Chapter 2: The One with the Uninvited Guest

"That would be eight hundred and sixty yen, please."

"Oh, wait—I think I've got a sixty…"

(After fishing around his small coin purse for six bronze coins for over half a minute, the placid man was finally able to place the currencies on the little tray and pay for his groceries. Every Wednesday morning from eight to ten, the mini-mart owned by this old geezer and his foreign wife half his age had this Happy Hour sale wherein almost every perishable item was sold ten to fifteen percent off. If attendance mattered to the owners, they would have awarded one particular customer who has been shopping in their grocery store for over two years straight, every Wednesday morning, from eight to eight-forty.)

"Thanks. Bye, Mister Tomo. See you the week after," the man bade casually.

"Sure," the old man chuckled. "See you around, Saitama."

(It was about a twenty-minute walk from the mini-mart back to his apartment. Oddly, the walk from his home to the mini-mart takes an average of thirty minutes. Time seems to go by quicker when you're on your way back. Well, these were the gossamer web of thoughts that plagued the mind of the man called Saitama on a daily basis. If the phrase "looks can be deceiving" ever had a personification, it would be this plain-looking bald man.)

(Unbeknownst to many, he is an A-Class hero who has earned the respect of those who have witnessed his real strength, which includes heroes who belonged to ranks higher than his.)

(Reaching over his pocket and unlocking the room to his small apartment, he was surprised to see that it was already unlocked. Peering inside, he was even more surprised to see that he had more than one company. Seated across his self-proclaimed disciple, Genos, who now often came by his apartment uninvited, was the younger of the Psychic Sisters, Fubuki. Since it had been a pain to have Genos constantly come by and knock on his door every morning, he had given the cyborg a key. Now, he has to deal with another one?)

Fubuki: "You've finally arrived,"

(Fubuki said with a small smile, trying to act casual.)

Genos: "Master!"

(Genos immediately stood from his seat.)

Genos: "Forgive me if I allowed myself and this vain woman entry into your humble quarters! I assure you, I had no ill intentions of—"

Saitama: "Yeah, yeah. It doesn't really bother me that you're here."

(Saitama dismissed his disciple's frenzied explanation.)

Saitama: "What I'm curious about is…why is she here?"

(He then turned to Fubuki.)

Saitama: "Please don't tell me you want to be a disciple too."

(Before Genos could utter any more words to vigorously express his contrite, Fubuki raised a hand before shaking her head.)

Fubuki: "No, Saitama. I came here to—"

Saitama: "Oh, great! You had me a bit worried there. Have you guys eaten breakfast yet? I actually just came from the groceries, but I only bought stuff that's good for a week so…"

Genos: "I shall assist in the preparations for the meal, Master!"

(Genos suddenly exclaimed. Before Saitama could even blink, the cyborg rushed over to bring out the groceries from the plastic bags and methodically set it aside on the counter.)

Genos: "Please take a seat. I will prepare breakfast for all three of us."

Saitama: All three of us? Man, I didn't buy that much food because I wasn't even planning to.

(Saitama lamented to himself.)

Saitama: Having guests was a hassle we would never get used to. "Ah, well…you do your thing, Genos. Maybe I'll watch some TV,"

(he said simply as he walked further into his humble space.)

(Fubuki's narrowed eyes followed the figure of the man from the kitchen to the living space where the television was set up.)

Fubuki: "Saitama, if you'd just listen to me—I came here for an important reason. There is something we have to discuss!"

(she protested.)

(Saitama leisurely turned his head to face the frustrated woman.)

Saitama: "Can't it wait till Genos finishes breakfast? I'm still kinda sleepy after that trip to the grocery."

Fubuki: What the hell is this guy even?! Doesn't he know what the word 'important' means?

(Fubuki screamed to herself. If the man had any hair at all, she would have pulled it all out with her bare fingers. Instead, she kept her calm composure and requested Genos to prepare some English Breakfast tea for her. Annoyed, the cyborg told her that they didn't have any of that posh shit her stomach is used to.)

(Fubuki merely rolled her eyes at the S-Class hero's immaturity and searched the cupboards for whatever suitable morning drink she could prepare for herself. Saitama looked back at the two, unsure of what to feel as he witnessed them mess up his kitchen and freely make use of his scarce resources without his explicit permission.)

________________________________________

[A few minutes later...]

(It was about nine-thirty when Saitama, Genos, and Fubuki finally sat around the small wooden table and chowed down their instant cheese ramen in civilized manners. Fubuki finished first, dapping her lips with a newly-opened napkin (much to Saitama's frustration) then drinking some cheap chamomile tea.)

Fubuki: "This will have to do."

(she commented earlier, not minding that it was the last remaining bag and that Saitama had been saving it for the rainy days. Even if the man did complain out loud about it, the Esper paid little attention to his objections, insisting that she was a guest.)

Saitama: "So,"

(Saitama finally said, breaking the silence before it could find its way to the corners of the room.)

Saitama: "Why did you come over?"

(Even Genos glanced up from his bowl, the long noodles still stuck in his mouth.)

(Fubuki coughed in her hand.)

Fubuki: How exactly am I supposed to say this? Well, whatever.

(Any manner than how Genos would explain things should be better. She then looked Saitama straight into those dull, apathetic eyes.)

Fubuki: "I came here to tell you,"

(she began slowly, then more quietly, resumed.)

Fubuki: "that…my sister Tatsumaki is…preg—!"

Saitama [urged]: "Can you speak up?" "I don't know if you're rehearsing something right in front of me or if you're actually saying something important."

Genos: "And make sure to have it said so in twenty words or less."

(Fubuki slammed her empty mug against the table.)

Fubuki: "Damn it, you lot—I said that my sister Tatsumaki is pregnant!"

(Immediately, she recovered herself, worried that his A-class neighbors might have heard. Thankfully, their buildings were not necessarily built with thin, common household materials.)

Fubuki: "I apologize for shouting. But there you have it. The truth."

(Saitama didn't know what to make of this information. He glanced at Genos, who was simply glaring at the woman, then back to Fubuki.)

Saitama: "Uh, well…congrats? Guess you'll be an aunt then, huh. I feel bad for the father though, whoever that dude is must be one brave and stupid soul,"

(he side-commented nonchalantly.)

(Fubuki cocked her head to the side, bewilderment painted across her face.)

Fubuki: "Wha—? Don't you get it? You—!"

Genos: "Did you come all the way here and interrupted Master's special Wednesday bargain-day shopping just to tell us that?"

(Genos interjected.)

Genos: "What does any of that even have to do with Master Saitama?"

(Out of the blue, Genos' soup bowl started glowing before it rammed against his face. The impact caused the cyborg hero to stumble backward and land flat on his back.)

Fubuki: "If you'd let me finish, stupid, then you'll know why,"

(Fubuki glowered.)

Fubuki: "Now, where was I?"

(She turned to face their other companion who had this unreadable look on his face. Shrugging it off, Fubuki more calmly continued.)

Fubuki: "Saitama, you are that brave and stupid soul. You're the father."

(If words could actually physically damage the strongest being in the entire universe, then Saitama, the Caped Baldy, would have been at his knees. An awkward and heavy silence pervaded the air between the three heroes. Each wanted to say something, but the intense shock could only hinder them from speaking any words. After a lengthy pause, the most talkative of the group took hold of his opportunity.)

Genos: "And what makes you certain that Master is the father?!"

(Genos bellowed.)

Genos: "No one could even come close to that brat!"

Fubuki [scolded]: "Keep it down, Genos!" "Do you really want to start that now? A scandal?"

Saitama: "But Genos has a point. "You can't just barge in here and tell me that I'm the dad without some sort of proof! What makes you even think that I'm the one?"

(Fubuki shook her head.)

Fubuki: "I should ask you that. Believe me or not, the truth is there. My sister told me everything, although she did…specifically warn me not to tell anyone, especially you. She wanted to raise the baby all by herself in secret, no matter how unreasonable and impossible that seemed. I did what I did because I believe that you have a right to know."

(The younger Esper appeared less ruffled now, but she felt just as apprehensive when she arrived at his place earlier.)

(Quietly, she rose from the table.)

Fubuki: "Thank you for the meal, but I have to go now. This was the only reason I came in the first place. I'd appreciate it if we keep this conversation just between us three for the time being."

(She took her bag and headed towards the door. Before she could twist the knob open and step out into the late morning sun, she turned over her shoulder to impart one last word.)

Fubuki: "I trust that you would do the right thing, Saitama. Even if my sister Tatsumaki would not."

(As soon as the door softly shut close, Genos shook his head.)

Genos: "The audacity of that woman, Master! Barging in your home uninvited, drinking your last chamomile tea, then accusing you of such an outrageous action! I will make certain that her behavior is given corollary punishment."

Saitama: "You talk as if you don't come inside my apartment uninvited, Genos."

(Saitama replied, raising a brow. As always, his words had an immediate effect on the cyborg, and soon enough, Genos was frantically apologizing for his hypocrisy though Saitama paid him no attention.)

Saitama: "I think Fu…Fubuki—was it? I think she was serious,"

(he suddenly said, scratching his temple.)

Saitama: "And if she really is telling the truth…"

(After he briefly paused to let Fubuki's words sink in, Saitama's bored and slightly concerned expression instantly morphed into an interspersion of irrefutable, overwhelmed, and panic-stricken shock.)

Genos: "Well, then this is delightful news, Master!"

(Genos blurted, facing his paralyzed mentor with his unique expression of elation.)

Genos: "This means that you will have an heir to your power and to your legacy! Although I ask forgiveness for not sharing in the merriment as I will no longer be the sole disciple who will benefit the fruits of your wisdom, I am at least pleased to disseminate the seeds."

Saitama [crunched his eyebrows]: "Wha—?"

Genos: "Master, if you will allow me a humble request."

(Genos rose on his knees and, bending half of his body forward, bowed to the disturbed man.)

Saitama: "Please allow me to help you care for your child! I promise to train it in the dimensions of speed, power, and wit. Not only that—I will assist in the preparation of its time for meals, for slumber, for—!"

Saitama: "Man, Genos! Slow down,"

(Saitama cried out, holding up both hands.)

Saitama: "One, I don't think your training is fit for a human baby; two, I don't need you to babysit. Hell, I don't even know how you could get close to Tatsumaki's baby."

(Genos quieted down.)

Genos: "Forgive me, Master. Yet, it is true that I have forgotten that the devil woman is the unborn child's mother."

Saitama [bawled]: "Argh, goddamn—if this is even true, then how was it possible?!" "It couldn't be true. That's it—the only logical explanation! That Fubuki woman is just some crazy jerk-ass liar who wants to mess with me because I wouldn't join her club! Or maybe her even crazier sister must have set this up to get back at me!"

(Seeing the worried look Genos gave him, Saitama sighed before retreating from any further vociferance. Wordlessly, he started to gather the bowls and utensils that were left on the low wooden table, brought those to sink, and began to wash in silence. His disciple sat himself down and allowed his mentor a brief time to ponder before resuming the conversation.)

Genos: "Perhaps, the most rational of choices would be to marry the imp—to marry Tatsumaki, Master,"

(Genos finally divulged his suggestion, and might not have heard Saitama gulp loudly as he carried on.)

Genos: "According to my calculations, the most optimal method to successfully raise the child would be to involve yourself in a nuclear family alongside Tatsumaki. Furthermore, is that not the proper course of action, Master? If Tatsumaki—even if she is one of the most undesirable women on the planet—is indeed pregnant with your child, wouldn't marrying her be the right thing to do?"

(Saitama calmly set aside the last set of washed dishes. Slowly, he withdrew the rubber gloves from his hands and hung them next to the towelette, then finally looked towards the naïve young bastard who proclaimed himself as his disciple.)

Saitama: "Dude, that's…the ideal. Get a job, find someone, get married, have a kid, raise a family. Sadly, in reality, not everyone ends up with that kind of life. Especially not heroes."

(Not knowing what more to say, Genos inquired,)

Genos: "Then, what should we do?"

Saitama:"Find out the truth."

_______________________________________

(It was all the fault of the full-length mirror in her bedroom. The mirror, for some unfathomable reason, attained properties that would make her physique appear more…stretched. Earlier that day, Tatsumaki woke up at four in the morning to grab some white-chip cookies when she passed by the cursed mirror and found herself seeming a tad bit rounder.)

(She knew that pregnancy had something to do with weight gain, but did it have to make her feel so awful about herself? Why did that damn mirror have to be placed there?! At hours seven and eight, Tatsumaki felt the scourge of morning sickness. After hurling violently into the porcelain sink and cleaning herself up, she looked at the same mirror once more. Now her attention shifted from the alleged illusions of her physique to the bags under her eyes. Sighing, she straightened the oversized black sweater she changed into and glared at her reflection.)

Tatsumaki: "You there. Yes, you. You can do this. You don't need help from anyone. No one really cares if you're p-preg…that cursed p-word."

(Seeming satisfied with her declarations, she smirked inwardly.)

Tatsumaki: "That's right. I don't need Fubuki, the association, or even that craphead Saita—"

(A soft knocking on the door interrupted her pep-talk. Since she never really had any visitors other than her own sister, the Esper was quick to assume that Fubuki paid her visit. For whatever the reason, Tatsumaki could only speculate. After a quick brush of her curls, she levitated over to the door and slid it open.)

Tatsumaki: "Fubuki, there better be—"

(she stopped herself at the very moment her eyes caught of whom she was speaking to.)

(Dressed in his favorite Oppai hoodie and a pair of khaki shorts, Saitama greeted the woman with a small smile.)

Saitama: "Morning, Tats. How's the weather down th—"

(Tatsumaki slammed the door shut in his face. Her heart began to palpitate within her chest.)

Tatsumaki: What in the bloody fuck is he doing here?!

(Amid her panic, she barely noticed how the man was able to slide in his foot, preventing the door from fully closing and her from locking it.)

(Carefully, Tatsumaki slid open the door an inch and peeked outside. He was still there all right, with his placid dumb face and that shiny bald head that encased his pea-sized brain. Perhaps she was jumping to conclusions thinking that his visit had something to do with her current "bun-in-the-oven" condition. Well, that could only be possible if her very own sister decided to play renegade, and to which if she did, would spell out the permanent dismissal of her disgusting group.)

Saitama: "Hey, is that how you treat your guests? That's not really very nice,"

(Saitama said, trying to peer through the small gap.)

(Tatsumaki still kept her hold on the door.)

Tatsumaki: "What do you want, baldy?"

(she spat.)

Saitama: "Just talk, and maybe some early lunch?"

(His tone sounded so casual that she didn't know whether to feel calm or suspicious. Either way, she slid open the door into a half-close and scowled at the man.)

Tatsumaki: "About what? If it's important, then you can just tell it to me right here."

Saitama: "It could take some time, that's why I thought we could do it over lunch,"

(Saitama replied, still insouciant.)

(Infuriated, the Esper stepped out the door and, glowing green, floated on par to his height to face him eye-to-eye. Their exchange was sketched in a comical display.)

Tatsumaki: "Don't make me blow up the whole building. Now tell me what the hell it is, or I'll make you leave!"

(Saitama glimpsed around as he felt the infrastructure begin to tremble. He wanted to warn the angry little woman that she would be disturbing the neighbors, though decided against it knowing that he would just be wasting his time. Instead, he returned her glare with his own and took a side-step to balance himself.)

Saitama: "I am not leaving. Like I said, it's a very important thing we should properly discuss—and that means not out here,"

(he said, his tone turning grim.)

(Tatsumaki felt the shift in his demeanor and, suddenly growing wary of the man, ceased the tremors. She haughtily tossed her head.)

Tatsumaki: "Hmph! Fine. But you're cooking lunch."

(Despite the rather unceremonious morning greeting, Saitama was still able to prepare a decent lunch for Tatsumaki and himself. "Decent" was the half-hearted terminology the Esper used to conceal her reaction to how superb the food actually was. Though it was a simple recipe of Okonomiyaki, she had sworn to herself that she had never tasted anything so flavorful. The sweetness of the sauce, the savor of the mayo and nori, and the freshness of the vegetables and egg all mingled in her tastebuds nicely.)

(As they enjoyed their meal in silence, Saitama decided to bring up the topic nonchalantly, but gently.)

Saitama: "So…I heard you were…carrying a bun in the oven."

(Tatsumaki swore she would have died of choking if not for the glass of water next to her plate.)

Tatsumaki: "Wha—! How… A-Are you calling me fat?!"

Saitama: "What? No, I'm serious. Are you or are you not pregnant? It's a simple question."

Tatsumaki: "You insensitive fuck. You don't go around asking women if they're pregnant or not!"

(Saitama felt a vein throb in his temple. If he was so insensitive, then why was he asking the question in the comforts of her home without anyone else around to hear? It could be that she was just hormonal.)

(He studied the woman and barely noticed any difference in her physique. She was still that same miniature, stick-thin, endowment-challenged psychopath in the guise of a hero, except today, she decided to wear some oversized shirt than the typical form-fitting suits she's more accustomed to.)

(Feeling uneasy with his staring, Tatsumaki carried on with what remained of her meal.)

Tatsumaki [scolded]: "Stop staring, you creep. "I just…got a bigger appetite."

Saitama: "Tatsumaki."

(Saitama made sure he sounded more sincere again this time. He had to choose the next few words carefully. Anything could happen now, and the worst-case scenario would be that he would never get to see his own child and be a part of its life. He knew that he would be jeopardizing others in the process—that is, Fubuki—and made sure that he was ready to face any adversity as a consequence.)

Saitama: "You see…"

(he continued.)

Saitama: "Fubuki came by my place yesterday and told me everything. She said that I had a right to know, and she's right. Of course, I was doubtful, and I considered that she was lying. But I want to know the truth, right here and now, from you." His gaze narrowed sharply. "So, what is the truth?"

(There was a long and heavy pause before Tatsumaki responded.)

Tatsumaki: "I don't even know if you're the father for certain,"

(she suddenly said, confirming her pregnancy to Saitama.)

Saitama: "Well, are you seeing anyone?"

Tatsumaki: "What?! How dare you ask if I am—!"

Saitama: "Tatsumaki, are you seeing anyone? Anyone else who could possibly be the father? If you think there is, then I'll be right out your door this very second."

(The Esper broke away from their locked gazes. She turned to face her empty plate, then to her stomach.)

Tatsumaki: "I… No, I'm not."

(Abruptly, she shot him a fiery glance.)

Tatsumaki: "But that doesn't confirm anything! And it doesn't really matter who the father is. I can raise this baby myself,"

(she bickered.)

(Saitama sighed as he collected the empty dishes and glassware.)

Saitama: "You know, why don't we just visit the doctor tomorrow? Get a DNA test or something. Then we can also have the baby checked and see how it's doing,"

(he suggested calmly.)

Tatsumaki: "You can have the DNA test done by yourself! I don't need you or the doctor. It's just going to be a waste of time,"

(she huffed, before blocking the man.)

Tatsumaki: "And give me those damn dishes! If you're a guest, why the hell are you fucking tidying up?"

Saitama: "Because you kept staring at these dishes, and I actually thought you were going to get it cleaned with your magical mind powers."

Tatsumaki: "Magic—? It's psychokinesis, you dumbshit! I am an Esper!"

(Saitama gave an insouciant shrug.)

Saitama: "Same thing—magic can make things float."

(He placed the dishes on the silver sink, silently envying how gorgeous and well-kept Tatsumaki's kitchen was.)

Saitama: "Well, this is all I came for. Guess I'll see you tomorrow morning. Should I pick you up or just meet you at the doctor's place?"

Tatsumaki: "Pick me up? Doctor? Since when were you making decisions for me?"

Saitama: "Well, I don't see you making any suggestions. I guess you're just indecisive too. You probably should get that attitude of yours adjusted if you're going to be a mom."

(Saitama said before heading towards the door.)

Saitama: "See you tomorrow. Be ready by ten, all right?"

Tatsumaki [huffed]: "Wait!"

(she called out before he could step outside.)

Tatsumaki:"I… I'll meet you at the doctor's office tomorrow at nine-thirty. Sharp."

Saitama: "Why couldn't we meet at ten? What's the thirty-minute cut for?"

(Of course, Tatsumaki didn't really have a particular explanation for this. She merely wanted to have the last say in most things, and she wanted to prove to Caped Baldy that she wasn't as 'indecisive' as he thought she was.)

Tatsumaki: "I want to be early so no one would see us and make stupid hunches from why we're seeing a doctor together," "If you have a problem with the schedule, then you're most welcome to not come at all."

(Unexpectedly, Saitama responded with a nod and a small smile.)

Saitama: "All right then. Whatever your reason. See you tomorrow at nine forty-five."

Tatsumaki [fumed]: "Nine-thirty!"

[To be continued...]