33
Jasper and I finish packing my things in silence, there isn't much to say now but my mind is racing. Guilt floods me, I should have left as soon as I got away from master, I would have kept Jasper safe that way. I had no idea that Master contact with the vampires was Maria, but now that i think back there was always a rumor, more fact than fiction, about a female vampire who actually gained a lot of respect from the Trade higher-up and that they often do business together, that she supplies a lot of clientele in exchange for vampire slaves, of course they were out of my circuit since I was a human slave so I never connected the dots. It's my fault, what Jasper and the Cullens are facing is my fault. The doors shut lightly downstairs and I know they are home from their extensive searches and tracking. Jasper must feel my guilt and fear as he doesn't look at me, he just grabs all of my bags and leads us downstairs to them.
"so?" Jasper asks although his voice is low there is a bit of hope to it, no lacking respect for his adoptive father.
"I'm sorry, we lost the scent, but they are out of town and we couldn't find any evidence that they plan to return for her, I think it's safe to stay here, in the group." Carlisle looks hopeful, gentle, and I can feel it as if I had Jasper powers- he is begging Jasper to reconsider separating from them, no matter how brief. I can also feel Jasper, I can see his fist clench harder against the suitcase handle. I can see him hating himself, I can understand that he feels that if I were in danger, if there was a fight, that he wouldn't want Carlisle to see the darkness he is capable of. I see Edward step forward, surely aware of his thoughts better than my guesses.
"Most of us have been capable of terrible things, you are not the worst among us Jasper,please reconsider, it may be safer for her here."
silence. a mental response.
"I understand that your have the most experience and that your know Maria...but we are still a large group against one vampire, Jasper think rationally, I -of all people- know how you feel." He makes a glance back at Bella and his daughter, "But acting rashly, distancing from family is not the right course." I see that his words are affecting Jasper as he drops the heaviest of my bags, holding only an overnight bag Jasper nods and grabs my wrist with his free hand. Apparently the conversation is over but Jasper drags me into the garage and into a sleek car.
"What are we doing? I thought we were staying here?" I ask, he waits to answer until he is in the drivers seat.
"We are going, just for the night though, the others will search and wait for the night, if there still isn't any sign of them targeting you than we'll come back tomorrow night, our trip is more for me to feel like I'm doing something to help you, it's selfish so I hope you can forgive me." I feel his words strike my heart so instinctively I put my hand on his cold shoulder, "thank you, there is nothing to forgive, I'm so grateful to have someone worry about me. But remember you have people who care about you too...your family ma not understand all the things you do...but they care for you so don't push them away too much...please." This broke his cold expression into a small smile, "Yeah, I'll have to apologize for my rudeness to Esme and Carlisle. I just feel protective over you, maybe it's because your human and I know how vile people can be. I don't want you to be in danger and if I can stand between you and them , I want too. It would make my past useful. I mean that I went through so much, I have so many scars, but If i got them for the purpose of protecting you, than I want to keep getting them,then I can't hate myself as much as I once did. But those feelings, and not wanting my family to see me so violently aggressive, are not good enough reasons to treat them poorly."
His confession made my heart pound loudly, I blush knowing he can hear it. He chuckles a bit at me so I smack his arm lightly.
"You know, I thought, sadly but certainly, that once you spent time with other humans, lived new experiences, that you would stop reacting to me so strongly I thought for sure it was some kind of...savior adoration but to hear your heart beat so wildly from any interaction with me truly feels...earth-shattering. I had wished...had hoped...but I couldn't just take advantage of your situation, so to have you here now, like this, feels surreal to me."
"I told you, I would choose you, no matter what experience I've had, I keep wanting to tell you, specifically you, about all these things, thoughts and feelings I'm having. You are not a fluke or a matter of circumstance, I choose you now and I'd choose you tomorrow and five years from now when the nightmares aren't as fresh...even if I didn't have my scars I'd choose you." My hand slides from his shoulder to his hand as he drives with a perfect smile on his face.
"You did tell me, I've never been so happy to be wrong." He turns to me with a wide smile as we drive to a cabin in the middle of nowhere, not feeling the danger that follows at all.