9

Chapter Nine: Potions.

Harry was woken up by Hermione running up and entering the boy's dormitories. Immediately, when he heard the voice of a girl, he slapped his glasses on. It was Ron and the others who seemed to cover themselves up. Harry just sat up, thankful that it was nothing bad. Plus, he was wearing an oversized T-shirt anyway.

"Hermione, what are you doing? This is the boy's dorm," he said, rubbing his eyes a little beneath his glasses so she'd come into better focus.

"Fawkes is downstairs waiting for you. He's got a letter. He wouldn't let me touch it, which was strange. But I was up early, and it seems important…" said the girl, her hair messy and un-brushed. She'd been up early getting ready for all of her classes.

She looked at all the closed windows, now realising why Fawkes had come in through the main one downstairs. "Harry, you should really have at least one of these open. Don't you let Spells out?"

"She's clever enough to open the bar. Besides, it's just a letter," Harry muttered, checking the time. He still had thirty minutes before he'd even need to get up. Breakfast wasn't until an hour away and classes didn't start until after that.

"Harry Potter," said the girl sternly, the other boys in the room still stiff, not one of them moving from their covered up position.

Harry moaned, but he pushed the sheets off, following her downstairs, Spells flapping after him. Everyone else seemed to relax at that, going back to their regular sleeping positions as they still had time before class.

Walking down the stairs, he saw Fawkes sitting there, perched on the table and Spells flew out the window for a stretch. Surprisingly, Ginny was down here, too. The both of them must have gotten up at the same time.

Giving her a polite hello, he smiled when their eyes met, and he quickly turned to Fawkes, taking the letter from his leg and opening it. His face paled, and Hermione seemed to notice it, asking what it was.

"I… Professor Snape says that I have to meet him in his classroom before breakfast. Apparently he's going to tutor me so I can catch up in Potions classes."

What the hell did McGonagall tell him!? He felt an awful dread settle in his stomach.

"Isn't that what you wanted, Harry?" said Hermione, looking confused to his pale face. She knew last night things hadn't gone well, but clearly McGonagall had smoothed things over with Professor Snape.

Harry looked to the girl. "You think he's doing this out of the kindness of his black heart?" he asked, giving an aggravated look. "This is all McGonagall's doing, I know it. He's going to make my life a living Hell, Hermione!"

As Fawkes bit him rather hard, he flinched, pulling his hand back. "Ow, that hurt, Fawkes," he muttered, his eyes narrowing towards the bird. Clearly he didn't like it when his master was insulted or spoken badly of.

Hermione laughed gently. "Harry, you've been wanting to talk to Professor Snape about his memories since he woke up, well… this is your chance," she urged. "Plus, if you want to be an Auror, you have to take this opportunity. Snape's not going to give you another one, and I doubt McGonagall will be able to persuade him again. Just go."

Looking down at Fawkes, Harry nodded gently. It wasn't like he had a choice in the matter anyway. Hermione was right, on both counts. He needed this class to be an Auror, and he did want to talk to Snape about his memories. Well, he had wanted to until last night.

He thought things had been going well between the two of them. Well, as well as things could get with Snape. Sending him an owl as a thanks and a birthday present had made Harry feel things in his stomach he'd never really felt before, and it had been nice. But now he was just angry at the man. He was sure Snape felt the same way about him, too. Especially this early in the morning.

"You better have some breakfast before you go, Harry," said Ginny.

Harry wondered how long this lesson was going to take. He figured he'd still have to go to his normal classes, and they'd have to work out a proper schedule, but today he would probably need all the food he could get.

As Ginny handed him a muffin, he took it, but he didn't eat it. He knew he'd get crumbs on him and Snape would probably say something about it. He'd save it until after he was out.

He figured he should have given Snape's book back, but now he was uncertain. That book could be his life saver right now. Although, if Snape found out he was using it, he was pretty sure he'd kick him out.

The walk to the dungeons was quiet, most students still in bed. It felt like the sun hadn't even risen yet, but he could see the grounds were covered in a very yellow morning glow. He tried not to dawdle, though, as he knew he'd get into trouble. He was sure Snape was already in a grouchy mood for having to teach this early and skip breakfast. Damn McGonagall.

Entering the classroom, he saw Professor Snape sitting at the front of the class with a very displeased facial. He felt his head lowering, his shoulders coming up. Fawkes gave a very happy chirp at the sight of Snape.

Seeing the boy, Snape kept his aggravation at its lowest form. Just like Harry, he knew all too well that if they didn't behave, McGonagall would make them—whatever means necessary. The Tabby has a mean streak to her.

He stood up, moving down the steps at the front of the class. "Don't think this excuses anything, Potter," he sneered. "You will take these classes until you have caught up with what you missed last year while you were being the world's hero," he muttered.

Harry just watched the man, Fawkes still on his shoulder. "What about Ron? He wants to be an Auror, too, so he'll have to take the class as well, won't he?"

Snape folded his arms. "I suppose all of the attention from the first years has made you blind to your friends," he mused, Harry just looking at him confused.

"Miss Granger has informed the headmistress (who had informed him) that she will be tutoring Weasley herself," he said rather pleasurably. It meant he didn't have to deal with Weasley, and it meant Harry would be upset over it. Right now, that was rather satisfying in his bad mood.

Sure enough, Harry felt a pang of hurt in his chest. This was unbelievable! Why wouldn't Hermione tell him about this!? He knew Ron had to take the class as well, but getting Hermione to catch him up? Why wouldn't she catch him up as well!?

He gritted his teeth angrily as a smirk went across the professor's lips. He tried not to let it get to him, and he would talk to Hermione later on. Letting Snape win wasn't going to happen.

"Don't be upset, Potter," said Snape, taking a few more steps closer, "I am sure Miss Granger has her reasons for not telling you."

Harry's eyes narrowed darkly. "Can we just get this over and done with?" he snapped moodily.

Snape extended his arm for Fawkes, and the phoenix spread his fiery wings to fly to him. "You may head back to my office," he informed, but the phoenix didn't budge. Instead, he stayed perched on his arm.

Harry smirked as the bird disobeyed.

"Shut it, Potter, or you'll earn yourself a detention and more points withdrawn," snapped the Potions master. Fawkes flew over to the desk and perched there, obviously wanting to stay. He ignored the bird and turned back around, muttering to himself.

"I am assuming you have your books with you?"

"What much would a book do if all the instructions are wrong, anyway?" asked Harry, speaking of Snape's old book, nearly all of the pages having improvements written down on them. That book had been a better teacher than Snape, and that didn't even make sense!

Snape folded his arms again, giving another look of disapproval. "Basic instructions are better than none, you silly boy," he spat, going to the cupboard and getting one of the spare ones out. He threw it onto the desk before Harry and ordered him to sit.

Harry did as he was told, sitting down and opening the book to the potion told. "Hate Potion?" he asked, looking up at the professor who was sitting at his desk once more.

Snape just raised a brow in an answer, returning to his notes he was working on.

"Hang on, Professor…" Harry started, looking back up, "am I going to be brewing this today?" He looked around the room, realising there was nothing set up. Well, for him anyway. There were other things in the room, but they looked like they were for other classes.

"You will not be having a practical day today, Potter, you will be studying in utter silence," Snape noted, seeing the boy look back at the book before looking up. "Anything else you would like to add so you don't interrupt me further?"

Harry just looked at the man, feeling angry again. He hated this. He wanted to scream and yell at him, ask him why he was being like this! A few months ago he was happy to be somewhat nice to him, and now he was just being an arse!

He wanted to ask about Fawkes and Spells. He wanted to ask about his mother. He wanted to ask about Snape's past, about his family and his old friends. He wanted the man to just look at him nicely rather than like he was the scum of the earth!

Instead, Harry just returned his eyes to the book, reading about the potion and learning about the ingredients. The silence was actually quite nice. It was different from the crowds that surrounded him and the whispers and giggles that followed him through the corridors.

Glancing up at the boy, Snape watched him closely as he read through the book, writing down notes with his ink and quill. Surprisingly, he noticed that Harry was actually reading quite intently, but he could tell he was angry. So what?

He looked around the room as it was empty, just the two of them, and he felt… different. Could Harry be more like his mother than he realised? Could Harry pull it off? Leaning Potions? He hadn't a clue, but he was stuck in the situation with the young man, and he had no way out of it. Unless Harry proved to be completely stupid in learning.

Realising he was staring at the boy, he quickly looked back at his notes, seeing he'd dropped ink onto the page. Damnit. Fawkes gave a chirp that sounded much too like laughter, and he eyed the bird, hushing him.

The next noise, however, he wasn't expecting, Harry's eyes looking up at him as his stomach growled. He'd missed breakfast because of this. And although he knew he had to get up early and skip it, he should have at least gotten something from one of the elves. He was in a pissy mood, though, so he'd skipped it entirely, thinking that getting the lesson over and done with as soon as possible would mean he could reach the Great Hall in time before the feast finished.

A smirk creased Harry's lips as he looked at the professor. Good, he was suffering, but somehow that actually didn't satisfy Harry as much as he thought it might. He remembered he had a muffin in his pocket wrapped up in some baking paper, and he figured it wouldn't be too bad if he gave it away. Besides, with him being so angry, he wasn't that hungry at all.

"Sir, if you're hungry, Ginny made me a muffin, and I haven't eaten it yet." He got the wrapped up muffin out and put it in front of him.

Looking at the boy, Snape raised a sceptical brow. So that girl was still hanging off him? Like he'd want anything from Potter. His stomach protested, though.

"Neither of us had time for breakfast, Potter, and you're much too scrawny. Keep it."

Harry laughed a little, but shrugged. "I'm used to not eating, Professor," he smiled. He stood up and walked up to the desk, Fawkes watching him, and he put the muffin onto the table.

Watching Harry, Snape frowned at the mention of him being used to not eating. The Dursley's had really starved him that much? Well, he knew the boy was thin for his age, and he'd always be short for his age as well, but he wasn't expecting a comment like that.

He remembered his own childhood and his own abusive father. His mother had been just as neglectful and cruel, but at least she's let him use magic and allowed him to come to Hogwarts.

"All the more reason for you to keep it," he finally said, giving the boy a look to see just how thin he was. He was much older than Harry, and he could hold off the hunger. Harry, on the other hand, was a teenager that most likely had an appetite. Besides, he had more meat on him than Harry did. He was a grown man.

Fawkes, who was sitting between the two, grabbed the paper and nudged it towards Snape, his stomach making another hungry grumble. Harry just smirked.

As the bird put it in front of him, Snape put his quill down, groaning. "Don't think I owe you anything for this, Potter," he said, picking up the muffin.

Unwrapping it, he gave it a sceptical look before realising there was a certain scent about it. "Miss Weasley made this for you, did she…?" he asked, raising a brow and looking at Harry, who seemed to be giving him a confused look.

"Does that matter, Professor…?" Harry asked. "I'm sure she won't mind that I gave it to you. I assure you, it doesn't contain girl's germs."

Snape put the muffin down, folding his arms onto the desk. "You're certain of that, are you?" he said in an unimpressed tone.

Harry gave the man a curious look. "Excuse me, sir…? I don't understand."

Snape stood up, taking the muffin into his hand. He took the boy's hand and put it back into it. "You want to learn about potions, Mister Potter, you were taught these with Slughorn. Amuse me. Smell it."

Harry just looked at the choc-chip muffin in his hand. He raised it and took in a small whiff. It smelled like a muffin, with chocolate in it—besides the smell of the Potions classroom he was standing in.

"It smells like a muffin, sir…" he said awkwardly, like he was meant to smell someone else. "Is… there something I'm missing here?"

Picking up the book that was on Harry's desk, he flicked through the pages and held it up. "Unless you're trying to make me fall in love with you, which believe me, would be quite difficult even with a potion," he drawled, "Miss Weasley has placed a cousin potion to Amortentia into this," he finished, slapping the book back down to the desk.

Harry's eyes widened, looking at the muffin and the book. What!? Ginny had given him a… a love potion!? Was this the first time!? How long had she been doing this to him!?

His face went red at the thought. What if she'd been doing this since the start of their relationship? What if every drink or piece of food she'd given him was laced with the stuff? He never noticed! But… he remembered when Ron had eaten the chocolates that were meant for him from Romilda and instantly became infatuated with her. Harry hadn't with Ginny.

"You're wrong," he said, Snape's eyes turning dark. "If she's been making potions for me, then why didn't I get like Ron did? I didn't become obsessed with her… I… came to like her over time," he explained, feeling very awkward talking to Snape about his relationship with Ginny.

Having known about Ron after he'd drank the poison Slughorn had accidentally given him (that had been planted for Dumbledore), Snape had been told about the state of the Weasley boy when he'd eaten those laced chocolates. However, Ronald had eaten basically the whole lot in one big go. He imagined Ginerva Weasley had been doing this quite subtly.

"Potter, it may have escaped your mind, but you happen to be one of the strongest wizards there are, and certainly at your age." He picked the muffin back up. "This muffin contains only slight hints of the potion; otherwise the scent of your desires would be much too obvious. Clearly, Miss Weasley has been using subtle hints of the potion, which would have decreased the potions speed and aroma. Many of these 'love' potions have certain levels of infatuation to them, Amortentia is just the strongest. This also explains why I had missing phials. Figured it would have revolved around you," he murmured in annoyance.

Harry didn't know what to say. This whole time Ginny was making him slowly love her through potions? It explained last night, though, why he had thought of her before falling asleep. She'd given him that drink. She must have subtly put it into the drink before giving it to him.

He'd often questioned his feelings for Ginny, but figured it was just him worrying. He'd always seen her as a little sister! And then all of a sudden he was looking at her in a whole different way. He thought it was just his hormones going crazy and the fact that he sucked when it came to relationships. But this…? He didn't know what to do or say…

Seeing the boy's confusion, Severus put the muffin back down. "I suggest you discard of this. Unless you wish to take it back to her as evidence?"

Harry looked up, not knowing how to handle this. Voldemort and Horcruxes, he could deal with. Ginny? One of his most trusted friends and Ron's sister!?

"I don't understand… I broke up with her before the holidays, Professor," he confessed, falling lazily to his seat. "I suppose she ran out of the potion?" he asked, as if looking for some kind of guidance.

"I have noticed that some of my ingredients have been taken previously," explained Snape, his hands going together. "The potion would have worn off over the holidays if she had not had a backup supply of it. I had noticed this morning that things had been moved in the supply closet, but other professors are allowed to collect what they need from time to time without me hounding them." He had a feeling she may not have gotten them from him all the time, though, not when her brother's—or one brother now—had been running a prank store.

Looking at the muffin, Harry just stared at it. He couldn't believe Ginny would do something like this. He knew she had a crush on him, but this? This was tricking him! This was messing with his life! And she'd betrayed his trust. He'd done so much for her, and in return, she'd done so much for him as well. But tricking him into loving her? It wasn't even real love!

"Potter, the potion doesn't create actual love, just a strong obsession," said the Potions master very clearly as Harry seemed to be torn about the whole thing. This was the worst kind of topic he could be talking about right now. He didn't know what love was—or no one thought he did, anyway. He loved Lily Evans and had never stopped, but he was a grown man now. He didn't talk about sentimental things like that! And he certainly never dealt with it well, or knew how to help anyone else who was in love.

He did feel sorry for Harry. How to be comforting, though? He lacked any kind of knowledge about that. He wasn't known for his soft nature, he was a cold, bitter Slytherin. He didn't know how to comfort someone, especially Harry Potter of all people.

As a flapping noise was heard, Fawkes landed on the desk Harry was sitting at, nibbling on his fingers to show a sign of comfort. Harry just gave a sad smile, patting the bird.

He knew it was a long shot, but he looked up to the professor who was watching him silently. "May I be excused, sir?" he asked. He wasn't going to talk to Ginny right away, he just wanted some time to himself before he had to go to class for the first time this year. He didn't know what he would do if he saw Ginny right now. He was very upset.

Severus nodded, but only because he felt sorry for Potter's heart being toyed with and he didn't want to have to deal with him moping in his classroom.

If this had happened to Harry a year ago, he would have probably laughed and made the boy stay through the whole lesson to suffer. However, things had changed, and Potter had saved his life. The nicest thing he could do was let him go.

As Harry picked up his things, he left silently and Severus just watched the boy leave without another word. Fawkes made a soft cry and regained the professor's attention. Class would be starting soon, and he really needed to get something into his stomach. His first class was first-years, and he really didn't need them giggling over something as stupid as him being hungry.

*****

Harry walked out of the dungeons and headed outside into the courtyard. People were up and about now, but he didn't want to go into the Great Hall—even if he was hungry. Instead, he sat outside by himself, allowing the other students to whisper and talk about him.

He tried to ignore it the best he could, and it was actually a lot easier than he thought it would be—if only because his mind was so focused on other things.

How could Ginny do this to him? Had any of his feelings been real, then? He didn't know. He'd have to ask her about it… Then again, he knew it would ruin everything they'd had. Not to mention Ron. Even if he was Ron's best friend, he would always go family before him. Everyone would.

Looking down, he felt completely isolated. Would anyone even believe him? Maybe it was better to just go along with it and just never accept anything from Ginny again. He didn't know…

Of course, his trust in the girl was gone, but… he'd known Ginny since the first time he'd gone to the Burrow. Making a fuss out of it would mean potentially losing all of that. Maybe it would just be better if he kept his mouth shut. At least he could still have his friends that way.

It was going to be time for class soon, and for the first time in his life, Harry felt like skipping it. He wouldn't, but only because this was his final year and he needed all the marks he could get. Snape was still tutoring him (even if being forced from McGonagall), so he could take Potions and get his dream career. He wasn't going to ruin that.

He stayed there for what seemed like a long time in silence, just thinking about everything and what he was going to do. He just didn't think anything like this would have happened, especially from Ginny! She was always such a sweet girl, but he also knew that she did have a mean streak in her. She wasn't always nice. He didn't mean that in a bad way, he just knew she was a good fighter and could stand up for herself and what she believed in. She had strong opinions.

It made sense now; why she dated that other guy she didn't even like just to get him jealous. And it had worked because she had been feeding him love potions. How did she even get it? How did she know about it? Harry didn't learn about love potions until his sixth year in school… He wondered if her older brother's had helped her out about it.

Of course, Fred and George Weasley never would have given her love potions from their store if they knew she was going to use them on him. No, she must have found out by another friend. Maybe in a higher year? He didn't know…

He mentally shook his head, venting a soft sigh when suddenly his thoughts were disturbed, a plate of bacon and eggs appearing in front of him.

Looking up, Harry was surprised to see Professor Snape before him.

"You need to eat something before class, Potter," said Snape. He'd been walking to the Great Hall for breakfast himself when he'd seen Harry sitting out here by himself. Clearly the boy had no intention of going inside and eating anything, which meant he'd have nothing in his stomach for classes. In turn, his concentration would be low. Simple logic.

Smelling the food, there was no denying that Harry was hungry now. He looked up and took the plate. "Thank you, Professor…" he said, though his face still down. He picked up a piece of bacon with his fingers.

Putting his hand into his pocket, Severus retrieved a knife and fork, handing them to Harry. "Your concentration needs to be at its peak this year, Potter. If you wish to pass your N.E.W.T's then the least advice I can give you is to eat breakfast so you can concentrate in lessons, and I'd prefer you didn't waste my time in teaching you just so you fail." He made the last few words very evident.

Harry settled the plate into his lap, taking a bite into the bacon. He was surprised, though, to see Snape here. Especially after last night and this morning. He didn't know what had happened between the two of them, they seemed to be getting off quite well just before the holidays, and then it was like Snape had tried being mean on purpose.

He supposed he should be thankful the man was here now, and having told him about the potion in his food. If it weren't for Snape, he'd probably be falling in 'love' with Ginny again.

He could still hear the kids around whispering, and he felt his shoulders go tight. "I wish they'd stop," he murmured, looking at the plate of food in front of him. "I hate them talking about me like they know me. If they knew half the things I'd seen and done… they would never want to be like me."

Severus looked down, confused for a moment. He didn't want to say the wrong thing, so instead he just stood there in utter silence. He felt like telling him that that was his own fault, but he decided it best not to. He was a Slytherin and could choose his battles carefully. This was one he didn't care for or wish to make mountains out of.

Shaking his head, Harry brushed a hand through his messy hair. "I don't want to be a celebrity, Professor," he said, still looking at his plate. "I hate it. I hate walking outside to others giggling about me and whispering to each other. I hate all the eyes on me. I never asked for this… I never wanted this.

"I didn't know any of this existed until I came here to Hogwarts. And as much as I love it here, sometimes I just want to be in the cupboard back at the Dursley's," he mumbled. "Sure, they didn't treat me nicely, but at least everything they said, they said it to my face. They were at least honest."

Snape's brows furrowed as Harry mentioned something about being in a cupboard. His aunt and uncle kept him in a cupboard!? Even his own parents weren't that cruel. Neglectful and abusive, yes, but… at least he still had a bedroom.

He didn't know what to say. He didn't know this had happened to Harry. He'd been in his mind through the Occlumency lessons, but most of the things he'd seen were fresh memories back then. He didn't see the Dursley's at all. Not that he wished to. He knew how Petunia was through Lily. Horrid woman.

"I thought that for once I had honest people around me here. Dumbledore ended up keeping things from me… I thought you were someone horrible and always on Voldemort's side… and now Ginny has been putting potions in my food. I feel the only honest people around me were the Dursley's." Even Ron and Hermione had kept the tutoring lessons secret from him.

Giving a mental scowl, Snape bent down to his knee so he was level with Harry, the boy's vibrant green eyes looking at him as his robes shadowed him. "Potter, I had to lie to you. I had to appear cruel to you. You understand that I would have done anything to protect you," he said as gently as he could, though he knew it was still coming out rather sharply.

"For my mother," snapped Harry. "You didn't like me. I reminded you too much of James, remember?"

Snape rolled his eyes, giving the boy a dark look. "Much to my regret, your mother is dead, Potter. I could have walked away any time I wanted to. So Dumbledore made it clear that I owed the Potter family, but I could have done far worse to you than I had. I didn't hate you, Harry, I may have disliked the way you acted, but I never hated you—as much as that displeases you to hear."

At the sound of his first name, Harry looked up once more, meeting those dark eyes. From here, he could see the darkest glints of brown piercing the blackness.

"That doesn't displease me, Professor…" he said softly and almost nervously, seeming to surprise the man in his dark robes. "I never wanted to hate you. And after knowing what you've done for me… it's hard to try and hate you. I know you've done bad things, and anyone may find it easy to hate you, but I don't think that way."

Feeling awkward, Severus stood back up. "Eat, Potter. Class will start soon."

"You're leaving?" Harry asked, feeling his cheeks flush as he realised he sounded more disappointed than he realised. He looked down at his plate.

Seeing the blush, Severus only felt more awkward about the whole thing. If he were Harry's age, he may have done the same thing. Instead, he cleared his throat, putting his hands behind his back. Why he felt awkward, he wasn't entirely sure, but seeing Harry blush before him made something in his stomach tingle. Something good. Something he hadn't felt in a very, very long time.

"I have classes to prepare for, Potter," he informed. He put a hand to the young man's shoulder, though pulling it back when he felt another surge from the boy. He stared at him before looking back at his hand.

"I'm sorry," Harry exclaimed, eyes peering up through his glasses. "I… I didn't mean to do that." Once more, Harry's cheeks were burning a rich shade of red.

What exactly was 'that'!? Snape gave the boy a curious look before lowering his hand. "I will see you in your next tutoring lesson. Tomorrow afternoon, before dinner."

As the professor turned away, Harry touched his shoulder, feeling the static of magic dance off him. He didn't know what it was exactly, but it had felt good. Should it feel good? He didn't know, but he didn't mind that it did feel good.

Quickly shoving the food into his mouth, he dropped the plate and ran after the man, catching up to him.

"Professor, wait," he called out, Snape stopping in his tracks and turning over his shoulder. "I never thanked you properly," he said, looking into those dark eyes. "I know I saved your life, but I only did that once. You put your life in constant danger to protect me, and even the teachers here thought ugly of you… And I'm sorry I had to put you through that. I'm sorry that I remind you of my father so much. I wish I didn't, but… I can't help being who I am.

"And then you let me keep Fawkes over the holidays. I know you needed him back, but that didn't mean you had to buy me a new owl. You could have just taken Fawkes, and I would have been okay with that, but you let me keep Spells. Even more, you purchased a new owl, just for that. You could have borrowed someone else's, or… Hermione said you'd owned a raven once, you could have used him. But you didn't… You let me keep her."

Severus just stared at the boy like he was mad. He wasn't expecting this at all. He knew Harry wasn't like James all the time, and his perspective of Harry's personality was clearly warped because of seeing him as James before. But that's not what he saw now. Everything was very much Lily.

Harry had a side that no one seemed to know (except his friends most likely). Everyone saw the Gryffindor Golden Boy when they looked at him, heard of him and spoke of him. A hero that had wanted to be in the spotlight, but Severus was clearly seeing something different now.

Harry didn't want fame. He didn't want a crowd in front of him, and things all seemed to suddenly fit into place. Lily and Dumbledore's words about protecting Harry seemed relevant now.

The fact that this whole school year was going to be tedious for the boy, people wanting his attention, and who knew how many students would try and give him love potions? Slughorn was daft when it came to protecting much of anything, and that's how he knew the Weasley girl had gotten supplies in the first place, and learnt how to formulate the potion—or so he suspected.

Severus knew what it felt like to try and duck and sneak his way around on the grounds of Hogwarts. He'd been a severe target for James, Sirius and Peter (not so much Lupin) when he was in school. In the corridors, even in the bloody bathrooms! It was only when he started defending himself that he wasn't so afraid anymore. That and it felt satisfying to hex the little bastards.

He'd spent days studying spells and potions to make horrible things happen to them. In the end it had worked, but by then he'd turned much darker than he thought he'd turn. And by then, Lily had left him. Was it really worth it in the end? To lose the one he loved?

Snape didn't know what to say. He was usually quick in thought process, usually had something witty and sarcastic sitting on the edge of his tongue, ready to come out. But Harry was sincerely thanking him for what he'd done. He wasn't used to any kind of praise. Especially from Potter.

He'd become bitter and cold over the years because of what had happened to him both at home and at Hogwarts. He'd learnt to hate at a young age, from his mother and father, to James and his friends, and from the Dark Lord. It felt like he didn't have much of a choice but to have walls around him. And that's what he'd done. Closed himself off.

Only Dumbledore had been the one to see him in a moment (moments, really) of weakness. But considering that Harry had seen his memories, he supposed the boy had seen how distraught he'd been at the loss of Lily as well. Not to mention his past in school.

Looking at the boy's eyes, he watched as they seemed almost desperate for some kind of approval. Had life really been that bad for him at the Dursley's? He knew Petunia was a rotten person, he'd known that since childhood—a Muggle calling Lily a freak because she was special and possessed powers that she never could. Why would Petunia care for Harry? He was a wizard. The thing she hated the most. Or was just jealous of.

Clearing his throat, Severus merely shrugged. "The owl seemed a necessity. You cannot receive or send mail without one, and it would be quite bothersome to borrow another student's repeatedly. As for my raven, he is no longer with us," he made clear.

Harry looked down, giving a nod. "Sorry to hear," he said, knowing how hard it had been to see Hedwig struck by the killing curse.

"No matter, Potter, Fawkes seems more than capable of filling the role of an owl or raven," Snape stated.

As Harry nodded once more, Severus looked down into those haunted green eyes. Harry really had been through a lot, and he figured his snarky attitude probably wasn't aiding the boy in getting over things.

He'd been cruel on purpose to Potter because he had to be. The Dark Lord would have known if he wasn't so cruel. But part of him had disliked Harry because of James. He was a constant reminder that Lily was never his and that she'd chosen James over him, even with everything that man had done to the both of them. In the end, part of him had been utterly satisfied to torment Harry, and he saw no reason to regret it. Harry had gotten himself into trouble, why feel bad about punishing him for being an idiot? Not to mention the punishment was a way so Harry would stop getting himself into trouble! He'd just been subtly protecting him.

But the boy had saved his life, and he was well aware of everything he'd done for everyone else, including himself. He was brave for his age. Severus didn't see his own actions as bravery, though. He had been a coward for Lily, and thus turned spy. True, he put his life at risk for Potter, but he owed debts. His actions weren't heroic. It was just him being regretful and fulfilling the debts he owed to the Potter family and Dumbledore. If anything, a weak way or repenting.

"You really do have your mother's eyes…" he said, his face softening a little as Harry seemed to blush, looking down at his shoes. "Now, I advise you head to class before I start stripping House points."

Severus gave the young man a stern look as Harry looked up at him with a smirk. And he headed back off to the dungeons for his first class.

Harry grinned as he watched the Potions master walk away, though looking around to see if anyone had noticed his blush. He held his cheeks in his hands for a moment, as if to push it away.

Harry had always been a shy boy. He may be brave and sometimes fearless, but he was still shy. Just because you were brave didn't mean you couldn't be shy around someone who made you feel… special? He honestly didn't know what Snape made him feel like, but he enjoyed it.

He did as he was told, though, heading to class. He wondered if talking to Hermione about Potions was a bad idea after all. Ron certainly was a handful, and he was sure one boy was enough to handle, let alone him not understanding either. Hermione was a brilliant witch, but he was actually looking quite forward to his next meeting with Professor Snape. From the man's book that was still in his possession, he figured Snape would be the best tutor he could get if he wanted to truly pass Potions at all.