- 32 The show must go on (2)

"Well… That's something that I can't reveal at this time, baby." She admitted, leaving the answer hanging in the air, shrouded in secrecy.

Her thoughts converged upon her son. Despite his appearance bearing no resemblance to Marie-Rose, resembling instead an exact replication of his father, the boy manifested as a miniature, toxic echo of her. The sole inheritance from Marie-Rose manifested in his personality, a complete mirror of hers.

The handful of individuals aiding in concealing him struggled to persuade him that the schoolgirl who visited him daily in her uniform was his cousin, not his mother. Whenever the child affectionately addressed her with "Mommy," lifting his arms in anticipation of being embraced, the older woman gently corrected him:

"Marie-Rose, my dear. Big sister, sweet boy. She's your big sister," she consistently instructed him, endeavoring to shield their secret.

"Mom," he stubbornly insisted, to their dismay.

"Sister."

"Mom." he would insist.

It took quite some time for the mischievous spirit within him to let go of the notion that she was his mother. The recollection stung her soul, and a sudden, overwhelming sense of longing for him swept over her. The reopened wound prompted her to shift the conversation to a brighter topic.

"Let's steer our conversation elsewhere for the moment, shall we, darling?" she suggested to Jayden, who was still processing the revelations about her past.

"Alright," he concurred, sensing that delving into the memories at that moment was not the best course. Marie-Rose's distress was palpable. "Let's set aside the rest for another day. So, what else shall we discuss?"

Marie-Rose still harbored lingering questions about age disparities.

"Jayden, what draws a younger man to an older woman? How could Lucas be captivated by Margarita?"

"It's simple. She's incredibly beautiful, exceptionally kind, and intelligent to boot. Who wouldn't be drawn to a woman like her?"

"But she was his teacher in the psycho-pedagogy class..."

"So what? Have you never been attracted to a teacher...?"

"Well, yeah, but he was only six years older than us," she reminisced, recalling a beautiful brunette with dark eyes who had every girl in their class drooling. Despite her close friendships with older individuals, some of them teachers, she never ventured into audacious pursuits like some of her peers. She got close to him but never made it to the bed with the golden boy.

"Jayden, do you feel attracted to me?" she suddenly inquired.

"Of course I do. What kind of question is this?" he asked, stupefied. "Isn't it obvious by now?" he snapped, incredulous that she could still harbor any doubts about the sincere feelings he held towards her.

"I don't know, but people around me seem to find me too unappealing," she mused, recalling all the critiques her relationship with Alexandre had garnered. She wondered about the potential reactions now, with a man younger than Alexandre. Perhaps the fact that he didn't conform to conventional standards of attractiveness might temper the gossip, yet...

"I don't care what anyone thinks. I only care about what I feel," he affirmed.

"But... am I not too old? What will we do when I am no longer as attractive and barely able to move?" she voiced her concerns for the future.

"You're thinking too far. We haven't been intimate yet, and you're already contemplating when the attraction will fade. In that case, let's not take any risks. Let's not cross the street because a car might hit us. Let's not eat because we'll have to go to the toilet... Hilarious," he mocked the worries about the future, expressing his love for living in the moment.

"But you have no idea what people say..."

"I never cared about social conventions," he abruptly interrupted. "I will always prefer to be with a beautiful woman than with a young woman. We're not living in the medieval ages anymore where women were only expected to bear children," he declared, a hint of anger evident in the eruption of his words.

"I never imposed any rules on anyone. I never criticized anyone's partner, claiming she's too fat, too ugly, or too stupid—whatever. So, they'd better spare me. This is my personal choice; I'm not hiring you for my office; I'm choosing a life partner. End of discussion," he declared firmly. Some people would get offended by his love life confession, yet they would never hire women over forty in their offices.

"I prefer beautiful women, and I love a woman who needs to be pursued over one who is easy to get. They all should just give me a break, goddammit." He was aware of how things operated in his generation. Girls had no qualms about approaching men, and some men relished the straightforwardness since it spared them the risk of heartbreak and failure. Yet, he was built differently. The education he received from his mother and the experiences in military life had shaped him in a distinct manner.

'Does he say this only to make me feel good?' she mused internally, struggling to process his words.

Marie-Rose found herself unable to respond to this sudden, volcano-like eruption of life principles that astonished her. However, she couldn't deny that they left her feeling flattered.

"Do you even know that I fell madly in love the first moment I saw you?" In that instant, he had felt an unshakeable determination not to leave her alone until she was with him, akin to medieval knights pursuing the Holy Grail—a revered prize, a trophy in the form of a sacred cup. He had felt this way since their first meeting. It was unexplained, something he never knew could exist. Yet, he dared do it because he felt that she liked him, too. The attraction was mutual.

Her stalker had a different mentality, he was desperate to be liked, constantly seeking approval for his actions.

Jayden didn't have the mentality of a stalker with a crush, who instead of finding ways to talk directly, gathered useless information such as her name, age, and contact details, akin to a cat bringing home mice as a way to express affection to its guardians. Just to do unsolicited moves on his crush with whom he never actually interacted with.

"Really?" she found this revelation unbelievable too.

"Really. Anything else you want to know?"

"Don't know. You ask me anything…"

"Well, there's something that's been bothering me. When we were apart, it seemed like you were involved with another man," he demanded an explanation.

"Jayden, I tried to move on because, you know, science tells us a lot of things... like, like... that we should avoid depression... that we have to move on quickly and not dwell on the past... or on buffer relationships… that it's not normal to still be interested in the same person for a longer time than we've been involved... that we need to choose partners wisely based on personality…"

"Yes, but you slept with him," his hurt expressed aloud, even though he was hurt by a non-existent fact. She had never slept with that man.

Suddenly, she considered defending herself by attacking Jayden instead of offering an honest reply. "Jayden, when you're away in the army on exercises, do you never sleep with women?" she inquired, attempting to catch a glimpse of the future when he would be away from her. She couldn't finish her thought, as pain stung her heart.

"Well, Marie, I was trained in the special forces; it doesn't work like that. I'm nothing like what you've heard about soldiers. I was trained to endure all kinds of hardships for a long time," he explained.

She looked down, feeling ashamed of her insinuations. "Forgive me, I'm just extremely jealous, especially when I'm subject to jealousy."

"But Marie, why did you break up with him?"

"Because of his dxck's size!" she exclaimed with mischievous jest, leaving Jayden wide-eyed. He couldn't believe his ears at the unexpected rudeness. Her sweet demeanor didn't seem to match this sudden display of vulgarity and insolence, a side of her he had nevertheless seen before, but not to this level. Which however mirrored his.

"Come on, this is a joke, right?" he said, but he felt a twinge of hurt. He hadn't expected that she would sleep with another man so soon, especially when she hadn't even allowed him into her bed. "How would you know about his size?" he inquired, seeking clarification on his deduction.

"You know very well... since I did that to you as well, in the club," she laughed again, attempting to lighten the mood. However, Jayden remained unresponsive. "You don't need to sleep with a man to assess his erotic skills," she claimed, drawing on her practical knowledge from the older witch.

Noticing the absence of his laughter, her attempts at self-perceived witty remarks falling flat, she proceeded with her explanations, this time adopting a serious stance.

"Jayden... I, I... suffer from... I have troubles with getting intimate with another person," she confessed, revealing the underlying reason for her rejection of potential partners.

"But... weren't you the one treating patients for this syndrome?" His eyes widened in surprise once again.

"Well, Jayden, I've struggled with this since what happened to me in my teenage years. Do you think there wasn't any cost to my agreement with Alexandre? It's not like there wasn't something for me to gain from it," her hands started to tremble in a barely noticeable manner. "However, I lost everything the moment my gov stalkers intruded into my intimate life with him... You don't know how it feels to have some brutes enjoying watching your most private moments."

"How about me, Marie? Do you find it difficult to be intimate with me?" he asked, eager to understand how he could help her overcome her fears. In response, she leaned onto him and kissed him directly on his lips, whispering, "No, I don't feel any difficulty being intimate with you." He had gained her trust long time ago.

She surrendered, allowing herself to forget about everything around her. Everything felt like a dream until the moment she realized the hours were passing, and the whole experience was not over yet. Overwhelming feelings surged within her chest, but her mind quickly resurfaced, filled with questions.

Initially shocked by his extremely slow pace, she later found herself savoring every touch and move as she grew accustomed to it. However, she soon realized that she was actually impatient. She was accustomed to men being rough and quick, sometimes skipping the introductory part. While this wasn't the case with Alexandre, who was also a long runner, the endurance of Jayden left her open-mouthed. He seemed naturally inclined and equipped for such prolonged experiences, whereas Alexandre had to prepare himself well in advance to achieve the same, as he had confessed to her.

The thought crossed her mind: Was it possible that Jayden had been subjected to that secret project her coven had prepared for the military?

'So Jayden is the product of the teachings I passed on to Daniel's secret project and the org,' she still couldn't come to terms with the revelation. She had yet to confront Jayden about it directly. Was it mere coincidence or had she really connected the dots?

She sensed a trace of anger inside her, wondering how much longer this would continue. While pondering this, she barely had time to return to her trance and reciprocate to Jayden when a knock sounded on the door.

"Jayden, the police are here," Cedric's low voice announced.

"What the heck do they want? Do they want to join in?" 

His sarcasm had elicited laughter from all three of them.

Her hands now trembled with anxiety as she pondered her pregnancy, and fear made her body shake. Just like back then when they were taken to the station for an interview, if it could be called that.

She was scared and felt alone in facing the same issue with the pregnancy again. She didn't want history to repeat itself. 

She reflected on what was different this time. Back then, her consciously expressed wish, of which she was fully aware, was attained through a deliberate decision. She realized that this time, the wish was materialized because they both secretly longed for the same thing without expressing it, not even in their minds. They had simply attracted this common aspiration of which they were not aware.

This state of anxiety lingered throughout the entire morning, accompanying her to work. There, she found herself constantly retreating to the restroom, hoping to make the anxiety fade away by washing her face. Each time, she stared for a long time in the mirror, attempting to reassure herself that everything would be fine, and Jayden would support her through this.

However, she couldn't shake the memory of the expression on Jayden's face two months ago when she confidently told him, "Jayden, I think we should call it quits."

"What do you mean by this?" His face bore a painful expression, a mixture of worry and bewilderment.

"Jayden, I think we should end what is going on between us. I believe you should find another woman who is more suitable for you and just live your life," she admitted. She found herself unable to explain any further what she was going through. 

The stress induced by the psychopaths, stubborn and frustrated, had become too much to handle. She could envision them reveling in their victory with their grotesque sounds resembling beasts in heat. She didn't want to delve further into the picture; it was too obscene. 

'Yet, I am no circus act to offer them a show,' she cursed them silently in her mind once again.

The inability to be intimate returned to her, accompanied by flushes of adrenaline flowing through her body. She couldn't bear to see Jayden publicly humiliated by the army of unsightly, deformed people. He didn't deserve this. He deserved happiness and should not have to carry her burden, suffering the malice of people who pretended to be the zealots of love, when even heaven seemed to reject them.

She embraced him goodbye, fighting to stay strong and maintain an unaffected facade for him.

"Just be happy; you owe me that," she declared, turning around and driving a knife into his emotional wounds. He was engulfed by a deep and dark feeling, pulled into the abyss of his own psyche. It felt like he could no longer stand.

'Be happy for me, Jayden.' This would be the last time she would love. The last time she would invest sentiments in someone. She hurried her steps, afraid she would collapse on the street, unable to stand again. Finding a bench in a park, a considerable amount of time passed before she could walk again. She would have lied in the snow, allowing it to cover her, but she had to survive.

Today, she found an even more important reason to live on: Jayden had gifted her with a baby.

As she made her way to the cafeteria, another surprise awaited her. Unfortunately, it was a bad surprise.

"Kissing in public! Is this the decent behavior witches brag about?"