Chapter 13
Why Jasper would feel anything for me is beyond me, the words he said when I woke up five days ago have not been clarified by him or his father. Master is in intensive care, alive but unable to claim me. He is in a coma. I've been cleared to go home with the Cullens. It all feels like a dream, a weird dream I can't rely on. Ever since I was taken all I had was myself, trusting others is the gateway to death. Then out of the blue, this vampire wants to protect me, it just doesn't make sense. His mood control does explain how calm I am around him- but that just makes him more dangerous. And all that stuff about strength or wanting to keep harm from me...it just isn't real. I'm basically a stranger and he has this ability to charm me, to make me feel safe and that is one of the biggest red flags I know.
He has visited me every day, talking to me, easing my anxious nightmares and restless emotions. He talks to me but I don't talk back. I can't let him in, I can't trust him. I enjoy taking advantage of his talents though, his ability to ease me is the only way I find myself able to sleep. Jasper is a deceiver, his gifts are made to lure in prey. He makes me laugh internally, though I'm sure it is his influence. At first, I could look at him while he spoke to me but recently, I can't contain my expressions are m forced to turn away. I'm not sure if his enchantment on me is getting stronger or if it is my heart making some kind of mistake. If I, myself, am becoming enthralled in his accent, his twistedly clever humor, the way his unturned lips makes his eyes twinkle as if he were made of stars.
He tells me stories, how he found the Cullens, how he had turned, and some regrets he has about his memories-less life before. I listen to them, unable to tune them out. He fought in the confederate army, a distasteful venture. His admission to this confused me, hid regrets do not. Why tell someone you are trying to lure in that you have fought on the wrong side of history? A part of me feels like he is trying to make up for his actions with me, perhaps that is why he cares for my safety? Redemption can be a powerful motive, though it can also just be a sad story. Jasper runs circles through my head, even when he is not near me. Nothing he does adds up to anything I can understand. The only thing I truly feel we have common ground on is his love for his family. He talks about them all with such pride, such care. It brings me back to a time when I had a family to love.
I'm being released tomorrow, though that is only because I will be staying with the Dr. I'm not well but I'm well enough for Dr. Cullen to enforce his influence. He says I'll be on bed rest for a while. He is a truly kindhearted man, his involvement makes it so much harder to find the evil within them. He is compassionate and careful. Even know what he is, I feel completely safe when he is taking blood from me. And that is without Jasper's annoying talent. He is with me now, his smile is pure and knowing.
"Some of my other children would like to visit you today if that's alright with you? You met them all before but since we will be living together I asked them to make a second impression."
How can I say no to him? he is like a pure moral god, like Optimus Prime or something. To be honest, I know I couldn't say no to Jasper either but at least with the doctor I know it is completely my choice, no mood swings to alter my mind.
"Of course..." I say with a nod.
"I'm Edward Cullen, and you remember Bella." Edward warmly smiled at me. He read my mind, he know I didn't remember his name. This bothered me, irked me. They seem nice but I hate that he can get in my head at any time, know what I'm thinking or planning. It's worse than Jasper's gift, "I'm sorry, I'll try to tune your mind out, I like to give privacy. That kind of slipped." He purses his lips together, waiting for my reaction.
I smile thinly at him. It's clear he is being considerate but it is hard when I can't trust him. His wife, Bella, is someone I actually relate too or want to at least. She is comfortable but not trying to make me like or trust her. She's just here and It feels more trustworthy than everyone trying to be on their best behavior. I don't want or need the best, I just want to know what is real here.
I watch Edward carefully, wanting to see his reaction to what I have thought but I don't see one, it appears like he actually is tuning out my mind as a good gesture. This puts him slightly on my good side, though I can't trust him I can see his attempts.
"Thank you." The visit is quick, and it looked like it was the doing of Esme. After he and his wife left the room, they walked in front of Esme who was standing, glancing in, from a glass window on the door. I can read lips quite well from my time in forced silence, I can see him reassure her that they are not putting too much stress on me. This elaborate and collaborated attempt to gain my trust is beginning to look earnest. They wouldn't need my trust for anything they wanted from me, this is so foreign to me but it actually feels nice, when I look past my defensive and learned disdain.
Emmit and Rosalie enter next, locked arms and nearly identical to the last time I saw them. Rosalie has this set expression of annoyance, which personally I like to see, it feels familiar and comfortable. He holds that grin that looks like it's always about to laugh.
"hey look who survived! So can I go ahead and call you my sister now or....?" He jokes before snorting out a laugh. Rosalie elbows him in the gut and looks at me. Her eyes are softer than I thought possible from her face.
"When you come back with us... you won't be the only one who knows the kind of pain you've felt. I won't pretend to like you, I don't know you but still...I understand what may be going through your head. I may be a bitch but my family really does have your best interests at heart."
She says this, her eyes never fully meeting mine before leaving the room with the confidence of a queen. Emmit looks after her, "C'mon babe it was just a joke to lighten the mood, don't be mad at me!" and bounds after her. I almost laugh. I giggle touches my lips but I cough it away. Esme hits her son while she enters and gives him this stern look. When she does my heart slams into my chest, it is just like how mom used to look at dad when he annoyed her. My eyes begin to water without my control.
"Oh honey, don't mind him, Emmett means well. I promise we will take care of you." Her face showed such concern, such humanity that I couldn't even deny her. I nod and without my permission, fall into a fit of tears. She wraps her arms around me and attempts to soothe me but oddly enough Jasper's face enters my mind when I imagine being comforted.