anything she looks like she is terrified because she knows what this bitch is talking about. Does that mean this bitch is telling the truth? I don't have any reason to protect Abigail even if she didn't do it. As far as I'm concerned she can go ahead and kill Abigail but there is no guarantee that she will stop there. I'll just let her shoot Abigail and when the gun recoils I'll take her down. This will be perfect. I turn my head back at the girl, after looking at the group for less than a second and coming up with my plan.

As my head rotates around I notice she is already starting to pull the trigger. I speed up my perception to the max. I knew this bitch was just out for blood but to try and shoot me while I'm not even looking. Shit, I can't move out of the way in time. No, I can see where she is aiming, it's my arm. She must be trying to incapacitate me instead of killing me. Maybe if I twist my body to the side I can dodge it. I force my muscle to move as fast as they can, even though with time slowed like this it feels like I'm in a pool of syrup.

BANG!

The bullet shoots out of the barrel. I can see it perfectly. Which makes it even more terrifying because compared to it I can't even be considered moving. The bullet passes my right shoulder and grazes my chest. After what feels like an eternity I don't feel any pain in my left shoulder. I can't believe I dodged it! Now it's your turn. I reach out with my hand and shove the gun up into the air. She begins to move her empty hand to support but I'm too fast. With her arm held straight, I slam my hand into her elbow with an open palm. I feel the joint give out and snap, the pain causing her to let go of the gun. I grab it as it falls through the air. Once I have it I jump back. She stumbles back holding her newly broken arm. I feel a wave of satisfaction flow through me. I feel powerful. Not only could I see the bullet but I dodged it. I fucking dodged a bullet. If I can dodge a bullet from point-blank range I don't have to worry about anything. A smile grows on my face as I stare at the now unthreatening girl.

Screams come from behind me.

Now that she isn't a danger I turn around to let the rest of the students know that they're safe. That's when I saw it. On the ground with a hole where his right eye used to be and a pool of blood under him, Tobie lies unmoving. Everything stops but my thoughts. My head was barely able to contain them without bursting.

How could I let this happen?

This can't be real.

Why did it have to be him?

It should have been Abigail.

I should have let her shoot Abigail.

I turn my head to look at the 'THING' that did this, we are no longer a part of the same species. As I shot my vision into her eyes I only saw a mortified girl looking back.

Why is IT mortified?

IT did this.

IT is the reason this happened.

IT has no right to look mortified.

CRACK!! As my knee smashed into the mortified girl's face her head slammed against the wall it was leaning against. The head made a sound I knew well. Anyone who has fallen and hit their head on the pavement would know the sound. Though I didn't know it could be this loud.

Reaching down I grab IT by the throat to lift.

Too heavy.

Unable to lift the weight with just one hand I pulled ITs head forward and crouched down. With IT now leaning over my knee I jump with all my might burying my knee, deep into ITs stomach. The force threw ITs pelvis into the air, followed by the legs.

The body was still leaning over my knee with ITs face looking up to me, ITs throat in my hand. I then pinned ITs body against the wall by the throat. IT was now standing upright looking into my eyes. The arm that wasn't broken barely held onto my wrist.

My arm positioned the gun against her forehead. Tears rolling down ITs face, next to the blood from the broken nose. Muttered words distorted by blood and broken teeth came from ITs mouth.

"I ...didn't mean….. to hurt him."

That's right, the reason IT came here was to kill Abigail. Killing Tobie was just an accident. IT wasn't even going to shoot me in the chest just wound me in the arm. The arm that was the only thing between IT and Tobie. If only I had paid attention. Maybe my arm could have stopped the bullet or at least deflected it. Or if only IT had meant to shoot me in the chest, but IT didn't want to kill me.

"I'll do the same then."

I let go of the delicate throat and retract my arm. ITs hand let go as I did causing the unbroken arm to fall to the side. I took one step back as IT started to fall to the ground apparently unable to support the weight of ITs own body.

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

The body hit the ground different from when it left now having a new hole in both knees and shoulders. Turning off my perception I stumble back a little almost passing out. I had pushed my perception to its max to watch every single bullet slowly tear through the body. Yet I was still unsatisfied.

IT had fired two bullets and I four. I still had some that I could put in ITs eye. However, something about ITs mortified face stopped me. ITs face now was contorted in all sorts of ways due to the sheer amount of pain, but the face imprinted in my memories showed not only fear but genuine regret.

"Now we're even."

I turn away from the bullet-ridden, blood-pouring body, and to my best friend.

"T…Tobie?"

I dropped the, now much lighter, gun.

From the lock of the door to me now kneeling next to Tobie less than thirty seconds had passed for everyone else. Thirty seconds is all it took to change my entire life. Abigail, who had crawled over to Tobie's body during then, had snot and tears dripping from her face. When I looked at her she was struggling to take a breath.

That's when I realized my blood-drenched hand was wrapped around her throat. I was squeezing so tight that Tobie's blood between my fingers was pushed out. I looked deep into her eyes not letting up on my grip.

"Get the FUCK…. Away from him!"

The fear in her eyes while I spoke looked to be greater than when that 'THING' was threatening to kill her. Was I here to kill her? I want to kill her, but deep down I knew it was more my fault than it was hers. I had failed Tobie more than anyone else could so how could I condemn someone for doing the same. Now satisfied with watching her choke and struggle for air, I let go. She thrust herself away from me coughing with the shape of a hand still branded to her throat.

Sitting there I held Tobie looking into his eye.

I'm so sorry, I can't be forgiven. Not only did I hurt you but now I have killed you. If only I had the courage to take my own life. As if my life would be enough to pay for yours. You were trying to comfort someone while all I was thinking about was me. That is proof enough that you're better than me. Tobie I…

"I…. I didn't mean all those things I said. I was just mad. Like a fucking child..... It should have been me."

The other students ran out screaming leaving Tobie, me, and that 'THING' that is bleeding and crying in the corner.

I held Tobie.

Sirens went off in the distance.

I held Tobie.

Blue and red lights danced on the ceiling shooting in from the windows, while their reflection painted the walls

I held Tobie.

(shouting) THUMP, THUMP, BOOOM!

Looking up I see the door now open and men, in black, armed with assault rifles standing in front of me with their guns trained on me. I don't know who they are or why they are yelling. They surrounded me while some put that 'THING' on a stretcher. They pried me away from Tobie to put him into a bag.

Somehow I was now sitting out front of the school in an ambulance. A person kept asking if I was hurt while removing teeth from my knee and then wiped Tobie's blood off me. Once he finished I sat there in my Tobie-soaked clothes. The man then disappeared while I sat there.

Aimlessly walking through the crowd of parents and students who gathered outside the school, I felt everything. I felt the air, people bumping into me, my shirt sticking to my skin. At the same time, I felt nothing. With every step, I tried to remember what anything felt like. What was it like to feel anger, to feel happiness or sadness? I knew I had felt them before but that was the closest I could get to them. The memory of having once felt them. I began to feel that I might even begin to question those memories if I kept pulling and twisting them in an attempt to wring out what feelings they had.

Looking down at my hands my eyes began to water. A powerful smell had caused my eyes to react. Alcohol?

Something grabbed my shoulder turning me around. A woman and a man now stood in front of me. Not only did they seem out of place but they seemed frantic, the woman more so than the man. Her voice faded in and out of my consciousness.

"Tom! TOM! Are you okay?"

Now with a hand on each shoulder, the woman began to shake me. Her voice seemed distant and weak to me even though she was right in front of me. I couldn't understand anything she was saying. That was until. Tobie?

"Tobie? Have you seen Tobie? We heard people talking about a gun and shots being fired. Have you seen Tobie? Tell me where he is?

Every time she spoke the smell of alcohol wafted into my face. The man standing behind her seemed to notice the blood on my shirt. He shook his head.

"Come on honey, let's leave him alone. He might be injured. Besides I'm sure Tobies just in the crowd of kids we just need to find him."

"Shut the fuck up. He's fine. LOOK AT HIM! He's fine. He doesn't have any bandages on. He's not even hurt. Now, have you seen Tobie? Where is he?"

My eyes can't contain the moister made to combat the burning sensation of the alcohol. I wipe my burning eyes to stop the flow of pain and water. I then look up at the woman with her eyes trained on me, just like the guns were.

"Tobie? He's right here."

I lift the lower part of my shirt that is stained with blood presenting it to her.

(SLAP)

A stinging sensation shot through my body, starting from my cheek. I had watched the hand swing at me and let it connect. Hoping that it might make me feel something.

"Don't you FUCKING say that! NOW WHERE IS TOBIE? I know he is alive! WHERE IS MY BOY?"

The man quickly grabs the hysterical woman from behind. He also had tears in his eyes. He pulled her away as she swung her hands attempting to hit me. I made no effort to evade her slaps. They didn't get very far before the woman collapsed on the ground screaming and crying. The man dropped to his knees soon after. As I stared at them something clicked in my head. That's Tobie's Ma and his dad. His father looked out of character, almost like he was dressed for an interview.

Why was she so upset? No of course she would be upset. Why wasn't I upset? When I first saw Tobie's body lying on the floor I didn't feel sad. I felt rage. When I held him in my arms I felt regret and loss. Why haven't I felt sad? I should be sad for Tobie. He would have been sad for me.

A feeling started to burn inside me. Anger. Anger at my own inability to feel sad for him. My complete and utter selfishness made my heart rate steadily quickened. My breathing became erratic. My whole body tensing.

Why?

WHY?

WHY?

WHY?

"Tom?"

I snapped around fists clenched and ready to fight. Rage in my eyes. Now looking at two men in police uniforms. One was young and the other much older looking. The young one stepped back putting his hand on a spray can attached to his belt and bracing himself for an attack. The one who had called out to me, the older one, stood there staring me in the eyes while raising his hand to calm his colleague. He had no fear. Looking into the man's eyes I forgot why I was angry and began to show signs of calming down. The feeling of emptiness quickly overtook me again.

"We've called your mother; she is on her way now to pick you up. We already told her you are fine. We will be calling you to answer some questions about what happened today… in that classroom."

I stare back at them blankly trying to recall what it was that was able to make me feel something again.

"Sargent, I believe he is in shock right now. If we want to ask him any questions today we'll at least have to wait a couple of hours."

"Yes, I can see that."

They escorted me to a set by one of the ambulances and left heading toward a group of students. While I sat there staring at the ground it flashed through my mind. Every memory that I could recall. That I could re-live. The world around me stood still.

Growing up and learning to skate with Tobie. When he hung out with me all day after I was diagnosed with an inoperable tumor, not mentioning it when I cried even though I wouldn't tell him why. Our dreams of making it big in any and everything we did. Or our plans to run away whenever we got mad at the world, meaning our parents. Planning to stick together until the end when we are old and at death's door, just to see which one of us would die first. How he always said he would live longer because he hurt himself less than me. And how I would say "You're not living if you don't get hurt." I always thought that was a good line. Life without living. Is that what is left for me?

Suddenly the world began to distort. Then it started to rain. I saw the water droplets fall and smash into the ground being obliterated in slow motion. Though for some reason I didn't feel any raindrops on my back or head. My chest tightened and my throat seemed to swell shut. Noticing the flashing red light coming from my wrist my vision faded away despite me desperately trying to hang on to the memories.

Somehow words escaped my mouth despite my throat seeming to be swelled shut.

"Don't.... leave me."