Chapter 10
My set was well accompanied by the grand piano, the man- Edward, played beautifully but I don't focus on him or anyone but the calming gaze of Jasper. IT's as if, whenever I looked at him, my fear would melt away. This power he holds over me is dangerous but I feel addicted to the sense of peace and safety. I don't even know the guy, and what's worse is he's a vampire so I know that, surely I can't truly trust this feeling of serenity. I try to mentally strike a healthy dose of fear into myself, reminding myself what his kind can do, what they have done to me and my family. Even as I try to make myself think such discriminatory and painful thoughts, I can't make myself afraid of him or his family. My master watches me from the corner with his flask peeking out from the inside pocket of his jacket. He is drunk, barely appearing functional. This is common for him, the more paranoid he becomes, the more he drinks. I know the vampire family is aware of his intoxication but choose to ignore him almost completely. He is like a ghost in the background, they are polite to him but he is otherwise invisible. My last song comes to an end and I am greeted with a glass of cold water by Esme, the vampire wife. Her compassionate eyes make it hard to believe that she is as bloodthirsty as any other vampire, hard to believe she could hurt someone. Though I know they have a differing appetite from their eyes, I know vampires all too well. I know what blood lust simmers below. They control it well but all vampires crave human blood, even if they resent it. In truth, It's a cruel fate for those with a strong conscious or moral ties- like this family, who try so hard. It must be miserable and lonely, separated from humanity but also from their own kind. I glance at Jasper, perhaps that is why he is so lonely. Perhaps that is why they accepted my entertainment, they must be bored.
"Thank you, Esme," I whisper it my thanks but then clear my throat and speak the words a bit louder. I'm used to whispering around my master, to speak up after all those weeks isolated with him is challenging in its own right. Her heart-shaped head nods in my peripherals. I smile and feel some type of awkwardness set in. Master is normally ushering me out by now, directing my every move and statement. I'm not sure what to do. If I act on my own, I may be risking punishment but If I do nothing then I'm also risking punishment for creating suspicion. I take a sip of my water and feel it's coolness dribble down my throat, burning my dry throat. It's so good, I almost fall to my kneed but I catch myself on the side of the couch, in front of Jasper. "'m sorry I'm a bit clumsy," I mumble, almost without permission. I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment at my mistake, at how close It brought my face to his. A lock of his golden hair tickles my forehead and when I look up I find his honey-brown eyes seem to stare into me. I feel a warmth inside me and can't take my gaze away, for a moment it's like his eyes are the only stable thing on the planet.
"we've dealt with that before! Bella is about the clumsiest person I've ever known." The laugh of the large man, Emmit startles me slightly and I put some distance back between myself and Jasper. I can hear that little bit of lie, the lie of omission, of keeping something out. She used to be clumsy, that's what he means but, of course, he can't say that. I smile and laugh breathlessly along. Bella rolls her eyes and shakes her head a little bit, a dry laugh escaping her lips. Her daughter reaches her had up and Bella bends down to meet her touch. The scene seems so pure and innocent that I look away, it feels wrong to watch a loving moment between a mother and her daughter.
"We have to get Renesmee to bed," Edward announces to the room and I look back to see both his wife and daughter have already started walking outside, "it's getting late." I smile at him politely as he leaves. That cold chill attacks me suddenly as if all the pleasantness fell from within me. It wasn't watching him leave that caused this internal reaction, but something else. My eyes sweep the room for any anomalies, anything Master may not have approved of me doing or saying. When I see Jaspers's eyes, they look different, cold, and distracted- or perhaps so intently focused on something that they appear to be distracted. Regardless, his face is like stone, unmoving. His expression on the edge of violence. I have never seen a look of restraint quite like this one.
A clap snaps me from my evaluation. I find my eyes settling on Dr. Cullen, "It is getting quite late, we have a few extra rooms if you and your...agent would like to say until morning?" The offer stuns me and for a moment I panic, unsure what Master would want. This was never covered, he never told me how to handle this.
"Uh, no thank you, Dr. Cullen. You're too kind but I best get him home. He's had a bit to drink and can be a bit noisy, it would be a bother if we stayed, trust me." I smile my most convincing smile, none of that was a lie yet a part of me feels like I have thrown away a chance. I'm not sure if it is too late to change my answer when Master stumbles up, putting his hand on my upper arm. I flinch slightly and mentally kick myself for it. I can't bring myself to look at Jasper, feeling as if I have lied as if I have been unworthy of his gaze. My masters touch has stolen any of those positive emotions that filled me earlier today. I feel tears brimming up but I couldn't explain why so I keep my head down, pretending to focus on holding up my master. I have no reason to cry, I barely know them, him. He is a mystery to me, this reaction is completely unjustified. I scold myself over and over, trying to get this feeling to go away.
"This was wonderful, I'd like to do it again sometime," I say this politely, as Master would expect me too but I didn't recall that fact until after the words left my lips. I leave them with little to say, It wouldn't be polite to push it upon guests and as we have just met, it would be doubly rude. I left the Cullens with no proper choice but to allow us to leave. I was sure to specify that I would be driving, this would take away any other reasons for them to pursue the notion. I'm not happy about that.
As I lead him to the car, he pushes me off drunkenly. I watch as he fumbles with the driver's side door as I enter the passenger side effortlessly. I am sure to buckle my seat belt and stay absolutely quiet. I've known enough alcoholics to know that they are unstable to be around, one slip up and I could be beaten or...worse. I suck in a breath to avoid entering the memory. Once he is in his seat he peels out the driveway, he is silent. I watch as the mph dial moves up and up as he increases his speed down the curving roads. I turn my focus to the sky. I watch the stars move, or rather appear to move, through my window. My mind should be racing with thoughts but truthfully, I feel empty, blank, drained. I feel as if I am merely a husk ever since entering into Masters's grasp again. I catch something in my peripherals and turn my sights, just in time, to the large deer caught in our headlights.